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nathan67003

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Nathan Eau
« on: September 12, 2016, 06:18:07 AM »
CHARACTER

Name: Nathan Nad Eau (a.k.a. Nathan Eau)

Age: 17, born 6th of Zinnober 63 AC

Species and Gender: Male human

Symbol:
Spoiler: show


Occupation: Beacon Academy student, first year

Appearance: At 176.5 cm/5'9½" (he doesn't mind rounding up or down) and 72.5 kg/160 lbs, Nathan is more lean than fit, and while not actually chiseled, he still has some definition to his muscles. His lower body has more bulk than his upper body, but this is partially offset by his large ribcage and broad shoulders. He thinks of himself as "ridiculously average-looking" or "ever-so-slightly on the attractive side", depending on how far you push that particular investigation (although seriously, why in Remnant would you?). He has more defined neck muscles than the average person. His voice usually hangs about the low to mid-low range. If he's warm and his arms are below his chest, veins are VERY visible all over the hands and forearms. He has a thick (about 3 mm wide, 2 mm high, 3 cm long) scar on his right elbow. He has fine (almost feminine but not quite), agile hands. He is left-handed. He has tanned (perhaps a bit paler than Neptune) skin. He has short (about 4 cm),VERY dark brown (looks basically black) hair. His eyes are dark gold/light and rich brown (depending on how far away you're standing). He usually crosses his arms when standing, but it doesn't mean anything. His face tends to remain relatively emotionless, albeit it's not for lack of trying to be expressive. He walks very fast (pretty much overtakes anyone who isn't jogging) thanks to long strides from good rotation of the pelvis and years of practice.

He has only dark grey running shoes. Normal clothes: His favorite garments are a black, somewhat slim-fit T-shirt going down the arms to just above the elbow with dark lime green lines on the sides and dark blue jeans, although it isn't uncommon for him to simply don "a shirt" and "some jeans". If it's cold/raining, he wears a dark grey coat with a hood. School clothing: standard Beacon uniform apart from a slightly loose tie and the aforementioned running shoes. Formal clothing: a white, ever-so-slightly ivory lounge suit with notched lapel, the overall colour being quite reminescent of a white rose's petals. Usually worn with a vibrant green, vibrant cyan or vibrant purple tie. Pajama: white T-shirt and red and black plaid pajama pants. Combat-ready: dons a dark grey harness worn over his coat/shirt with 1 pouch (horizontal on left-hand side of belt that's about 15.5*10 cm). The harness has fixation points in the middle of the back for his weapon and more fixation points on the sides of the back to snap on extra luggage space. After some recent events, he also keeps three slugs in his jeans' left front pocket.

Spoiler: Goddamn hex codes • show
Shoes: #969696
Green lines on shirt: #00D219
Tie colours: about #14EA00, about #00F6F0, about #BD00FF


History: Nathan was born and raised in Vale. He spent ages 5-12 going to a school about 1.5 km away from his home. He also spent those years being bullied, rejected or ignored by all other kids. When he was 12, his parents divorced and he stayed with his mother. During the last semester of school that year, he scored very high on an Aura ability test part of the normal orientation process. Having been taught the hard way how not everyone can defend themselves, he decided to put his newfound skills to use by becoming a Huntsman. Not even 3 months later, his mother met an Atlasian scientist who was working in Vale at the time. He subsequently enrolled in a local Combat School, about 4 km from residence. Starting from the first semester, he was taught a lot by his stepfather about Dust, technology and science in general through common interests and regular discussions. Although he didn't get bullied or rejected at school anymore, he didn't really make anything more than acquaintances and circumstantial friendships.

During his time at combat school, he had a few classes of hand-to-hand combat like everyone, but never practiced it outside of said classes, of which there were about 3 or 4 (talking about how many times a lesson was given, not how many classes and, somewhat by extension, teachers). When it came to fighting with weapons, he vastly preferred the versatility of staves to swords, maces and gauntlets. Practicing regularly, he gradually taught himself to mix and match combat styles rather than staying with a single one every battle. Not only did he think it would make him more adaptable, he also thought it would make him harder to contend with. His style, through the years, eventually reached a stable state, where he defends whilst taking advantage of every opening he can, in any way he can. During that entire time, however, he somewhat neglected to practice long-range firearm handling.

When he was about 14, he started experimenting with Dust under strict safety protocols in a small part of his basement (he was shown how by his stepfather). Upon learning the nature of his semblance, he started to create schematics and data for his to-be weapon and the required Dust components. His desire to defend victims and pursue aggressors having only grown stronger during his years at combat school, he was eager to advance his training even further and enter Beacon. He scored pretty good at all parts of the entrance exam. His parents moved to Atlas as he moved to the Academy.

Personality: Relaxed and calm, he likes to make the odd joke and is generally easy-going. He has vast trouble understanding non-aggressive body language and prefers to be as honest as possible without unduly hurting anyone. Although not lacking in self-confidence, he's rather shy and will not go towards others unless they first come to him or he has to go to them. He rarely gets angry or even worked up, as he is incredibly patient. He is a fast learner and a great listener. He has an immense imagination and fabulous memory (for the things he cares about). Messing with the ones he loves with the serious intention of hurting them is not recommended, as he may go into (I don't know how to describe this in a word or two: it's basically as if his emotions turned into a cold, soul-wrenching abyss where the only thing that exists is the will to get what's wrong to stop, all the while keeping a very calm face). He has very good senses (for a human) and tends to dislike loud noises and bright lights, carrying a pair of high-tech, flexible sunglasses in his jeans' pocket (so they don't continually break when he fights). He has a lot of difficulty in putting his full trust into someone else.

He usually enjoys just playing games on his computer, but sometimes reads a bit.

Aura and Semblance: His Aura is of a bright white colour and turns jet black when "angry" (see emotion described above), seemingly absorbing light within line of sight instead of emitting it. His semblance is Energy: that is, he can control his own kinetic energy. To be more clear, he can turn his Aura into kinetic energy, but not at a distance. The energy being inherently associated with momentum, he only uses it for powerful blows, lest he fling himself out of control to go faster.

When 'angry', pale black tendrils (these are entirely unsubstantial, aka Aura) that start appearing around him and become darker, larger, more numerous and more opaque the worse he gets. The air will seem to grow stale. His irises will take on the slightest tinge of red while his pupils contract to a point.

It is worth noting that he has never told anyone what his semblance is and that he tries to use it as little as possible.

Spoiler: Examples for scale • show
Here are some examples of the uses for scale.
Hits: - Like a speeding truck for 60% of his Aura.
        - Like a speeding car for 40%.
        - Unusually powerful blows for 5% (enough to severely stun most Grimm).

Numbers: These are based on the examples above, if applied to someone with an arbitrarily average build, Aura, etc. NOTE: As long as this very sentence is present, apply a 2x modifier to the cost.
       - 1% --> 4% Aura damage
       - 5% --> 20% Aura damage
       - 8% --> 33% Aura damage (current cap, he's yet to make more powerful blows)
Spoiler: Ignore these for now, for future approved developments only • show
       - 10% --> 42% Aura damage
       - 15% --> 65% Aura damage
       - 20% --> 90% Aura damage


Anything beyond that will merely do more damage, beyond the now-shattered Aura, with the semi-exponential function still applying. The amount of seconds he must wait before his Aura is usable again is equal to twice the percentage of Aura consumed.

Adapted 'costs' for the new 'strain' mechanic - the cost multiplier is already present.

       - 4% Aura damage: Minor fatigue, basically a slight buzzing in the ears for a couple seconds. Can use this a maximum of 49 times, the 50th knocking him out from exhaustion.
       - 20% Aura damage: Feels as though the blood was drained from his head for a second or two; shaky for a few more seconds afterwards, then fatigued. (He can dish out 9 hits like this, the 10th one causing him to collapse from exhaustion)
       - 33% Aura damage (current cap, he's yet to manage more powerful blows): Feels as though the blood drained from his head for about 5 seconds. Shaky for approximately 20 seconds afterwards, then fatigue sets in. (He can dish out 4 hits like this, the 5th one causing him to collapse from exhaustion)


In addition, his semblance can be used to propel objects towards targets. The accuracy of this 'throw' of sorts is proportional to the amount of energy used and inversely proportional to the object's size. As a landmark, using around 16% on one of the slugs he uses within his weapon gets him an initial accuracy slightly worse than an assault rifle, making it a good choice at the lower mid-range and closer.

