Author Topic: Luna Otonai  (Read 772 times)

Luna

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Luna Otonai
« on: November 19, 2017, 04:20:44 PM »
CHARACTER

Character Art: ShowHide


Name: Luna Otonai, "Lunacy" by the Red Winter, “Awoona" by Kelly.


Age: 18 (14th of Arashi, 62 AC)


Species and Gender: Wolf Faunus, Female


Symbol:

Symbol Art: ShowHide


Occupation: Beacon Academy Second Year, Freelance Musician


Appearance: A strangely intimidating air surrounds Luna's thin 5'8" frame, despite her shy nature. Luna often experiments with the concept of contrast, and her looks and wardrobe reflect that interest. Her clothing consists of mostly black colors to oppose her pale complexion and nearly-ridiculous 4' long bluish-silver hair, which she keeps cut to a scene-style taper. Luna inherited wolf ears and fangs, but keeps her hair long to hide her lack of a tail, which she finds embarrassing and somewhat shameful considering both of her parents had tails.

Her usual attire consists of a black crop top with small rips along the lower left, a silk jacket with a high collar and fur trim on the sleeves that she keeps unzipped, a white belt with her pack's emblem etched into the gold buckle, skin-tight black jeans ripped at the outer thighs, and knee-high black combat boots with silver laces up the sides. She keeps her weapon clipped to her belt on her right hip. A small gold hoop pierces her right ear, and another on her lower left lip. Luna has not once been seen without at least one earbud in one of her faunus ears. Her eye color is amber.


History: Luna Otonai was born just outside the city of Windpath in Mistral to a family of wolf faunus. Her parents named her after Remnant's moon, but little did they know that she, like the moon, would too be shattered. The Otonai pack raised their only child lovingly, hoping to shelter her from the dangers of Windpath. But the outside world could only be held at bay for so long.

When Luna was 13 years old, she got mixed up with a few members of a locally infamous human mercenary group called the Red Winter after accidentally exposing one of their operations to local authorities. The Red Winter was furious to learn that Luna had compromised one of their most lucrative endeavors, and demanded that Luna pay them back the money they had lost. Unable to pay his daughter's debt, and fearing for his family's safety, Luna's father prepared the Otonai family to flee to Kuchinashi in the south of Mistral. Unfortunately, the Red Winter had heard they were on the run, and so the night before Luna's family had planned to leave Windpath, the Red Winter paid them a visit. Thinking the mercenaries intended to kill their daughter, the Otonais hid Luna and armed themselves with kitchen knives and whatever else they could find in a desperate attempt to fend of the intruders. From her hiding place a few moments later, Luna was forced to watch in horror as the Red Winter's leader shot her father in the forehead, then slit her mother's throat.

Finding nothing of value in the house, the Red Winter intended to take 13-year-old Luna as a slave to repay her debt. However, when they attempted to make her submit, Luna resisted, leaving a few of the mercenaries with minor injuries. Their leader, a former huntress named Tamra, took an interest in Luna's potential, and so began to train a reluctant Luna in combat and tactical strategy, teaching her how to survive in Windpath and hoping to raise Luna to one day join Red Winter. Tamra taught Luna about auras, semblances, dust, and how to use each, and it was with Tamra's help that Luna discovered and learned to control her semblance of acoustic modification, though it was only strong enough to recreate music and other sounds. After a while, Luna and Tamra grew close, forming an almost familial bond. They began to deeply trust each other despite the fact that Tamra had murdered Luna's parents.

Almost three years later in a strange twist of fate, Tamra gave her weapon, the Red Wintersun, to Luna for her 16th birthday as a way to remember Luna's parents as well as herself by. Tamara told her that she had arranged for Luna to attend the Haven Academy in the main city of Mistral to become a huntress, and had planned to leave the Red Winter after one last job to tie up some loose ends financially. Then she and Luna would leave Windpath together, and the two would start a new life for themselves in mistral as mother and daughter. Or so they hoped...

The other members resented Luna for being the only faunus in their group, believing it was because of this that Tamra had prioritized her. Fed up with Tamra's focus on Luna, and feeling that their leader had grown soft, the other members of Red Winter began to conspire against her. In the week following Luna's 16th birthday, the Red Winter turned on their leader. They tipped off Mistral authorities of the assassination job Tamra had received, and the authorities apprehended her before she could reach her target. Luna never heard from Tamra again and she fell into despair, her imagination getting the best of her in assuming that the closest person she had to family was dead.

