Author Topic: Dorothy Burgundy  (Read 1043 times)

Timeworker

  • Full Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 162
  • Karma:
    +6/-1
  • Personal Text
    Natus es angelorum morientur gehennam ignis
    • View Profile
Dorothy Burgundy
« on: September 27, 2016, 08:59:38 PM »
CHARACTER

Name:
Dorothy Burgundy

Age:
20
Species and Gender:
Mouse Faunus

Symbol:
An hourglass inside a circle with the sand nearly all at the bottom save for a handful at the top dripping down.

Occupation:
Council Sanctioned Scavenger, Treasure Hunter, Explorer, Shade Academy 3rd year
Co-op student
Spoiler: ShowHide
I'm assuming the savaging program can act as a Co-op program through the school allowing Dorothy to complete her training and become a hunter while also scavenging and treasure hunting.


Appearance:
Dorothy stands at 5 feet 8 inches with a very slender build. At a glance one could see that she is an athlete built for speed. Dorothy is an athlete with a sleek body toned in enough muscle to keep her fit but not enough to be a body-builder. Her black skin is blemished from her multiple excursions into the deserts of Vacuo. She calls them her own personal trophies and reminders of mistakes not to make again. A tattoo of an hourglass in emblazoned on her shoulder. Her eyes are brown but are less defined by the colour and more by their feeling. The look in Dorothy’s eyes in always one of infinite curiosity and excitement. She doesn’t have much body fat, which helps with getting into the tight spaces she crawls through when exploring. Her mouse ears are coloured the same brown as her air and rest on top of her head. Her hair is tied up into dreadlocks that she keeps cut short for fear of repeating an accident that nearly cost Dorothy her life. While it might be short she does keep colourful beads on some of the strands. They represent every close friend that she has made. While they are not all still friends nor still on this earth, Dorothy made a promise to honour the relationships she’s had. This is her way. Dorothy can often be seen wearing white shorts with a blue stripe on the bottom accompanied by a green shirt and white vest. She also wears a white flowing cloak, which conceals her weapons. Due to her extensive adventuring in multiple climate dust has been imbued into her cloths to keep her body temperature stabled and to change colour based on environment.

History:

      Where others see a dangerous desert wasteland she saw opportunity. This line was a mantra Dorothy’s parents had said since she was a child. At a very young age Dorothy had been inspired from the stories that her Mother told her. The stories that painted a world of infinite possibility and adventure. Treasures and loot waiting to be uncovered guarded by monsters ferocious and strong. Dorothy grew up with an ear to every tale. She developed an insatiable curiosity for everything. She grew to question every thing and the answers she got were never enough. Dorothy had to see it for herself. She had a desire to explore everything the sun touched. Combined with her relentless energy and excitement her parents knew that nothing would stop her. They knew this and they were afraid. They tried the best they could but there was no way that her parent’s could keep Dorothy away from the desert forever.

It started by accident. A scavenger group had just come back from a long haul out in the desert. Lot’s of treasure and loot adorned their sacks. Going to the market to sell their wares they bargained and bickered with customers. Unfortunately for them this was the day that Dorothy visited the market as well. She hounded them, asking questions until she was blue in the face. They tried multiple times to get them to take her with them but of course they refused. Who in their right mind would let a child on to a dangerous excursion? Much to her parent’s relief Dorothy went home empty handed. Or so they thought. The leader of the gang, an aged Scavenger named Griffon had given the girl something. A dagger small enough to fit into her small hands. With the dagger came a note, which said, “I want you to give this dagger back to me before midnight. If you can do that then I might see some potential in you after all.” Of course the task wasn’t easy. Dorothy had to sneak out of the house and all the way to the market without being seen by anyone who would certainly ask question. Even when she made it to the carriage compartment of the Sand Crawler she had to remain hidden till they got out of town. The next time she would see day would be when she awoke to multiple startled shouts coming from the scavenger crew. A few words from Griffon as he accepted the dagger were enough to quell the shouting before Dorothy sent out on her very first looting.

