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Author Topic: Calen Shrike  (Read 1179 times)

Kingnoname1

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Calen Shrike
« on: December 27, 2016, 02:01:56 AM »
CHARACTER

Name: Calen Shrike

Age: 18, Born 19th of Hitahita 63AC

Species and Gender: Human Male

Symbol: Three interlocked cracked circles 

Occupation: First year student.

Appearance: Tall but gaunt, 6’/1.8m 110lb/50kg, Calen’s body once gorged on opulence now carries the scars of years alone in the wilds of Remnant. Despite those years in the sun Calen’s pale skin remains almost ghostly, this combined with his emaciated body gives him a skeletal appearance. Calen’s knives keep his short black hair neat and his face cleanly shaven even on expeditions. The only natural colour is Calen’s deep green eyes which almost glow given their monochrome setting.
 
Mirroring his physical appearance, Calen prefers mostly black and white formal clothing (usually a two-piece suit) with small splashes of primary colours in buttons, ties or small ribbons on his lapel. Calen practically uses the long sleeves, high collars and gloves to hide his scars and skeletal form leaving only his sunken cheeks and hungry eyes visible. When expecting a fight, Calen will maintain his formal attire but also wear thin layers of armoured material under his clothes, unable to absorb kinetic force they provide decent defence against claws or blades. Calen is also quite a fan of jewellery, wearing a simple gold earring in his right ear and a silver bracelet of charms on his left wrist.

Vocally Calen has a surprisingly soothing voice, one ill-suited for his barbed tongue. Calen moves with almost courtly grace, a slight limp from an injury on his right knee when working out his semblance spoils the image if carefully studied. The same follows his movements in everything he does, poised when seated, always upright and moving with precision in combat or out.

History TLDR: A good childhood with one for five large hunter families protecting Nevah an isolated town in south Amina was cut short by realising they don’t hunt Grimm they hunt Faunus. A failed attempt to recuse some of his family’s captives had him branded a traitor and tortured for a month. Escaped when hunters and white fang forces, hearing from the escapees, moved into arrest/kill his family. Wandered the wilds and towns of Amina for over a year trying to get as far away as possible then stowing away on a ship to Sanus. Continuing his trek Calen was set upon by a Nevermore and would have perished if he wasn’t saved by a hunter. Memories brought about by seeing the hunter fight caused Calen to face his past rather than run from it. As such he has decided to try to balance the scales his family had upset by becoming a hunter.

History: The youngest of a litter of nine by seven years Calen had a very happy childhood. Born to the Shrike family, one of five families sworn to guard Nevah, a large town in south Anima. Most of the family would be off hunting or patrolling at any one time but they always made an attempt to get Calen involved. He was helping prepare meals by five, gathering medical herbs by six and cleaning weapons and armour by eight. An outsider may have thought the Shrike family treated their youngest like a servant but Calen loved every second of it, being even a small part this unstoppable hunting force. Given gifts by those they protected the Shrike family had enough money to ensure their every desire was met from books to the latest games the Shrike family lived in opulence almost unheard of outside the kingdoms. Home-schooled by whoever was sitting out of the families endless hunting trips that day in fighting, academics and surviving in the wilds, Calen threw himself into anything which would have made him an asset to his family, by nine he was the main cook of the household and by twelve even his father was asking for his opinion on medical matters. All throughout this Calen was training to be a hunter, practicing with dummies as soon as he could hold a stick and graduating to half play half real fights with his siblings and the other families when he was starting to unlock his aura and semblance at twelve. Much to his mother’s despair even half real fights with trained huntsmen left scars and even broken bones on her darling boy but still Calen loved every second of it, every fight he was getting that much closer to being like them. On his fifteenth birthday, he even won his first fight and he was so happy that it took him weeks to realise one of his brothers had thrown the fight.