Here, 'initial accuracy' refers to the accuracy of the object's motion towards the intended target. Factors that come into play after the propulsion, such as gravity, wind, object aerodynamics and such are not included (unless he explicitly takes them into account, if possible).

Combat Behavior: He tends to favor swift, precise and efficient movements when defending and powerful blows when attacking. He mixes hand-to-hand with weapon combat freely. He will favor confrontation if an enemy is actively chasing him but will otherwise prefer stealth. He will try to dodge and block all he can. When first encountering an enemy, he will never attack first - unless he can get a surprise snipe in.

He will prefer to concentrate on one threat at a time and take care of it as fast and as safely as possible, which opens him up to surprise attacks from unsuspected additional threats. When he suspects more than he can see, he will tend to maintain a more defensive posture.

If outnumbered, he will be capable of resisting without using his semblance a small amount of time but will prefer to get some distance between him and the enemy to come back in at a new angle.

Although his weapon would have you think otherwise, Nathan is relatively unskilled at long range sniping, mostly just winging it. He's good - for someone with little to no practice. His largest weakness, however, is very close melee or hand-to-hand combat. He never practiced those, preferring to hone his staff skills as it allows him a greater reach.

WEAPON

Name: Ergia

Primary Form: Ergia's primary form is relatively tame - a matte, black cylinder about a foot long, slightly too large to grasp comfortably with the average hand. Two thin green lines circle it, separating the cylinder into thirds. Nathan's symbol is visible on the back of the uppermost third. When hooked onto its place on the harness, it can serve as a jumppack, providing relatively limited vertical mobility. Used for going up or breaking a fall - when angled correctly. Maximum autonomy of 3 minutes without 'reloading'.

Spoiler: Not now - for approved future development only. • show
When unhooked, it can serve as a flamethrower, producing an intense, bunsen burner-like flame about 6 meters long, although the heat is still pretty intense for about 3 meters after that.


Secondary Form: Both staff mechanisms extend to their maximum lengths of 75 cm, making the weapon a 180 cm matte black staff with dark lime green lines and a thicker, 30 cm cylinder in the middle. Transformation can take as little as 2 seconds. In this form, parts of the staff portion can either be electrified or the air around them, heated to a point where it can easily cut through organic materials, but will only slowly heat up dense non-organic stuff like concrete, steel, etc.

Tertiary Form: The top/forward staff mechanism extends by 30 centimeters and a handle and variable strength scope flip out of the top section. Fires 5x20 mm tungsten slugs at a rate of 12 per second and speed of Mach 2 (3% damage  per shot against someone with arbitrarily average Aura). Each magazine of these 'light' rounds has about 300 of them. He keeps one mag on his harness and one in Ergia. Transformation takes about 1 second from storage form and 2 seconds from staff form.

Dust Functions: The way Ergia uses Dust can be considered somewhat different from the norm. Although the jumppack uses a mix of Kinetic and Gravity Dust to provide thrust, about a quarter of a litre per 3 minute charge, the rest only uses Dust indirectly. Six power crystals are located at the centre of the main cylinder, providing the entire weapon with vast amounts of power, needed for everything from the jumppack to the staff modifiers. The power crystals must be recharged with power when empty and, even through intense usage, will drain rather slowly, a single one lasting a good 10 minutes or so.

History: Ergia was made, from plans to fully functional, in the last three years prior to his entry at Beacon. The components took about 6 months to get right and the shell and final assembly, 6 more months. It was made to make the most use of his semblance and to be as versatile as possible. It was named Ergia due to having vast amounts of energy at its heart.

Spoiler: Specifics and Schematics • show
The primary form is a 30 cm long, 6.8 cm diameter matte black cylinder with 2 dark lime green lines on the wall 10 cm from the bases. The bottom opens up when engaging the jetpack. The central section is dedicated to housing the power cores and control mechanisms, the upper section is devoted to the first staff mechanism while the bottom part is reserved to the jetpack and second staff mechanisms. The staff portions have an external diameter of 3 cm. The jumppack is a tiny thing that occupies a third of the main cylinder, consuming Dust to provide thrust. The second form's extra functions are achieved by using small Dust crystals integrated within Ergia in conjunction with the main power. Most of the circuitry has Dust in it to make it as compact as possible. The power cores mentioned earlier are custom-made Dust crystals created to store enormous amounts of energy each. They glow a soft, pleasant cerulean when full and are a dark, dull blue when empty. They are 9 cm long and 2 cm wide at their widest. There are 6 of them at all times in the center section of the cylinder. Nathan stores an extra 6 in his belt-level pouch. The jumppack mechanism uses a special blend of Dust that greatly increases the thrust produced and comsumption efficiency when used in conjunction with the energy from the power cores.

Spoiler: Power crystal schematic • show

Spoiler: Only for approved future developments • show
Basically, the LR Crystal as last approved.


=======================================

Pre-Beacon theme: Mad World - Gary Jules & Micheal Andrews
« Last Edit: September 13, 2017, 06:59:33 AM by nathan67003 »
Nathan Eau, De Facto Jetpack Guy of Team ROSE
Camelia Sol, Miss Magnetic Personality and Team CBLT Leader
Anna Fall, Insightful Visionary of Team ASTC
Brock Greenwood, Human Titan of Team HTDG
Helena Chlophyll, Ray of Sunshine of Team CHES
Scarlett/Corinth,Korynn,etc. Briggart/Topaz (In the works)
Max (mp)
Chloe (mp)
Maena Nadir (WiP)
Europa/Encela(dus)/Io/Callisto/Calypso (In the works)
Hannah Glass
Mark Cassini
Carlson Ferram
"Definitely not Johnny"

nathan67003

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Re: Nathan Eau
« Reply #1 on: September 12, 2016, 06:18:59 AM »
I haven't changed anything. I'll wait until it's been re-approved, then post in Character Editing to avoid unnecessarily filling Character Creation.
Nathan Eau, De Facto Jetpack Guy of Team ROSE
Camelia Sol, Miss Magnetic Personality and Team CBLT Leader
Anna Fall, Insightful Visionary of Team ASTC
Brock Greenwood, Human Titan of Team HTDG
Helena Chlophyll, Ray of Sunshine of Team CHES
Scarlett/Corinth,Korynn,etc. Briggart/Topaz (In the works)
Max (mp)
Chloe (mp)
Maena Nadir (WiP)
Europa/Encela(dus)/Io/Callisto/Calypso (In the works)
Hannah Glass
Mark Cassini
Carlson Ferram
"Definitely not Johnny"

Kaliot

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Re: Nathan Eau
« Reply #2 on: September 12, 2016, 10:21:00 AM »
As long as it wasn't too crazy, you should've just made the edits now :p

TOO LATE THO THE TRAIN HAS LEFT
Ask Me Anything!

Spoiler: Characters • show

Sophea Devi Visorith - Beacon Nurse, Gardener, Health Nut, Scholar
Mao Visorith - First-Year Beacon Student, Team SFF[M]
Aurelia Caelius - Beacon Graduate, Huntress, Team [A]URM
Izumi Cremisi - Member of Obsidian Rose, Assassin, Thief, Arcade Enthusiast
Airi Fogden Bicardi - Second-Year Atlas Student, Family Heiress
Avery LeBlanc - Third-Year Atlas Student, Triplet, Duelist, Manipulator, Team SA[L]T | Threads [Team: ]
Yu Mei - First-Year Haven Student
Suna Arevik - First-Year Shade Student, Scavenger-in-Training

Spoiler: Worldbuilding • show

Mahava Plains - The bastion of Eastern Sanus
Obsidian Rose - Valish Criminal Organization

Kaliot

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Re: Nathan Eau
« Reply #3 on: September 12, 2016, 10:46:31 AM »
Editing.Damnit Nathan Spoilers don't nest so I deleted them all.

