collapse

* News

Author Topic: Akeldama Blood-Heart  (Read 598 times)

EdgeyReyes

  • Full Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 165
  • Karma:
    +8/-0
  • Personal Text
    Deus vult... that is all
    • View Profile
Akeldama Blood-Heart
« on: December 07, 2016, 07:01:07 AM »
CHARACTER

Name: Akeldama Blood-Heart

Age: 17

Species and Gender: Bat faunas, female   

Symbol: A red drop of blood with a bit of black mixed in

Occupation: 1st year student at Beacon

Appearance: Akeldama is just a bit below average at a height of 5’6, her stature is accompanied by incredibly messy unkept, silver whitish hair that reaches down to her ankles with it also covering the right side of her face. Her light skin and prominent fangs that can be seen even if she opens her mouth just a little bit, this gives her a bit of a strange nature if someone were to base her upon her looks, adding her bright gold eyes which seem to glow and stare through people’s souls she can unnerve a lot of people extremely easily without meaning to do it and her eyes never seem to be fully open due to a nocturnal lifestyle, this seems to make her look a bit sinister with ill intent, yet seems to hold curiosity deep within past her soul-wrenching eyes. She has tattoos on the left side of her body as seen from her leg to the left side of her face. Her posture and usually regal nature seem to imply that she would be something supernatural high-class being, ya know, like a vampire, a last mention is that her smiles make her look super sinister, the tattoos are probably the reason why she looks sinister when smiling but she likes it.
Spoiler: Drawn by me - Sleeveless • show

Just a few notes
- Tried drawing fancy scarf and fedora... failed miserably
- Couldn't draw the rosaries
- Struggled with drawing the tattoos how I wanted, think of it as more cleanly done then represented in the picture.
Large version


Spoiler: Drawn by me - Sleeved • show


Huntress Clothing
Akel sticks to something that is excessively stylish, her clothing is almost a direct contrast to her own color scheme of her body, starting off with her white sleeveless turtleneck skin tight shirt and a red broocher-like piece of jewelry with a ruby and held in silver. Over that she wears a sleeveless silk black button up shirt. This is followed by a purple and gold vest then on top is followed with a black and dark blue vest, over that is a sleeveless black long coat (red on the inside) with gold crosses connected by a gold chain to keep the jacket around her and not flap against the wind so much. A gray, black and dark blue floral patterned scarf which drapes behind her back slightly goes down to her navel, she wears a bright purple and gold bandana tied loosely around her neck. She wears gray long pants with magnetic attachers on her right thigh, a brown leather belt with two belts crisscrossing and having her symbol where they crossover. Grey and maroon lace-up boots complete the ensembles main clothing. Last additions would be several silver chains with silver rosaries attached to the chains through a loop and rubies embedded in the center and the ends, last but not least, a black fedora with a gold band to complete the look.

She also has a version with sleeves for her skin tight shirt, button up and jacket for cold weather
Spoiler:  Definitely not drawn by me - This is a good idea of the scarf, chosen due to how fancy it looks • show


Beacon Uniform
Akel sticks to the regular school uniform, for the most part, she does wear her shoes from her huntress clothing, as well as the additions of her white turtleneck, magnetic holsters, and crisscrossing belts. She typically won't tie up her hair but might if she so wants.
Spoiler: Drawn by me • show


Formal Clothing
Usually just her sleeved combat uniform. Might wear a dress as long as it doesn't reveal much skin.

Casual Clothing
Casual attire is mainly consistent of over the shoulder tops and typically any combination of shorts, skirts, long pants for her legs and boots, sneakers or other types of footwear. It’s really the opposite of what she wears for her huntress activities.

History: Akeldama was born into a family of a single father because her mother died while giving birth, Akel was given her name because that was the name her mother had chosen beforehand thinking that she would inherit her red hair color. She didn’t but got her father’s silver hair which may have turned her into the butt of early hair loss jokes when in school. She actually didn’t want to become a huntress first up and originally wanted to be a gymnast, however, she set herself on this path when her father had recovered a very old chest which contained the broken of the soon to be reforged Tainted Rose and a black and gray scarf. Inside the chest contained details of why she gave up that life after meeting Akel’s father and decided that he would be the one she would start a family with.

When she had gotten into Signal she did get a bit of teasing from the other students but nevertheless she would be able to shrug most things off without thought. With her time in Signal, she actually made quite a large amount of friends, got her mother’s weapon reforged using pictures of her mother and her team plus adding a few adjustments, mainly the swords onto the second form and the dust disc. Also, a noteworthy of joy for her was that the hair jokes died down when she turned sixteen because her hair was very thick.

