Author Topic: Valentine Bloodfang  (Read 591 times)

Zerco

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Valentine Bloodfang
« on: November 11, 2017, 07:27:37 AM »
CHARACTER

Name: Valentine Bloodfang

Age: 18 born on the 14th of Amare, 62AC.

Species and Gender: Sanguivorous Bat Faunus, Female

Symbol: A white bat symbol with a crimson coloured orb above it's head on a black background.

Theme:
Theme Music: Pandora Hearts -  Music Box
Battle Music: Cyanite - Waltz With Vampires

Occupation: First Year student at Beacon Academy.

Appearance: Valentine has a silver and curly hair which comes down to about shoulder height with dark purple ribbons as adornment on each side. Her eyes are crimson red in colour, and they have distinct diamond shaped pupils. Valentine is 5'3 tall, weights 108lbs and has really pale skin. She would look almost corpse-white if not for the slight red on her cheeks. As a sanguivorous bat faunus, she possesses two fangs that are clearly visible when she talks. Her breasts are rather underdeveloped for her age.  She can be seen in a wheelchair when she is at home or if her Aura depletes. When she does stand however, her stance is lady-like and confident, and she also gives off a mysterious, unnerving and eerie vibe. She wouldn't be surprised if she made someone suffer a heart attack if they saw her in a dark alley at night.

Her usual clothing consists of a dark purple dress, that stops just above her knees. The neck part of the dress has ruffles on it and so does the bottom of the dress. A light-purple line runs down the middle of the dress which is also decorated with ruffles on the side. The sleeves of the dress have dark purple ruffles on it as well, these match with her dark purple nail polish. Lastly, she wears dark purple shoes. She also has a coat for winter, when the weather is rather chilly.

Her uniform is as you would expect. There aren't any changes, really.
Spoiler: Face Claim • show


History: Valentine was born into a wealthy family as an only child. Her parents were strict and expected a lot from Valentine as they were one of the wealthier faunus families in the area. They were strict but at the same time they were really caring and they didn't throw a cold shoulder at her, they just expected great things from Valentine and she tried her hardest to live up to that.

Her parents were the owners of the biggest insurance company in Vale, so financially the family was set for a lifetime. Even though her parents wanted her to take inherit the business when they retire, her parents were convinced by her to let her train and become a huntress. At the age of ten she was already studying really hard to get into Signal Academy, even though you can only apply at the age of thirteen.
One unfortunate day, when her family was about to depart from home, unknown criminals barged into their mansion and killed both her parents in front of Valentine, and all she could do was watch in dread from the top of the staircase leading up to the second floor of the mansion. The criminals were going to finish her off, however the urging sound of the police grew louder and louder, so they ran from the scene before they could end her.
She called out to her parents in desperation as she ran towards their limp bodies, but they didn't reply. The white carpet of the Main Hall was stained with the ever-growing pool of vivid crimson blood that seeped from the bodies. She helplessly collapsed on her Mother's body, repeatedly calling her name, to no avail. She felt something sticky on her hands, and as her gaze averted from her Mother to her palms, she immediately understood what it was. Her hands were bloody, her clothes were bloody, her parents were bloody. At that point she also noticed the wounds all over her parents, that is when her mind shut down and went blank.

The next thing she knew is that she was in a hospital bed, with a doctor standing by her side. When Valentine regained enough strength to speak, she asked the doctor what happened. The doctor explained that what they were told was that when the police arrived at the scene, they found her unconsciously lying on the ground, and she suffered from a severe trauma to her neck. She almost died, but fortunately the Hospital she was carried to was able to perform a bone reconstruction surgery on her neck. Her spinal cord was damaged, and thus she can't move or feel her body neck-down but at least her neck is as good as ever.

That is not all of the story, which Valentine remembered soon after she recovered. When the police arrived at the mansion, they saw a girl, covered in blood, sitting on the now almost completely red carpet soaked in blood, talking to her parents. Her Mom and Dad were on their feet and looking at her, and as she noticed the police's presence from the sounds of boots on the floor, she and her parents turned towards them. The police officers were shocked by the sight of two fatally injured people casually standing there, and a girl who was sinisterly grinning at them. Soon they also realised that the two adults were not alive. They asked the girl what happened with her parents, but she replied: "There is nothing wrong with my parents Mister. Mom and Dad are perfectly fine! Look how lively they are!" as she giggled, then that turned into laughter which sent shivers down the police officers' spine. They had to stop this, so despite being shaking in fear, they tried restraining the parents. Valentine grabbed one of the police officers and screamed to let her Mom go, but the police officer unintentionally shoved her back while they were trying to restrain their targets. The impact knocked Valentine back and she fell right onto the first step of the stairs. She was unlucky enough to severely hurt her neck during the fall, and instantly lost consciousness.

