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nathan67003

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Camelia Sol
« on: September 12, 2016, 06:19:58 AM »
CHARACTER

Name: Camelia "Cammie" Sol

Age: 17, born 18th of Arashi 63 AC

Species and Gender: Female human

Symbol:
Spoiler: show

Occupation: Beacon Academy student, first year

Appearance: At 170 centimetres/5'7" and around 60 kilograms/132 lbs, Camelia has a lean n' mean physique (except for her, errr... chest), being fit without having particularly defined muscles. She has long, slightly wavy brown hair that reaches down to her mid-back. She more often than not prefers to have most of it gathered into a simple ponytail which starts at about the same level as where the skull meets the spine, although she replaces the ponytail with a braid when she wants to be fancier and lets it entirely loose when relaxing. The hair that refuses to be included in the ponytail forms bangs in the front, which she asymmetrically splits and tucks behind her ears with a preference to the right. Her (rather pretty, in all honesty) face is complimented by tiny freckles on her cheekbones and her incredibly blue eyes. She has fair skin and a pleasant, if slightly rough (roughness: Korra of TLOK fame has a lot of it) voice and is right-handed.

Spoiler: Hex codes that deter from the narrative • show
Eyes are mostly #0065AB with rare #00B7CC accents close to the external iris edges.

Red shirt: #D40000
Purple dress: #520070
Training short shorts: #8600B8 & #666666
Armour: #828282

Spoiler: Body claim - Shiyeon Kwon • show


But smaller and with slightly thicker/more buff limbs.



She usually wears a red, slim-fit shirt with a slight v-neck (goes down to just below the collarbones), seemingly made from polyester, along with black jeans and running shoes. When the weather is unfavourable, she'll put on a white, hoodless coat. She wears a standard school uniform with pants ans shoes instead of a skirt and heels. For formal occasions, she wears a dark purple dress (easiest way to describe it: like Pyrrha's but covering the entire back) with black, flat-soled slip-ins. Her pyjama consists of a white tank top and grey sweatpants over a black sports bra with a stylized white arrow on the front and purple training short shorts with dark grey trim. When going into combat, she wears (on top of whatever she has) a sleeveless, articulated armor chestpiece made up of dozens of pieces of an incredibly resilient and durable class of alloy. The chestpiece is put on like a shirt, then closed shut before locking the front and back together at the flanks. It is left bare of any decoration, showing the metal's mild, somewhat polished grey, save for a small spot on the left of the upper chest section where her symbol appears. Fixation points on the back allow her to attach two sheaths in an X as well as a shield (which then covers the sheaths). The way the armor articulates is reminiscent of arthropods.

Spoiler: Annoying science • show
The alloy is composed of varying amounts of chromium, tungsten/wolfram, osmium and carbon, named Chrolfsmon.


History: Camelia was born in Vale to two incredibly talented artisans, which excel in metallurgy, woodworking and a multitude of other crafts. From a very early age, as little as 3 years old, she sought to protect others from those that would wish them harm, the situation often coming to fists and ending up with her winning outright. She got in trouble over this several dozen times before reaching even age 12. When the opportunity to enter combat school presented itself, she jumped on the occasion to become better at defending others, ending up at Signal with the goal to become a Huntress.

While at Signal, Camelia didn't have much trouble with academics, easily passing all tests she bothered to study for and getting comfortably good scores in the rest. She instead decided to focus on learning as many fighting styles as she practically could, namely two-handed swords, twin swords, sword & shield and double-bladed swords. Through the years, she got better and better in all these weapon styles, becoming rather excellent, although not quite as good as others who had specialized. She had some friends which she hung out with after classes or during weekends, but few of them decided to go to Beacon, preferring another academy instead.

When she was 15,during a training exercise, she accidentally discovered her semblance. As she was going through the motions of double-bladed sword handling, which she had just started, a neighboring student hit a large boulder that had been flung at him by a teacher with his hammer. The rock careened towards Camelia at high speeds and by the time she saw it coming, it was almost on top of her. She reflexively deployed her Aura using her semblance, making the stone stop abruptly before rapidly accelerating towards the training yard's wall, where it embedded itself with a rare brutality.

As the time to go to Beacon grew closer, Camelia was ecstatic, as it meant she was one step closer to helping defend the innocent. Having talked extensively to her parents about her nervousness at the idea of not yet having a weapon, they teamed up, getting Camelia to run menial tasks that would, without her knowledge, be the first steps of her weapons' construction. She ended up doing very well in the academic part of the Beacon entrance exam, got better than the average for the practical test and excelled in the live action test.

Personality: Camelia is an all-around nice, friendly person. She is patient with everyone she meets and attempts to be as diplomatic as possible. She does not like being bossed around and will stand for her convictions with all her might. Insulting her, deploying mean sarcasms, bullying people while she's nearby and all manners of generally bad actions are surefire ways of making her cross, which usually ends up with the perpetrator getting punched, kicked or otherwise maimed. She's still very bright, and as such will easily differentiate playful teasing from actual insults.

Somewhat more on the social creature end of the sliding scale of extroverted versus introverted, she is more prone to hang out with friends than read or play solo video games,although she does occasionally enjoy the two activities. She has a great sense of humour and is a skillful communicator, easily capable of decoding secondary methods of communication (e.g. reading between the lines, body language).

She has been trying to get her impulsiveness of sorts under control... with mitigated results.

Aura and Semblance: Her Aura is of the same dark purple as her symbol. Camelia is more proficient than average at using it.

Her semblance is gravity: that is, she is capable of manipulating the local gravity. She can do this in short, intense bursts or less intense, long duration goes. She can also produce gravity wells, capable of dragging along 100 kg from about 6 metres away and getting stronger as you get closer. She can 'shoot' these wells at somewhat slow speeds, far slower than a bullet - or even an arrow. Maintaining a well or prolonged gravity change - unless the well is 'shot' - requires intense concentration. The well will also take it out of her that much faster, as she'll barely be capable of holding it together for barely 30 seconds.