Having dealt with Tamra, the remaining members of Red Winter turned their wrath on Luna. In her mourning of her late would-be adoptive mother,s she was easily overpowered as the other members proceeded to subject her to unspeakable abuse. Seeing her mental state, they called her the nickname Lunacy to mock her given name. They broke her physically and mentally for several months until the Red Winter finally abandoned a scarred, shattered Luna on the road between Windpath and Mistral to fend for herself or die. Neglected, hopeless, homeless, and hungry, Luna made her way south to the main city of Mistral.

Using her semblance like Tamra had taught her, Luna wrote songs, pouring all her wordless emotions into the music as a way to cope. Once in Mistral, her talents caught the attention of a few upper-class patrons who paid Luna to write songs for them. Soon, she had enough to afford food and clothes, and found a temporary place to stay. With so many dark memories of Mistral, Luna longed to escape the place that had caused her so much pain. She still wanted to train to be a huntress in honor of Tamra, but the reminders of those she had lost were too much for her to stay and attend Haven, so Luna decided to leave Mistral and attend the academy in the kingdom of Vale instead. One of her patron's connections arranged for Luna to attend Vale's huntsman academy, and within a few months, Luna had saved up enough to pay for her enrollment and transportation. Soon after, she boarded a Vale-bound airship and set her sights on Beacon Academy.


Personality: Luna keeps "Gasoline" by Halsey on repeat, if that tells you anything. She is shy and introverted in unfamiliar social environments, yet doesn't mind large crowds. She is obsessive about all things music, and she needs a constant intake of music to keep her mentally stable. The abuse she has suffered caused her personality to fracture in order to cope, and she can come across as detached and distant due to it, exhibiting violent or self-destructive mood swings from time to time. She occasionally experiences panic attacks from certain triggers due to post-traumatic stress.

Luna still craves friendship, as wolves are social creatures, but her trust issues usually win over her need to have relationships with others. However, once someone breaks down her walls, her true colors show and she is revealed to have a witty sense of humor along with a deeply loyal side that can easily turn to jealousy. Luna loves to be creative, and is passionate about individuality and self-expression, so people who don't appreciate the arts can rub her the wrong way.


Aura and Semblance: Luna's aura appears silver, and her semblance allows her to generate acoustic waves that radiate outwards from her body in all directions. These waves can manifest as sound when within an audible frequency. Luna can also negate other sound waves by generating a wave with the same amplitude but with inverted phase to the original sound. If she focuses energy from all the radiating waves into a single direction, Luna can build up an acoustic pressure wave that can be shot as a concussive force, enough to knock back her opponents or launch herself in the opposite direction using the momentum. However, this ability takes about 7 seconds to charge, and is only effective within an approximate 30 meter radius. Attempts to exceed that range put massive strain on her aura, and she begins to lose directional control of the waves after about 20 minutes of continuous use, causing the blasts to be weaker with less range. The loudest sound she's ever generated was about as loud as a race car, and the loudest acoustic wave she has countered was about as loud as a room full of screaming children.


Combat Behavior:  Having trained with mercenaries and highly-skilled assassins, Luna's fighting style is unorthodox to say the least, and she has a tendency to be unpredictable and spontaneous, doing whatever she deems most effective. She's also used to getting her job done efficiently, so she sometimes resorts to "dirty" strategies to get unfair advantages. She might not look all that strong at first glance, but what Luna lacks in muscle she more than compensates with raw speed. This combined with use of recoil momentum from both her semblance and weapon make her very agile. She has night vision as a faunus, but prefers to track movement by sound during combat even in full light thanks to her heightened hearing. Luna is quick to identify patterns, and uses this skill to study, psychoanalyze, then anticipate her enemy's attacks.

Luna is susceptible to occasional anxiety triggers from post-traumatic stress, and if she becomes overwhelmed in combat she is subject to a mental breakdown, making her even more reckless and unpredictable than usual, only this time without a clear objective. Her post-traumatic stress also causes her to fear feeling physically restrained, and she will panic if something catches on her wrists, ankles, or neck. Despite this, she does her best to keep her head on straight during fights, especially when her team could be impacted. Another weakness is her hair. She dares not cut it for fear of exposing her lack of a tail, but it is often used against her in almost comical ways. She also gets over-confident since she can usually get the best of those with traditional training backgrounds, making her easily thrown off guard by an opponent who fights dirty like her.


WEAPON

Name: Formerly known as the Red Wintersun, Luna calls her weapon the "Hitscan" because wherever she points it, something breaks. She does her best to forget what the weapon's former name was, and what it had done in the hands of another.