When Valentine was told what happened to her spine, she tried to move but to her fear, she couldn't. The doctor explained that the spinal cord was severely damaged, so much so that there is little to no chance of recovery. The news shocked her so much that she blanked out for a few seconds before she finally reacted as she started crying.

The hospital kept her for 3 months before releasing her, and she was brought back to her mansion. They assigned a temporary guardian to watch over her - since her parents were deceased - until she turns 18. Her guardian is actually the personal secretary of her late parents' insurance company. She was in no condition to even dream of getting into Signal but she still kept on trying every day to get up, to move her hands and feet again. She spent her days concentrating extremely hard to move even one of her fingers, sleeping in her room or looking out of the enormous window next to her, watching as the clouds ran through the sky and disappeared in the horizon. She tried day after day to move her body once again, to no success.
After some time however, when she was doing her daily routine of trying to focus and train her mind to be able to move, she finally managed to move her fingers. It was just for a mere moment, and it was definitely not because of some miracle. She was finally getting a grasp on how to use her Semblance. As she had a lot of free time due to having to stay in bed the whole day, (except for when the maids helped her with number one and number two) she had plenty of time to get better at using the Semblance.

One and a half year passed. She was going to be twelve that year, just one year away from the start of the Signal enrolment exams. She trained day and night to be able to walk again, and to have the basic movements re-learned in her muscle memory for the past year. Well, technically it was more like re-training her brain to use her Semblance to move a part of her body when she think of doing so. The process was long, and she no doubt hurt herself quite a bit while doing so. Even though she can't feel pain anymore in her body below her neck, hitting your head in the floor when you land undoubtedly still hurts like hell. She recovered from her accident enough that she was able to attend the Signal Exams and barely pass thanks to the fact that academically she was so far ahead of everyone, so at least getting anchored to the bed actually paid off. This also allowed her to focus more on combat and to be able to have a chance at winning a fight.
She was also part of the student council during her time at Signal.

Now, after finishing Signal Academy with above average grades both in academical studies and combat, she was accepted into Beacon Academy for further training so that she can become a huntress. Of course, Beacon did obtain her medical records, so they knew she was disabled. Only the teachers that teach Valentine know about her condition. She will be attending Beacon in hopes of following the same career path as her parents and graduate as a fully fledged Huntress in hopes of being able to protect the innocent, so that the same tragedy does not happen to others as it did to her, and she will do anything to achieve this goal.

Personality: Valentine is a friendly person when you get to know her, however you wouldn't know at first glance. There is an eerie and misterious aura radiating from her. Even though she might be smiling, good observers might notice a slightly dark and malicious intent in her eyes. One might say her signature feature would be her stare, a hint of malice paired with a stare as sharp as a dagger even when she is smiling can send shivers down your spine. She can get along well with others, but acts cold and dismissive towards people who she doesn't like. She is quite intelligent and can read most people like a book by how they act and speak. She is refined and has good manners, as expected from someone who comes from a rich family. Valentine is also calm and collected most of the time and thinks before speaking. She is playful and likes to tease people, and also likes dark and morbid jokes.

She is disabled from her neck downwards, but thanks to her Semblance she can move around as if she wasn't.
Even though she can move her body with her Semblance, she still lost her ability to control her body like a normal person would be able to. This, on top of watching her parents get killed made her suffer from depression. She takes antidepressants twice a day to keep the negative thoughts at bay, and she can get quite moody after some time of not taking her medication.

She doesn't want to tell people that she is disabled and she tries to do everything to hide it. This is mainly because she doesnt want to seem like a burden or dead weight, since se can hold her ground just as well as others.
As she is disabled, she can't feel anything below her neck. This means that she doesn't notice if something is hot or if she gets injured. If she is unsure about something, she either won't do it or ask someone beforehand, as a safety measure. To make sure she is perfectly fine she has to check herself regularly and also checks her whole body every night before sleep so that she won't run the risk of an infection or anything serious like that. It is like a routine to her by now.
She has a wheelchair which she only uses when she is at home, if her Aura depletes or if she just woke up.

Her academic grades are good, she rarely gets a bad grade in class and she usually performs a little above average in terms of academic studies.

