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nathan67003

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Anna Fall
« on: September 12, 2016, 06:21:00 AM »
CHARACTER

Name: Anna Fall

Age: 17, born 13th of Saaral 63 AC

Species and Gender: Female human

Symbol: Three interweaved chains in a circle around the outline of a closed eyelid (where the eyelashes are), the whole thing pure cyan (#00FFFF)

Occupation: Beacon Academy student, first year

Appearance: Standing at 180 centimetres/5'11", Anna is rather tall for a girl. With her weight of 68 kilograms/150 lbs, she also possesses a rather slender build. Her straight hair, which is of bronzes and coppers,  extends down to about the level of the middle of her shoulder blades. She will more often than not have her eyes closed or, if open, will seem to have an unfocused gaze far below the horizon. However, when open, her eyes can be seen to be of a stunning green colour. She has slightly pale skin, a soft voice and is left-handed.

She usually wears a long-sleeved, azure shirt along with very pale blue jeans and white flat-soled shoes. When the weather is dreadful, she'll also wear a long, black coat. She makes no modifications to the standard school uniform. If she (ever) attends a formal event, she'll wear a close-fitting, mid-calf length cocktail dress which is a dark blue at the top, gradually fading into black along the entire length of the dress, along with black, low heel pumps. Her pyjama is a featureless, black tank top worn with midnight blue pyjama pants. When heading for a fight, Anna wears a sash hanging on the left of her waist via a diagonal strap, containing Kamisori Kiba, as well as two metal gauntlets complete with bracers running along the entire forearm. Her symbol can be seen on the gauntlets' palms.

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Hair: #CD7F32, #B87333
Eyes: #56B600
Shirt: #007FFF
Dress: #0C00AB


History: Anna was born in Vale to two loving parents. Although she acted somewhat strange, they didn't make a fuss about it and continued their lives. They only realized what was wrong a few days later. She never stared them down, tried to grab something hovering closeby or looked curiously at anything, ever. She had been born blind.

Rather predictably, this made her parents very protective, attempting to cater to her every need in any way possible. Anna didn't really mind during her early years, being too young to really realize what was going on. When she was about 5, her mother was reading a book to her before going on an errand. While she was away, Anna still wanted to read the book, even though she couldn't read, let alone see. She picked up the book and, concentrating with all her might, tried to see what was written on the pages. Of course, she failed. It didn't stop her from trying, though, even though she learned braille like most other blind kids did. For years, she tried, and kept reading in braille all the while. The few friends she made along the way were as overprotective as her parents, a behaviour which she had grown to dislike. Most people knew she could navigate almost any place without help, yet they still insisted on guiding her or reading to her. No matter the sentiment behind the action, it annoyed her.

By the age of 10, Anna was still trying. Until one day, when she was trying for the umpteenth time, she succeeded. Her parents didn't notice immediately, but after a few weeks, they found her on the living room couch, reading a normal book all on her own. Going to the local clinic to figure out what the hell was going on, they were informed by the staff that Anna's semblance was, ironically enough, sight. This pleased them greatly, although they remained as overprotective of her as ever.

As she grew smarter and taller, she delved into an ever-increasing amount of books. Although most were novels of some sort, the portion that mostly pertained to academic subjects became larger over time. She was therefore rather recluse, preferring to read a book than to go out with her friends. The fact that they would probably end up trying to take care of her didn't help, either. The books she read often spoke of heroes facing Darkness, fighting crime in some way or just trying to help people. Anna liked these heroes, and when the time to make a decision regarding her future came, she decided to go to combat school to become a Huntress to be like her heroes, as well as to prove to everyone she could do things by herself.

By the time she was 13, she had developed her sight further, allowing her to actually see where she was going. She usually only used it when in a new environment or when she needed to run, relying on her usual senses - at least, the ones that still worked - the rest of the time, like any blind person usually does, as she'd been mostly fine before and because keeping it up constantly gave her a headache after about a dozen minutes without rest. Ending up at Signal, she would usually wind up in the library during her free time, reading stories as much as brushing up on a variety of subjects. However, when it came to practical training, she struggled a bit for the first few months. Not used to using her more potent form of sight, she was rather bad during that time. It all changed when, during one of her usual training exercises, her sight changed completely, becoming incredibly eldritch. She started to "see" things move, without actually seeing them. She could tell when someone was swinging their weapon right when they started to do so, or how to flex her arms to land an arrow right on target. After a few months of getting practice with this strange sight, as well as suffering from the worst damn headaches after using it for half an hour without stopping, she came up with an idea for weapons that would mesh perfectly with her semblance.