General Appearance Concept Art:

Weapon Art: ShowHide


Primary Form: Melee
Fully extended, the Hitscan is basically just a bladed ring on the end of a spear with fancy crystal decorations. It looks complex, but the concept is actually pretty simple. Opposite from the bladed ring is an ice dust crystal that serves as the spear's spike. In short, one end is for cutting lines, and the other is for punching holes. The sides of the spear fold out slightly to reveal tapered blades, allowing the spear to be wielded somewhat like a sword.   

Secondary Form: Ranged
The spear doubles as a semi-automatic sniper rifle that can shoot dust rounds. The back half of the spear and it's decorative-yet-functional crystal spike retract to make the whole assembly more compact. Using the rifle while in melee configuration adds to the blade ring's momentum. As per it's original design, it shoots primarily ice dust rounds.


Tertiary Form: Storage
When fully compact, the spear retracts into the bladed ring shape, which can be used as a close range melee weapon similar to a chakram.


Dust Functions: Luna uses the ice dust crystal to form walls for shielding, or create small projectiles which she launches with bursts from her semblance. The rifle configuration shoots ice dust rounds, used for either freezing enemies to trap them on impact, or more unorthodox: to create ice block structures for shielding or mobility.


History: The Hitscan was originally owned by Tamra of the Red Winter mercenaries, who used it to kill Luna's parents. Ironically, this weapon was given to Luna to wield shortly before Tamra's capture. Luna is still strangely attached to the weapon, as it is the only thing she owns that is reminiscent of her deceased parents. She believes if she uses the weapon for good, the karma of her parents murder will be balanced.
« Last Edit: September 01, 2018, 01:11:42 AM by Luna »
Perhaps hopeless isn't a place, nothing but a state of mind.
They told me once "Don't trust the moon. She's always changing. The shores bend and break for her, and she begs to be loved."
But nothing here is as it seems...


Luna Otonai - Beacon Second Year: The Mistrali Musician of Team SLVA - "My heart is gold and my hands are cold..."
Reference: ShowHide
Luna (#7DF9FF)

Format:
       "Talking"
       Thinking
       Doing
       "Emphasized Talking"
       Emphasized Thinking
       Emphasized Doing



Luna's AMA
Tamra will return.

Lazul Fen (WiP) - Atlas Third Year: The Eccentric Pop Star of Team IDOL - "When you die the only kingdom you'll see is two-foot wide and six-foot deep."
Reference: ShowHide
Lazul (#2190E3)

Format:
       "Talking"
       Thinking
       Doing
       "Emphasized Talking"
       Emphasized Thinking
       Emphasized Doing

(Reference Artwork Coming Soon!!!)


Dr. Gustave

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Re: Luna Otonai
« Reply #1 on: November 24, 2017, 05:45:04 PM »
First of all, sorry for the late review. Luckily, this is a group review so you only need one.

Let's just get right into it. First half will be specifically rule breaking stuff and second half will be writing/story review and suggestions.

First off, semblance is too broad and needs some form of a range. As is, we don't know know what her range is before she "turns up the volume" or how much that turns up the range. Additionally, there are things mentioned outside of the semblance section such as using her semblance to give herself speed boosts or using dust to make earthquakes, which itself wouldn't work. Consolidate all that into the semblance and aura section.



History needs some fixing in our opinions. Not all of it impossible but there are places where things happen because they need to happen for the story instead of happening because they should happen. Why would the mercs care enough to take her as a slave instead of just killing her like her parents? Surely the debt could have been paid for with everything they stole. Why did the leader take an interest in her and why would she ever want to make the slave girl who her band had murdered the parents of the next leader and not someone who's been in the group? Vale is not nearby, it's a continent away. How did she get into beacon?

For personality, we want to see some of the PTSD mentioned in combat behavior. Expand on it where it would most likely deserve to be expanded on.
Atlas: ShowHide
Mercenary: Kol Augur ~ The Judicator of Atlas
Speaking: #5C5054 Thinking: #EAC117
Mistral: ShowHide
Huntress-in-Training: Aca Roth ~ Member of Team RWND
Speaking: #E05260 Thinking: #EA857F
Huntress-in-Training: Brook Pallas ~ Member of Team CNBR
Speaking: #4863A0 Thinking: #98AFC7
White Fang Captain: Cornix ~ Survivor of Mistral and Captain in Vale
Speaking: #D0DAE0 Thinking: #BCC6CC
Council Member: Phaedo Katsaros ~ Figurehead for Faunus/Human relations
Speaking: #667C26 Thinking: #B6CC76
Vacuo: ShowHide
40th Vytal Tournament Champion: Zabar Aga ~ Member of Team DAWN
Speaking: #CD7F32 Thinking: #EE9A4D
Vale: ShowHide
Huntress: Malina Nahualli ~ Leader of Team MCCA
Speaking: #B3346C Thinking: #8B0C44
Beacon Professor: Titania Printemps ~ Assistant Headmistress of Beacon Academy
Speaking: #4AA02C Thinking: #E55B3C

Luna

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Re: Luna Otonai
« Reply #2 on: November 24, 2017, 09:04:11 PM »
Acknowledged, thanks for taking the time to review! I know she's a bit unorthodox, but i wanted someone i could connect personally to, especially for just starting out here. I'll make sure to expand her history and consolidate the semblance with more clear limits. As for the personality, are you looking for specific "quirks" that manifest during combat, or just how it affects her in general i.e. What a mental breakdown would look like?