Valentine doesn't like sunlight, thanks to her bat faunus origins and she can get sunburned a lot sooner than other people, thanks to her pale skin. She prefers cold places that are not under direct sunlight. She also carries an umbrella because of this even in broad daylight, so that the sunlight doesn't damage her skin.
Valentine spends her free time drawing, drinking tea, going on a walk at a park or simply sleeping if the weather is too sunny. She also enjoys just walking through the city at night as its a lot darker than during the day.
Valentine is also able to determine how healthy a person is based on their blood. She can sense the general health of a person when she tastes their blood, but she can confidently identify if someone has high blood glucose levels or if their kidney is not functioning properly.


Beacon Academy prohibited the use of her Semblance to reanimate the dead in public unless specifically stated beforehand. She is aware that people might freak out when they see the Marionettes, and that it can cause a bad reputation to Beacon Academy. She looks at the Marionettes as tools however, not people. Her reasoning is that they no longer need their bodies anymore, so might as well be useful to her in one way or another. She doesn't mind what people think when they see the blood orb or the Marionettes and how that would affect her reputation. She might even throw a morbid remark or two at people about it if they mention the topic.

Aura and Semblance: Aura Color: Crimson
Aura: Valentine possesses an above average Aura pool. This is thanks to the fact that she trained hard to achieve relatively better Aura protection because she can't feel most of her body. Her regenerative capabilities through Aura are very limited.

Semblance: Sanguinarian Control - Valentine can control and manipulate blood cells and plasma. She is able to control blood that is either her own or blood which is not protected by an Aura. If she gets near blood that is not protected by Aura, for example if someone just bled out and left a pool behind, she can control it. Valentine collects blood from any source that she can find, and stores the blood in a floating orb which stays near her at all times.
(If her Aura depletes she can't perform actions with her Semblance.)

  • Blood Clotting - If Valentine concentrates for at least 20 seconds she is able to make her own blood start clotting on a wounded area. She can only do this on wounds that are minor wounds. Examples of this would be if she cuts her finger or gets cut with a weapon. She can't heal wounds that are more than one centimeter deep and the sped up regeneration causes her to tire out really fast, depending on the wound. Generally speaking, a scratch can be healed without issues, getting cut by a weapon causes minor fatigue and a one centimeter deep cut of the same size wound would significantly tire her out.
  • Blood Absorption - Due to her blood type being AB+, Valentine can mix her own blood with blood that is not hers without her immune system rejecting it, allowing her to replenish the amount of blood in her in case she is bleeding out and losing blood. Excess blood that she absorbs also causes her to restore a certain amount of Aura in the process. If the blood orb is at its maximum limit, Valentine can restore 10% of her maximum Aura, however, performing this action tires her out slightly. If used this way, blood absorbtion can't be used for another one hour to restore Aura due to exhaustion.
  • Blood Marionette - Valentine can make her limbs move as long as they have blood in them. This also lets her move while her body is paralysed. She can only control herself or bodies that are not able to generate an Aura. She is unable to control people who don't have an aura as they are able to counter act the effects with their muscles and nerves, so this only works on corpses. She loses this ability once her Aura depletes.

    Whenever she gathered enough blood in her blood orb, she can use it to reanimate a corpse for an extended period of time to fight for her. She can maintain control over the Marionette as long as she is conscious, however doing so tires her out. Controlling herself doesn't strain her at all. If she is controlling herself and one Marionette she will lose a significant portion of her own reaction time and concentration to do so and controlling two Marionettes means that her control of her own body will be very limited. She can control two corpses for a maximum of 50 seconds, and one for about 100 seconds.

    Controlling her own body with Blood Marionette doesn't have any drawbacks. This is because she trained for a long time to be able to use her Semblance consistently, so being able to move her body like this comes naturally to her.

Spoiler: Facts • show
The blood travels at a maximum speed of 50km/h. She can only conjure one blood orb at a time and this orb follows her wherever she goes. The orb can’t go further away from her than a meter at maximum and it grows in size depending on how much blood Valentine is currently controlling. She can only control roughly 11 liters of blood that is stored in the orb. (The amount of blood in a person is equal to a maximum amount of 5.5 litres.)

She needs to focus to control the Marionettes, because of this she needs to move slower while she maintains control over the two. Marionettes can't dodge, parry or block attacks, they are only capable of simple movements, see: Zombies. They don't really have much power either, maybe as strong as a bare-fisted guy who doesn't know how to box.
The difference between moving her own body and controlling the Marionettes is that those are bodies which are not her own. Hypothetically speaking: If your consciousness was moved to another being's body which had extra body features like tails or wings you wouldn't be able to use them, or use them effectively. Controlling the Marionettes is somewhat similar. It's an foreign body that she has to control, so that is why she needs to concentrate on the Marionettes whereas controlling her own body comes naturally.