When combat school ended, she enrolled into Beacon, scoring extremely high in all parts of the test, mainly due to her near-manic reading as well as her semblance.

Personality: Anna is shy and introverted, preferring to read a book than to go towards others - which she almost never does. She rarely uses her semblance outside of reading, her senses usually being sufficient. Since most people can easily tell she's blind, she chooses her friends with great precaution. Only people who see her for who she is, not what she is, have a shot at a meaningful relationship. She is somewhat sensitive, but will still not easily cry or such. She is loyal to her friends and very shy with people she's recently met, relaxing once she gets to know them and likes what she sees - no pun intended. She is incredibly good at literature and history, but tends to struggle with maths and science, although she still manages.

Aura and Semblance: Her Aura's colour is the same as her symbol's. Her semblance is Second Sight: it allows her to see with varying degrees of power.

At the first level, she can see things that are less than about 10 centimeters away from the underside of her hand. She usually uses this when reading or writing. The Aura cost is negligible.

At the second level, she sees somewhat normally. This allows her to see somewhat as well as the best Faunus, if not better. The zone where she has full resolution - where the cones are for normal people - coincides with where her head is facing and is twice as large (in angular terms) as normal. This smoothly transitions until it reaches the edge of the peripheral vision, at 180 degrees. The Aura cost is about 1% every 3 minutes.

The third level allows her to see like the second level as well as "see" all motion within a 20-meter radius with a definition the size of a red blood cell. This costs 5% Aura every minute. The 'sight' of motion is processed much faster than normal, run-of-the-mill sight usually is, and is crystal-clear within the entire zone.

In class, Anna usually uses stage 2 in small bursts, essentially just taking images of the black/whiteboard and any projections to make notes, using the first stage to know what she's writing. After a day of class, she feels a slight pressure on her cranium, but nothing bad or actually painful. Things get hairy when she continuously uses 2 and 3, though. She can keep stage 2 up for an hour before the pain starts to become too much, and can only continuously use 3 for about 12 minutes or so before being consumed by a skull-shattering migraine. Taking 10-second breaks every minute in stage 3 and 30-second ones every 6 minutes in stage 2 keeps the headaches manageable - or at the very least, allows her to use stages 2 and 3 for about 3 times as long as usual before screaming in agony.

Combat Behavior: Anna prefers to be at a somewhat short distance from her enemies, where she uses the third stage of her semblance to control her chains with nigh supernatural skill, managing to have an incredible control over their chaotic nature. At longer range, she'll use her knives whilst trying to close in, for as accurate as she can be, throwing knives have a rather limited range and are ever more restrictive ammo-wise. However, when in melee range, she'll use the chains in their storage state as well as two knives, although this isn't the best way for her to fight, being relatively weak and usually relying on the chains' sharpness as well as not being that good at hand-to-hand combat.

WEAPONS

Name: Kamisori Haaku

Primary Form: Two 3 meter long, black steel chains. The sides of each link have been methodically sharpened to a razor-like edge, giving them a bright, metallic finish. If successfully wound around something unprotected, a good enough tug will slice it clean off. When not in use, they can be found wound wrapped around Anna's armoured forearms.

Name: Kamisori Kiba

Primary Form: 30 steel throwing knives, kept in a small sash.

Dust Functions: Only the throwing knives have any. Small Dust capsules can be inserted into the handles. They can be set up to activate on impact or to be remotely triggered by the small device Anna carries around. She tries to always have 6 capsules of each type on hand at all times.
- Fire: Produces a fiery explosion which has a 1 meter effective radius.
- Ice: Freezes everything within 1 meter/encases it in ice.
- Lightning: Zaps everything within 1 meter.
- Kinetic: Drives the knife forward with immense force.