She can modify the gravity affecting someone in a continuous manner by up to one time as much as normal - that is, she can make someone 2 times as heavy as usual, or make them 'fall' upwards - although she can't keep this up forever, due to the limited range (12 meters) of her semblance.

For bursts, she can launch things at about 100 m/s for a significant amount of effort.

A glow the same colour as her Aura will premeate any volume she tries to affect before her semblance kicks in. This glow will occur 0.5 s before for continuous mode, 2 s before for burst mode and 6 s before for a gravity well. The larger the volume she tries to affect, the more strain it puts on her. She can modify gravity up to about 12 metres away, unless she goes for the well, which lasts for 200 m and can be summoned a maximum of 20 metres away.

Spoiler: Numbers no one likes • show
The maximum volume that can be affected at once is roughly that of a 6-meter wide cube (in other terms, 6^3 cubic meters), whilst the largest gravity she can induce is (20/3)=6.6 g for a burst (lasts about half a second) and 1 g fot the more prolonged version. Each burst costs up to 5% Aura and each second of the lengthier method, up to 0.5% Aura; however, if she is affecting a volume of less than 1 liter, the cost goes down to 0.1%.  She needs 2 seconds to charge a burst at maximum power. She cannot produce these farther than 12 meters away from herself. She can also produce a spherically symmetrical well which draws about everything that's not solidly tied down towards it from about 6 meters away. Creating this well costs 30% Aura. Unless it is shot forward (about 100 m/s, uses an additional 5% Aura, travels a maximum distance of 100 meters before dissipating, 200 if charged an additional second), maintaining the well requires 1% Aura per second.


Combat Behavior: Camelia likes to have a very adaptable fighting style, changing along with the way she wields her weapons. This, however, makes her a Jack of all trades and a master of none, at least for the time being.

When she feels like landing heavy, powerful blows, she'll two-hand Unity's second form. She tends to do this only when facing a single opponent as the large sword is somewhat slower to swing than most weapons (as expected of a greatsword).

When first confronting an unknown enemy or battle situation, she will use Unity in its twin form, as it allows for great agility whilst offering a good balance between offense and defense.

When she goes on the defensive (for example, when protecting something), she goes sword & board, one of Unity's halves in her right hand and Orion on her left arm.

When she wants to destabilize an opponent or is severely outnumbered, she will use Unity's third form, which is better at both offense and defense than anything else at her disposal while allowing for a lot of agility.

If she doesn't want to go all-out from the start, she'll two-hand one of Unity's halves.

Her greatest weakness is most definitely ranged attacks. Not only does she not have any sort of ranged weapon, but going against a sniper will basically reduce her to curling up in a ball behind Orion and trying to not get knocked off her feet from the impacts.

WEAPONS

Name: Unity

Primary Form: Twin swords, made of two different Chrolfsmon alloys: the center is a rather light gray and made to be very resilient, yet flexible, while the edges are a darker gray and made of a different mix, which allows for more durability and sharper edges. They are comprised of roughly two hundred pieces each to allow transformation into the secondary and tertiary forms.

Secondary Form: Camelia brings the two handles together, the now-parallel swords facing the same way as well as touching each other on the flat sides. Once these conditions are met, the swords seem to come alive, the dozens of pieces sliding over each other and interlocking, eventually coming to rest in the shape of a greatsword with a single handle, twice as long as the previous handles. This new sword looks just as if one of the twin swords had been enlarged, safe for a line of the darker Chrolfsmon alloy along the middle of the blade, sole evidence of the merger. The minimum transformation time is two seconds, although it can be lengthened for effect.

Tertiary form: Starting in the first form, Camelia puts the swords' handles end to end. Again, the swords seem to come alive, only this time they come to rest as a double-bladed sword as long as... the twin swords put end to end (or perhaps slightly shorter). Parts of the proper sword bits become part of the now much longer handle. Transformation time can be as small as 2 seconds.

Dust Functions: The handles each contain a compartmentalized (along the length), cylindrical Dust container. The first half is a compartment filled with Fire Dust, whilst the second is filled with Lightning Dust.
- Fire: Heats the proper sword part to over 900 degrees Celsius in less than a second. Remains active as long as not turned off and has Fire Dust remaining. This state can be sustained for 6 minutes per capsule without recharging.
- Lightning: Electrifies the proper sword part. Anything allowing a sufficiently free flow of current to some sort of (electrical) ground will get a powerful discharge. Electrifying requires no Dust in itself, but the discharge does. A container can support up to 60 discharges before being completely empty of Lightning Dust.

Spoiler: Colour stuffs • show
Light gray: #ABABAB
Darker gray: #7A7A7A


Name: Orion

Primary Form: A round shield just under fifty centimetres in diameter, made of two dozen or so plates in the shapes of ring portions of varying conformities. The plates are made of the same stuff as the armour.

Secondary Form: Like the swords, the shield's plates slide over each other. The shield's curvature turns inside-out, creating a sort of parabola facing outwards. The transformation can take as little as a quarter of a second.

Dust Functions: The underside of Orion is home to several spaces for flat Dust containers, 5 in total. They are partially housed within the shield itself, providing protection.

Unleashes blast waves in a 90 degree arc towards where it is facing, reaching as far as six metres away. Each type of blast can be used 2 times before the appropriate container is empty (uses in the third form count).
- Fire: A wave of fiery heat (over 900 degrees Celsius), capable of making dry wood burn in a very sudden an ferocious fashion.
- Lightning: An electrostatic discharge which scrambles nerves and circuits alike, bar Faraday cages getting in the way.
- Kinetic: A "slow"-moving blast of air with enough pressure to seem like a wall. Blows things away with force.
- Ice: A wave of extreme cold. Will easily freeze water and encase solid things in ice (the exposed portions, anyway).
- Fire/Kinetic mix: A violent, directional explosion, akin to a blast of TNT.

