CHARACTER
Name: Fits the color rule, though you can just put Infrared Ray instead of the given/surname part
Age: Checks out.
Species and Gender:D'awww a bun
Symbol:Typo with the word "silvery" and would appreciate an image, though it isn't required.
Occupation: Here's the first problem I see. Atlesian students, such as Weiss and ShittyNeptune, are generally affluent. Rich and having one that managed to get into Atlas academy AND is scavenging to survive seems unlikely.
Appearance: More descriptive would be appreciated since you don't have an image (which is also appreciated, though not required). Facial features, hair, skin, eye color, usual clothes, distinctive features, etc....
History:
She was born in Atlas with an elder brother and a one-year younger sister, and is looked down upon just like the rest. But unlike most people her parents are not being forced to near-slavery but are rather well paid with a decent position as managers of a small group of other faunus in a faunus respected and safe-ish dust mine. She went there occasionally to mine dust to get some Lien for buying entertainment goods and services. She became slightly more masculine thanks to her almost all-male companions
(companions, but her...). But her relationship with her parents soured because they gave her a beating every time she came for no particular reason, and got especially hard ones after knowing that she received combat training under a certain group of aura users. When
(When she was 8,) she's 8, she finally realized that even in a faunus respected environment, a mine is still that dangerous after being trapped by a collapse with the aforementioned aura users. It was there and then she discovered her semblance when she had a rock squashing almost right on her poor ears but instead punched a small hole that allowed for breath. After a long discussion they trained her on spot to learn basic casting with dust available in the mines.
Using it to
(Carve)crave their way with assistance from her friends as she now calls them out the first sight from her is a mix of fury, worry and joy from her parents.
(What would happen) What happened when she returned home?
Well, she
(wished) wish not to talk about. Nonetheless, her relationship with the group became better than ever and they trained her all her life.
At the age of eleven she applied(she wanted to at ten, but were stopped by her parents after a good talk and for good reasons) to the Atlas academy and got denied. The report card was signed by a male teacher who unsurprisingly looked after her later saying her fighting skills were more then capable for academy students of the same year but the writing tests were marginally failed. She worked
)slightly ) slighty harder on her
(knowledge) knowledges and combat skills ever since(with the side effects of becoming addicted to Remnant: the Game and plays it super often) and two years later she got accepted into the second year of Atlas.
(So she was rejected due to her poor grades in the written portion of the exam, studied for a while and reapplied, THEN got accepted. How long did she study to retake the test?)
She loved electromagnetism thanks to her name and wanted to create a coilgun as her weapon but failed horribly after taking a hint in maths from another teacher and still almost electrocuted herself along with her teammates. At school she
(was) were bullied for loving 'stupid magnets' since that incident (and slightly less for being a faunus), but no one messed with her physically after she skipping her 4th and 5th years
(She skipped two years? She has to be rather intelligent for that but she failed the written exam to get in. So she's either incredibly gifted at learning quickly or she spent most of her time studying) under large support from teachers which included those who don't like the faunus as a species too much but don't discriminate them.
Under quite a lot of pressure which included people disturbing her family houses that got chased away with great difficulties and private threatening of withholding graduation, she enlisted in the Atlas Military under specialists AND faunus equality promotion, doing dirty but borderline legal and safe(/slave) to PR work, and even then her promotion was withheld for one year
(another setback by a year. Just make sure the years and her age add up)by refusing twice and only agreed
(after)afthe talking to practically everyone she knew of.
Her latest mission is to dig up a blueprint for something that was lost in mountain Glenn during the breach of the city, which used obsolete but secret to outside Atlas tech.
Personality: Following the official and direct order from the military
(,) she despised the White Fang and refuses talk about them. Outside of work, she liked to be a know-it-all who is terminology insistent and always
(corrects others)correct the others whenever she remembered one off the top of her head. She is also a one women deconstructor fleet
(A one woman what?)when she has a strong opinion towards a subject.
In hindsight of her childhood experience, she loved to slap her friends' back in friendliness but it had made her friends and (hopefully temporary) enemies alike because she usually made their aura flicker if she isn't controlling her strength.