History: Anna bought perfectly ordinary chains and throwing knives while at Signal and proceeded to modify them into formidable weapons. Their names are based on their extreme sharpness.
« Last Edit: September 13, 2017, 06:50:24 AM by nathan67003 »
Nathan Eau, De Facto Jetpack Guy of Team BSEK
Camelia Sol, Miss Magnetic Personality and Team CBLT Leader
Anna Fall, Insightful Visionary of Team ASTC
Brock Greenwood, Human Titan of Team HTDG
Helena Chlophyll, Ray of Sunshine of Team CHES
Scarlett/Corinth,Korynn,etc. Briggart/Topaz (In the works)
Max (mp)
Chloe (mp)
Maena Nadir
Europa/Encela(dus)/Io/Callisto/Calypso (In the works)
Hannah Glass
Mark Cassini
Carlson Ferram
"Definitely not Johnny"
"Some goddamn bullshit, Invictus Omega"
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Re: Anna Fall
« Reply #1 on: September 12, 2016, 06:21:10 AM »
No changes.
Nathan Eau, De Facto Jetpack Guy of Team BSEK
Camelia Sol, Miss Magnetic Personality and Team CBLT Leader
Anna Fall, Insightful Visionary of Team ASTC
Brock Greenwood, Human Titan of Team HTDG
Helena Chlophyll, Ray of Sunshine of Team CHES
Scarlett/Corinth,Korynn,etc. Briggart/Topaz (In the works)
Max (mp)
Chloe (mp)
Maena Nadir
Europa/Encela(dus)/Io/Callisto/Calypso (In the works)
Hannah Glass
Mark Cassini
Carlson Ferram
"Definitely not Johnny"
"Some goddamn bullshit, Invictus Omega"
"The Ferryman"
AAAA (a.k.a. AMAA)
AMCAA

Kaliot

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Re: Anna Fall
« Reply #2 on: October 05, 2016, 11:36:57 AM »
Since I am mostly responsible for allowing things to get this far, I might as well help sort things out unless disallowed to do so (which I highly suspect will happen). Until then, dibs on first review.
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Re: Anna Fall
« Reply #3 on: October 05, 2016, 10:29:21 PM »
I lied. I think it'd be best to remain on the sidelines.
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Sophea Devi Visorith - Beacon Nurse, Gardener, Health Nut, Scholar
Mao Visorith - First-Year Beacon Student, Team SFF[M]
Aurelia Caelius - Beacon Graduate, Huntress, Team [A]URM
Izumi Cremisi - Member of Obsidian Rose, Assassin, Thief, Arcade Enthusiast
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Avery LeBlanc - Third-Year Atlas Student, Triplet, Duelist, Manipulator, Team SA[L]T | Threads [Team: ]
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Re: Anna Fall
« Reply #4 on: October 05, 2016, 10:31:42 PM »
Cons first, because they're more numerous and I like to end on a good note:

Appearance:
-   First off, 5'11" is not abnormally tall for a girl or a boy, but very tall is kind of a subjective term so it's not a huge issue.
-   Secondly, I don't think she would have senses on par with a faunus because of her semblance. If it allows her to see, then her brain still processes it as sight and does not rewire itself to utilize other senses more, or more accurately, she would loose the improved senses as she used her semblance more.

History:
-   You imply that she unlocked her semblance at the age of five, which is a big no. On a more minor note, you state that she can't read, but then as soon as she unlocks her semblance she starts reading.
-   Another problem is that her parents do nothing when they find out she can see (which she shouldn't be able to do, because she shouldn't have a semblance). Any parent whose blind child suddenly develops sight would see a doctor because such a phenomenon is almost unheard of. It'd definitely be a bigger deal than you make it out to be.
-   The section in her history about what is presumably the third stage of her semblance is very vague and implies that she can see what someone is going to do before they do it, which is not a stated power in the semblance. In fact, it sounds a lot like she can percieve things faster, which also isn't a power of the semblance. Precise vision does not mean that she can take in visual information any faster. You also mention arrows, even though she doesn't fight with arrows.

Personality:
-   You state that she is sensitive, but... isn't? Does she internalize things, so she doesn't show she's sensitive? More detail would be appreciated. Also, being shy isn't presented as a weakness (just as a personality trait), so she doesn't have any overtly stated mental weaknesses, which is a problem. You should list out some vices or problems to keep her from falling into Mary Sue territory.