Spoiler: show

CHARACTER

Name: Nathan Nad Eau (a.k.a. Nathan Eau)

Age: 17, born 6th of Zinnober 63 AC

Species and Gender: Male human

Symbol:

Occupation: Beacon Academy student, first year

Appearance: At 176.5 cm/5'9½" (he doesn't mind rounding up or down) and 72.5 kg/160 lbs, Nathan is more lean than fit, and while not actually chiseled, he still has some definition to his muscles. His lower body has more bulk than his upper body, but this is partially offset by his large ribcage and broad shoulders. He thinks of himself as "ridiculously average-looking" or "ever-so-slightly on the attractive side", depending on how far you push that particular investigation (although seriously, why in Remnant would you?). He has more defined neck muscles than the average person. His voice usually hangs about the low to mid-low range. If he's warm and his arms are below his chest, veins are VERY visible all over the hands and forearms. He has a thick (about 3 mm wide, 2 mm high, 3 cm long) scar on his right elbow. He has fine (almost feminine but not quite), agile hands. He is left-handed. He has tanned (perhaps a bit paler than Neptune) skin. He has short (about 4 cm),VERY dark brown (looks basically black) hair. His eyes are dark gold/light and rich brown (depending on how far away you're standing). He usually crosses his arms when standing, but it doesn't mean anything. His face tends to remain relatively emotionless, albeit it's not for lack of trying to be expressive. He walks very fast (pretty much overtakes anyone who isn't jogging) thanks to long strides from good rotation of the pelvis and years of practice.

He has only dark grey (#969696) running shoes. Normal clothes: His favorite garments are a black, somewhat slim-fit T-shirt going down the arms to just above the elbow with dark lime green (#00D219) lines on the sides and dark blue jeans, although it isn't uncommon for him to simply don "a shirt" and "some jeans". If it's cold/raining, he wears a dark grey coat with a hood. School clothing: standard Beacon uniform apart from a slightly loose tie and the aforementioned running shoes. Formal clothing: a white, ever-so-slightly ivory lounge suit with notched lapel, the overall colour being quite reminescent of a white rose's petals. Usually worn with a vibrant green (about #14EA00), vibrant cyan (about #00F6F0) or vibrant purple (about #BD00FF) tie. Pajama: white T-shirt and red and black plaid pajama pants. Combat-ready: dons a dark grey harness worn over his coat/shirt with 4 pouches (2 vertical on the right-hand side at torso height that are about 3*10 cm, 1 vertical on the left-hand side at chest height that's about 7*8 cm, 1 horizontal on left-hand side of belt that's about 15.5*10 cm). The harness has fixation points in the middle of the back for his weapon and more fixation points on the sides of the back to snap on extra luggage space.

History: Nathan was born and raised in Vale. He spent ages 5-12 going to a school about 1.5 km away from his home. He also spent those years being bullied, rejected or ignored by all other kids. When he was 12, his parents divorced and he stayed with his mother. During the last semester of school that year, he scored very high on an Aura ability test part of the normal orientation process. Having been taught the hard way how not everyone can defend themselves, he decided to put his newfound skills to use by becoming a Huntsman. Not even 3 months later, his mother met an Atlasian scientist who was working in Vale at the time. He subsequently enrolled in a local Combat School, about 4 km from residence. Starting from the first semester, he was taught a lot by his stepfather about Dust, technology and science in general through common interests and regular discussions. Although he didn't get bullied or rejected at school anymore, he didn't really make anything more than acquaintances and circumstantial friendships.

During his time at combat school, he learned the basics of pretty much all forms of hand-to-hand combat, like everyone. However, when it came to fighting with weapons, he vastly preferred the versatility of staves to swords, maces and gauntlets. Practicing regularly, he gradually taught himself to mix and match combat styles rather than staying with a single one every battle. Not only did he think it would make him more adaptable, he also thought it would make him harder to contend with. His style, through the years, eventually reached a stable state, where he defends whilst taking advantage of every opening he can, in any way he can.

When he was about 14, he started experimenting with Dust under strict safety protocols in a small part of his basement (he was shown how by his stepfather). Upon learning the nature of his semblance, he started to create schematics and data for his to-be weapon and the required Dust components. His desire to defend victims and pursue aggressors having only grown stronger during his years at combat school, he was eager to advance his training even further and enter Beacon. He scored pretty good at all parts of the entrance exam. His parents moved to Atlas as he moved to the Academy.

Personality: Relaxed and calm, he likes to make the odd joke and is generally easy-going. He has vast trouble understanding non-aggressive body language and prefers to be as honest as possible without unduly hurting anyone. Although not lacking in self-confidence, he's rather shy and will not go towards others unless they first come to him or he has to go to them. He rarely gets angry or even worked up, as he is incredibly patient. He is a fast learner and a great listener. He has an immense imagination and fabulous memory (for the things he cares about). Messing with the ones he loves with the serious intention of hurting them is not recommended, as he may go into (I don't know how to describe this in a word or two: it's basically as if his emotions turned into a cold, soul-wrenching abyss where the only thing that exists is the will to destroy and kill, all the while keeping a very calm face). He has very good senses (for a human) and tends to dislike loud noises and bright lights, carrying a pair of high-tech, flexible sunglasses in his jeans' pocket (so they don't continually break when he fights). He has a lot of difficulty in putting his full trust into someone else.

Aura and Semblance: His Aura is of a bright white colour and turns jet black when "angry" (see emotion described above). His very high score in Aura in orientation is due to being very powerful for a complete novice. His semblance is Energy: that is, he can control his own kinetic energy. To be more clear, he can turn his Aura into kinetic energy, but only within his body. The energy being inherently associated with momentum, he only uses it for powerful blows, lest he fling himself out of control to go faster.

It is worth noting that he has never told anyone what his semblance is and that he tries to use it as little as possible.

Here are some examples of the uses for scale.
Hits: - Like a speeding truck for 60% of his Aura.
        - Like a speeding car for 40%.
        - Unusually powerful blows for 5% (enough to severely stun most Grimm).

Numbers: These are based on the examples above, if applied to someone with an average Aura.
       - 1% --> 4% Aura damage
       - 5% --> 20% Aura damage
       - 10% --> 42% Aura damage
       - 15% --> 65% Aura damage
       - 20% --> 90% Aura damage

Anything beyond that will merely do more damage, beyond the now-shattered Aura, with the semi-exponential function still applying. The amount of seconds he must wait before his Aura is usable again is equal to the percentage of Aura consumed.


Combat Behavior: He tends to favor swift, precise and efficient movements when defending and powerful blows when attacking. He mixes hand-to-hand with melee weapon combat freely. He prefers long-range if undetected but will favor confrontation if an enemy is actively chasing him. He will try to dodge and block all he can, but if he misses a movement and still knows that a blow is coming, he may attempt to block or dodge it (if possible) by using his semblance. When first encountering an enemy without being able to effectively get a surprise shot in, he will never attack first.

He will prefer to concentrate on one threat at a time and take care of it as fast and as safely as possible, which opens him up to surprise attacks from unsuspected additional threats. When he suspects more than he can see, he will tend to maintain a more defensive posture.

If outnumbered, he will be capable of resisting without using his semblance for quite some time but will prefer to get some distance between him and the enemy to come back in at a new angle.

WEAPON

Name: Ergia

Primary Form: 30 cm long, 6.8 cm diameter matte black cylinder with 2 dark lime green lines on the wall 10 cm from the bases. This form is usually used for carrying around in a non-combat situation, affixed to the back of the harness or for performing short to medium-short range attacks. The bottom opens up when engaging the jetpack. The central section is dedicated to housing the power cores and control mechanisms, the upper section (there's a symbol on it) is dedicated to the cannon and first staff mechanisms while the bottom part is dedicated to the jetpack and second staff mechanisms.

Secondary Form: This form is dedicated to performing medium to long range attacks. The top staff is, like the bottom staff, hollow. The staff portions have an external diameter of 3 cm. Depending on the range needed, it will extend anywhere from 30 cm to its full 75 cm and open its endcap to allow for the passage of projectiles and energy packets. When necessary, a high-power scope folds out of the top section of the cylinder and subsequently extends. A small handle with trigger also folds out of the top section.

Tertiary Form: Both staff mechanisms extend to their maximum lengths of 75 cm, making the weapon a 180 cm matte black staff with dark lime green lines (longitudinal, 120 degrees apart on the staff sections) and a 30 cm cylinder in the middle.

Dust Functions: The weapon functions with Dust all over. By using the power cores in conjunction with small Dust crystals integrated within Ergia, using thermal energy and electromagnetic energy is also possible (examples: firing plasmoids; producing bunsen burner-like flames; electrifying portions of the staff; superheating a layer of gas around the desired portion of the staff to make it capable of easily slicing through basically all organic materials, but takes some time to heat up things that melt at a high temperature, say chromium or tungsten).