      The trip went off without a hitch. There was some Grimm encounters but nothing too big they couldn’t handle. When Dorothy returned home she was welcome by her parents in tears. Terrified and worried where she had been. When she explained the parents weren’t any less angry but they finally understood what their daughter would do for what she loved. They decided that until she was able to enter Shade that Dorothy would go on expeditions under STRICT supervision. The parents were angry yes, but not enough to restrict the thing that their daughter lived for. They wanted to nurture ambition and strength, not destroy it.

      So Dorothy’s career as a scavenger began. As the years went by she became well respected in the small community. She became known for being fast, efficient, and intelligent. She became an extremely valuable member in the team and in the market place. Often times it was Dorothy that would risk the dangerous move for a piece of loot. Diving amongst hoards of Grimm to get an abandoned item. She also did something that no one else did in the market. Something that brought in a lot of funding. Dorothy when she was a little more cemented in the group stumbled upon a series of caves that seemed to wind into the depths of the desert. These caves could provide valuable shelter and treasure. So Dorothy did what any scavenger would do, she made a profit. Dorothy dedicated a lot of time and energy into mapping out the tunnel systems. Many tunnels were hidden from the surface requiring special ways of entering. Some of the rock underneath the desert was imbued with a special mix of dust over time making electronics almost impossible to use down there. Her maps became priceless as they were seldom for sale. However Dorothy had made a name for herself and at such a young age, which was more than she could ask for.

Eventually it came time for her and the group to part ways. It was at this time that she received her first bead in her hair. Shade academy years went by in the blink of an eye for Dorothy. Mastering the art of speed and stealth Dorothy honed her skills that would be the most useful when she retuned to the desert. She remained mobile scoring amongst the highest in the agility category in her year. She became adept with knives and daggers that flowed well with her fighting style. In her classes she passed in her science and math classes but the area she really excelled in was geography. However in Shade academy the thing that she valued the most was her friends. The people that she met had a wide variety of skills and personalities. She retained her boundless excitement and energy all throughout her two years in the program. All her friends wished her luck as she applied for becoming a Council Sanctioned Scavenger. Passing her exams with flying colours she soon owned her own license and set into the desert once more.

      Dorothy spent the next half-year exploring, looting, and mapping. She had assembled a small team for herself and they had developed a very good reputation amongst the council. It was at this time that Dorothy put a request to the council. Dorothy wished to expand her search beyond Vacuo. She wanted to travel to all the kingdoms in search of lost loot and places forgotten to man. There were just so many places that were lost to Grimm and wiped off the map. The temptation was just too strong. After much debate and waiting a contract was signed. As long as she could keep her loot and payments coming in they would draft up a contract/license that would let her scavenge in other kingdoms. Of course paperwork would have to be sent to the other kingdoms and part of the profits sent to them but that wasn’t the point to Dorothy. She just had the gates of the world opened up to her. Now she had unlimited space to explore. Watch out hidden secrets and artefacts of the world, Dorothy Burgundy is hunting you down.
   

Personality:
Dorothy is an extremely energetic person. Always maintaining a healthy optimism and energy towards all ideas she gladly accepts help and partners from all backgrounds. She is always trying to make new friends everywhere she goes. She never hesitates to ask questions even if they are a little awkward and never shook the childhood habit to ramble especially if she sees something she thinks is rare. Academically Dorothy is pretty average, able to vaguely understand complex concepts but still cause confusion if doted on too long. The last point applies in all but geography. The landscape and how it is shaped and formed fascinates Dorothy. She can go for hours just looking at scenery she finds pleasing or beautiful.