History: Like most people attending Signal, Camelia made her own weapon, but with a lot of help from her parents. The whole things took over 8 months to construct, and were her gift for her 16th birthday, along with the armour. She named the swords Unity as, despite their many forms, they are one and the same, whilst naming the shield Orion, for its role of protector.
« Last Edit: September 13, 2017, 06:46:52 AM by nathan67003 »
Nathan Eau, De Facto Jetpack Guy of Team ROSE
Camelia Sol, Miss Magnetic Personality and Team CBLT Leader
Anna Fall, Insightful Visionary of Team ASTC
Brock Greenwood, Human Titan of Team HTDG
Helena Chlophyll, Ray of Sunshine of Team CHES
Scarlett/Corinth,Korynn,etc. Briggart/Topaz (In the works)
Max (mp)
Chloe (mp)
Maena Nadir (WiP)
Europa/Encela(dus)/Io/Callisto/Calypso (In the works)
Hannah Glass
Mark Cassini
Carlson Ferram
"Definitely not Johnny"

nathan67003

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Re: Camelia Sol
« Reply #1 on: September 12, 2016, 06:20:10 AM »
No changes were made.
Nathan Eau, De Facto Jetpack Guy of Team ROSE
Camelia Sol, Miss Magnetic Personality and Team CBLT Leader
Anna Fall, Insightful Visionary of Team ASTC
Brock Greenwood, Human Titan of Team HTDG
Helena Chlophyll, Ray of Sunshine of Team CHES
Scarlett/Corinth,Korynn,etc. Briggart/Topaz (In the works)
Max (mp)
Chloe (mp)
Maena Nadir (WiP)
Europa/Encela(dus)/Io/Callisto/Calypso (In the works)
Hannah Glass
Mark Cassini
Carlson Ferram
"Definitely not Johnny"

Uncouth T-Rex

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Re: Camelia Sol
« Reply #2 on: October 05, 2016, 12:12:05 AM »
Augh, the hex codes! There's nothing in the rules against them but they really detract from your profiles. It might be a good idea to practice describing colors and shades so that you can wean yourself off of the writing crutch they are. The same thing goes for outfit and voice comparisons. These are more pet peeves than solid rules, but I highly recommend you look into them.

Quote
When going into combat, she wears (on top of whatever she has) a sleeveless, articulated armor chestpiece made up of dozens of pieces of an incredibly resilient and durable class of alloy composed of varying amounts of chromium, tungsten/wolfram, osmium and carbon (henceforth referred to as Chrolfsmon alloys, the names of the components smushed together for brevity's sake, like with Nichrome).

Is it necessary to science out the composition of her armor? Not really, and it actually takes away from the feel of the character and the Settings when you do so.

As for her history, I want more on her motivations for defending the innocent. I get it, she likes that, but why? What set that in motion?

Quote
Her semblance is gravity: that is, she is capable of manipulating the local gravity. She can do this in short, intense bursts or less intense, long duration goes. The maximum volume that can be affected at once is roughly that of a 6-meter wide cube (in other terms, 6^3 cubic meters), whilst the largest gravity she can induce is 20 g for a burst (lasts about half a second) and 3 g fot the more prolonged version. Each burst costs up to 5% Aura and each second of the lengthier method, up to 0.5% Aura; however, if she is affecting a volume of less than 1 liter, the cost goes down to 0.1%.  She needs 2 seconds to charge a burst at maximum power. She cannot produce these farther than 30 meters away from herself. She can also produce a spherically symmetrical well which draws about everything that's not solidly tied down towards it from about 10 meters away. If something gets within 10 centimetres of the center of the well, it surely gets either torn apart or bent (depending on the material), unless it's a person, in which case it'll do Aura damage. Creating this well costs 30% Aura. Unless it is shot forward (about 100 m/s, uses an additional 5% Aura, travels a maximum distance of 100 meters before dissipating, 200 if charged an additional second), maintaining the well requires 1% Aura per second.

I'm glad you like math and physics. The poor bastards who have to read your profile and just wanted to relax instead of figure out just what the hell your character can do to theirs will be less enthused. Keep in mind your audience when writing, please. Also, this is absurdly overpowered while being equally cool, so I'm going to try and help you tone it down while keeping the feel similar.

Drop the numbers. Almost all of them. No g's, no cubic meters. A good rule of thumb for anything others are going to read is KISS: Keep It Simple Stupid.

Drop the shredding power of the gravity wells completely. I'm not going to bother explaining why because it ought to be obvious. I think a fair estimation of their power should be that they can drag 400Ilbs slowly towards them from 30ft away, and require significant effort and concentration to maintain. As in, she shouldn't be doing much else.

Instead of being able to mess with gravity in a whole area because as I've seen first hand that it's awful to deal with, I offer up this: She can either root someone in place or launch ~200Ilbs of someone up to 200ft in the air for about the same effort. More weight or height takes more effort, etc. The area beneath them has to glow or make some sort of obvious sign the launch is about to happen so it can be dodged. Attacks that are impossible to block or even see coming are always a no-no. The range on this should be fairly short, I'll see what you come up with.

Quote
Name: Orion

Tertiary Form: The plates slide over and around each other, forming a long, hollow tube (parallel to the forearm wearing it). Some of the plates form rudimentary iron sights. The transformation can be as quick as three seconds long.

Dust Functions: The underside of Orion is home to several spaces for flat Dust containers, 5 in total. They are partially housed within the shield itself, providing protection.

Second form: This form is for using Dust in tighter quarters. It unleashes blast waves in a 90 degree arc towards where it is facing, reaching as far as six metres away. Each type of blast can be used 12 times before the appropriate container is empty (uses in the third form count).
- Fire: A wave of fiery heat (over 900 degrees Celsius), capable of making dry wood burn in a very sudden an ferocious fashion.
- Lightning: An electrostatic discharge which scrambles nerves and circuits alike, bar Faraday cages getting in the way.
- Kinetic: A "slow"-moving blast of air with enough pressure to seem like a wall. Blows things away with force.
- Ice: A wave of extreme cold. Will easily freeze water and encase solid things in ice (the exposed portions, anyway).
- Fire/Kinetic mix: A violent, directional explosion, akin to a blast of TNT.

Yeah we're dropping the number of shots for any of these to two shots per canister. You have no reason to need this much firepower.