Most of the circuitry has Dust in it to make it as compact as possible. The power cores mentioned earlier are custom-made dust crystals created to store enormous amounts of energy each. They glow a soft, pleasant cerulean when full and are a dark, dull blue when empty. They are 9 cm long and 2 cm wide at their widest. There are 6 of them at all times in the center section of the cylinder. He stores an extra 6 in his belt-level pouch. The jetpack mechanism uses a special blend of dust that greatly increases the thrust produced and combustion efficiency when used in conjunction with the energy from the power cores. The top section of the staff contains 3 dust cells, of which a very small amount is used each time he fires a sniper shot: this shot infuses a large amount of energy into the dust, which is then vaporized and propelled at significant fractions of the speed of light towards whatever he is aiming at (for the effects, they are similar to those of a highly collimated stream of relativistic particles). Non-sniper shots are merely energy.

Lastly, he also keeps 2 crystals (which he names "LR crystals", for Last Resort) in 2 pouches. These crystals, also custom-made, are made to store positively gigantic amounts of energy each at the cost of being able to release it. When all hope is lost, he can load one of these crystals into the cannon assembly and, using a mechanism present within the firing chamber, render them extremely unstable. Shooting them afterwards, a strong impact will then make the crystal simultaneously combust and release all of the previously accumulated energy, with absolutely catastrophic consequences. Anything Grimm or otherwise not protected by Aura will get heavily pulverized/incinerated within a 10 m radius. Destruction and Grimm injuries are still present up to 15 m and anything beyond that consists in brutal knockback to slight breeze. They are a dark, dull pink when empty, very bright pink when filled (staring for more than a few seconds may induce discomfort and afterimages) and an incredibly brilliant gold when full and rendered unstable.


History: Ergia was made, from plans to fully functional, in the last three years prior to his entry at Beacon. The components took over two and a half years to get right and the shell and final assembly, 6 months. It was made to make the most use of his semblance and to be as versatile as possible. It was named Ergia due to having vast amounts of energy at its heart.

=================================================

Pre-Beacon theme: Mad World - Gary Jules & Micheal Andrews
« Last Edit: September 12, 2016, 10:48:34 AM by Kaliot »
Ask Me Anything!

Spoiler: Characters • show

Sophea Devi Visorith - Beacon Nurse, Gardener, Health Nut, Scholar
Mao Visorith - First-Year Beacon Student, Team SFF[M]
Aurelia Caelius - Beacon Graduate, Huntress, Team [A]URM
Izumi Cremisi - Member of Obsidian Rose, Assassin, Thief, Arcade Enthusiast
Airi Fogden Bicardi - Second-Year Atlas Student, Family Heiress
Avery LeBlanc - Third-Year Atlas Student, Triplet, Duelist, Manipulator, Team SA[L]T | Threads [Team: ]
Yu Mei - First-Year Haven Student
Suna Arevik - First-Year Shade Student, Scavenger-in-Training

Spoiler: Worldbuilding • show

Mahava Plains - The bastion of Eastern Sanus
Obsidian Rose - Valish Criminal Organization

nathan67003

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Re: Nathan Eau
« Reply #4 on: September 12, 2016, 11:16:48 AM »
Done.I told you And is that what Vox meant about the spoilers being different?

- Added way too much detail about the 'angry' emotion under a spoiler at the end of Personality.
- Detailed the black Aura thing by specifying how the light is affected.
Nathan Eau, De Facto Jetpack Guy of Team ROSE
Camelia Sol, Miss Magnetic Personality and Team CBLT Leader
Anna Fall, Insightful Visionary of Team ASTC
Brock Greenwood, Human Titan of Team HTDG
Helena Chlophyll, Ray of Sunshine of Team CHES
Scarlett/Corinth,Korynn,etc. Briggart/Topaz (In the works)
Max (mp)
Chloe (mp)
Maena Nadir (WiP)
Europa/Encela(dus)/Io/Callisto/Calypso (In the works)
Hannah Glass
Mark Cassini
Carlson Ferram
"Definitely not Johnny"

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Re: Nathan Eau
« Reply #5 on: September 12, 2016, 11:35:55 AM »
One of them. Also, apparently apostrophes in spoiler titles break them.
Ask Me Anything!

Spoiler: Characters • show

Sophea Devi Visorith - Beacon Nurse, Gardener, Health Nut, Scholar
Mao Visorith - First-Year Beacon Student, Team SFF[M]
Aurelia Caelius - Beacon Graduate, Huntress, Team [A]URM
Izumi Cremisi - Member of Obsidian Rose, Assassin, Thief, Arcade Enthusiast
Airi Fogden Bicardi - Second-Year Atlas Student, Family Heiress
Avery LeBlanc - Third-Year Atlas Student, Triplet, Duelist, Manipulator, Team SA[L]T | Threads [Team: ]
Yu Mei - First-Year Haven Student
Suna Arevik - First-Year Shade Student, Scavenger-in-Training

Spoiler: Worldbuilding • show

Mahava Plains - The bastion of Eastern Sanus
Obsidian Rose - Valish Criminal Organization

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Re: Nathan Eau
« Reply #6 on: September 12, 2016, 11:37:19 AM »
No more apostrophes.
Nathan Eau, De Facto Jetpack Guy of Team ROSE
Camelia Sol, Miss Magnetic Personality and Team CBLT Leader
Anna Fall, Insightful Visionary of Team ASTC
Brock Greenwood, Human Titan of Team HTDG
Helena Chlophyll, Ray of Sunshine of Team CHES
Scarlett/Corinth,Korynn,etc. Briggart/Topaz (In the works)
Max (mp)
Chloe (mp)
Maena Nadir (WiP)
Europa/Encela(dus)/Io/Callisto/Calypso (In the works)
Hannah Glass
Mark Cassini
Carlson Ferram
"Definitely not Johnny"

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Re: Nathan Eau
« Reply #7 on: September 12, 2016, 02:27:40 PM »
Edits approved.
Ask Me Anything!

Spoiler: Characters • show

Sophea Devi Visorith - Beacon Nurse, Gardener, Health Nut, Scholar
Mao Visorith - First-Year Beacon Student, Team SFF[M]
Aurelia Caelius - Beacon Graduate, Huntress, Team [A]URM
Izumi Cremisi - Member of Obsidian Rose, Assassin, Thief, Arcade Enthusiast
Airi Fogden Bicardi - Second-Year Atlas Student, Family Heiress
Avery LeBlanc - Third-Year Atlas Student, Triplet, Duelist, Manipulator, Team SA[L]T | Threads [Team: ]
Yu Mei - First-Year Haven Student
Suna Arevik - First-Year Shade Student, Scavenger-in-Training

Spoiler: Worldbuilding • show

Mahava Plains - The bastion of Eastern Sanus
Obsidian Rose - Valish Criminal Organization

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Re: Nathan Eau
« Reply #8 on: September 25, 2016, 07:27:54 PM »
Spoiler: Nathanpls • show

CHARACTER

Name: Nathan Nad Eau (a.k.a. Nathan Eau)

Age: 17, born 6th of Zinnober 63 AC

Species and Gender: Male human

Symbol:
Spoiler: show


Occupation: Beacon Academy student, first year

Appearance: At 176.5 cm/5'9½" (he doesn't mind rounding up or down) and 72.5 kg/160 lbs, Nathan is more lean than fit, and while not actually chiseled, he still has some definition to his muscles. His lower body has more bulk than his upper body, but this is partially offset by his large ribcage and broad shoulders. He thinks of himself as "ridiculously average-looking" or "ever-so-slightly on the attractive side", depending on how far you push that particular investigation (although seriously, why in Remnant would you?). He has more defined neck muscles than the average person. His voice usually hangs about the low to mid-low range. If he's warm and his arms are below his chest, veins are VERY visible all over the hands and forearms. He has a thick (about 3 mm wide, 2 mm high, 3 cm long) scar on his right elbow. He has fine (almost feminine but not quite), agile hands. He is left-handed. He has tanned (perhaps a bit paler than Neptune) skin. He has short (about 4 cm),VERY dark brown (looks basically black) hair. His eyes are dark gold/light and rich brown (depending on how far away you're standing). He usually crosses his arms when standing, but it doesn't mean anything. His face tends to remain relatively emotionless, albeit it's not for lack of trying to be expressive. He walks very fast (pretty much overtakes anyone who isn't jogging) thanks to long strides from good rotation of the pelvis and years of practice.