Aura and Semblance:
Dilation

Aura colour: Sun Yellow

Dorothy’s semblance has allowed her to escape multiple encounters with Grimm and deadly traps. Her semblance allows her to temporarily manipulate time slowing it down. She is simply moving through time fast enough that it's essentially slowing it down for herself. People who have been slowed down by her semblance won't have the feeling of being slowed down but there are some indications that her semblance is active. A soft yellow glow surrounds her when she activates her semblance as well as the sound of a clock ticking. The slowing effect of the time manipulation doesn’t affect Dorothy but it had some major drawbacks when used too much. Whenever she uses her semblance her hourglass tattoo glows yellow and flips upside down until she is done. Even though the manipulation is powerful it in no way causes auto-dodge or auto-hit. When she moves in her semblance it looks as though she is using a speed semblance. Therefor is an opponent has the reaction time to counter her movement she can easily be avoided. She also can’t auto dodge with this ability either. To see objects (such as a gun or arrow) she needs to have her semblance on before it is fired. Dorothy doesn’t have the reaction time to activate her semblance in the time a trigger or a bow is pulled back. The drawbacks all last for the duration of the cooldown. In addition to all drawbacks, the symptoms themselves double in intensity for every time the semblance is used consecutively. (Consecutively defined as another cooldown time between the time the first cool down is finished. Eg. Waiting 60 seconds after the initial 60 seconds for level 1 to be finished). Interesting fact: Dorothy can use the semblance in a reverse way as well. Time around her slips past her at amazing speeds while she seems to slow down her existence to a crawl. This doesn't have any combat functionality but it does help to pass the time in the hospital after abusing her semblance too much.


Level 1:
Spoiler: ShowHide
This level is a very minor form of time manipulation. Time around Dorothy slows but not much. Time passes almost as if things were a little sluggish on that day. The experience could also be compared to lag in a video game. Enough to be annoying and noticeable but not exactly life saving.

She can remain in level 1 for 60 seconds
Cool down between uses 60 seconds
Draw Back: A headache and dizziness that lasts until the cool down is finished


Level 2:
Spoiler: ShowHide
This level is a little more intense then level one. Level two allows her to see projectiles in mid air and track them with her eyes. It is almost as if her opponents were moving in slow motion. This level is the one Dorothy uses only in dire situations due to its drawback and how long it lasts.

She can remain in level 2 for 30 seconds
Cool Down 2 minutes
Drawback: After the 30 seconds is up Dorothy experiences an extreme migraine. Using level 2 multiple times can put her out of a fight easily. While recovering she also experiences visual hallucination. The world in front of her shakes with mirages of itself moving back and forth rapidly. Almost as if time was trying to catch-up to her.


Level 3
Spoiler: ShowHide

Using this causes time to nearly grind to a halt as everything moves in slow motion. Dorothy nearly never uses this level due to its short window and near fatal drawbacks. However in a do or die situation it has saved her life more than once.

She can remain in level 3 for 5 seconds
Cooldown: 12 hours
Drawbacks: After coming out of level 3 Dorothy is rendered unconscious from mental and physical strain. It leaves her completely vulnerable in a fight hence why she never uses it unless she feels like she will die.


Semblance Specifications
Spoiler: ShowHide
 If a projectile leaves Dorothy's hand while she has her semblance activated it will leave her aura and become affected by the slow that is in place at the time (moving slowly in 1, very slowly in 2 and nearly suspended in 3). When Dorothy activated her semblance in relativity to the normal world she is going extremely fast. However her punches and blows still do the same amount of damage that they would do in normal time.



Combat Behaviour:
Dorothy usually never fight humans put takes very assassin style when it comes to Grimm. Using a combination of stealth and speed she is able to dispatch Grimm with multiple swift and precise strikes. Her shield protects her from ranged attacks but only for so long. While she is able to fight in both hand-to-hand combat and long range her greatest weakness is that she chooses to be jack-of-all-trades instead of mastering a single art. Her semblance combined with her melee can be a very deadly combo but the drawbacks after can leave for equally deadly openings.
WEAPON

Name:
Sunfire Gauntlet

Primary Form:
A golden gauntlets that Dorothy wears on her left arm. It bears unrecognisable markings and letters with symbols that decorate the palm. The gauntlet seems to reflect the suns rays and had a sun carving emblazoned into the top of the hand.

Dust Functions:
The most useful part of the gauntlet is how it uses two types of dust to generate a shield that can be used offensively and defensively. The gauntlet stores two dust crystals, one fire and one kinetic. The kinetic dust makes a force field like barrier that absorbs blows from projectiles and melee attacks. It is extremely strong and durable lasting for a total of 10 minuets of constant use in combat. The fire dust crystal coats the force field in a sheet of flame burning whoever touches it making a shield with offensive capabilities. The shield can take a lot of punishment but is destroy by repeated exposure to giant blunt force (War axes, hammers, really heavy physical strikes) or precise/heavy fire (Multiple sniper rounds, lots of machine gun fire). The shield comes up to about her chin and stop at her calves.