Now she completed her Signal training and was able to get into Beacon with fair results, as a gift her father had got a special outfit made for her using some ideas from her mother’s style of clothing to which she accepted. So far she has been able to keep her color blindness secret to everyone except for family.

Personality: Akeldama’s personality is a really sweet girl from the moment that people meet her, she is almost angelica, she is kind, sweet friendly and a good source of comfort to those that need it. Always having an overly sweet smile even in the most dangerous of situations. Akel is sweet but that doesn’t mean she will take crap from anyone, if she is insulted she will respond verbally unless there is a good reason why she shouldn’t. She can become very verbal if she gets really ticked off but usually will try to show great restraint in her language.

Besides that she is really easy to get along with, she likes to socialise and is by no means an outcast, she doesn’t mind showing her tattoos off and is quite proud of them despite their simplicity, Some noteworthy things to note is her particular dislike of heat, she can’t really handle the hot weather and generally enjoys the cold a lot more, most of her hobbies are more so just small pastimes: reading, video games sometimes and learning general skills that she can use for herself such as cooking tend to take up her time when not training or studying.

Aura and Semblance: Blood blade
Aura colour: Red

Akeldama’s semblance is in relation to her name, her name meaning “field of blood”, while she can’t summon a field of blood it does allow her to “create” a blade. It isn’t blood but rather just the color of her aura playing into effect which makes it looks like blood. The actual ability of her semblance creates a “flowing blade” in her aura color, carrying the form of a liquid but being as deadly as a sharpened blade. Her semblance is meant to be pure offensive but with careful movements and proper consideration can be used defensively.

When she uses her semblance it causes the “blood” to form in the air around her, she can roughly control where it will form but she can’t make it super concentrated because she is still learning, when her semblance activates her eyes and hair will turn red. Plus her blade will also glow red, this is due to the fact that she uses the weapon as a controller for the direction of the weapon. Because she uses the scythe is goes in sharp arcs just like the angle of the blade. Using a large blade would make the semblance move as if it were in a line, just like the shape of the actual blade she is using.

Without weapons to use it upon her attacks become omnidirectional, she can control how far it goes but not the direction, bad if she is working with friends, good if she is by herself. Her semblance is most useful with large targets in mind, humans to machines to Grimm. Anything that is large is nice and easy prey for her.

She uses fire, lightning and earth dust foci, she identifies them by the position on her belts with fire taking the left side of each belt, lightning taking the right side of her bottom belt and earth taking top belt on her right. Nevertheless, the addition of fire to her semblance can cause extra harm to her opponents and earth will make the blood harden and is normally used to create spikes to just make an enemy's life all the more difficult.

When using the foci catalyst, the front of her semblance slashes will be her regular blade, followed closely by the desired effect of the foci that she has enlisted with. If her semblance isn’t fast enough or the timing is off it will cause her semblance to be engulfed by the dust before she can strike her target. These foci are single uses and when used will be nothing but a small empty capsule after use. She holds 30 fire, 15 earth, 15 lightning.

She can do a rough estimate of 5 large scale strikes at around 4% of her stamina. Definition of large would be when she uses the most against her larger targets. Besides the take on her stamina, it can also cause harm to herself if used too often in a short amount of time. Generally a small pain becomes apparent in her wrist after around 4 uses in a minute, if she were to go over temporary damage forms at her wrist, her aura can repair the damage given that she stops using her semblance for about 30 seconds.



Combat Behavior: Akeldama, if not obvious from her clothing is based around elegance, from her stance to even little movements can be shown to hold a certain refinement and almost classy style. She wields her scythe using fluent attacks designed to keep enemies within her scythe range, yet keep them out of their own weapons range if she has the greater reach. She will use her scythe to hook enemies and keep them off balance to keep the fight in her favor. Keeping the enemy close to her means she doesn’t have to worry about her color blindness making the enemy blend in with the environment. With this, she fights very aggressively, the idea that the best defense is a good offense and not giving them time to think for even a second. She prioritizes the larger targets and will generally try to keep smaller targets away or try to deal with them swiftly.

Using the sword she will keep it in her dominant hand and usually hold her scythe against her hip in its storage form or keep it in its regular form if she thinks it will be more useful.