He has only dark grey (#969696) running shoes. Normal clothes: His favorite garments are a black, somewhat slim-fit T-shirt going down the arms to just above the elbow with dark lime green (#00D219) lines on the sides and dark blue jeans, although it isn't uncommon for him to simply don "a shirt" and "some jeans". If it's cold/raining, he wears a dark grey coat with a hood. School clothing: standard Beacon uniform apart from a slightly loose tie and the aforementioned running shoes. Formal clothing: a white, ever-so-slightly ivory lounge suit with notched lapel, the overall colour being quite reminescent of a white rose's petals. Usually worn with a vibrant green (about #14EA00), vibrant cyan (about #00F6F0) or vibrant purple (about #BD00FF) tie. Pajama: white T-shirt and red and black plaid pajama pants. Combat-ready: dons a dark grey harness worn over his coat/shirt with 4 pouches (2 vertical on the right-hand side at torso height that are about 3*10 cm, 1 vertical on the left-hand side at chest height that's about 7*8 cm, 1 horizontal on left-hand side of belt that's about 15.5*10 cm). The harness has fixation points in the middle of the back for his weapon and more fixation points on the sides of the back to snap on extra luggage space.

History: Nathan was born and raised in Vale. He spent ages 5-12 going to a school about 1.5 km away from his home. He also spent those years being bullied, rejected or ignored by all other kids. When he was 12, his parents divorced and he stayed with his mother. During the last semester of school that year, he scored very high on an Aura ability test part of the normal orientation process. Having been taught the hard way how not everyone can defend themselves, he decided to put his newfound skills to use by becoming a Huntsman. Not even 3 months later, his mother met an Atlasian scientist who was working in Vale at the time. He subsequently enrolled in a local Combat School, about 4 km from residence. Starting from the first semester, he was taught a lot by his stepfather about Dust, technology and science in general through common interests and regular discussions. Although he didn't get bullied or rejected at school anymore, he didn't really make anything more than acquaintances and circumstantial friendships.

During his time at combat school, he learned the basics of pretty much all forms of hand-to-hand combat, like everyone. However, when it came to fighting with weapons, he vastly preferred the versatility of staves to swords, maces and gauntlets. Practicing regularly, he gradually taught himself to mix and match combat styles rather than staying with a single one every battle. Not only did he think it would make him more adaptable, he also thought it would make him harder to contend with. His style, through the years, eventually reached a stable state, where he defends whilst taking advantage of every opening he can, in any way he can.

When he was about 14, he started experimenting with Dust under strict safety protocols in a small part of his basement (he was shown how by his stepfather). Upon learning the nature of his semblance, he started to create schematics and data for his to-be weapon and the required Dust components. His desire to defend victims and pursue aggressors having only grown stronger during his years at combat school, he was eager to advance his training even further and enter Beacon. He scored pretty good at all parts of the entrance exam. His parents moved to Atlas as he moved to the Academy.

Personality: Relaxed and calm, he likes to make the odd joke and is generally easy-going. He has vast trouble understanding non-aggressive body language and prefers to be as honest as possible without unduly hurting anyone. Although not lacking in self-confidence, he's rather shy and will not go towards others unless they first come to him or he has to go to them. He rarely gets angry or even worked up, as he is incredibly patient. He is a fast learner and a great listener. He has an immense imagination and fabulous memory (for the things he cares about). Messing with the ones he loves with the serious intention of hurting them is not recommended, as he may go into (I don't know how to describe this in a word or two: it's basically as if his emotions turned into a cold, soul-wrenching abyss where the only thing that exists is the will to destroy and kill, all the while keeping a very calm face). He has very good senses (for a human) and tends to dislike loud noises and bright lights, carrying a pair of high-tech, flexible sunglasses in his jeans' pocket (so they don't continually break when he fights). He has a lot of difficulty in putting his full trust into someone else.

Spoiler: Overly detailed explanation of the weird emotion and its related, rather trivial effects • show
Let's lead into this guff by talking about Nathan's mind. A way to see it is to picture an immense star (as in, the thermonuclear thinamajig), burning incredibly bright (Light), at the center of which is an infinitely small point of absolute black (Darkness). Surrounding the star is a very thick layer of armour (to scale, thicker than the Earth's diameter) which isn't actually solid, but an incredibly expansive labyrinth, the walls of which are nigh-impervious to all kinds of damage. Nathan usually tends to try and fuel the Light by having fun, being with friends, satisfying curiosity and other such pleasant things. This is the main way he keeps the Darkness contained to such a small spot. The Darkness, however, can also be fueled - grim thoughts like torure, death, decay and things of a more eldritch nature tend to make the Darkness expand.

If you somehow - with your words or actions - find your way to the Light, it will be damaged, and Darkness will rapidly extend tendrils towards the breach, escaping onto the surface. The Darkness manifests itself in several ways: the more of it, the more obvious it is. Nathan's face will get more and more emontionless as his words change to calm threats. Failure to take these threats seriously - supposing what you did wasn't serious to make him snap instantly - will make him attempt to kill you. And that's not an understatement: his entire being will become solely focused on destroying the ones responsible for the Darkness' release.

Other signs include small, pale black tendrils that start appearing around him and become darker, more numerous and more opaque the worse he gets. The air will seem to grow cool and stale, while sounds will start being muffled. His irises will take on the slightest tinge of red while his pupils contract to a point. If you somehow stare at the pitch-black Aura (after all, he's trying to kill you, so it's not likely to happen), after about 10 continuous seconds, you will start hearing voices. They, however, are your own. The voices will progressively get louder and if you somehow manage to stare at it continuously for over an hour, you will probably have suffered severe psychological trauma.


Aura and Semblance: His Aura is of a bright white colour and turns jet black when "angry" (see emotion described above), seemingly absorbing light within line of sight instead of emitting it. His very high score in Aura in orientation is due to being very powerful for a complete novice. His semblance is Energy: that is, he can control his own kinetic energy. To be more clear, he can turn his Aura into kinetic energy, but only within his body. The energy being inherently associated with momentum, he only uses it for powerful blows, lest he fling himself out of control to go faster.

It is worth noting that he has never told anyone what his semblance is and that he tries to use it as little as possible.

Spoiler: Examples for scale • show
Here are some examples of the uses for scale.
Hits: - Like a speeding truck for 60% of his Aura.
        - Like a speeding car for 40%.
        - Unusually powerful blows for 5% (enough to severely stun most Grimm).

Numbers: These are based on the examples above, if applied to someone with an average Aura.
       - 1% --> 4% Aura damage
       - 5% --> 20% Aura damage
       - 10% --> 42% Aura damage
       - 15% --> 65% Aura damage
       - 20% --> 90% Aura damage

Anything beyond that will merely do more damage, beyond the now-shattered Aura, with the semi-exponential function still applying. The amount of seconds he must wait before his Aura is usable again is equal to the percentage of Aura consumed.


Combat Behavior: He tends to favor swift, precise and efficient movements when defending and powerful blows when attacking. He mixes hand-to-hand with melee weapon combat freely. He prefers long-range if undetected but will favor confrontation if an enemy is actively chasing him. He will try to dodge and block all he can, but if he misses a movement and still knows that a blow is coming, he may attempt to block or dodge it (if possible) by using his semblance. When first encountering an enemy without being able to effectively get a surprise shot in, he will never attack first.

He will prefer to concentrate on one threat at a time and take care of it as fast and as safely as possible, which opens him up to surprise attacks from unsuspected additional threats. When he suspects more than he can see, he will tend to maintain a more defensive posture.

If outnumbered, he will be capable of resisting without using his semblance for quite some time but will prefer to get some distance between him and the enemy to come back in at a new angle.

WEAPON

Name: Ergia

Primary Form: 30 cm long, 6.8 cm diameter matte black cylinder with 2 dark lime green lines on the wall 10 cm from the bases. This form is usually used for carrying around in a non-combat situation, affixed to the back of the harness or for performing short to medium-short range attacks. The bottom opens up when engaging the jetpack. The central section is dedicated to housing the power cores and control mechanisms, the upper section (there's a symbol on it) is dedicated to the cannon and first staff mechanisms while the bottom part is dedicated to the jetpack and second staff mechanisms.

Secondary Form: This form is dedicated to performing medium to long range attacks. The top staff is, like the bottom staff, hollow. The staff portions have an external diameter of 3 cm. Depending on the range needed, it will extend anywhere from 30 cm to its full 75 cm and open its endcap to allow for the passage of projectiles and energy packets. When necessary, a high-power scope folds out of the top section of the cylinder and subsequently extends. A small handle with trigger also folds out of the top section.