Also around his fifteenth birthday Calen started to get left alone for extended periods of time. In the beginning, he thought nothing of it and simply used it as more time to train on his own but as the gaps became longer and longer he started to worry. Wandering around the woods outsider of town Calen faintly heard muted screaming coming from further off in the wilds. Calen quickly dashed over, thinking one of his family was in peril, but found trap door camouflaged with the undergrowth which lead down into an cavern. Making his way down the darkened passageway Calen started to hear the screaming more clearly and could pick out different voices, men, women and children younger than he where trapped down here. Onward he pressed, his aura guiding him around the stalagmites into a large sanctum. Cages of Faunus littered the sides of the room with one strapped to a table in the middle of the room, it was his screams which he heard before. Living outside CCT tower range and kept from the poorer areas of Nevah Calen cautiously approached the bound figure, having only seen Faunus before he was equal parts scared and enthralled. The creature begged to be released and in a daze Calen complied, unshackling the Faunus and resting it on his shoulder as they made their way out. They had almost made it to the door before his family returned. Seeing his captors, the Faunus grabbed Calen as a shield and out of pure instinct Calen kicked out knocking the Faunus a stalagmite and in its weakened state expired from a broken neck.

His family was overjoyed. The first time in a decade the entire family returned home to celebrate their youngest first kill. Its accidental nature didn’t matter to the Shrike family nor did it reduce Calen’s growing horror seeing for the first time the reality of his family. They weren’t protectors but monsters, preying on these so called ‘Faunus’ and others they considered less than themselves from the shadows. Despite his family’s assurances of the inhuman nature of their captives Calen silently rebelled and began trying to free the Faunus his family had captured. Calen had only gotten a handful out before his family realised what he was doing. They were furious, they brutally killed the rest of their captives in front of Calen to show the futility of his actions and then had Calen replace them on the table at the mercy of his family’s sadistic impulses. They saw him no longer as their baby boy but in their twisted minds something worse than a Faunus, a traitor. In less than a week Calen’s mind began to fray under the attentions of those he would have given his life for only a month ago. His body was kept just alive enough to survive on a day to day basis and soon his body was a maze of scars. Fortunately for Calen some of the freed Faunus managed to alert authorities in Mistral, the remaining four families as well as a furious White Fang detachment. Caught in the middle of a three way conflict Calen managed to break free and escape into the wilds. He never found out the outcome of that battle but Calen has never heard from his family or even his home town since.
 
Calen spent almost two years slowly making his way through Anima. He fled from village to village moving on whenever he heard Mistral hunters or White Fang were in the area. Usually travelling with caravans of traders Calen still had several close calls with Grimm or bandits and innumerous sleepless nights alone in the wilds. Turning his knowledge of the local flora and fauna into a living selling pelts, food and medical components allowing Calen to survive the trek, if barely, and stowaway on a ship to Sanus. Landing in the south east of the continent Calen continued his journey enjoying the change of scenery until he was blindsided by a Nevermore, completely outclassed Calen could only run. Quickly chased down he would have died if he wasn’t saved by a hunter. His grace in combat, humility in victory and refusal of any payment reminded Calen of the better part of those he had spent two years trying to forget. Thanking the hunter one last time Calen departed for Vale and Beacon, no more running from his past he decided. He had a debt to repay to the world.

Making it to Vale without much further difficulty Calen continued making a living off the land while he prepared for the enrolment exam. Luckily Calen’s memory helped him quickly catch up on the academic side. As for the combat sides Calen blitzed the sparing rounds, the majority of his training was for fighting people and as such had an edge over his competition. Live combat was harder but by tapping into his experiences wandering Remnant, a little heart and a lot of luck he managed to pass.

Personality: Calen has managed to mentally supress his trauma and therefore evidence of his dark past only seeps through in his already defined character traits. Before he was prideful because of his training supportive family but now it has solidified to an unshakable self-belief sliding straight into arrogance. Where he once was jovial he is now sardonic with most of his 'humour' being insults, self-deprecating or otherwise. Where he once found fulfilment in working as part of a whole Calen still volunteers for the most dangerous assignments but now out of ego and a sub-conscious death wish. Never is this clearer than in combat, even when fighting Grimm Calen will constantly let his opponent recover. Likewise, Calen has long been making enough money to feed himself properly but refuses to do so, eating only enough to keep his hunger pains from dulling to illogically prove self-mastery and further evidence of his complete disregard for his physical wellbeing. Despite it's willingly afflicted nature Calen's withered form reduces his stamina from his lack of fat, lowered immune system and lower body temperature.