Aura and Semblance:
-   First level is ok, I guess, but unlocking it at 5 is not.
-   Second level is weird. You say she sees with her skin, but it sounds like it works just like normal sight. Either make it an aura-enabled touch-based kind of sight and explain it better, or make it aura-based normal sight and remove the "seeing with her skin" part.
-   Second level is also a bit OP because she can see better than a faunus for 500 minutes, or about 8 and 1/3 hours. Seriously, why doesn't she use this all the time? That, with her on-par-with-faunus senses puts her into Mary Sue territory for a first year. Remove the increased senses and increase the aura cost.
-   Third level is too powerful. 100 minutes of insanely high definition perception of everything in a 20 meter radius and the powers of the second level to boot? No. Especially since you imply in the history that it's like a Laplace's Demon within its area. Remove it, or scale both the third and second level down to reasonable parameters. Remember, she's a first year, not a fourth.

Combat Behavior:
-   You say that she can predict her opponents' movements (as you hinted at in the history but didn't include in the semblance section) and increase her own weapon accuracy with her semblance, which isn't stated in the semblance section and would also be OP. It's mostly just an issue with the semblance and how powerful it is.
-   While you say that melee range and long range aren't her best ways of fighting, you don't give any details on how those fighting styles inconvenience her. It needs clearer weaknesses and strength which don't rely on an OP semblance.

Weapons:

Weapons, though unconventional, seem fine.

Pros:

-   Appearance is fleshed out well. Certainly far more than most of my characters.
-   The base semblance idea works, it just needs nerfing.
-   Backstory isn't edgy like tons of the characters on the forum are *cough* Azrail *cough*.
-   Unique weapon choices are nice.

Those are the problems I have with the character. I hope I wasn't too harsh, but I'm definitely seeing why these characters are being examined more closely as of late.
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Lightning's wrath in darkness grasped
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Brond Osilgrin - #B22222 - fully fledged hunter/walking bonfire

Rix "Deadshot" Maradis (currently unapproved) 1st year coder/sniper - #157DEC & Tess #79BAEC - teamless

Project t17: restrained - glow #D41A1F color #121212 - the chupacabra of Vale

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nathan67003

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Re: Anna Fall
« Reply #5 on: October 06, 2016, 06:01:00 AM »
Changed very for rather.
Got rid of better senses, even though she rarely uses her semblance beyond stage 1. Like, maybe in class to see the stuff on the blackboard.

...Why would that be a big no? And yes, she can't read, but I learned how to read within a month and a half of preschool and I wasn't even trying, so for someone who really wanted to read stories without having their parents tell them, I imagine it could be even faster.
Alright, giving you that one. I'll figure out something to change it and will post again once done.
I mention arrows as an example. Taking out the 'sensing someone's gonna move' part.

She literally almost never talks to anyone, ever. I think it's stated. Still, tried to make it a bit more explicit.

Again, why?
Kay. Removed the 'seeing with skin' part. Increased senses already removed, made Aura cost 1% per 3 minutes.
Aura cost upped for third level. She can keep it going for 20 minutes.

Kay, doesn't 'predict' anymore. What allows her to be more effective with chains is that they're a chaotic system, so when she's using the third stage of her semblance, she can see exactly how the chains are reacting to her movements, allowing her to somewhat circumvent the chaotic nature.
Added explicit details on how she's not in a good position at long or very short range.

It wasn't harsh at all! Thank you very much for this, you spotted problems I wasn't aware of and told me about ways to fix them.
Nathan Eau, De Facto Jetpack Guy of Team BSEK
Camelia Sol, Miss Magnetic Personality and Team CBLT Leader
Anna Fall, Insightful Visionary of Team ASTC
Brock Greenwood, Human Titan of Team HTDG
Helena Chlophyll, Ray of Sunshine of Team CHES
Scarlett/Corinth,Korynn,etc. Briggart/Topaz (In the works)
Max (mp)
Chloe (mp)
Maena Nadir
Europa/Encela(dus)/Io/Callisto/Calypso (In the works)
Hannah Glass
Mark Cassini
Carlson Ferram
"Definitely not Johnny"
"Some goddamn bullshit, Invictus Omega"
"The Ferryman"
AAAA (a.k.a. AMAA)
AMCAA