Tertiary Form: Both staff mechanisms extend to their maximum lengths of 75 cm, making the weapon a 180 cm matte black staff with dark lime green lines (longitudinal, 120 degrees apart on the staff sections) and a 30 cm cylinder in the middle.

Dust Functions: The weapon functions with Dust all over. By using the power cores in conjunction with small Dust crystals integrated within Ergia, using thermal energy and electromagnetic energy is also possible (examples: firing plasmoids; producing bunsen burner-like flames; electrifying portions of the staff; superheating a layer of gas around the desired portion of the staff to make it capable of easily slicing through basically all organic materials, but takes some time to heat up things that melt at a high temperature, say chromium or tungsten).

Most of the circuitry has Dust in it to make it as compact as possible. The power cores mentioned earlier are custom-made dust crystals created to store enormous amounts of energy each. They glow a soft, pleasant cerulean when full and are a dark, dull blue when empty. They are 9 cm long and 2 cm wide at their widest. There are 6 of them at all times in the center section of the cylinder. He stores an extra 6 in his belt-level pouch. The jetpack mechanism uses a special blend of dust that greatly increases the thrust produced and combustion efficiency when used in conjunction with the energy from the power cores. The top section of the staff contains 3 dust cells, of which a very small amount is used each time he fires a sniper shot: this shot infuses a large amount of energy into the dust, which is then vaporized and propelled at significant fractions of the speed of light towards whatever he is aiming at (for the effects, they are similar to those of a highly collimated stream of relativistic particles). Non-sniper shots are merely energy.

Lastly, he also keeps 2 crystals (which he names "LR crystals", for Last Resort) in 2 pouches. These crystals, also custom-made, are made to store positively gigantic amounts of energy each at the cost of being able to release it. When all hope is lost, he can load one of these crystals into the cannon assembly and, using a mechanism present within the firing chamber, render them extremely unstable. Shooting them afterwards, a strong impact will then make the crystal simultaneously combust and release all of the previously accumulated energy, with absolutely catastrophic consequences. Anything Grimm or otherwise not protected by Aura will get heavily pulverized/incinerated within a 10 m radius. Destruction and Grimm injuries are still present up to 15 m and anything beyond that consists in brutal knockback to slight breeze. They are a dark, dull pink when empty, very bright pink when filled (staring for more than a few seconds may induce discomfort and afterimages) and an incredibly brilliant gold when full and rendered unstable.

Spoiler: Power crystal schematic • show
Spoiler: LR crystal schematic • show


History: Ergia was made, from plans to fully functional, in the last three years prior to his entry at Beacon. The components took over two and a half years to get right and the shell and final assembly, 6 months. It was made to make the most use of his semblance and to be as versatile as possible. It was named Ergia due to having vast amounts of energy at its heart.

=================================================

Pre-Beacon theme: Mad World - Gary Jules & Micheal Andrews
Ask Me Anything!

Spoiler: Characters • show

Sophea Devi Visorith - Beacon Nurse, Gardener, Health Nut, Scholar
Mao Visorith - First-Year Beacon Student, Team SFF[M]
Aurelia Caelius - Beacon Graduate, Huntress, Team [A]URM
Izumi Cremisi - Member of Obsidian Rose, Assassin, Thief, Arcade Enthusiast
Airi Fogden Bicardi - Second-Year Atlas Student, Family Heiress
Avery LeBlanc - Third-Year Atlas Student, Triplet, Duelist, Manipulator, Team SA[L]T | Threads [Team: ]
Yu Mei - First-Year Haven Student
Suna Arevik - First-Year Shade Student, Scavenger-in-Training

Spoiler: Worldbuilding • show

Mahava Plains - The bastion of Eastern Sanus
Obsidian Rose - Valish Criminal Organization

nathan67003

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Re: Nathan Eau
« Reply #9 on: September 26, 2016, 05:51:45 AM »
I'msosorryKal

There. Fixed. Which means, I removed 9 equality signs that meant I had to scroll left and right on mobile.

I swear I think I'm done editing this guy forever.
Nathan Eau, De Facto Jetpack Guy of Team ROSE
Camelia Sol, Miss Magnetic Personality and Team CBLT Leader
Anna Fall, Insightful Visionary of Team ASTC
Brock Greenwood, Human Titan of Team HTDG
Helena Chlophyll, Ray of Sunshine of Team CHES
Scarlett/Corinth,Korynn,etc. Briggart/Topaz (In the works)
Max (mp)
Chloe (mp)
Maena Nadir (WiP)
Europa/Encela(dus)/Io/Callisto/Calypso (In the works)
Hannah Glass
Mark Cassini
Carlson Ferram
"Definitely not Johnny"

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Re: Nathan Eau
« Reply #10 on: September 27, 2016, 04:27:43 PM »
...
Ask Me Anything!

Spoiler: Characters • show

Sophea Devi Visorith - Beacon Nurse, Gardener, Health Nut, Scholar
Mao Visorith - First-Year Beacon Student, Team SFF[M]
Aurelia Caelius - Beacon Graduate, Huntress, Team [A]URM
Izumi Cremisi - Member of Obsidian Rose, Assassin, Thief, Arcade Enthusiast
Airi Fogden Bicardi - Second-Year Atlas Student, Family Heiress
Avery LeBlanc - Third-Year Atlas Student, Triplet, Duelist, Manipulator, Team SA[L]T | Threads [Team: ]
Yu Mei - First-Year Haven Student
Suna Arevik - First-Year Shade Student, Scavenger-in-Training

Spoiler: Worldbuilding • show

Mahava Plains - The bastion of Eastern Sanus
Obsidian Rose - Valish Criminal Organization

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Re: Nathan Eau
« Reply #11 on: September 30, 2016, 01:06:41 AM »
FUNNY YOU SHOULD SAY THAT! Due to a previous systemic failure by the review team, all of your characters are being de-approved pending full staff reviews. While you will be locked out of creations during this process, you will still be able to use your characters as normal until the process is completed. At that time, any required changes will need to be made before those characters can be used.

Given this as well as recent events with your characters, I can understand if you're feeling a bit singled out. I assure you, it's terrible coincidence that this is all coming to light at once.
« Last Edit: September 30, 2016, 01:10:02 AM by Dr. Gustave »
Spoiler: Atlas • show
Mercenary: Kol Augur ~ The Judicator of Atlas
Speaking: #5C5054 Thinking: #EAC117
Spoiler: Mistral • show
Huntress-in-Training: Aca Roth ~ Member of Team MARL
Speaking: #E05260 Thinking: #EA857F
Huntress-in-Training: Brook Pallas ~ Member of Team CNBR
Speaking: #4863A0 Thinking: #98AFC7
White Fang Captain: Cornix ~ Survivor of Mistral and Captain in Vale
Speaking: #D0DAE0 Thinking: #BCC6CC
Council Member: Phaedo Katsaros ~ Figurehead for Faunus/Human relations
Speaking: #667C26 Thinking: #B6CC76
Spoiler: Vacuo • show
40th Vytal Tournament Champion: Zabar Aga ~ Member of Team DAWN
Speaking: #CD7F32 Thinking: #EE9A4D
Spoiler: Vale • show
Huntress: Malina Nahualli ~ Leader of Team MCCA
Speaking: #B3346C Thinking: #8B0C44
Beacon Professor: Titania Printemps ~ Assistant Headmistress of Beacon Academy
Speaking: #4AA02C Thinking: #E55B3C

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Re: Nathan Eau
« Reply #12 on: October 04, 2016, 11:03:31 PM »
Hey Nathan I think I'm going to get a start on this process so we can get your characters up to date as soon as possible.


Appearance:
Overall the attention to detail here is admirable.
However the hex codes aren't exactly necessary.

History:
I do like continuity that matches the description. A person with dark clothing with an equally hurtful past makes sense (even if it is a bit over used). The history of a character sets
the stage for the rest of their profile and I believe that you have done a good job with most of it. With that said it is important that the history is clear of errors so that the rest of the profile also makes sense.
You mentioned that
Quote
He also spent those years being bullied, rejected or ignored by all other kids.
but you never explain why. We might be able to sympathise with your reasonings and the characters history if the angst has a reason for it.