The maximum range she can control the Marionette is 20 meters maximum, point of origin is Valentine herself. Using blood to reanimate a corpse uses up the blood in the process, meaning she can't reanimate one corpse, let it 'die' so she can block an attack then quickly transfer the blood to another corpse.
She can only use fresh blood to reanimate corpses, so if she tried using blood that has been used to reanimate a corpse, there would be no oxygenated blood cells left to power the muscles to move.


The Semblance’s main weakness is that if the enemy can get rid of the blood orb it renders Valentine’s Semblance useless, and potentially can neutralise Valentine too. This can be achieved by focusing the blood orb whenever there is an opportunity. Easiest way of dealing with Valentine's Semblance is damaging the blood orb instead of her (Assuming they have a weapon that can damage blood cells) as the orb can't dodge attacks, it floats next to Valentine at all times and only moves if Valentine does too or when she commands the orb to move. Still the easiest target would be the orb as it's way slower than Valentine.

Combat Behavior: Valentine is adept at short to mid-ranged combat.
Paralysing her is impossible as it only affects the central nervous system but because she can control her own blood it also means that she can just make her limbs move while paralysed.

If an enemy comes close to her she will use her dual whips to engage in combat.
She is capable of fighting in close combat with her whips but she prefers to use her Semblance when her Aura is still relatively healthy. Thanks to this she only uses her whips when the enemy gets close to her or if she is getting nowhere with using her Semblance. Another thing to note is that corpses are hard to come by obviously, because you need dead people for that. If there are no corpses nearby, she will just fight normally without the use of her Semblance. She will use the corpses as distraction and meat shields in a fight.

If there are no corpses to use her Semblance on, or if her Aura is low she would keep her distance so she can attack the target from mid-range using Pain, but if they get close she would use Ruin to fend them off. She could use the whips to disarm the enemy by coiling the whips around the weapon or wrist of the enemy and suddenly pulling, this would most likely result in sending the weapon flying or at least throwing the enemy off balance.

Pros:
-Provides good support in short to mid-range combat.
-Is able to create up to two additional "Body Guards" to join the fray.
-Great offensive capabilities.
-Immunity to paralysing poisons and pain.
-Can disarm enemies relatively easily by using her whip if they don't anticipate it.

Cons:
-Struggles in close quarters as she can only rely on her chainsaw whip.
-Low mobility when using her Semblance, this makes her an easy target.
-Her weapons can be rendered useless for a significant duration if they get wrapped around an object.
-If her Aura goes down she can't move.

WEAPONS

Name: Pain & Ruin

Primary Form: A dark purple umbrella with crimson marks on it. The umbrella makes use of an ultra-light polymer layer that protects Valentine from the rain and sunlight.

Secondary Form: The umbrella can be split in half after closing it, the beams stack together and along with the handle they become flexible. Small blades extend from the weapons. The two parts each form a whip, one is a shorter one with a chainsaw mechanism and the other one is a longer one with a lot of blades.
The longer one is called Pain. It is a 5m long whip, not so good for close combat but a lot better for mid-range combat. Blades come out in every direction on the whip.
The shorter one is called Ruin. It is a 2m long weapon which makes it ideal for close ranged combat. It also has a chainsaw mechanism where the blades move up and down in a circular motion on the weapon.

Dust Functions: Pain can be infused with electric dust to have electrical attacks when hitting a target and Ruin can be infused with fire dust to make the moving blades lightly catch on fire.

History: She made this during her time at Signal Academy along with her canisters to protect her from the heat of the sun as well as to inflict pain and wounds on enemies. These whips were designed to tear up flesh so that she can have a ready supply of blood from her enemies.

GADGET

Name: Blood Canisters

Primary Form: A silver coloured canister with a glass line running down the middle that holds blood in it. She carries 3 canisters on her almost all the time. These relataively small capsules act as readily available blood for Valentine to use for various things with her Semblance.