Onto her weaknesses: She is colour blind, only having the colour red registers within her eyesight, possibilities of the specific colour might be due to her aura colour being the same colour, however, this means she can’t tell the difference between bright green and bright blue as examples, to her it will appear as the same whitish shade, environments will naturally hide her enemies because of this and unless they wear red to which case she can spot them very easily, it will all appear in shades of grey, white or black. While not using guns she doesn’t really seem troubled by it unless the distance is very long range. Without her scythe or throwing knives, she has trouble fighting unless she utilizes her semblance to do damage so she always tries to keep her weapon in her hands at all times and will even back off if she thinks she could be disarmed. Her agility makes her a difficult target but disrupting her flow can make her easier to fight since she relies on fluent and seamless movements to use both her scythe and her semblance effectively.

WEAPON

Name: Blood Ignition

Primary Form: A red, black and white scythe that is longer than herself when put next to her. Mainly black and white and uses small red detailing on things like engravings, the blade is quite large and has a circular disc on the face located directly above the center scythe blade and the handle crossover. The discs have red runic type writing which allows her to distinguish the dust types visually due to her inability to distinguish colors except for red.

Secondary Form: Ignition can use the end of her scythe handle to pull out a straight katana, this can be at its full length of 90cm for the blade and 15cm for the handle, alternately the blade can go to 60cm to form a proper sized ninjato.

Storage Form: The scythe just folds up into a rectangle with a cylinder handle being seeable in the area where it looks like she removed a small rectangle near one of the corners. Attaches to the magnetic grips on her right thigh

Dust Functions: Blood Ignition uses dust through access to the large disc on both its side of the scythe. Access to four elements and can engage a separate dust type on each disc allowing for two separate elements to be active on the scythe at any one time. The distance of the shockwave attacks is a 2 meter radius. Each disc slot is able to hold 7 charges for each dust type.

Scythe
Lighting - Lighting causes the blade to arc electricity, usually for making an enemy have s small electrical spasm, slamming it into the ground causes a somewhat medium range electrical burst, a modification keeps the burst from going in the direction of the angle in a small cone.
Fire - Fire coats the blade of the scythe in flames, used as a repellent to keep foes away as well as attack and can slam into the ground for a similar attack to the lightning. Not really good since she hates the heat but can’t deny its effectiveness.
Ice - Ice makes items freeze from contact with the blades touch, usually used to target key areas and give herself an opening, slamming into the ground causes a thin sheet of ice to form over a large area, area of effect is 8 meter radius. Alternately she can use it with fire and ice to create a large amount of mist upon slamming the ground.
Kinetic - Kinetic allows for more knockback to add to her hits. Much like fire and lightning, she can slam the scythe into the ground to cause a shockwave of the element.

History: Blood Ignition was initially a scythe that her mom had used during her huntress days. After her passing they discovered the old chest to which she kept it in. Akel now uses it in her memory to get a sense of connection with the parent that she would never be able to know, happily carrying on her mother’s legacy with pride through her weapon. The sword was added in since it required very little modification and didn't compromise the weapon in any way.

WEAPON

Name: Throwing Knifes

Primary Form: Throwing knives which by default don’t have the blade visible, tucked into the hilt until she grabs them from her belt to throw them. In this form, they look like decorations on her belt to separate the dust catalyst. She doesn’t use her semblance on it because she uses these as pure throwing weapons and has found it hard to control her semblance when using these without contact, however in hand, she can use her semblance to a small extent.

Secondary Form: The blade extends out of the hilt. Nothing special but does save space and allows her to carry a sum total of 25 knives without them interfering with her movement because of there placement.

History: Just small extra weapons to throw at enemies, nothing special.
« Last Edit: December 22, 2016, 10:36:15 AM by EdgeyReyes »
Spoiler: Atlas • show


Solaris Star - Atlesian Special Forces

Aegis Guard - First Year Atlas Student

Iris Ares - Fourth Year Atlas Student


Spoiler: Vale • show

Akeldama Blood-Heart - First Year Beacon Student

Linh Li "Mythos Laurenstine - Second year Beacon Student


jjb2158

  • Moderator
  • Full Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 314
  • Karma:
    +14/-0
  • Personal Text
    The Destroyer of Dreams & Expectations
    • View Profile
Re: Akeldama Blood-Heart
« Reply #1 on: December 14, 2016, 11:34:30 AM »
Sorry for the delay review...it seems like everyone is busy nowadays. Let's get started:

I'm actually not going to go too far into this review for one specific reason. Practically everything about this character is almost identical to Lady Maria in Bloodborne: her appearance nearly matches, semblance is exactly the same, combat behavior is also very close, and even her personality has some small traits. The only real significant difference in your character from Lady Maria is eye color and weapon.

With all that said, please look at the very first rule in Character Creation:

Quote
Originality. Don't copy characters created by others. This includes characters on this site, and characters from other sources. Create your own unique character. Alluding to a character or theme is acceptable.