Quote
Third form: This form is for using Dust at long range. Most Dust mixes will produce an extremely speedy projectile which will explode on impact (unless specified otherwise). The resulting blast has a 3 meter diameter. Each type of Dust can be used up to 12 times (uses in the second form count).
- Fire: On impact, unleashes a hellish (over 900 degrees Celsius) blast wave.
- Lightning: 2 modes. Regular: unleashes an electrostatic discharge on impact. Precision: No projectile is produced, a small lightning bolt (as opposed to natural ones) firing from the barrel instead (with about 1/10th of the power of a normal, natural one). Maximum effective range of 50 meters: isn't guaranteed to hit what you aimed for beyond that (would deviate from a straight path onto nearby objects, for instance).
- Kinetic: Produces a powerful shockwave that blasts things away on impact.
- Ice: Freezes everything in the zone of effect on impact (or covers them in a thick layer of ice).
- Fire/Kinetic mix: Creates a detonation on impact (again, TNT-like).

We're also scrapping the Tertiary form of Orion. The reason being is that you've once again made a character with zero weaknesses. Not only can she lay waste at range, she can unleash veritable hell at close quarters, easily has the potential to be tanky, and pre-nerf, had a semblance which could render people immobile to be blasted to bits by her other absurdities. At least this way she'll have to think tactically instead of "YOUR FACE ASPLODE" Now she'll have to be smart about when she drops wells, when she uses her ranged weapon, when she launches or roots people in place, all that. And she's still powerful as heck.

To be frank, I hadn't read the weapons or semblance portions very well the first time I looked at her, and liked the concept. Upon doing this review, I almost decided I hated the whole shebang because the semblance and weapons were that awful and almost inexcusable. How did you think anyone would feel fighting this monstrosity? Where would any artistry or fun be? Yes, I'm ragging on you, but I honestly want you to understand just how shitty you had the potential to make this character for everyone involved. Did you think people wouldn't mind as you rooted them to the spot with no warning or held them motionless in the air while she set them on fire or took potshots at them with a bazooka?
Seek Justice, Love Mercy, and walk humbly with your God.

Character List:
Spoiler: show
Marlon Murk-Leader of Team MRKD (Marked) "The power of the night, the press of the storm, The post of the foe; Where he stands, the Arch Fear in a visible form, Yet the strong man must go..."-Prospice, Robert Browning

Cheri Chanson-Team AFMC (Afirmacion) “The people who were trying to make this world worse are not taking the day off. Why should I?” -Bob Marley

Jack Pettibone-Leader of Team JCRA (Jackrabbit) "In my body, where the shame gland should be, there is a second awesome gland. True story."-Barney Stinson

Cherry Chainsaw "Wake up, I'm a bullet loosed Into the heart of a wretched age, I breathe just to beat and bruise, an evolution of the burnin' rage!"-Miracle of Sound, Hell to Pay

Professor Siobhan Clannad-Personal Finance and Home Economics Professor at Beacon Academy "We can do no great things, only small things with great love."-Unknown, often attributed to Saint Teresa of Calcutta

Professor Feltch Hatterly Criminal and International Law Professor at Beacon Academy "Art, like morality, consists of drawing the line somewhere."-G.K. Chesterton

Professor Scarlet Vandal Weapons Engineering and Design Professor at Beacon Academy "Perfection has one grave defect: It is apt to be dull."-W. Somerset Maugham


Character AMA here, Personal AMA here, Character/Plot Timeline here, Descent into Madness here

If you ever need writing advice, be it for a post, a plot, or a character, don't hesitate to ask, I'm happy to help! PM me if you need someone to DM Grimm or NPCs, or need my Professors in your threads, though my ability to help with that depends on my free time!

nathan67003

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Re: Camelia Sol
« Reply #3 on: October 05, 2016, 06:00:12 AM »
Pet peeves: Yes, I know, it takes away from the profile. I'll probably tuck the ones that are too much in the middle of the text into another spoiler. As for outfit and voice comparisons, I really can't help it. I have literally no idea what the relevant words to use are. I may be fluent, but specifics are the death of me.

Composition of alloy fucked off into a spoiler.

She's literally always been like that. She's always had a seething hatred for bullies of any kind and has always wanted to help people in any way she could.

Most of the previous numbers are tucked away in a spoiler. Some remain, but I figured they were sort of necessary.

Dropped shredding, added concentration.

1) Mass literally doesn't matter with gravity. Only size matters. Which I've added. 2) Added pre-glow thing. 3) Hmm. How about 10 metres for not well and 20 for the well?

2 charges per thingy.

Orion's third form mysteriously underwent spontaneous combustion.


I think I've adressed everything.
« Last Edit: October 05, 2016, 07:23:35 AM by nathan67003 »
Nathan Eau, De Facto Jetpack Guy of Team ROSE
Camelia Sol, Miss Magnetic Personality and Team CBLT Leader
Anna Fall, Insightful Visionary of Team ASTC
Brock Greenwood, Human Titan of Team HTDG
Helena Chlophyll, Ray of Sunshine of Team CHES
Scarlett/Corinth,Korynn,etc. Briggart/Topaz (In the works)
Max (mp)
Chloe (mp)
Maena Nadir (WiP)
Europa/Encela(dus)/Io/Callisto/Calypso (In the works)
Hannah Glass
Mark Cassini
Carlson Ferram
"Definitely not Johnny"

Uncouth T-Rex

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Re: Camelia Sol
« Reply #4 on: October 07, 2016, 12:26:26 AM »
I understand the gravity bit, but using weight helps make it more concrete for someone who needs to know at a glance what it can do and what it can't, and not all of us are Metric System Peasants. XD I jest, it's much more convenient especially with small distances, like when I've had to check millimeters on rodent teeth, etc.

Okay, I think you have polished it to pass my muster, and the "jack of all trades, master of none" is enough of a weakness for me in combat style. I'll pass this along.

Seek Justice, Love Mercy, and walk humbly with your God.