He rarely holds grudges finding little value in the opinion of others, never even really feeling hate once in his life, takes attacks of his character personally but only in the short term. Physical injuries are forgotten the moment they stop hurting and forgiven almost instantly seeing them more as another barrier to overcome rather than anything personal.  Ironically the only thing that causes Calen to hold a grudge is mistreatment of Faunus, although this protective turn is more from not wanting his history relived than any particular love for Faunus.

Calen still cooks and enjoys it greatly, never eating anything he hasn't prepared himself, but usually cooks for others like his team mates or the less fortunate at one of Vales many soup kitchens. It began as an exploration of the Faunus communities but now Calen enjoys the few hours of peace between training and studying. The other of Calen’s great loves outside of fighting is dance, ballroom dancing in particular, and he constantly disparages Vale for its poor dance scene.

Uniquely suited to school life Calen is both extremely determined and possessing of an almost photographic memory making him a very capable academic student. He isn’t however very good at solving abstract problems, reacting to the unexpected or other forms of lateral thinking. Sociable enough Calen will invite strangers for meals and make idle conversation with anyone but becomes very protective when the conversation turns to himself and completely shuts down inquiries into his past. Questions are deflected by forced, often repeated, jokes.

Aura and Semblance: Calen’s forest green colour aura is very strong for his age. He however isn’t very good of it’s more finesse applications like creating shockwaves, focused blocking and his danger sense has a smaller radius than normal. Instead Calen uses his aura to make up for his distinct lack of muscles and to endure attacks.
 
Calen’s semblance is Velocity Manipulation meaning he is able to instantly change his speed for a short period of time. He isn’t running faster and is effectively being held or pushed in any direction he wishes, this does mean he needs to be careful not to trip on debris when ‘rushing’ along the ground. Calen also grows disorientated if he ‘rushes’ multiple times in quick succession making him spend a few moments to reorientation himself. Calen prefers to dash short distances for efficiency and to hide the extent of his semblance. 5% of his reserves is usually enough to dodge single attacks or empower his own attacks moving fast enough to evade arrows. He can rush longer but any large expenditure, >30%, in a single ‘rush’ is likely to knock Calen out as G-Forces batter his weak frame. On the flip side Calen can spend 5% of his reserves to cancel all current momentum on himself allowing him to freeze in place to dodge attacks or survive falls.

Combat Behaviour: A dance-like fighting style Calen relies heavy on feints and speed to gain the upper hand. The rhythmic movements are predictable if carefully studied and the ‘dance’ can be interrupted robbing Calen of much of his momentum. This slow start fighting style combines a fluid defence with steadily intensifying attack designed to prove undeniably the Shrikes superiority. Created to deal with humanoid enemies Calen struggles with dealing with most forms of Grimm, his experiences wandering Remnant has taught Calen how to deal with basic Usras and Beowulfs but more exotic breeds or alphas/majors can cause him a lot of grief.
 
Calen refuses to use dust in combat, saying he won’t rely on something he can’t personally ensure the craftsmanship and as such relies on his throwing knives if he is unable to close gaps with his semblance.

Resource management is a core element of Calen’s fighting style as he relies heavily on his aura and semblance for offense and defence. This means that every heavy blow Calen deals out is one heavy blow he can’t take and vies-versa. Despites this Calen is very difficult to keep down, his pride and will providing huge engine rooms to keep him moving when his body is falling apart. But in this state Calen can do little more than keep getting up as on its own his weak body is little threat at the best of times. All together this means Calen can grind through weaker or humanoid enemies comparatively easily but struggles against more powerful foes, particularly Grimm.