Alluding to Lady Maria is fine, but this is practically copying her. This is why I'm not going to go further in this review until you make drastic changes to your character so it's no longer an almost exact copy of Lady Maria.
First Year Beacon Student: Rackley Winchester - The Hawkeye Sniper of Team CRSA (Crystal)

Second Year Beacon Student: Jett Davenport - The Playful Shadow Knight of Team MLDC (Melodic)

Third Year Beacon Student: Suntalia Lyn Ryker - The Voice of Thunder of Team SODR (Soldier)

Fourth Year Beacon Student: Savas Carnelian - The Quiet Berserker (Teamless)

Beacon Professor: Oberon Falcov - The Man With A Plan / Team Strategy Teacher of Beacon

EdgeyReyes

  • Full Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 165
  • Karma:
    +8/-0
  • Personal Text
    Deus vult... that is all
    • View Profile
Re: Akeldama Blood-Heart
« Reply #2 on: December 17, 2016, 09:31:54 AM »
So I decided to essentially rewrite every section as I was drawing/rewriting her. History wasn't touched and her physical appearance was slightly altered.

Most important key changes.
Drew her own outfit and made her appearance clear with the drawing.
Changed the second form to really just an extra attachment? piece? something of the sort for Blood Ignition.
Reworked and expanded on her semblance a bit to hopefully highlight the idea that I had in my head. Semblance is still going to need changes but I need the reviews to actually make headway.
Spoiler: Atlas • show


Solaris Star - Atlesian Special Forces

Aegis Guard - First Year Atlas Student

Iris Ares - Fourth Year Atlas Student


Spoiler: Vale • show

Akeldama Blood-Heart - First Year Beacon Student

Linh Li "Mythos Laurenstine - Second year Beacon Student


jjb2158

  • Moderator
  • Full Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 314
  • Karma:
    +14/-0
  • Personal Text
    The Destroyer of Dreams & Expectations
    • View Profile
Re: Akeldama Blood-Heart
« Reply #3 on: December 21, 2016, 02:33:24 PM »
Round two:

Semblance:
A few things here:
1. So, just to clarify this, but this basically sounds like a summoning semblance in which she summons a blood-like blade, right? I say this because the way you wrote it made it sounds a little bit confusing at first.
2. How long can she use it before she grows tired or needs to rest?
3. What are the drawbacks for using it for a prolong time? There needs to be a drawback to using it and/or strains on using it.
4. What does the lightning dust do to her weapon? You've indicated the fire and earth dust, but no the lightning.

Weapon:
Quite a few things here:
1.
Quote
Ignition can use the end of her scythe handle to pull out a ninjato, to which can become curved like a katana or keep its straight sword. Great because she can pull this out in either its primary form or its storage state.
How is the ninjato able to change between being curved or straight? Last I saw, metal does not bend unless a lot of heat is applied. Please either explain this further or make it so it's either curved or straight.
2.
Quote
TB uses dust through access to the large disc on both its side of the scythe
Who/What is TB?
3. Also, in regards to the dust function section: please explain exactly how far of a range each of the dust types have. Saying a medium area or large area can vary GREATLY depending on the user. Also, please list how many uses she gets with each dust type.
4. Lastly, having 58 throwing knives is going to be a problem. Doing the math, your looking at roughly 30lbs with those knives alone. That may not sound like a lot, but when you add that on top of everything else that she would be carrying, not to mention that her strength seems to be roughly average/above average, this is definitely going to slow her movements down. I suggest you cut that number in half to compensate the weight.

That should cover everything I can see.
First Year Beacon Student: Rackley Winchester - The Hawkeye Sniper of Team CRSA (Crystal)

Second Year Beacon Student: Jett Davenport - The Playful Shadow Knight of Team MLDC (Melodic)

Third Year Beacon Student: Suntalia Lyn Ryker - The Voice of Thunder of Team SODR (Soldier)

Fourth Year Beacon Student: Savas Carnelian - The Quiet Berserker (Teamless)

Beacon Professor: Oberon Falcov - The Man With A Plan / Team Strategy Teacher of Beacon

EdgeyReyes

  • Full Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 165
  • Karma:
    +8/-0
  • Personal Text
    Deus vult... that is all
    • View Profile
Re: Akeldama Blood-Heart
« Reply #4 on: December 21, 2016, 09:51:15 PM »
Fight!