As for the acoustics in her semblance, would it be fair to say she can create the limited blasts/shockwaves, but is balanced by needing the weapon to direct them? The idea is that she can generate acoustic waves that radiate outwards from her body, hence the music she makes is just audible frequencies of the same waves she can generate for in combat, but she can only aim directed blasts through the weapon, similar to havoc from xmen first class, only with sound waves.

As for the history, would it be reasonable if i expanded a bit on Tamra's background as a rouge huntress causing the interest in training her? Or would that detract the focus off of Luna too much?

Also, in regards to her getting into beacon, would it be reasonable to include that her wealthy patrons could've helped in arranging her education at beacon over haven?
Perhaps hopeless isn't a place, nothing but a state of mind.
They told me once "Don't trust the moon. She's always changing. The shores bend and break for her, and she begs to be loved."
But nothing here is as it seems...


Luna Otonai - Beacon Second Year: The Mistrali Musician of Team SLVA - "My heart is gold and my hands are cold..."
Reference: ShowHide
Luna (#7DF9FF)

Format:
       "Talking"
       Thinking
       Doing
       "Emphasized Talking"
       Emphasized Thinking
       Emphasized Doing



Luna's AMA
Tamra will return.

Lazul Fen (WiP) - Atlas Third Year: The Eccentric Pop Star of Team IDOL - "When you die the only kingdom you'll see is two-foot wide and six-foot deep."
Reference: ShowHide
Lazul (#2190E3)

Format:
       "Talking"
       Thinking
       Doing
       "Emphasized Talking"
       Emphasized Thinking
       Emphasized Doing

(Reference Artwork Coming Soon!!!)


Luna

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Re: Luna Otonai
« Reply #3 on: November 25, 2017, 02:11:19 AM »
Thanks for being patient with me while I iron out the details. Hopefully the edits make everything more cohesive. Here's the change log:

First, I reworked the semblance so it's properties and constraints can be understood more clearly with more specific limitations. Also moved it's effects out of combat behavior and weapons descriptions.

Second, the beginning and ending sections of the history have been elaborated on, so hopefully there is a more logical flow to the series of events. The smaller details should have more continuity with the rest of the history, so I hope that clears up the "why"  questions.

Third, a few more specific details regarding how her mental state affects her combat behavior aside from anxiety triggers have been added to the respective section. I could implement more, but that would require describing specific details of her abuse, which I feel would be a bit too graphic to mention, as well as a deviation from the overall tone of RWBY.
Perhaps hopeless isn't a place, nothing but a state of mind.
They told me once "Don't trust the moon. She's always changing. The shores bend and break for her, and she begs to be loved."
But nothing here is as it seems...


Luna Otonai - Beacon Second Year: The Mistrali Musician of Team SLVA - "My heart is gold and my hands are cold..."
Reference: ShowHide
Luna (#7DF9FF)

Format:
       "Talking"
       Thinking
       Doing
       "Emphasized Talking"
       Emphasized Thinking
       Emphasized Doing



Luna's AMA
Tamra will return.

Lazul Fen (WiP) - Atlas Third Year: The Eccentric Pop Star of Team IDOL - "When you die the only kingdom you'll see is two-foot wide and six-foot deep."
Reference: ShowHide
Lazul (#2190E3)

Format:
       "Talking"
       Thinking
       Doing
       "Emphasized Talking"
       Emphasized Thinking
       Emphasized Doing

(Reference Artwork Coming Soon!!!)


jjb2158

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Re: Luna Otonai
« Reply #4 on: November 25, 2017, 08:20:32 PM »
As one of the others in the group review of this character, I'll post here. We discussed your character and we're going to approve her.

However, I wanted to at least let you know that her history was the one area that we still found questionable:
1. Why would Luna not want to take revenge on her captors for killing her parents?
2. Why would Tamra want to take her in as the next leader and not just kill her off also?
3. Why would the other bandits see their leader as being too soft and dispose of her and yet not kill off Luna? Doesn't that contradict each other and make it seem like the bandits are being too soft also?