WEAPON 1

Name: None

Primary Form: A one-and-a-half sword with a single curved edge and sharp point for thrusting. Like Calen himself it is long, light and hard to break 1.5m/5’ blade, 15cm/6’’ handle with his symbol on its cross guard. Mostly used for rapid strikes and close quarter defence.

Secondary Form: The handle extends a full 2m/6’8’’ into a glaive. More of an acrobatic weapon providing more leverage for powerful swings and the length of the weapon improves it as a defensive tool. Calen will often use the glaive form to vault of the ground before ‘rushing’ an opponent to clear himself of any ground debris.

Dust Functions: None

History: Forged by Calen with the help of his mother and elder brothers. The metal used was weapons of hunters his family had slain but found impressive fighters which makes the composite metal almost impossible to break but rigid.

WEAPON 2

Name: Shrike Talons

Primary Form: A set of ten blades, one for each of Calen’s siblings and parents with their names inscribed on the blades. They make up his only range weapon but Calen is hesitant to use them and will almost compulsively search for them after any fight. Extremely high quality 30cm/1’ blades sharped to a razor point and maintained meticulously. Wide for throwing knives and they have seen close quarters use when Calen doesn’t have the space to use his combat dance.

Dust Functions: Each throwing knife has a small chamber which can store dust trigged by the blade striking any surface causing anything from bursts of flame to localised gravity wells depending on the dust used. Calen doesn’t make use of it.

History: A set of throwing knives given to Calen by his family after his first kill. He keeps them around to never forget what his family was to him before they were revealed as monsters. The blades themselves are hidden in a harness on his back which he is rarely without.
« Last Edit: January 07, 2017, 03:54:52 PM by Kingnoname1 »
No criticism is too harsh so hit me with your best shot.

Calen Shrike - ASTC - First Year Beacon.

Saffron de Cortez - SALT - Third Year Atlas.

Amarant Lovis - (formerly of)ACCE - Headmaster of Atlas Academy

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Re: Calen Shrike
« Reply #1 on: December 31, 2016, 12:47:57 PM »
Name to symbol checks out, though symbol could use an image. Isn't necessary though.

Occupation doesn’t need the details. Just “First year Beacon student” will suffice. Details go in history.

For appearance, he’s more than gaunt. He’s fairly underweight! Other than that, appearance could use an image, though it isn’t necessary. Nice that his monochrome design matches with a Shrike’s feathers.

For history, how did his semblance “guide” him through the tunnel? Also, stalactites hang from the ceiling, stalagmites come from the ground. Just making sure we’re clear on that. Also, how did his family survive in such a rural area? They were out of CCT coverage which means they were THAT far from civilization, given that the village from Vol 4 Ep 1 had CCT coverage. Also, with a secret torture cave, how did their family not attract grim like crazy? Also, where did they get these victims?
Another thing, how did he survive and travel to Vale all on his own? Food/water/shelter/transport/funds?

As for personality, I find it hard to believe that discovering that his family was a group of psycho torturers AND having been tortured by said torturer family of torturers wouldn’t leave an impression on his personality. He’s social. He helps others. Doesn’t hate. Doesn’t hold grudges. It seems too perfect for someone with such a messed up history. Maybe he’s less trusting? Thinks people are always hiding something? Protective of faunus after seeing what monsters humans are to them?

Aura is good but semblance has a bit of a problem. I’ll need some more explanation on what exactly “he is able to instantly change his speed for a short period of time. He isn’t running faster and as such must be careful not to trip on debris when ‘rushing’ along the ground.” Means. He isn’t running faster but moving faster? Also having a lot of numbers in profiles is fairly difficult to manage, especially in an actual RP where you’ll have to apply those values and compute. I’d suggest something vaguer or simpler like instead of “he gains X amount of speed for X% of aura”, why not “he can move at a top speed of Xmph/kph for X amount of time, at the cost of X% of aura”

Combat behavior is well written. Good job.

Weapon looks good though I’m confused by what the 15cm/6” means. Does 4’ refer to the blade/total length while 6” refers to the hilt?

My only beef with the talons is that it has more penetrating power than a sword/glaive? How? Maybe more maneuverability to get into unarmored areas perhaps.