History: She made this during her time at Signal Academy along with her weapon so she can have blood ready for her Semblance.
« Last Edit: November 20, 2017, 01:04:36 PM by Zerco »
Valentine Bloodfang - First Year Closet Cripple of Team SLVA - "How much edge could an edge lord lord if an edge lord could lord edge? Fufufu~"

Spoiler: Outdated Characters • show
Blanc Valiere - First Year Highly Explosive Member of Team CBLT - "Found you, you little shits!" AWAITING MY REWORK

Shiro Aikurushii - First Year Copycat of Team CHES - "Did someone say cool?" AWAITING MY REWORK

Kingnoname1

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Re: Valentine Bloodfang
« Reply #1 on: November 11, 2017, 08:24:00 PM »
This is why I got you and Edgy confused for months even after you stopped, Akel is kinda similar. Not a criticism just thought it was funny. 

OK general inconsistency which are to be expected given this profile has probably been in your head for a while. Mental tramua/disorders/problems are mentioned throughout the profile but she never seems to get any treatment for them. I mean counselling not drugs and having a psychological break to the point you reanimate your parents and play with them would be a pretty big red flag only compounded by Valentine not remembering.

Also as she needs her aura up to use her semblance how does she break her neck so easily? You don't have to change that but it might be worth thinking of other solutions. Maybe she spooks, because lets be honest necromancy is spooky, one of the cops and their fire at her in shock breaking her aura before she falls. Rest of the history and personality sections are detailed although I would like a little more detail in what exactly she has been diagnosed with, if she has had repeat episodes and how it affects her daily life. How regularly does she have to take medication? How quickly does she get 'unstable?' What does that unstability entail. Mental trauma is difficult to empathise with from an outside perspective so it would be for the best if you could ensure you have as much written down about it as possible.

OK so for the semblance there first off is the issue that the ability is very similar to that cat boy from Hunter X Hunter Neferpitou, it's fine to take influence but because it is a pretty specific power it might do to make clear the separation. As for the power itself it seems fine from a balance perspective although does the restriction under Blood Marionette include manipulating her own body as a one of the marionettes? The major issue is well it's kinda icky, I'm all for it out of character but I'm pretty sure Valentine is going to have to deal with some significant backlash. Like imagine your village is being defended by hunters and one of the huntresses has a pool of blood from your friends and family following her around. Like even at school who wants to sit next to the girl with the blood ball. Again not saying no just be prepared for some character conflict.

Combat behaviour and weapons are good tho well done.
No criticism is too harsh so hit me with your best shot.

Calen Shrike - ASTC - First Year Beacon.

Saffron de Cortez - SALT - Third Year Atlas.

Amarant Lovis - (formerly of)ACCE - Headmaster of Atlas Academy

Ramalia - Teamless :( - First Year Shade

Zerco

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Re: Valentine Bloodfang
« Reply #2 on: November 12, 2017, 07:12:00 AM »
Changes were made. Hopefully now her illness is better explained.
Small changes were made to History section so it isn't inconsistent. (Getting shot by the police officer)
Included an explanation for no restrictions on using the Semblance on herself, which is under the "Facts" Spoiler tag.

As for the Semblance however, I haven't watched Hunter x Hunter yet, so I wasn't aware of Neferpitou's existence. I tried going on the wikipedia to get an understanding of what their power was, but I'm not sure what it is that makes it very similar. If I understand it correctly they can conjure dolls which Neferpitou can use?
« Last Edit: November 12, 2017, 07:16:25 AM by Zerco »
Valentine Bloodfang - First Year Closet Cripple of Team SLVA - "How much edge could an edge lord lord if an edge lord could lord edge? Fufufu~"

Spoiler: Outdated Characters • show
Blanc Valiere - First Year Highly Explosive Member of Team CBLT - "Found you, you little shits!" AWAITING MY REWORK

Shiro Aikurushii - First Year Copycat of Team CHES - "Did someone say cool?" AWAITING MY REWORK

Zerco

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Re: Valentine Bloodfang
« Reply #3 on: November 13, 2017, 09:07:36 AM »
Valentine is also able to determine how healthy a person is based on their blood, this is thanks to the fact that her diet consists mainly of blood. She can sense the general health of a person when she tastes their blood, however she can confidently identify if someone has high blood glucose levels, if their kidney is not functioning properly or if they don't drink enough water.

Added this to her Personality section since when I came up with it I thought its a good idea.
Valentine Bloodfang - First Year Closet Cripple of Team SLVA - "How much edge could an edge lord lord if an edge lord could lord edge? Fufufu~"

Spoiler: Outdated Characters • show
Blanc Valiere - First Year Highly Explosive Member of Team CBLT - "Found you, you little shits!" AWAITING MY REWORK

Shiro Aikurushii - First Year Copycat of Team CHES - "Did someone say cool?" AWAITING MY REWORK

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Re: Valentine Bloodfang
« Reply #4 on: November 14, 2017, 04:53:11 AM »
So I'm going to give this a +1 and let another moderator look at it.