You also mentioned that
Quote
When he was 12, his parents divorced and he stayed with his mother. During the last semester of school that year, he scored very high on an Aura ability test part of the normal orientation
I do not believe that primary schools have an aura test subject as even one of the shows protagonists can make it to Beacon (admittedly by breaking the rules) without unlocking theirs. Even if Nathan had his aura unlocked at a young age I doubt he would be the pinnacle of academic success in it. It has been researched (Source) that when a kid is bullied at school they drop their academic scores significantly and even if Nathan had been a special kid and didn't let this get to him you also mention that his parents divorced that same year that he achieved academic success. It is unlikely that a character with such a "tortured past" at a young age would excel as much as you have made it.

The rest of the history develops at a pleasant pace and establishes a good base for his fighting style and weapons which is a nice touch. Fix up the early life mishap and it should be good.

Personality:
The personality is extremely fleshed out which can lead to positive and negative effects. It helps people visualize your character and roleplay with him allowing for a better experience, however it also leaves some questions that must be asked.

-What are his strengths and weaknesses academically?
-Perhaps some hobbies to help us understand what he likes

Now you also gave us a overabundance amount of information when it comes to his emotions. While it is ok to give your character darker emotions it is important to know when to stop.Lines like this would halt this character's acceptance into Beacon. When a student's emotional state can cause him to lash out and try to kill other students that when a line must be drawn. Schools tend to refuse students that put their other students in severe danger especially if they have a record of doing so. It ok for a character to be rough around the edges but when he tends to go into a murderous rampage thats when lawsuits start coming in from "concerned" parents asking why Beacon let a kid into their school who kills others

Also delete the entire paragraph about tendrils and whispers. I don't think it's possible to give somone severe trauma by looking at your aura. (Also mind manipulation is banned by semblance rules which includes inducing fear.) Frankly aura cannot do anything you mentioned.
Speaking of which,

Aura and Semblance:
Side Note:(I would contact the higher-ups on this but I also don't think aura can change colour so dramatically since it is a literal manifestation of your soul)
The semblance is interesting and fairly unique in the fact I don't think ive seen something like it on the site. I think with some balance changes and modifications it could be an excellent addition to Nathan's arsenal.

One of the issues is that the kinetic energy is inside his body. Having enough energy to match a speeding struck coursing through you in the form of kinetic energy could be quite fatal even if you were protected by aura. Even the car which you mentioned is (generously) 120mph. That is pure kinetic energy that is travelling through your delicate body past your equally delicate organs probably blowing apart your hand when it leaves. I suggest you avoid the inbody part completely.
(Aura costs have been removed altogether so you can just add how many time he can use the semblance before he exhausts himself.)
Remove the damage done altogether because
A.Different characters take different damage depending on many factors (Aura strength, semblance, body type ect...)
B.Destroying someone's aura completely in 2 strikes for 25% aura only waiting 5 seconds in between is too strong

Add some real cooldowns to the semblance and adjust the strength of the semblance to that of a first year.

Combat Behaviour
You have not outlined ANY weaknesses that the character might have. I can appreciate giving your character a versatile way of fighting but that doesn't mean he is immune to faults and weaknesses.

Weapon
It is a unique and interesting weapon but a complete rework is needed to make it viable to approval.

Instead of dissecting every part individually I'm just going to tackle this in a couple of blanket statements. I have no idea what the actual weapon looks like. You describe to me a bunch of shapes and functions but never what it actually looks like. You also need to describe how the weapon transforms because I am having trouble visualising a jetpack,staff lightsaber, and plasma cannon. For the next part I will be plain and simple. Get rid of half of the weaponry/functions since I don't believe a first year could get his hands on the technology (which probably costs a fortune) to make half of this weapon functional/viable. Not only does some of the technology not make sense (How that cannon work I have no idea) but is also unnecessarily overpowered (you are fighting Grimm not other hunters). Do not use plasma as a source for a weapon. It is just super heated gas which does not cut. I suggest getting rid of that function would be advisable as tungsten (the material that you said at max power it would be able to "cut" through) melts at 3,422 degrees. For reference lava burns at 1,200 degrees approximately which is already quite powerful. The jetpack is simply another reason that this weapon is too overpowered. Remove it.

This equipment is composed of things I have seldom seen even hunters use and would be extremely expensive to maintain and design even WITH a father in science. This weapon has so much potential as a great addition to the profile but the complexity and over powered qualities ruin it. Even just a staff which can transform into a cannon would be appropriate when tuned down to match the strength of a first year.

In conclusion I think Nathan has a lot of potential to be a very strong and fleshed out first year. However the need to make everything about him strong and overpowered corrupts the profile. This character is a first year and he should act as such. Nathan still has 4 years in Beacon to grow as a character and the profile should reflect that

Do all of this and we should have a good starting point for fixing these characters.

 
Griz Blancard 1st Year Student at Beacon"I need a nap"
Dorothy Burgundy 3rd Year Shade, Elite Scavenger "Treasure is everywhere, you just need to know where to look!"
Xavier Cendres2nd year Beacon "Everything can be solved with a wrench, screwdriver, and a whole lot of time"

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Re: Nathan Eau
« Reply #13 on: October 04, 2016, 11:23:12 PM »
Some initial notes: Try to avoid hex codes when describing colors, it really breaks up the flow of your writing. Otherwise, most of the non-combat related stuff seems solid.


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Let's lead into this guff by talking about Nathan's mind. A way to see it is to picture an immense star (as in, the thermonuclear thinamajig), burning incredibly bright (Light), at the center of which is an infinitely small point of absolute black (Darkness). Surrounding the star is a very thick layer of armour (to scale, thicker than the Earth's diameter) which isn't actually solid, but an incredibly expansive labyrinth, the walls of which are nigh-impervious to all kinds of damage. Nathan usually tends to try and fuel the Light by having fun, being with friends, satisfying curiosity and other such pleasant things. This is the main way he keeps the Darkness contained to such a small spot. The Darkness, however, can also be fueled - grim thoughts like torure, death, decay and things of a more eldritch nature tend to make the Darkness expand.

If you somehow - with your words or actions - find your way to the Light, it will be damaged, and Darkness will rapidly extend tendrils towards the breach, escaping onto the surface. The Darkness manifests itself in several ways: the more of it, the more obvious it is. Nathan's face will get more and more emontionless as his words change to calm threats. Failure to take these threats seriously - supposing what you did wasn't serious to make him snap instantly - will make him attempt to kill you. And that's not an understatement: his entire being will become solely focused on destroying the ones responsible for the Darkness' release.

Other signs include small, pale black tendrils that start appearing around him and become darker, more numerous and more opaque the worse he gets. The air will seem to grow cool and stale, while sounds will start being muffled. His irises will take on the slightest tinge of red while his pupils contract to a point. If you somehow stare at the pitch-black Aura (after all, he's trying to kill you, so it's not likely to happen), after about 10 continuous seconds, you will start hearing voices. They, however, are your own. The voices will progressively get louder and if you somehow manage to stare at it continuously for over an hour, you will probably have suffered severe psychological trauma.

Quite possibly the largest piece of beef I have with this profile, though not necessarily the character himself. It's Lovecraftian and overburdened with imagery that is barely relevant not only to the rest of the character, but the purpose of a profile itself. People don't come here to get taken on some weird imaginative experience, but to get a basic idea of how your character works. Admittedly, it's in spoilers, but gads man, wouldn't less obtuse and simpler phrasing have sufficed? Something along the lines of "He armors his heart with the joys he derives from those near and dear to him, using them to keep the despair and loneliness of growing up in torment at bay." with a little elaboration? Granted, I know you wanted to bring home the vastness of the mental and emotional conflict here, but still, grandiose descriptions often crumple in on themselves, and you can make that point without all this dross.


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His semblance is Energy: that is, he can control his own kinetic energy. To be more clear, he can turn his Aura into kinetic energy, but only within his body. The energy being inherently associated with momentum, he only uses it for powerful blows, lest he fling himself out of control to go faster.

It is worth noting that he has never told anyone what his semblance is and that he tries to use it as little as possible.

On its own, this actually doesn't sound too bad, aside from the phrasing being awfully redundant. Until you read what it can do later and realize that this is literally an insta-gib trump card you can trot out whenever you feel like it. Sorry, no. Plus, there's zero reason he wouldn't be using this more often, because you've not justified why he wouldn't. Pyrrha Nikos hides her power because it's part of her fighting style. Nathan does because REASONS. This semblance compliments everything he does. Even if he tells no one he'd have every reason to use it when he can get away with it. Either come up with a good reason to hide this or scrap the secretive behavior.