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Re: Calen Shrike
« Reply #2 on: December 31, 2016, 06:50:05 PM »
I'm having a little trouble with the insert quote function but ill try.

He's not Valeria Levitin, http://answersafrica.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/Valeria-Levitin.jpg, but he's withered enough to have some rather serious health repercussions.

I thought your aura gives you a danger sense which would warn him when he's about to walk in to stalagmites but I can just take it out, its just fluff. The Shrike family made it's living like bandits stealing whatever they could from the surrounding area as well as taking captives. I hadn't thought about grimm so I'll add a bit about moving around which would also explain why it took so long for them to get caught as well as give the family some stolen Atlas tech for good measure. Forester doesn't mean what I thought it meant but Calen was supposed to be knowledgeable on how to survive in the wilds of remnant, knowing which berries aren't poisonous, navigation tricks and what not.

'Although they had to move around Anima when ever grimm attacks got to intense Calen was always kept safe but involved. With most of the family hunting or watching for grimm at any one time Calen quickly filled in the support role....Despite their isolation in the south of Anima the Shrike family had enough money to ensure their every desire was met from books to Atlas defence droids and even a drop ship, the Shrike family lived in opulence almost unheard of outside the kingdoms. Home-schooled with a focus on self-reliance and surviving in the wilds'

My justification for Calen's personality is that he's dealing with his trauma by supressing it so I've tried to make that clearer but I do like the idea of protecting Faunus, I'll use that as the time everything flows to the surface. He is protective just not of himself physically.

'Calen has managed to mentally revert himself to before he found out the reality of his family and therefore evidence of his dark past only seeps through in his already defined character traits. Before he was prideful because of his training supportive family but now it has solidified to an unshakable self-belief sliding straight into arrogance. Where he once was jovial he is now sardonic with most of his 'humour' being insults, self-deprecating or otherwise. Where he once found fulfilment in working as part of a whole now acts similarly Calen volunteers for the for the most dangerous assignments but now out of ego and a sub-conscious death wish....Ironically the only thing that causes Calen to hold a grudge is mistreatment of Faunus, although it's more for forcing him to remember his past than any particular love for them.'

Maybe thinking of Calen's semblance as dash ability, spontaneous forward momentum, would help or http://powerlisting.wikia.com/wiki/Air_Dashing.

'He isn’'t running faster and is effectively held or pushed in any direction he wishes....Typically Calen can change his speed by 10m/s for 0.1 of a second costing 3% of his reserves'

Yea poor editing on my part I'll switch it around.

It may just be my ignorance with how bladed weapons work but in my mind the talons would be better at penetrating armour because they aren't as rigid as the glaive allowing them to flex against the armour rather than glancing off immediately. They would also simply be sharper as the glaives more constant use makes it impractical to hone such a fine edge again. At least I think that's how bladed weapons work but if it isn't or aura would keep a honed edge I'll change it.
No criticism is too harsh so hit me with your best shot.

Calen Shrike - ASTC - First Year Beacon.

Saffron de Cortez - SALT - Third Year Atlas.

Amarant Lovis - (formerly of)ACCE - Headmaster of Atlas Academy

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Re: Calen Shrike
« Reply #3 on: January 03, 2017, 04:31:29 AM »
Well then it would be good to mention that in the profile because this is BMI 16.

Ah. Well, all people with unlocked aura have a danger sense, but it does take training to enhance it. For someone to have a strong enough danger sense that it protects him from bumping into a rock? That'll take training. Also, I was more concerned with the fact that you said his semblance was guiding him, not his aura.

So they would move around like nomads? What about their captives? Do they just find random caves and build houses on them? Still, I find it rather hard to believe they would be able to survive in the wilderness with that much negativity, even with them moving. Even if they moved everyday, if they carried their captives with them, it's kind of a moot point.

Ah, so he learned how to live off the land. How did he avoid/fight grimm while on the run? Did he stop at any towns? Have any money? Travel with anyone? This'd be some fairly interesting backstory in his history, IMO, but the history's fine enough as is.