Character List:
Spoiler: show
Marlon Murk-Leader of Team MRKD (Marked) "The power of the night, the press of the storm, The post of the foe; Where he stands, the Arch Fear in a visible form, Yet the strong man must go..."-Prospice, Robert Browning

Cheri Chanson-Team AFMC (Afirmacion) “The people who were trying to make this world worse are not taking the day off. Why should I?” -Bob Marley

Jack Pettibone-Leader of Team JCRA (Jackrabbit) "In my body, where the shame gland should be, there is a second awesome gland. True story."-Barney Stinson

Cherry Chainsaw "Wake up, I'm a bullet loosed Into the heart of a wretched age, I breathe just to beat and bruise, an evolution of the burnin' rage!"-Miracle of Sound, Hell to Pay

Professor Siobhan Clannad-Personal Finance and Home Economics Professor at Beacon Academy "We can do no great things, only small things with great love."-Unknown, often attributed to Saint Teresa of Calcutta

Professor Feltch Hatterly Criminal and International Law Professor at Beacon Academy "Art, like morality, consists of drawing the line somewhere."-G.K. Chesterton

Professor Scarlet Vandal Weapons Engineering and Design Professor at Beacon Academy "Perfection has one grave defect: It is apt to be dull."-W. Somerset Maugham


Character AMA here, Personal AMA here, Character/Plot Timeline here, Descent into Madness here

If you ever need writing advice, be it for a post, a plot, or a character, don't hesitate to ask, I'm happy to help! PM me if you need someone to DM Grimm or NPCs, or need my Professors in your threads, though my ability to help with that depends on my free time!

nathan67003

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Re: Camelia Sol
« Reply #5 on: October 12, 2016, 11:54:31 AM »
Thanks!

(yes this is something of a bump imsorry)

EDIT: Added nickname used by at least one of her teammates.
« Last Edit: October 16, 2016, 12:31:38 PM by nathan67003 »
Nathan Eau, De Facto Jetpack Guy of Team ROSE
Camelia Sol, Miss Magnetic Personality and Team CBLT Leader
Anna Fall, Insightful Visionary of Team ASTC
Brock Greenwood, Human Titan of Team HTDG
Helena Chlophyll, Ray of Sunshine of Team CHES
Scarlett/Corinth,Korynn,etc. Briggart/Topaz (In the works)
Max (mp)
Chloe (mp)
Maena Nadir (WiP)
Europa/Encela(dus)/Io/Callisto/Calypso (In the works)
Hannah Glass
Mark Cassini
Carlson Ferram
"Definitely not Johnny"

jjb2158

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Re: Camelia Sol
« Reply #6 on: October 17, 2016, 05:12:38 PM »
Okay....here we go...

Semblance:
For some reason, we ALWAYS get stuck in this section...why is that? Anyways...

This semblance is too OP for a first year student. To be able to manipulate up to 200 kg up to 10 meters away and it getting stronger is way to OP. Being able to make someone up to 4x heavier with a range of 20 meters is OP. Being able to launch these wells at 100 m/s is OP. Basically...everything about this semblance is OP, especially for a first year student. If you were trying to create a Huntress then yes, I can see these limits and would find them more or less acceptable. However, not for a first year student. Nerf every part of this semblance down and then we can talk again.

Combat Behavior:
I want either one significant weakness or two small weaknesses to be added. Being a Jack of all trade, master of none isn't a huge weakness so I want more. Remember, she's a first year...every first year has a weakness or three.

Weapon:
A few things here:
1. What in the world is Chrolfsmon?? I see in previous posts that you were trying to create a new type of metal, which would explain this. However, all this does is complicate things. If you want to create a new metal then go ahead, but you will need to put all the components as well as its tensile strength and melting point (yes, I will require this from you.) If it's too much to get all that detail (welding and blacksmithing is one of my many hobbies so I am very technical when it comes to these kind of things), then I suggest you just delete that word and just go with an already created metal.
2. One second transformation time = No. Just...no. For a weapon with THAT many pieces moving around, this will have to take at least three seconds.
3. 200 moving pieces for each weapon?!?!?! How in the world does this NOT malfunction with that many pieces moving? How in the world does it NOT shatter after blocking or attacking an object? Look, I understand you want to have it for sake of it looking cool when it transform, but it's not practical nor realistic for what we've seen in the show thus far. This part of her swords will need to be changed so that it's more realistic.
4. I have nothing against a weapon using dust (heck all of mine do), but there should be some realism as well as explanation to them. That said, to have 60 charges for the lightning dust is a bit too much. Also, I would like to see exactly how much of a shock we're talking about from the lightning dust. You can either akin it to something or give me the volts and amps that it releases (Electricity and dealing with Electrical numbers also falls within my major as do many other things). This is necessary so that it is known how much this affects a person/thing.
5. Lastly, I want to know how many blasts her shield can do for each dust type before she runs out of dust. Seeing that each of these are rather powerful, the number/duration of each attack will need to be low.



That should cover it for round one. Your turn.
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Third Year Beacon Student: Suntalia Lyn Ryker - The Voice of Thunder of Team SODR (Soldier)

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Re: Camelia Sol
« Reply #7 on: October 17, 2016, 06:48:52 PM »
Semblance: Too OP because she was meant as somethiing of a foil to Nathan... and wound up just as OP :P
Still, here's what I changed. 200 kg --> 100 kg (basically halved the gravity). 10 metres --> 6 metres. 3G (4x weight) --> 1G (2x weight). Well at 100 m/s --> Well at 33 m/s. Well lasts 60 seconds max due to exhaustion --> 60 seconds max. Semblance range: 20 metres --> 12 m. Launching things at 100 m/s --> launching things at 33 m/s.

Does "no long range capabilities" work? If yes, would like me to state it explicitely within the CS?