History:
The gauntlet is one of the more valuable items Dorothy has found during her lootings. She found it so useful that instead of selling she kept it to add to her armory.

Name:
Desert Flower

Primary Form:
A unassuming set of daggers with multiple hidden carvings made along its white handle and blade. Dorothy keeps a set of five of them on her at all times. One blade per petal of the flower just in the case one breaks.

History:
The daggers were a gift from Griffon that Dorothy just can’t let go. When one breaks or she looses a set she orders a new set be made with the exact same specifications she has written down.


Name:
Throwing Daggers

Primary Form:
Slim but sharp throwing daggers that Dorothy keeps tucked away in hidden pockets within her cloak.
 
History:
Dorothy needs a lightweight ranged weapon that doesn’t make any sound when she fires it and causes the least amount of collateral. The throwing daggers were her best bet. (doesn’t want to collapse the tunnel of the cave she’s in)


 
« Last Edit: October 01, 2016, 07:27:03 PM by Timeworker »
Griz Blancard 1st Year Student at Beacon"I need a nap"
Dorothy Burgundy 3rd Year Shade, Elite Scavenger "Treasure is everywhere, you just need to know where to look!"
Xavier Cendres2nd year Beacon "Everything can be solved with a wrench, screwdriver, and a whole lot of time"

OmegaX123

  • Full Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 134
  • Karma:
    +5/-0
    • View Profile
Re: Dorothy Burgundy
« Reply #1 on: September 27, 2016, 09:16:30 PM »
I like the uniqueness (but I kind of have some worry that the Semblance may be a problem, but I can't speak for the people who run the site), the fact that the weapons are not a shifting one but instead multiple single-form ones (even though shifting weapons and 'it's also a gun' are half the fun of RWBY weapon stuff), and the fact that we will, if you're accepted, have another Vacuan in the game. The fact that your character is not a Shade student but rather a traveling treasure hunter is an interesting touch as well (and means that she and Martin could still have run-ins even if I follow through on my thinking about transferring him to Beacon).
Martin Roja - 1st2nd-year student nosey-pants (see "Chasing Shadows" for details) of ShadeBeacon Academy (see "Under the Vacuan Stars" and "Immigration Blues" for details)

jjb2158

  • Moderator
  • Full Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 417
  • Karma:
    +27/-0
  • Personal Text
    The Destroyer of Dreams & Expectations
    • View Profile
Re: Dorothy Burgundy
« Reply #2 on: September 29, 2016, 03:59:29 PM »
First off, Omega - I appreciate you wanting to add your two cents to the review. However, when a character is in the Character Creation board, then only the mods and those who have been picked to do reviews are allowed to write anything on these characters. If you really want to look at characters, then feel free to provide input on WIP characters, just not those who are in this board. Thank you.



Let me go ahead and review your character Time:

Occupation:
Is she a student at an Academy? If so, then make sure you add that here.

Semblance:
Ahahaha I'm sure this is what you've been waiting for, right? My extremely harsh and technical review of semblances...

To be honest, you have enough drawbacks that I don't see anything wrong with this semblance. Time manipulation isn't completely banned, but is extremely hard to make doable...though not impossible to do. I do have a couple questions:
1. How does this affect those around her? Will they be slowed down as well? Will they know that they've been slowed down?
2. If this has an AOE, what is the range?

Weapon:
So, a force field shield, huh? I don't particularly see anything wrong with how you created it. I do have two questions about it though:
1. How big of a shield are we talking about?
2. Can it be broken? If so, what can break it?

That's about it for me.
First Year Beacon Student: Rackley Winchester - The Hawkeye Sniper of Team CRSA (Crystal)

Second Year Beacon Student: Jett Davenport - The Playful Shadow Knight of Team MLDC (Melodic)

Third Year Beacon Student: Suntalia Lyn Ryker - The Voice of Thunder of Team PLSM (Plasma)

Fourth Year Beacon Student: Savas Carnelian - The Quiet Berserker Leader of Team SARK (Stark)

Beacon Professor: Oberon Falcov - The Man With A Plan / Team Strategy Teacher of Beacon

Timeworker

  • Full Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 162
  • Karma:
    +6/-1
  • Personal Text
    Natus es angelorum morientur gehennam ignis
    • View Profile
Re: Dorothy Burgundy
« Reply #3 on: September 30, 2016, 07:43:22 AM »
Occupation:Fixed

Semblance:

Added visual indications that her semblance is active
Quote
People who have been slowed down by her semblance won't have the feeling of being slowed down but there are some indications that her semblance is active. A bright yellow glow surrounds her when she activates her semblance as well as the sound of a clock ticking.