Well, I still find it hard pressed that they can survive if they carry that much negativity, sadly. If they were sort of "hidden" in a town that wasn't miserable, then maybe it would mask the negativity?


For the personality part then I'd like you to add the "protective of faunus" part then, since it relates to his trauma. Could also point out here that his malnourished physique is also due to him not really caring/protecting himself. That'll give an explanation as to why he's so sickly skinny.

For reverting himself to before he found out, I think a better way to phrase that would be to be he "blocked the traumatic experience in his mind."

Yes, thinking of it as a dash ability would be much easier to understand and to explain to other RPer's. I think other than saying "change his speed" it should be "moves at a speed of X". Saying change his speed gives the idea of speed boost/acceleration rather than a dash. Also, it would be good to give range. Let's say he's standing still. If he moves 10m/s in 0.1 seconds, he moved a meter. Not very impressive, though if you want that, then you'll have to mention it.

I'm not sure that's how penetration works, and having them sharper wouldn't really be any more effective against armor, I think. The only way I see the talons being more effective against armor than a glaive is that they're more maneuverable and can reach places the glaive can't.


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Re: Calen Shrike
« Reply #4 on: January 04, 2017, 04:55:53 AM »
Added the BMI.

Changed reverting to suppression regarding personality.

Added disregard for physical form under the ritual starving thing.

I've kinda kept the treatment of the Faunus as vague as possible because I can't find a good place to put detail which works in the flow of the story but I'll add some stuff when he was wandering around Anima. I've gone with the sedimentary village idea because it would fix a lot of the problems this has as well as explaining Calen's prissyness. I also added a couple more hunter families to deal with any extra Grimm.

'The youngest of a litter of nine by seven years Calen had a very happy childhood. Born to the Shrike family, one of five families sworn to guard Nevah, a large town in south Anima. Most of the family would be off hunting or patrolling'

'Calen spent almost two years slowly making his way through Anima. He fled from village to village moving on whenever he heard Mistral hunters or White Fang were in the area. Usually travelling with caravans of traders Calen still had several close calls with Grimm or bandits and innumerous sleepless nights alone in the wilds. Turning his knowledge of the local flora and fauna into a living selling pelts, food and medical components allowing Calen to survive the trek, if barely,'


I don't think his protective feelings of Faunus should 100% benevolent as it kinda runs against the whole suppression thing but I hope I made it clearer.

'Ironically the only thing that causes Calen to hold a grudge is mistreatment of Faunus, although this protective turn is more from not wanting his history relived than any particular love for Faunus.'

Yea power level is one of the things I’ve found most confusing about this site. Originally Calen’s semblance allowed control, in a limited way, the speed of others as well but I thought it would be too powerful, would it? Or perhaps only being able to affect the speed of others and not himself? I've kept his semblance 'change' rather than 'increase' because he can reduce his speed as well. Now this semblance doesn't do anything that simply shooting a dust bolt wouldn't do but being a meter off where someone expected you to be would be quite the advantage in a fight if not a race. But it isn't polarity and I don't want a particularly weak semblance.

I’ve been trying to do some research into how bladed weapons worked in real life but there is a lot of contradictions so I’ll just cut that out because it might confuse people.
No criticism is too harsh so hit me with your best shot.

Calen Shrike - ASTC - First Year Beacon.

Saffron de Cortez - SALT - Third Year Atlas.

Amarant Lovis - (formerly of)ACCE - Headmaster of Atlas Academy

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Re: Calen Shrike
« Reply #5 on: January 07, 2017, 06:41:37 AM »
I wasn't talking about adding the BMI, sorry if I was unclear. I meant adding in that he's thin enough to have some health problems/adding in health problems related to his weight.

Also can you kindly put a quote/spoiler of what you added? It's difficult to see exactly what was changed when reading the whole thing.

Having five families of trained huntsmen seems to be a good enough defense from grimm and that's good enough for the personality shift I think, if he blocked the memories from his mind.