1. An alloy type I've never seen IRL and that would probably work. Components are variable in amount, but here's most of it: 12% Chromium minimum; main lattice made of tungsten/wolfram; osmium in a solid solution with a significant (probably greater than 3%) proportion; carbon can be added to improve rigidity/resilience/hardness, but at the cost of ductility and toughness (like any normal steel). Melting point would probably be around the 2 000 - 2 500 °C at the lowest eutectic point. Tensile strength - or rather, conventional elasticity limit - for the toughest alloys is at least 3 times higher than the best type of steel available today, while still being tougher than said steel. (Un)Luckily for you, I've got engineering materials this semester :P
2. Moved the time to 2 seconds as number of pieces was lowered.
3. Now dozens of pieces. Should be more realistic. I do hope.
4. Mostly voltage, really. Like, a few kilovolts. Causes pain and perhaps involuntary muscle movement, but nothing more. We're talking below milliamp currents here. About 3% damage for a person with an arbitrarily average Aura.
5. The shield is stated as having 2 charges for each Dust type. As ordered/suggested by Rex.

I think I'm done for the round. Passing it over to you, good sir. Hope you didn't get too many white hairs ;)
« Last Edit: October 18, 2016, 01:07:51 PM by nathan67003 »
Nathan Eau, De Facto Jetpack Guy of Team ROSE
Camelia Sol, Miss Magnetic Personality and Team CBLT Leader
Anna Fall, Insightful Visionary of Team ASTC
Brock Greenwood, Human Titan of Team HTDG
Helena Chlophyll, Ray of Sunshine of Team CHES
Scarlett/Corinth,Korynn,etc. Briggart/Topaz (In the works)
Max (mp)
Chloe (mp)
Maena Nadir (WiP)
Europa/Encela(dus)/Io/Callisto/Calypso (In the works)
Hannah Glass
Mark Cassini
Carlson Ferram
"Definitely not Johnny"

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Re: Camelia Sol
« Reply #8 on: October 18, 2016, 02:26:18 PM »
Getting there! A few more tweaks and we'll be good to go:

Semblance:
To be honest, even at 100 kg, that would still be a  little too much force. My biggest concern is her using her semblance on another character, causing that character to be stopped in their tracks enough for Camelia to get an easy auto-hit in. That is a big no-no. Here's my suggestion: either lower the number a bit more or add more of a strain on her for using her semblance.

Combat Behavior:
No long range capabilities work for me. If you add that as well as the fact that fighting someone who specializes with long range puts her at a serious disadvantage, then I will find this acceptable.

Weapon:
Your explanation works for me. Dust abilities work for me so I have no concerns here.
First Year Beacon Student: Rackley Winchester - The Hawkeye Sniper of Team CRSA (Crystal)

Second Year Beacon Student: Jett Davenport - The Playful Shadow Knight of Team MLDC (Melodic)

Third Year Beacon Student: Suntalia Lyn Ryker - The Voice of Thunder of Team SODR (Soldier)

Fourth Year Beacon Student: Savas Carnelian - The Quiet Berserker (Teamless)

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Re: Camelia Sol
« Reply #9 on: October 18, 2016, 02:33:39 PM »
Semblance: Strain for wells is stated to be extreme, requiring almost absolute concentration. I think that means something like that, anyway. Even just making someone heavier/weightless needs her to be almost completely still, barely able to think about protecting herself with Orion.

Added. Specified that she's reduced to pure defence against snipers, and then some.

Yay!
Nathan Eau, De Facto Jetpack Guy of Team ROSE
Camelia Sol, Miss Magnetic Personality and Team CBLT Leader
Anna Fall, Insightful Visionary of Team ASTC
Brock Greenwood, Human Titan of Team HTDG
Helena Chlophyll, Ray of Sunshine of Team CHES
Scarlett/Corinth,Korynn,etc. Briggart/Topaz (In the works)
Max (mp)
Chloe (mp)
Maena Nadir (WiP)
Europa/Encela(dus)/Io/Callisto/Calypso (In the works)
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Carlson Ferram
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Re: Camelia Sol
« Reply #10 on: October 18, 2016, 03:00:40 PM »
Works for me. This makes another one of your characters that is approved.

Approved 2 of 2.
First Year Beacon Student: Rackley Winchester - The Hawkeye Sniper of Team CRSA (Crystal)

Second Year Beacon Student: Jett Davenport - The Playful Shadow Knight of Team MLDC (Melodic)

Third Year Beacon Student: Suntalia Lyn Ryker - The Voice of Thunder of Team SODR (Soldier)

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Re: Camelia Sol
« Reply #11 on: September 12, 2017, 06:05:56 PM »
Spoiler: Pre-Edit • show

CHARACTER

Name: Camelia "Cammie" Sol

Age: 17, born 18th of Arashi 63 AC

Species and Gender: Female human

Symbol:
Spoiler: show

Occupation: Beacon Academy student, first year

Appearance: At 170 centimetres/5'7" and around 60 kilograms/132 lbs, Camelia has a lean n' mean physique (except for her, errr... chest), being fit without having particularly defined muscles. She has long, slightly wavy brown hair that reaches down to her mid-back. She more often than not prefers to have most of it gathered into a simple ponytail which starts at about the same level as where the skull meets the spine, although she replaces the ponytail with a braid when she wants to be fancier and lets it entirely loose when relaxing. The hair that refuses to be included in the ponytail forms bangs in the front, which she asymmetrically splits and tucks behind her ears with a preference to the right. Her (rather pretty, in all honesty) face is complimented by tiny freckles on her cheekbones and her incredibly blue eyes. She has fair skin and a pleasant, if slightly rough (roughness: Korra of TLOK fame has a lot of it) voice and is right-handed.

Spoiler: Hex codes that deter from the narrative • show
Eyes are mostly #0065AB with rare #00B7CC accents close to the external iris edges.

Red shirt: #D40000
Purple dress: #520070
Training short shorts: #8600B8 & #666666
Armour: #828282

Spoiler: Body claim - Shiyeon Kwon • show


But smaller and with slightly thicker/more buff limbs.