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Here are some examples of the uses for scale.
Hits: - Like a speeding truck for 60% of his Aura.
        - Like a speeding car for 40%.
        - Unusually powerful blows for 5% (enough to severely stun most Grimm).

Numbers: These are based on the examples above, if applied to someone with an average Aura.
       - 1% --> 4% Aura damage
       - 5% --> 20% Aura damage
       - 10% --> 42% Aura damage
       - 15% --> 65% Aura damage
       - 20% --> 90% Aura damage

Anything beyond that will merely do more damage, beyond the now-shattered Aura, with the semi-exponential function still applying. The amount of seconds he must wait before his Aura is usable again is equal to the percentage of Aura consumed.

Even with the time limit, which is peanuts for what this thing can do, an exponential damage output is beyond unfair.  Should he rough someone up beforehand, he need only drop his aura by a small fraction to take them down with little effort, especially because they'll have no idea it's coming. I'm sure you can see the problem, and if you can't, reread the past sentence. Here's a better idea: drop the math, which only leads to trouble. If you want a speed and power boost semblance, make it stamina draining and just have it up his speed and strength in short bursts, or drop the ratio to 1:1 or at most 1:1.5, which does empower things significantly and makes him be as tactical as his combat behavior claims he is.


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30 cm long, 6.8 cm diameter matte black cylinder with 2 dark lime green lines on the wall 10 cm from the bases. This form is usually used for carrying around in a non-combat situation, affixed to the back of the harness or for performing short to medium-short range attacks. The bottom opens up when engaging the jetpack. The central section is dedicated to housing the power cores and control mechanisms, the upper section (there's a symbol on it) is dedicated to the cannon and first staff mechanisms while the bottom part is dedicated to the jetpack and second staff mechanisms.

A stick jetpack would burn the crap out of his ass. I like the concept, but the execution is sorely lacking. How about a nice anti-grav engine powered by gravity dust or something that won't melt his bum right off? It could function more like a jump-pack than something that enables flight. Meaning he's going to have to come down sooner rather than later.


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The weapon functions with Dust all over. By using the power cores in conjunction with small Dust crystals integrated within Ergia, using thermal energy and electromagnetic energy is also possible (examples: firing plasmoids; producing bunsen burner-like flames; electrifying portions of the staff; superheating a layer of gas around the desired portion of the staff to make it capable of easily slicing through basically all organic materials, but takes some time to heat up things that melt at a high temperature, say chromium or tungsten).

I don't care how sciencey you try and make this seem, we are not giving you a lightsaber. Also no freaking plasma are you out of your mind? Look, I understand how cool this all must seem, and I want to help you bring your vision to life, but let's try something a little less hard on everyone else.



This is what I see when I envision Ergia. Colors shmolors, that same glowing blend of the arcane and technological is what is called to mind. There's no problem with giving Nathan a staff that can essentially be a bunsen burner, or wreath portions of itself in energy, just not to the degree you've described. Drop the superheated gas nonsense and just power it with a blend of impact and thunder dust, or fire and thunder, whatever makes more sense. Keep the shots to semi-auto or put a decent timer on the full-auto function, which by they way isn't listed in this profile but you somehow used in the Vytal Tourney. The gun should not be functioning at a better rate than Atlas' dust-based weaponry.


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The top section of the staff contains 3 dust cells, of which a very small amount is used each time he fires a sniper shot: this shot infuses a large amount of energy into the dust, which is then vaporized and propelled at significant fractions of the speed of light towards whatever he is aiming at (for the effects, they are similar to those of a highly collimated stream of relativistic particles). Non-sniper shots are merely energy.

Significant fractions of the speed of light? Yeah no. Not even close. We cannot give you an unavoidable rifle. Even RWBY physics cannot dodge the level of ridiculousness this thing exudes. See above for how to fix.


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Lastly, he also keeps 2 crystals (which he names "LR crystals", for Last Resort) in 2 pouches. These crystals, also custom-made, are made to store positively gigantic amounts of energy each at the cost of being able to release it. When all hope is lost, he can load one of these crystals into the cannon assembly and, using a mechanism present within the firing chamber, render them extremely unstable. Shooting them afterwards, a strong impact will then make the crystal simultaneously combust and release all of the previously accumulated energy, with absolutely catastrophic consequences. Anything Grimm or otherwise not protected by Aura will get heavily pulverized/incinerated within a 10 m radius. Destruction and Grimm injuries are still present up to 15 m and anything beyond that consists in brutal knockback to slight breeze. They are a dark, dull pink when empty, very bright pink when filled (staring for more than a few seconds may induce discomfort and afterimages) and an incredibly brilliant gold when full and rendered unstable.

Turn these into hand grenades and we might have a deal, because then he has to avoid blowing up his allies and make sure he can get away himself. As they are, no, even if it's only two shots, you may not have the equivalent of an artillery shell come out of your boomstick. Or should I say freem-stick? Cut it to one grenade and I'll let it slide.

Final Notes: It's never a good idea to make a character an all-rounder and then give him weaponry and a semblance that lets him do virtually everything well. He can hit hard, protect himself, be maneuverable, hit at range...all at once. Honestly, I'd drop the sniper function and just make it a mid-range rifle, or lose the jetpack instead. Highly mobile sniping plus being able to wallop you in the face is beyond broken. I'll allow you the choice of which does not make the cut.
« Last Edit: October 04, 2016, 11:25:49 PM by Uncouth T-Rex »
Seek Justice, Love Mercy, and walk humbly with your God.

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Marlon Murk-Leader of Team MRKD (Marked) "The power of the night, the press of the storm, The post of the foe; Where he stands, the Arch Fear in a visible form, Yet the strong man must go..."-Prospice, Robert Browning

Cheri Chanson-Team AFMC (Afirmacion) “The people who were trying to make this world worse are not taking the day off. Why should I?” -Bob Marley

Jack Pettibone-Leader of Team JCRA (Jackrabbit) "In my body, where the shame gland should be, there is a second awesome gland. True story."-Barney Stinson

Cherry Chainsaw "Wake up, I'm a bullet loosed Into the heart of a wretched age, I breathe just to beat and bruise, an evolution of the burnin' rage!"-Miracle of Sound, Hell to Pay

Professor Siobhan Clannad-Personal Finance and Home Economics Professor at Beacon Academy "We can do no great things, only small things with great love."-Unknown, often attributed to Saint Teresa of Calcutta

Professor Feltch Hatterly Criminal and International Law Professor at Beacon Academy "Art, like morality, consists of drawing the line somewhere."-G.K. Chesterton

Professor Scarlet Vandal Weapons Engineering and Design Professor at Beacon Academy "Perfection has one grave defect: It is apt to be dull."-W. Somerset Maugham


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Re: Nathan Eau
« Reply #14 on: October 05, 2016, 01:54:20 AM »
... Well I didn't intend for both of them post on the same character, but that works. Take points from each review, they each make good points (Especially about the tendril shit which I cannot BELIEVE we didn't catch when it was in creation). Once they have both decided you've done well in accordance with their reviews, we'll have a moderator go over it to make sure it's good to go. This process will be repeated with each character, though hopefully with only 2 reviews on the others.
Spoiler: Atlas • show
Mercenary: Kol Augur ~ The Judicator of Atlas
Speaking: #5C5054 Thinking: #EAC117
Spoiler: Mistral • show
Huntress-in-Training: Aca Roth ~ Member of Team MARL
Speaking: #E05260 Thinking: #EA857F
Huntress-in-Training: Brook Pallas ~ Member of Team CNBR
Speaking: #4863A0 Thinking: #98AFC7
White Fang Captain: Cornix ~ Survivor of Mistral and Captain in Vale
Speaking: #D0DAE0 Thinking: #BCC6CC
Council Member: Phaedo Katsaros ~ Figurehead for Faunus/Human relations
Speaking: #667C26 Thinking: #B6CC76
Spoiler: Vacuo • show
40th Vytal Tournament Champion: Zabar Aga ~ Member of Team DAWN
Speaking: #CD7F32 Thinking: #EE9A4D
Spoiler: Vale • show
Huntress: Malina Nahualli ~ Leader of Team MCCA
Speaking: #B3346C Thinking: #8B0C44
Beacon Professor: Titania Printemps ~ Assistant Headmistress of Beacon Academy
Speaking: #4AA02C Thinking: #E55B3C