As for the semblance, I would really prefer more vague description rather than the exact speed. I've found that saying someone suddenly accelerated 10 m/s is fairly hard to imagine for people but saying "He moved fast enough to dodge a flying arrow" is easier to comprehend. Or better yet, an actual description of an "Air Dash". Also, he can slow himself down?
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Re: Calen Shrike
« Reply #6 on: January 07, 2017, 03:54:02 PM »
Disadvantages from weight

'Despite it's willingly afflicted nature Calen's withered form reduces his stamina from his lack of fat, lowered immune system and lower body temperature'

Suppression instead of reverting

'Calen has managed to mentally supress his trauma and therefore evidence of his dark past only seeps through in his already defined character traits.'

Disregard for physical wellbeing

'Likewise, Calen has long been making enough money to feed himself properly but refuses to do so, eating only enough to keep his hunger pains from dulling to illogically prove self-mastery and further evidence of his complete disregard for his physical wellbeing'

I've tried to make it more vague. And yea he can slow himself down, it's been there but I didn't go as into because I thought it was simpler than the dash so I've tried to explain it better.

'Calen prefers to dash short distances for efficiency and to hide the extent of his semblance. 5% of his reserves is usually enough to dodge single attacks or empower his own attacks moving fast enough to evade arrows.'

'On the flip side Calen can spend 5% of his reserves to cancel all current momentum on himself allowing him to freeze in place to dodge attacks or survive falls.'
No criticism is too harsh so hit me with your best shot.

Calen Shrike - ASTC - First Year Beacon.

Saffron de Cortez - SALT - Third Year Atlas.

Amarant Lovis - (formerly of)ACCE - Headmaster of Atlas Academy

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Re: Calen Shrike
« Reply #7 on: January 13, 2017, 01:56:26 PM »
Bump.
No criticism is too harsh so hit me with your best shot.

Calen Shrike - ASTC - First Year Beacon.

Saffron de Cortez - SALT - Third Year Atlas.

Amarant Lovis - (formerly of)ACCE - Headmaster of Atlas Academy

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Re: Calen Shrike
« Reply #8 on: January 16, 2017, 01:39:25 AM »
GAH! SORRY FOR THE LATE REPLY!

That's a much better semblance explanation and fairly balanced, imo :) Approved 1/2!
Zora Akash - The Sunset Scholar - First Year - Team PENDING

Elidyr Vulcan - The Copper Creator - Fourth Year - Team PENDING

Running Brook Sienna - The Purple Pugilist - Fourth Year - Team PENDING

Ashelynne Campbell - The Sapphire Sleeper - First Year - Team PENDING

Kingnoname1

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Re: Calen Shrike
« Reply #9 on: January 16, 2017, 03:56:27 AM »
Thankyou and no worries, I'm sure everyone is busy over the new year.

Do I post this in the +1 Character thread or will another moderator come?
No criticism is too harsh so hit me with your best shot.

Calen Shrike - ASTC - First Year Beacon.

Saffron de Cortez - SALT - Third Year Atlas.

Amarant Lovis - (formerly of)ACCE - Headmaster of Atlas Academy

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Re: Calen Shrike
« Reply #10 on: January 19, 2017, 06:12:51 PM »
Normally the person who gives the first approval will write it in the +1 section, but I saw this profile so I'll take care of it from here.

Overall, everything looks good. Very well-written and enjoyable to read (I like long profiles). The only thing I noticed is that under "Occupation" you should say which school he goes to. I won't make a fuss about that, but just remember that going forward.

All in all, you're good. Approved 2 of 2 and moved.
First Year Beacon Student: Rackley Winchester - The Hawkeye Sniper of Team CRSA (Crystal)

Second Year Beacon Student: Jett Davenport - The Playful Shadow Knight of Team MLDC (Melodic)

Third Year Beacon Student: Suntalia Lyn Ryker - The Voice of Thunder of Team SODR (Soldier)

Fourth Year Beacon Student: Savas Carnelian - The Quiet Berserker (Teamless)

Beacon Professor: Oberon Falcov - The Man With A Plan / Team Strategy Teacher of Beacon