She usually wears a red, slim-fit shirt with a slight v-neck (goes down to just below the collarbones), seemingly made from polyester, along with black jeans and running shoes. When the weather is unfavourable, she'll put on a white, hoodless coat. She wears a standard school uniform with pants ans shoes instead of a skirt and heels. For formal occasions, she wears a dark purple dress (easiest way to describe it: like Pyrrha's but covering the entire back) with black, flat-soled slip-ins. Her pyjama consists of a white tank top and grey sweatpants over a black sports bra with a stylized white arrow on the front and purple training short shorts with dark grey trim. When going into combat, she wears (on top of whatever she has) a sleeveless, articulated armor chestpiece made up of dozens of pieces of an incredibly resilient and durable class of alloy. The chestpiece is put on like a shirt, then closed shut before locking the front and back together at the flanks. It is left bare of any decoration, showing the metal's mild, somewhat polished grey, save for a small spot on the left of the upper chest section where her symbol appears. Fixation points on the back allow her to attach two sheaths in an X as well as a shield (which then covers the sheaths). The way the armor articulates is reminiscent of arthropods.

Spoiler: Annoying science • show
The alloy is composed of varying amounts of chromium, tungsten/wolfram, osmium and carbon, named Chrolfsmon.


History: Camelia was born in Vale to two incredibly talented artisans, which excel in metallurgy, woodworking and a multitude of other crafts. From a very early age, as little as 3 years old, she sought to protect others from those that would wish them harm, the situation often coming to fists and ending up with her winning outright. She got in trouble over this several dozen times before reaching even age 12. When the opportunity to enter combat school presented itself, she jumped on the occasion to become better at defending others, ending up at Signal with the goal to become a Huntress.

While at Signal, Camelia didn't have much trouble with academics, easily passing all tests she bothered to study for and getting comfortably good scores in the rest. She instead decided to focus on learning as many fighting styles as she practically could, namely two-handed swords, twin swords, sword & shield and double-bladed swords. Through the years, she got better and better in all these weapon styles, becoming rather excellent, although not quite as good as others who had specialized. She had some friends which she hung out with after classes or during weekends, but few of them decided to go to Beacon, preferring another academy instead.

When she was 15,during a training exercise, she accidentally discovered her semblance. As she was going through the motions of double-bladed sword handling, which she had just started, a neighboring student hit a large boulder that had been flung at him by a teacher with his hammer. The rock careened towards Camelia at high speeds and by the time she saw it coming, it was almost on top of her. She reflexively deployed her Aura using her semblance, making the stone stop abruptly before rapidly accelerating towards the training yard's wall, where it embedded itself with a rare brutality.

As the time to go to Beacon grew closer, Camelia was ecstatic, as it meant she was one step closer to helping defend the innocent. Having talked extensively to her parents about her nervousness at the idea of not yet having a weapon, they teamed up, getting Camelia to run menial tasks that would, without her knowledge, be the first steps of her weapons' construction. She ended up doing very well in the academic part of the Beacon entrance exam, got better than the average for the practical test and excelled in the live action test.

Personality: Camelia is an all-around nice, friendly person. She is patient with everyone she meets and attempts to be as diplomatic as possible. She does not like being bossed around and will stand for her convictions with all her might. Insulting her, deploying mean sarcasms, bullying people while she's nearby and all manners of generally bad actions are surefire ways of making her cross, which usually ends up with the perpetrator getting punched, kicked or otherwise maimed. She's still very bright, and as such will easily differentiate playful teasing from actual insults.

Somewhat more on the social creature end of the sliding scale of extroverted versus introverted, she is more prone to hang out with friends than read or play solo video games,although she does occasionally enjoy the two activities. She has a great sense of humour and is a skillful communicator, easily capable of decoding secondary methods of communication (e.g. reading between the lines, body language).

She has been trying to get her impulsiveness of sorts under control... with mitigated results.

Aura and Semblance: Her Aura is of the same dark purple as her symbol. Camelia is more proficient than average at using it.

Her semblance is gravity: that is, she is capable of manipulating the local gravity. She can do this in short, intense bursts or less intense, long duration goes. She can also produce gravity wells, capable of dragging along 100 kg from about 6 metres away and getting stronger as you get closer. She can 'shoot' these wells at somewhat slow speeds, far slower than a bullet - or even an arrow. Maintaining a well or prolonged gravity change - unless the well is 'shot' - requires intense concentration. The well will also take it out of her that much faster, as she'll barely be capable of holding it together for barely 30 seconds.

She can modify the gravity affecting someone in a continuous manner by up to one time as much as normal - that is, she can make someone 2 times as heavy as usual, or make them 'fall' upwards - although she can't keep this up forever, due to the limited range (12 meters) of her semblance.

For bursts, she can launch things at about 100 m/s for a significant amount of effort.

A glow the same colour as her Aura will premeate any volume she tries to affect before her semblance kicks in. This glow will occur 0.5 s before for continuous mode, 2 s before for burst mode and 6 s before for a gravity well. The larger the volume she tries to affect, the more strain it puts on her. She can modify gravity up to about 12 metres away, unless she goes for the well, which lasts for 200 m and can be summoned a maximum of 20 metres away.

Spoiler: Numbers no one likes • show
The maximum volume that can be affected at once is roughly that of a 6-meter wide cube (in other terms, 6^3 cubic meters), whilst the largest gravity she can induce is (20/3)=6.6 g for a burst (lasts about half a second) and 1 g fot the more prolonged version. Each burst costs up to 5% Aura and each second of the lengthier method, up to 0.5% Aura; however, if she is affecting a volume of less than 1 liter, the cost goes down to 0.1%.  She needs 2 seconds to charge a burst at maximum power. She cannot produce these farther than 12 meters away from herself. She can also produce a spherically symmetrical well which draws about everything that's not solidly tied down towards it from about 6 meters away. Creating this well costs 30% Aura. Unless it is shot forward (about 100 m/s, uses an additional 5% Aura, travels a maximum distance of 100 meters before dissipating, 200 if charged an additional second), maintaining the well requires 1% Aura per second.


Combat Behavior: Camelia likes to have a very adaptable fighting style, changing along with the way she wields her weapons. This, however, makes her a Jack of all trades and a master of none, at least for the time being.

When she feels like landing heavy, powerful blows, she'll two-hand Unity's second form. She tends to do this only when facing a single opponent as the large sword is somewhat slower to swing than most weapons (as expected of a greatsword).

When first confronting an unknown enemy or battle situation, she will use Unity in its twin form, as it allows for great agility whilst offering a good balance between offense and defense.