So I did add all of the requirements for the semblance. I'm not sure if you want me to reword the semblance to make more sense or just a simple confirmation. So I'll say yes to your first point and reword it if you want me to.
I did add a side effect of pain, then physically damage in her wrists, temporal effects but I think it does limit the use of her semblance and gives her a consequence if she needs to use it more than her limit will allow.

With the weapon, I explained the lightning dust, took away the curved blade part and just made it become short or longer between 90 and 60cm. Added range for her shockwave and TB was the short name for its name original being "Tainted Blood" I just forgot to change that small part.

Lastly, I just put the throwing knives to 25 because that's easier to remember.
Spoiler: Atlas • show


Solaris Star - Atlesian Special Forces

Aegis Guard - First Year Atlas Student

Iris Ares - Fourth Year Atlas Student


Spoiler: Vale • show

Akeldama Blood-Heart - First Year Beacon Student

Linh Li "Mythos Laurenstine - Second year Beacon Student


jjb2158

  • Moderator
  • Full Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 314
  • Karma:
    +14/-0
  • Personal Text
    The Destroyer of Dreams & Expectations
    • View Profile
Re: Akeldama Blood-Heart
« Reply #5 on: December 21, 2016, 10:32:12 PM »
Looking good! Round Three now:

Semblance:
Quote
She can do a rough estimate of 20 large scale strikes at around 4% of her stamina
20 large scale strikes for only 4% is a lot for a first year student. I suggest you either increase the stamina cost or lower the strikes.

Other than that everything else looks good. Almost done :)
First Year Beacon Student: Rackley Winchester - The Hawkeye Sniper of Team CRSA (Crystal)

Second Year Beacon Student: Jett Davenport - The Playful Shadow Knight of Team MLDC (Melodic)

Third Year Beacon Student: Suntalia Lyn Ryker - The Voice of Thunder of Team SODR (Soldier)

Fourth Year Beacon Student: Savas Carnelian - The Quiet Berserker (Teamless)

Beacon Professor: Oberon Falcov - The Man With A Plan / Team Strategy Teacher of Beacon

EdgeyReyes

  • Full Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 165
  • Karma:
    +8/-0
  • Personal Text
    Deus vult... that is all
    • View Profile
Re: Akeldama Blood-Heart
« Reply #6 on: December 21, 2016, 10:41:13 PM »
I changed it to 5 strikes per 4%. I didn't get an indication of how much you wanted it to be altered so I just booped it at 5.
Spoiler: Atlas • show


Solaris Star - Atlesian Special Forces

Aegis Guard - First Year Atlas Student

Iris Ares - Fourth Year Atlas Student


Spoiler: Vale • show

Akeldama Blood-Heart - First Year Beacon Student

Linh Li "Mythos Laurenstine - Second year Beacon Student


jjb2158

  • Moderator
  • Full Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 314
  • Karma:
    +14/-0
  • Personal Text
    The Destroyer of Dreams & Expectations
    • View Profile
Re: Akeldama Blood-Heart
« Reply #7 on: December 22, 2016, 10:07:49 AM »
That works. The number can increase as she progresses in Beacon. Everything looks fine.

Approved 1 of 2.
First Year Beacon Student: Rackley Winchester - The Hawkeye Sniper of Team CRSA (Crystal)

Second Year Beacon Student: Jett Davenport - The Playful Shadow Knight of Team MLDC (Melodic)

Third Year Beacon Student: Suntalia Lyn Ryker - The Voice of Thunder of Team SODR (Soldier)

Fourth Year Beacon Student: Savas Carnelian - The Quiet Berserker (Teamless)

Beacon Professor: Oberon Falcov - The Man With A Plan / Team Strategy Teacher of Beacon

EdgeyReyes

  • Full Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 165
  • Karma:
    +8/-0
  • Personal Text
    Deus vult... that is all
    • View Profile
Re: Akeldama Blood-Heart
« Reply #8 on: December 22, 2016, 10:38:17 AM »
Just added her Beacon uniform, put urls to the full sized versions and made a minor edit to her clothing to do with the red jewel on her neck. Nothing important but just putting it out there.
Spoiler: Atlas • show


Solaris Star - Atlesian Special Forces

Aegis Guard - First Year Atlas Student

Iris Ares - Fourth Year Atlas Student


Spoiler: Vale • show

Akeldama Blood-Heart - First Year Beacon Student

Linh Li "Mythos Laurenstine - Second year Beacon Student


FunkyMonkey

  • Moderator
  • Been Around

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 97
  • Karma:
    +11/-1
    • View Profile
Re: Akeldama Blood-Heart
« Reply #9 on: December 23, 2016, 07:11:08 PM »
Approved