Applied the other way around, beating her to a pulp is the worst way to tell her to get a hold of herself.
On studying, she focuses on subjects she liked and practically ignores the rest
(But if she doesn't study well, how did she manage to get sped up two years?). This is a main reason for failing 8th year once other then the one above.
(So she sped up two years and got held back two years?)Aura and Semblance: She is a caster who
(who has)have the skills enlightened in
thecollapse incident and slowly works
(worked) her way to proficiency throughout ten years. Her aura is also one years' worth of advanced compared to specialists of the same year.
Her aura glow is mainly red but with small but scannable amount of infrared.
(What is infrared aura? That'll need some explanation)Her semblance is to make flying object she recognizes visibly and wishes to fly back with the incoming speed at an angle of her choosing with 10 degrees of error. The expense of this is extra aura consumption and pain proportional to the original damage. Dust casting makes the projectile infused with the dust effects. It also can't bounce off anything coated in aura.
(In her history she used her aura to carve out of the rock. How did she do this with a "bounce" semblance. Not only that, how far is her radius? Can she bounce a bullet while it's still 10 feet away? How big an object can she deflect? etc....Combat Behavior: She is a glass cannon even despite
of her one-year worth of aura training
, thanks the huge recoil of it’s weapon and costly semblance. As such, she’ll stay far and bombard her enemies at long range, or cut or bash them down at close range but had nothing in between. She also somewhat fear
(fears)her semblance's pain and will actively avoid using it.
+Powerful long- and mid- range firepower
+Proficient melee range combat
+Effective and useful semblance
+Caster
+A few more years worth of training
+Rabbit faunus(Enhanced hearing and near perfect night vision)
+brick aura power(vague sense, slightly enhanced strength amd
(and) speed)
-Doesn't want to use her semblance too much
-Very self damaging semblance and long range weapon
-Can't hit anything in between effective range of two weapons, which has quite a large gap.
(So she doesn't do mid range? Kindly define "mid range" here.)-Reaction and its shells are very bulky and is impossible to conceal
-Extremely vulnerable to thermography
(to thermography? Kindly explain.)WEAPON
Name: She named it Reaction because of its huge muzzle energy and recoil.
Primary Form: A bulky brick red large cannon with an optimized muzzle length of 1.5 meters that can both smash people and fire 10kg shells with a muzzle velocity of just under mach 1. It dealt 40% damage to her when she tested it against herself without using her semblance.
(A little more description of the weapon's appearance please. Also, 40% aura drop with one shot? That's a bit strong, especially considering that she's proficient with aura and that she has more than her peers. It'll need to be nerfed. Kindly put firing rate too. Is it manually reloaded shell per shell? Carried or on wheels? How does she keep the ammo? How much damage would it do to someone with normal proficiency in aura?Dust Functions: Kinetic dust used to launch were launched and timed with a fuse for sometimes fragmentation and the other times armor piercing shells. A very large amount of them is used and thus creates a recoil that harms her aura at about 10-20 percent per shot and took her 15 seconds to recover. She can only bring 5 to 10 shells with her.
(Again, that's a seriously powerful weapon. If it damages her that much, she can make at most 10 shots with the thing. Does she have any other option to fight WITHOUT using her cannon?)History: She decided bigger is better when it came to firearms and made it as powerful as possible. Before it was finished she can only bash people around with the exterior and slash with her sidearm.
(It was only made) It's only made possible after she enlisted into Atlas Military.
Name: Action.
Primary Form: A blue regular longsword with a one meter blade and wieldable with both one hand and two hands. A squeeze trigger activates the dust stored in the hollow handle.
Dust Functions:Linings of dust channels provides dust usage when triggered.
(What dust usage? Can it launch dust projectiles? Or does it catch on fire? Or does it erupt ice where it hits? What dust does it use and what do these individual effects do?)History: That group of aura users gave it to her as a present for entering Atlas Academy. She is therefore more proficient with it than she is with Reaction.
(I'm curious as to why she decided she needed a gun even though she has this sword)
Topic: Infrared Ray (Read 12440 times)