Those are just some of the questions we still have with the character, but it's not enough to deem her as not being approved. I just wanted to bring these to your attention so that you know just some of the things we ask going forward should you create more characters.

Aside from her questionable history, we don't have any other issues.

Group Approved (JJB, Gus, and Vision). Happy RPing :)
First Year Beacon Student: Rackley Winchester - The Hawkeye Sniper of Team CRSA (Crystal)

Second Year Beacon Student: Jett Davenport - The Playful Shadow Knight of Team MLDC (Melodic)

Third Year Beacon Student: Suntalia Lyn Ryker - The Voice of Thunder of Team PLSM (Plasma)

Fourth Year Beacon Student: Savas Carnelian - The Quiet Berserker Leader of Team SARK (Stark)

Beacon Professor: Oberon Falcov - The Man With A Plan / Team Strategy Teacher of Beacon

Luna

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Re: Luna Otonai
« Reply #5 on: September 01, 2018, 01:22:24 AM »
Bump.

It's been a while, but revision 2 is done. Expect a retcon in the near future because she really needs a rewrite as my first char, but for now she's usable.

Luna.exe Patch Notes v2.0.0

-Fixed various formatting errors for general cohesiveness
-Buffed to second year since it's been a year even if we're still in 80 whatever
-Updated artstuffs and their formatting
-Weapon name changed because I like it more and such. Functionality unaltered.
Perhaps hopeless isn't a place, nothing but a state of mind.
They told me once "Don't trust the moon. She's always changing. The shores bend and break for her, and she begs to be loved."
But nothing here is as it seems...


Luna Otonai - Beacon Second Year: The Mistrali Musician of Team SLVA - "My heart is gold and my hands are cold..."
Reference: ShowHide
Luna (#7DF9FF)

Format:
       "Talking"
       Thinking
       Doing
       "Emphasized Talking"
       Emphasized Thinking
       Emphasized Doing



Luna's AMA
Tamra will return.

Lazul Fen (WiP) - Atlas Third Year: The Eccentric Pop Star of Team IDOL - "When you die the only kingdom you'll see is two-foot wide and six-foot deep."
Reference: ShowHide
Lazul (#2190E3)

Format:
       "Talking"
       Thinking
       Doing
       "Emphasized Talking"
       Emphasized Thinking
       Emphasized Doing

(Reference Artwork Coming Soon!!!)


Kingnoname1

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Re: Luna Otonai
« Reply #6 on: September 03, 2018, 06:41:34 AM »
The character itself seems fine but I want to make sure you know that you don't have to year up your character and it will be harder finding teams/events being a second year.
No criticism is too harsh so hit me with your best shot.

Calen Shrike - ASTC - First Year Beacon.

Saffron de Cortez - SALT - Third Year Atlas.

Amarant Lovis - (formerly of)ACCE - Headmaster of Atlas Academy

Ramalia - RASB - First Year Shade

Luna

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Re: Luna Otonai
« Reply #7 on: September 03, 2018, 11:15:44 AM »
Noted. I just felt she would fit better with my potential third character if she was yeared up.
Might even have her leave the school to be a freelancer on a quest to find her lost mom and all.
Perhaps hopeless isn't a place, nothing but a state of mind.
They told me once "Don't trust the moon. She's always changing. The shores bend and break for her, and she begs to be loved."
But nothing here is as it seems...


Luna Otonai - Beacon Second Year: The Mistrali Musician of Team SLVA - "My heart is gold and my hands are cold..."
Reference: ShowHide
Luna (#7DF9FF)

Format:
       "Talking"
       Thinking
       Doing
       "Emphasized Talking"
       Emphasized Thinking
       Emphasized Doing



Luna's AMA
Tamra will return.

Lazul Fen (WiP) - Atlas Third Year: The Eccentric Pop Star of Team IDOL - "When you die the only kingdom you'll see is two-foot wide and six-foot deep."
Reference: ShowHide
Lazul (#2190E3)

Format:
       "Talking"
       Thinking
       Doing
       "Emphasized Talking"
       Emphasized Thinking
       Emphasized Doing

(Reference Artwork Coming Soon!!!)


Kingnoname1

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Re: Luna Otonai
« Reply #8 on: September 03, 2018, 08:31:27 PM »
As long as you are sure, you can always change it back later. edits approved.
No criticism is too harsh so hit me with your best shot.

Calen Shrike - ASTC - First Year Beacon.

Saffron de Cortez - SALT - Third Year Atlas.

Amarant Lovis - (formerly of)ACCE - Headmaster of Atlas Academy

Ramalia - RASB - First Year Shade