nathan67003

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Re: Anna Fall
« Reply #6 on: October 06, 2016, 10:37:14 AM »
Changed the parents bit - they take her to the clinic to find out what's going on, get told it's her semblance, are happy about it and remain overprotective out of sheer habit.
Nathan Eau, De Facto Jetpack Guy of Team BSEK
Camelia Sol, Miss Magnetic Personality and Team CBLT Leader
Anna Fall, Insightful Visionary of Team ASTC
Brock Greenwood, Human Titan of Team HTDG
Helena Chlophyll, Ray of Sunshine of Team CHES
Scarlett/Corinth,Korynn,etc. Briggart/Topaz (In the works)
Max (mp)
Chloe (mp)
Maena Nadir
Europa/Encela(dus)/Io/Callisto/Calypso (In the works)
Hannah Glass
Mark Cassini
Carlson Ferram
"Definitely not Johnny"
"Some goddamn bullshit, Invictus Omega"
"The Ferryman"
AAAA (a.k.a. AMAA)
AMCAA

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Re: Anna Fall
« Reply #7 on: October 07, 2016, 03:41:37 PM »
Looking better, but there are still issues.

History:
-   Having a semblance and even unlocking one's aura at a young age is a big no because most people don't unlock their aura or semblance until they're in combat schooling. Also, it's a Stare Decisis thing where this site has ruled against infant auras/semblances before and will continue to do so until the show says otherwise. Even then, our site might decide not to follow the show exactly because we are AU. Until then, you've got to remove it. Sorry  :-\

Personality:
-   Alright, it's looking better, but you should include intellectual strengths and weaknesses along with the social ones you have. What subjects does she do well in? Where does she struggle? stuff like that.

Aura and Semblance:
-    The % cost for second and third levels is still too low for a first year (again, why doesn't she use second level more?), but if you really want to be able to use them that much, you should include time limits and cooldowns. It makes sense that considering she hasn't been able to see for most of her life (and she hasn't, unless you want to retcon the blindness), she would recieve some level of shock from full-on sight. So maybe she can't use either two or three for too long or she gets a headache. It'd allow you to balance the semblance better and actually give her a reason not to use level 2 all the time.

Combat Behavior:
-   Again, having very good vision does not equate to supernatural awareness just like people with good vision do not necessarily have better reaction times than people whose vision is not as good. If you want this to be a thing, just increase the % cost on you semblance more and add an increased speed and accuracy of perception to its abilities.
-   Distinct weaknesses are good, keep those.

Everything else looks pretty good.
Spoiler: My Characters • show

Azrail Duivel Kind (Deceased) 3rd year lightning reaper -  teamless
Spoiler: show
Reaper's Spear I summon thee
To smite my foes and enemies.
Lightning's wrath in darkness grasped
Delivers swift eternity.

-Azrail Duivel Kind

Drevin Srebra 1st year speed demon - #347C2C - teamless

Brond Osilgrin - #B22222 - fully fledged hunter/walking bonfire

Rix "Deadshot" Maradis (currently unapproved) 1st year coder/sniper - #157DEC & Tess #79BAEC - teamless

Project t17: restrained - glow #D41A1F color #121212 - the chupacabra of Vale

Zitham Degas - #E31230 - "At the end of the day, as long as there are two people left on the planet, someone is gonna want someone dead."


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Re: Anna Fall
« Reply #8 on: October 07, 2016, 07:19:46 PM »
She unlocked it at 10, now. Figured that's more reasonable. Also gives more of a reason why she doesn't use stages 2 and 3: she's used to working without them and only uses them when necessary of for convenience - a quick scan of the environment, for example. Rejiggered the history to fit better, think the narrative still makes sense.

Done. Kickass at literature and history, struggles a bit with math and science but still manages.