There are two things that I think they might pick up on so it might be worth thinking about these or changing them if it isn't too much trouble.
  • The first one you wont be able to change is the morbidity of the semblance. Now there is nothing in the setting prohibiting such powers but I do think it is very possible to argue that it doesn't fit in with the whole 'cute girls doing cute things' thing that RWBY has going on. Sure there are moments of darkness but not .. you know... necromancy
  • The second is a small one about how even a 3m whip isn't a very good close combat weapon because its still a whip. Anime with ensure it's still a useful weapon but it is far from 'ideal' as referenced in the weapon description.

Best of luck
No criticism is too harsh so hit me with your best shot.

Calen Shrike - ASTC - First Year Beacon.

Saffron de Cortez - SALT - Third Year Atlas.

Amarant Lovis - (formerly of)ACCE - Headmaster of Atlas Academy

Ramalia - Teamless :( - First Year Shade

Zerco

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Re: Valentine Bloodfang
« Reply #5 on: November 14, 2017, 05:57:28 AM »
I think the darkness of the Semblance is justified when you look at the Fall of Beacon and the Ren flashbacks. But yeah... I guess it's a rather subjective matter.

Really minor change: Changed Ruin's length from 3m to 2m. While it is indeed not ideal to use whips in close combat, a 2m whip is short enough to be of use in a close quarters fight. (Also added benefit of Ruin is that it somewhat acts as a chainsaw, so even then it should be effective enough to some degree.)

Thank you King. ^^
Valentine Bloodfang - First Year Closet Cripple of Team SLVA - "How much edge could an edge lord lord if an edge lord could lord edge? Fufufu~"

Spoiler: Outdated Characters • show
Blanc Valiere - First Year Highly Explosive Member of Team CBLT - "Found you, you little shits!" AWAITING MY REWORK

Shiro Aikurushii - First Year Copycat of Team CHES - "Did someone say cool?" AWAITING MY REWORK

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Re: Valentine Bloodfang
« Reply #6 on: November 19, 2017, 06:13:38 PM »
Heya Zerco.

We’ve been several staff members going over the character for the past days as we do have a few things that we would like to address, this is a group review that I have been spearheading. That being said I do want to to apologize for the delay. The reviews are here to make sure the character fits not just the world, but the tone of RWBY as well, and for characters like this that are a bit atypical that does take a bit longer as we have to fit to RWBY and make sure you still get to play the character that you want to. I'll gladly admit that this is rather long however this is really due to the fact that I tend to be a bit long winded on each point, most of these are tiny adjustments or clarifications with two to three real concerns that need to be addressed. Anyhoo on with the show. (Contains a spoiler for Volume 5 episode 4)

1 ) Huntsmen and huntresses are essentially superheroes, we just saw Yang beat up 7 bandits with ease and she didn't even finish first year. So random criminals attacking during the day and killing her parents is a bit off. The simplest solution here would be for her parents to have other jobs, what happened can still act as sufficient motivation for her to become a Huntress.

(I’ll often come with a change like this in the reviews but these aren't orders mind you, just suggestions of one way to fix whatever problem we have. If f.ex you have another idea about how the bandits could cause the death of such trained individuals then feel free to post them or hit me up in the discord.)

Valentine grabbed one of the police officers and screamed to let her Mom go however the other police officer panicked, got his gun out without thinking and shot Valentine.
2 ) Whilst remnant is a dangerous place the cities (Vale in particular) have seemed almost utopian, so I have a very hard time accepting that the police would just barge inn try to force down the bodies and shoot a child when all she did was giggle and grabbed one. Now this is an interesting scenario as this was an edit we asked for, however since the last review we have learned more about Aura and we now know it needs active control, It's not a passive force field. Thus there is no need for a shot to break the aura and you can go back to a variant of what you wrote first time.

We’ve gone a bit back and forth on the spinal cord break, it's a topic that I have studied and it would have more severe consequences in reality. However with the healing properties of aura and her semblance there is enough doubt that I don't think any significant changes need to be done. 3 ) You do mention later that she takes a medication to “Prevent random twitching”, however as she doesnt have motor control or feelings this is a complete cervical lesion and there would be no signaling (so no twitching).