When she goes on the defensive (for example, when protecting something), she goes sword & board, one of Unity's halves in her right hand and Orion on her left arm.

When she wants to destabilize an opponent or is severely outnumbered, she will use Unity's third form, which is better at both offense and defense than anything else at her disposal while allowing for a lot of agility.

If she doesn't want to go all-out from the start, she'll two-hand one of Unity's halves.

Her greatest weakness is most definitely ranged attacks. Not only does she not have any sort of ranged weapon, but going against a sniper will basically reduce her to curling up in a ball behind Orion and trying to not get knocked off her feet from the impacts.

WEAPONS

Name: Unity

Primary Form: Twin swords, made of two different Chrolfsmon alloys: the center is a rather light gray and made to be very resilient, yet flexible, while the edges are a darker gray and made of a different mix, which allows for more durability and sharper edges. They are comprised of roughly two hundred pieces each to allow transformation into the secondary and tertiary forms.

Secondary Form: Camelia brings the two handles together, the now-parallel swords facing the same way as well as touching each other on the flat sides. Once these conditions are met, the swords seem to come alive, the dozens of pieces sliding over each other and interlocking, eventually coming to rest in the shape of a greatsword with a single handle, twice as long as the previous handles. This new sword looks just as if one of the twin swords had been enlarged, safe for a line of the darker Chrolfsmon alloy along the middle of the blade, sole evidence of the merger. The minimum transformation time is two seconds, although it can be lengthened for effect.

Tertiary form: Starting in the first form, Camelia puts the swords' handles end to end. Again, the swords seem to come alive, only this time they come to rest as a double-bladed sword as long as... the twin swords put end to end (or perhaps slightly shorter). Parts of the proper sword bits become part of the now much longer handle. Transformation time can be as small as 2 seconds.

Dust Functions: The handles each contain a compartmentalized (along the length), cylindrical Dust container. The first half is a compartment filled with Fire Dust, whilst the second is filled with Lightning Dust.
- Fire: Heats the proper sword part to over 900 degrees Celsius in less than a second. Remains active as long as not turned off and has Fire Dust remaining. This state can be sustained for 6 minutes per capsule without recharging.
- Lightning: Electrifies the proper sword part. Anything allowing a sufficiently free flow of current to some sort of (electrical) ground will get a powerful discharge. Electrifying requires no Dust in itself, but the discharge does. A container can support up to 60 discharges before being completely empty of Lightning Dust.

Spoiler: Colour stuffs • show
Light gray: #ABABAB
Darker gray: #7A7A7A


Name: Orion

Primary Form: A round shield just under fifty centimetres in diameter, made of two dozen or so plates in the shapes of ring portions of varying conformities. The plates are made of the same stuff as the armour.

Secondary Form: Like the swords, the shield's plates slide over each other. The shield's curvature turns inside-out, creating a sort of parabola facing outwards. The transformation can take as little as a quarter of a second.

Dust Functions: The underside of Orion is home to several spaces for flat Dust containers, 5 in total. They are partially housed within the shield itself, providing protection.

Unleashes blast waves in a 90 degree arc towards where it is facing, reaching as far as six metres away. Each type of blast can be used 2 times before the appropriate container is empty (uses in the third form count).
- Fire: A wave of fiery heat (over 900 degrees Celsius), capable of making dry wood burn in a very sudden an ferocious fashion.
- Lightning: An electrostatic discharge which scrambles nerves and circuits alike, bar Faraday cages getting in the way.
- Kinetic: A "slow"-moving blast of air with enough pressure to seem like a wall. Blows things away with force.
- Ice: A wave of extreme cold. Will easily freeze water and encase solid things in ice (the exposed portions, anyway).
- Fire/Kinetic mix: A violent, directional explosion, akin to a blast of TNT.

History: Like most people attending Signal, Camelia made her own weapon, but with a lot of help from her parents. The whole things took over 8 months to construct, and were her gift for her 16th birthday, along with the armour. She named the swords Unity as, despite their many forms, they are one and the same, whilst naming the shield Orion, for its role of protector.
Spoiler: Atlas • show
Mercenary: Kol Augur ~ The Judicator of Atlas
Speaking: #5C5054 Thinking: #EAC117
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Huntress-in-Training: Brook Pallas ~ Member of Team CNBR
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Re: Camelia Sol
« Reply #12 on: September 13, 2017, 06:47:42 AM »
Did the thing.
Nathan Eau, De Facto Jetpack Guy of Team ROSE
Camelia Sol, Miss Magnetic Personality and Team CBLT Leader
Anna Fall, Insightful Visionary of Team ASTC
Brock Greenwood, Human Titan of Team HTDG
Helena Chlophyll, Ray of Sunshine of Team CHES
Scarlett/Corinth,Korynn,etc. Briggart/Topaz (In the works)
Max (mp)
Chloe (mp)
Maena Nadir (WiP)
Europa/Encela(dus)/Io/Callisto/Calypso (In the works)
Hannah Glass
Mark Cassini
Carlson Ferram
"Definitely not Johnny"

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Re: Camelia Sol
« Reply #13 on: October 01, 2017, 07:55:08 PM »
Morning
Ask Me Anything!

Spoiler: Characters • show

Sophea Devi Visorith - Beacon Nurse, Gardener, Health Nut, Scholar
Mao Visorith - First-Year Beacon Student, Team SFF[M]
Aurelia Caelius - Beacon Graduate, Huntress, Team [A]URM
Izumi Cremisi - Member of Obsidian Rose, Assassin, Thief, Arcade Enthusiast
Airi Fogden Bicardi - Second-Year Atlas Student, Family Heiress
Avery LeBlanc - Third-Year Atlas Student, Triplet, Duelist, Manipulator, Team SA[L]T | Threads [Team: ]
Yu Mei - First-Year Haven Student
Suna Arevik - First-Year Shade Student, Scavenger-in-Training

Spoiler: Worldbuilding • show

Mahava Plains - The bastion of Eastern Sanus
Obsidian Rose - Valish Criminal Organization