Kay. Added that in class, she usually uses stage 2 in small bursts, essentially just taking images of the black/whiteboard and any projections to make notes, using the first stage to know what she's writing. After a day of class, she feels a slight pressure on her cranium, but nothing bad. Things get hairy when she continuously uses 2 and 3, though. She can keep stage 2 up for an hour before the pain starts to become too much, and can only continuously use 3 for about 12 minutes or so before being consumed by a skull-shattering migraine. Taking 10-second breaks every minute in stage 3 and 30-second ones every 6 minutes in stage 2 keeps the headaches manageable. The fact that she still feels fine/normal using stage 1 or nothing also helps justify why she doesn't use it all the time.

Added the processing speed increase and resolution details for the weird part of stage 3 sight. I believe the limitations I've added should be enough (mind-shattering headaches basically make you scream in agony).
Thanks!

Think that's it.
Nathan Eau, De Facto Jetpack Guy of Team BSEK
Camelia Sol, Miss Magnetic Personality and Team CBLT Leader
Anna Fall, Insightful Visionary of Team ASTC
Brock Greenwood, Human Titan of Team HTDG
Helena Chlophyll, Ray of Sunshine of Team CHES
Scarlett/Corinth,Korynn,etc. Briggart/Topaz (In the works)
Max (mp)
Chloe (mp)
Maena Nadir
Europa/Encela(dus)/Io/Callisto/Calypso (In the works)
Hannah Glass
Mark Cassini
Carlson Ferram
"Definitely not Johnny"
"Some goddamn bullshit, Invictus Omega"
"The Ferryman"
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Re: Anna Fall
« Reply #9 on: October 07, 2016, 11:23:02 PM »
The only problem I have now is the breaks you said she can take with her semblance to keep the headaches manageable. They seem tacked on, like you're still trying to eliminate the fact that she's got some weaknesses to her semblance. Remove those, or at least change it to say that she can use this method to delay the onset of headaches, but not for long.

Everything else is looking good.
Spoiler: My Characters • show

Azrail Duivel Kind (Deceased) 3rd year lightning reaper -  teamless
Spoiler: show
Reaper's Spear I summon thee
To smite my foes and enemies.
Lightning's wrath in darkness grasped
Delivers swift eternity.

-Azrail Duivel Kind

Drevin Srebra 1st year speed demon - #347C2C - teamless

Brond Osilgrin - #B22222 - fully fledged hunter/walking bonfire

Rix "Deadshot" Maradis (currently unapproved) 1st year coder/sniper - #157DEC & Tess #79BAEC - teamless

Project t17: restrained - glow #D41A1F color #121212 - the chupacabra of Vale

Zitham Degas - #E31230 - "At the end of the day, as long as there are two people left on the planet, someone is gonna want someone dead."


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My Weird Pseudo-Plot

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Re: Anna Fall
« Reply #10 on: October 08, 2016, 12:30:41 PM »
Added this: "keeps the headaches manageable - or at the very least, allows her to use stages 2 and 3 for about 3 times as long as usual before screaming in agony."
Nathan Eau, De Facto Jetpack Guy of Team BSEK
Camelia Sol, Miss Magnetic Personality and Team CBLT Leader
Anna Fall, Insightful Visionary of Team ASTC
Brock Greenwood, Human Titan of Team HTDG
Helena Chlophyll, Ray of Sunshine of Team CHES
Scarlett/Corinth,Korynn,etc. Briggart/Topaz (In the works)
Max (mp)
Chloe (mp)
Maena Nadir
Europa/Encela(dus)/Io/Callisto/Calypso (In the works)
Hannah Glass
Mark Cassini
Carlson Ferram
"Definitely not Johnny"
"Some goddamn bullshit, Invictus Omega"
"The Ferryman"
AAAA (a.k.a. AMAA)
AMCAA

Viventium Umbra

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Re: Anna Fall
« Reply #11 on: October 08, 2016, 02:35:30 PM »
Everything looks good, but I don't know if I need another mod's approval before moving to approved again. Sooo +1, I guess.
Spoiler: My Characters • show

Azrail Duivel Kind (Deceased) 3rd year lightning reaper -  teamless
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Reaper's Spear I summon thee
To smite my foes and enemies.
Lightning's wrath in darkness grasped
Delivers swift eternity.