Spoiler: Extra info • show
I also want to give you a bit extra info here, this is not here because I want you to make changes but rather as something you could play on in a thread. A person with an injury like this (and no aura or semblance) would have issues with breathing (If it is high on the neck mechanical respiration is required). They would not be able to control their heart rate which would be higher than a typical person at rest but will not increase during stress or exercise. Finally without nerve signals to the muscles they would start to decay (physical activity is not enough to stop this). Again don't expect you to make changes based on this, but with this info you’ll have some extra stuff to play on if appropriate in a thread.

4 ) Playing a character with a mental health disorder is very tough to pull off as it's incredibly easy to do wrong, in general we advocate against that but if you still want to you’ll need to be specific about what when you first mention it, not just “suffers from mental illness.”

5 ) Who does she live with after her parents died? The hospital probably wouldn't just release her to live with the maids without any form of family or legal guardian.

“She is a sanguivorous bat faunus so she drinks blood instead of eating food or drinking water (However she can digest normal foods, it just doesn't sate her hunger)”
6 ) So this is the only thing we are going to have to straight up say no to. We’ve never seen a Faunus trait that changes internals to such a degree, and drinking blood in any significant amount is quite toxic to real humans. Further more blood is not a resource that will be easy to come by, she can't just go around drinking from other students and drinking her own blood as nutrients doesn't make any sense. She has to eat food and drink water like everyone else. Again we try to make minor changes but unfortunately this is just too much of a departure from the show.

Valentine is also able to determine how healthy a person is based on their blood this is thanks to the fact that her diet consists of mainly blood. [...] general health of a person when she tastes their blood [...] high blood glucose levels, if their kidney is not functioning properly or if they don't drink enough water.
7 ) Ditch the part about it being from her diet and I think this is still fine, she does have faunus fangs and whilst it's too much to drink blood as food I still think it's fair that she can pick up nuances to to get some information. The examples you’ve given are exactly the level this needs to be at, very basic stuff like glucose, dehydration, alcohol etc. she won't be able to use it to identify any diseases or such.

8 ) Semblances are abilities that no one else has, however to have an always on semblance that lets her completely recover from such a severe injury is already a pretty large ability, so we do need to do a bit of balancing. I personally enjoy versatile semblances so rather than remove parts we will need to put some restrictions. Remember she is still a first year and they generally have basic semblances, she is ahead of them due to how much she has had to use it but that doesn't mean she gets to completely recover from such an injury and have an extra full power semblance on top of that.

8a) Blood Clotting: This is fine for herself, however it cannot be used on anyone else at all. There are far too many concerns about clotting blood in other people.
8b) Blood Absorption: Just give her AB+ blood and this is a non issue, she will be able to use any blood and doesn't need to make molecular changes to cells. Healing 5% aura from doing so isn't much so i think that's fine.
8c) Blood Marionette: This was discussed very extensively and in order to let the character still act the same we need to make some limits. First a person who is alive (without aura) can counter act the effects with their nerves and muscles so this only works on corpses (worth noting that Grimm don't have blood and their corpses dissolve so this isn't likely to come up in many threads). Secondly as she is controlling herself with the same power we are including that in the effects it has on her. Basically controlling one Marionette (herself) is fine, controlling one corpse and herself “she will lose a significant portion of her own reaction time and concentration to do so.” and controlling two corpses means that her control of her own body will be verry limited.

9 ) The weapons are fine, just rewrite the canisters as she doesn't feed off blood anymore.

Again sorry for this getting so long, but I hope that this lets you see why we want to make some changes, and more importantly I hope that what we have suggested still lets you get the character to play the way you want to.
Diana Farran - Beacon First year - HTDG
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Bastet Nin - Haven First year - RWND
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Re: Valentine Bloodfang
« Reply #7 on: November 20, 2017, 04:14:29 AM »
1) Changed Valentine's parents' occupation to being the owner of an insurance company. I could have probably made it so that the criminals miraculously killed a huntsman and huntress in broad daylight, but that would be really unrealistic, so thank you for noticing that point. The only reason I made the parents be a huntsman and huntress was to give her some incentive to strive to be one as well.

2) Changes reverted to original state.

3) Removed the need to take medication. Frankly I did my research on the spinal cord injury, and I read that random twitching can be an after-effect of such injuries in areas that are affected. It does make more sense that if she completely loses the ability to control her body below her neck she wouldn't be suffering from that however.

4) This has been on my mind ever since I wrote her up. I decided to scrap the idea of having a mental illness, since frankly, I am not confident enough in my ability to do it well enough. I still think it would be interesting and fun, but I should get more experience with roleplaying in general before I attempt something so difficult.

5) I included a short one-liner that says that the government assigned a temporary guardian to her until she is 18. I might expand on this later today, but for now I don't have enough time, so this will suffice.