-Azrail Duivel Kind

Drevin Srebra 1st year speed demon - #347C2C - teamless

Brond Osilgrin - #B22222 - fully fledged hunter/walking bonfire

Rix "Deadshot" Maradis (currently unapproved) 1st year coder/sniper - #157DEC & Tess #79BAEC - teamless

Project t17: restrained - glow #D41A1F color #121212 - the chupacabra of Vale

Zitham Degas - #E31230 - "At the end of the day, as long as there are two people left on the planet, someone is gonna want someone dead."


AMCA (ask my characters anything)

AMA (ask me anything)

My Weird Pseudo-Plot

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jjb2158

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Re: Anna Fall
« Reply #12 on: October 11, 2016, 07:59:08 PM »
With Nathan being more or less done, I'm going to move on to the next character...let's do this, shall we?

Appearance:
Oh gosh...do you seriously need to put the hex codes out there? Sure, it's nice so we can visualize her better, but it's not necessary. If anything, just color the words that you're describing. Hex codes just don't look nice and make a good looking page look mediocre.

History:
Well-written, I must say. It was nice to read, so well done.

Semblance:
My only concern falls on the third level. I would like more detail to explain what she is able to see. From what I'm getting as I read her history and semblance, it sounds a lot like she can foresee where a weapon or ranged weapon is going to hit. If that is the case, then we're treading on very thin ice here so let me know if I'm right or not and we can go from there.


Those are the only questions/concerns I have. Oh gosh...did I actually just do a review on one of Nathan's characters and NOT get a white hair?!?!?! I think I may have to get a celebratory drink to commemorate this moment ;)

I'm just messing with you...this was a rather well-written character and actually really balanced. Well done!
First Year Beacon Student: Rackley Winchester - The Hawkeye Sniper of Team CRSA (Crystal)

Second Year Beacon Student: Jett Davenport - The Playful Shadow Knight of Team MLDC (Melodic)

Third Year Beacon Student: Suntalia Lyn Ryker - The Voice of Thunder of Team SODR (Soldier)

Fourth Year Beacon Student: Savas Carnelian - The Quiet Berserker (Teamless)

Beacon Professor: Oberon Falcov - The Man With A Plan / Team Strategy Teacher of Beacon

nathan67003

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Re: Anna Fall
« Reply #13 on: October 11, 2016, 08:04:40 PM »
Thank you! :D Although I'm 60% certain that the reason you didn't get a new white hair is because they're all white already ;D

Removed invasive hex codes and put into spoiler.

The semblance does not allow her to predict the future any more then seeing where a gun is pointing allows you to see where the bullet is going to go. She can merely do it more precisely and more quickly than others in the third stage.
« Last Edit: October 11, 2016, 08:27:03 PM by nathan67003 »
Nathan Eau, De Facto Jetpack Guy of Team BSEK
Camelia Sol, Miss Magnetic Personality and Team CBLT Leader
Anna Fall, Insightful Visionary of Team ASTC
Brock Greenwood, Human Titan of Team HTDG
Helena Chlophyll, Ray of Sunshine of Team CHES
Scarlett/Corinth,Korynn,etc. Briggart/Topaz (In the works)
Max (mp)
Chloe (mp)
Maena Nadir
Europa/Encela(dus)/Io/Callisto/Calypso (In the works)
Hannah Glass
Mark Cassini
Carlson Ferram
"Definitely not Johnny"
"Some goddamn bullshit, Invictus Omega"
"The Ferryman"
AAAA (a.k.a. AMAA)
AMCAA

jjb2158

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Re: Anna Fall
« Reply #14 on: October 11, 2016, 08:30:12 PM »
Works for me! Everything seems fine to me soooooo....

Approved 2 of 2. Finally got one of your characters re-approved! 8)
First Year Beacon Student: Rackley Winchester - The Hawkeye Sniper of Team CRSA (Crystal)

Second Year Beacon Student: Jett Davenport - The Playful Shadow Knight of Team MLDC (Melodic)

Third Year Beacon Student: Suntalia Lyn Ryker - The Voice of Thunder of Team SODR (Soldier)

Fourth Year Beacon Student: Savas Carnelian - The Quiet Berserker (Teamless)

Beacon Professor: Oberon Falcov - The Man With A Plan / Team Strategy Teacher of Beacon