6) Removed ability to sustain herself through blood. Unfortunate. I wanted to stick with the vampire theme as much as possible. I realise that blood isn't easy to come by, but what I thought was possible is that the government would be able to provide her with blood. Since in RWBY a wide variety of faunus exists, there could  be more sanguivorous bat faunuses that inherited the blood drinking trait, so it would make sense that the government would have something in place to provide them with blood. (I should have written this down in the profile actually... xd)

7) Changes made to that part of the profile.

8 )
8a) Blood Clotting: I already specified that it would only work on herself, so I'll just make the part [Bold] where I said it.
8b) Blood Absorbtion: Changes made to that section as suggested. Can I buff the amount of aura restored by Blood Absorbtion by 5%, to a total of 10%?
8c) Blood Marionette: Balancing adjustments made as suggested.

9) Removed the food bit.

Thank you for the review Vision, don't worry about the delay. I'm a lot more patient normally, I just happened to be really bored with everything IRL for the past week, so that is why I might have come accross as impatient. I understand why it took so long to review Valentine, and I appreciate that you guys took the time to review my character in a way that would still allow me to play out the character how I wanted to. I am also completely fine with the changes, so no worries.
Valentine Bloodfang - First Year Closet Cripple of Team SLVA - "How much edge could an edge lord lord if an edge lord could lord edge? Fufufu~"

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Blanc Valiere - First Year Highly Explosive Member of Team CBLT - "Found you, you little shits!" AWAITING MY REWORK

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Re: Valentine Bloodfang
« Reply #8 on: November 20, 2017, 09:38:16 AM »
1 ) All good

2 ) All good

3 ) Its a fairly complicated topic so no worries, and there are a lot of ways to get this partial things were twitching could certainly happen particularly if its an incomplete lesion (f.ex people who can feel but not move or vice versa as there are separate nerves going from and then back to the brain), but a complete lesion with no sensation or control is pretty definitive as that injury has to be severe enough that it hit both nerves (Even there it could happen but then things start getting suuper complicated)

4 ) Its an interesting part of a character, one thing to consider is that she may still have issues with depression or some trust issues as part of her personality that you can play around with if you want to, heck its so easy to get anti depressants in real life that she can probably have that if you still want her to take medication (Just remember that they are far milder in their effects and will typically just lead to some mood swings if not taken for a few days). Such symptoms are also a lot simpler than everything that comes along with a mental disorder.

5 ) It was just a bit of a plot hole, no need to expand on if you are happy with that. Doesn't have to be in the profile but have a think about how her relationship is with them.

6 ) I did consider something to that extent and it may certainly be possible but at the end of the day its just a bit too out there right now. If we ever see faunus that have such large traits we may go over that rule again but for now we are keeping it to some surface level traits (we typically allow two though Monty said only one) and some personality quirks (Blake = cat). 

7 ) all good

8a) Yeah it did read that way but it was just one of those things that we wanted to be sure about, clotting any blood could be strokes or heart attacks on command after all.
8b) Due to the situational nature of the rest of the semblance i think that 10% is fine as long as you still keep the cool down period and the fatigue.
8c) all good

9 ) all good

Post when you feel done now :)
Diana Farran - Beacon First year - HTDG
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Bastet Nin - Haven First year - RWND
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Re: Valentine Bloodfang
« Reply #9 on: November 20, 2017, 01:11:23 PM »
Okay that should be everything now. The small changes I made were:

-Increased the Aura replenishment from 5% to 10%. (Same drawbacks, purely number change.)
-Added just a little bit more to what her relationship is with the guardian. (Late parents' secretary.)
-I liked the depression idea. It's a lot less severe but still works for me. I can relate much easier as well, so shouldn't be hard to roleplay. I included that to the personality section. (Also switched up the layout of the paragraphs so it flows better but its the same personality section.)

I think everything is done.
Valentine Bloodfang - First Year Closet Cripple of Team SLVA - "How much edge could an edge lord lord if an edge lord could lord edge? Fufufu~"

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Blanc Valiere - First Year Highly Explosive Member of Team CBLT - "Found you, you little shits!" AWAITING MY REWORK

Shiro Aikurushii - First Year Copycat of Team CHES - "Did someone say cool?" AWAITING MY REWORK

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Re: Valentine Bloodfang
« Reply #10 on: November 20, 2017, 10:06:04 PM »
Approved.
Diana Farran - Beacon First year - HTDG
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Bastet Nin - Haven First year - RWND
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