As for AOE question, I don't know how to put it but it isn't exactly an aoe. It's more like her brain is speeding up, processing information faster than the world can give it to her which makes time seem to slow down. Her body than compensates for her brain which allows her to move normally in this perceived rate of time. Because Dorothy is moving fast enough to compensate with this slowed down time it is time manipulation in relativity to only her. To everyone else it is an extremely potent speed semblance. The reasons I labeled it a time semblance is because it allows for different growth for the character (her semblance becoming more powerful in her 4th year and hunter years ect...). And because unlike a speed semblance gravity and other forces like it act on her the same in this state as it would normally.
I hope this answers your question

Weapons:
Fixed
« Last Edit: September 30, 2016, 09:16:11 AM by Timeworker »
Griz Blancard 1st Year Student at Beacon"I need a nap"
Dorothy Burgundy 3rd Year Shade, Elite Scavenger "Treasure is everywhere, you just need to know where to look!"
Xavier Cendres2nd year Beacon "Everything can be solved with a wrench, screwdriver, and a whole lot of time"

jjb2158

  • Moderator
  • Full Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 417
  • Karma:
    +27/-0
  • Personal Text
    The Destroyer of Dreams & Expectations
    • View Profile
Re: Dorothy Burgundy
« Reply #4 on: September 30, 2016, 12:09:42 PM »
As strange as it may be, your explanation made sense to me. In a nutshell, it's a time semblance in her point of view, but to others, it seems more like a speed semblance, right?

Everything looks good to me so you got my approval.

Approved 1 of 2.
First Year Beacon Student: Rackley Winchester - The Hawkeye Sniper of Team CRSA (Crystal)

Second Year Beacon Student: Jett Davenport - The Playful Shadow Knight of Team MLDC (Melodic)

Third Year Beacon Student: Suntalia Lyn Ryker - The Voice of Thunder of Team PLSM (Plasma)

Fourth Year Beacon Student: Savas Carnelian - The Quiet Berserker Leader of Team SARK (Stark)

Beacon Professor: Oberon Falcov - The Man With A Plan / Team Strategy Teacher of Beacon

Xarias Fury

  • Moderator
  • Full Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 488
  • Karma:
    +29/-5
  • Personal Text
    TWo MilKmen go comedy
    • View Profile
Re: Dorothy Burgundy
« Reply #5 on: October 01, 2016, 07:19:42 AM »
I never new being a savage was an occupation.XD

Quote
I'm assuming the savaging program can act as a Co-op program through the school allowing Dorothy to complete her training and become a hunter while also savaging and treasure hunting.

You might want to fix that bit, might give people the wrong impressing if they don't catch on right away.

Now for the semblance.

"ZA WARUDO!"

Now, obviously if you got the reference you'd know that I'm about to ask something about her moving in near halted time and throwing or attacking something.

What happens if she punches or attacks something when she's moving that fast? Now I don't wanna get all physics conscious and all but I want some clarification. Since she's technically moving super fast relative to others, or rather slows people down, I'm guessing that her attacks still hit with the same amount of force rather than being an extremely powerful because of enhanced speed. Please clarify if this is true. Also, another point. What happens to projectiles that immediately leave her spot? Are they slowed down as well if she's the one shooting? Because this is what's going to determine whether or not this is allowable or not, forgive me if I missed anything in the semblance but I just want this point clarified. Does it so happen that when she throws or shoots multiple times the bullets would hang in mid air? (Like Dio's Knives in jojo?) or do they move as fast as she does in that slowed down time?

Last note. Since it's saying she can slow down time itself is there a range to it or does it affect every single thing in the world? Or is she simply moving through time fast enough that it's essentially slowing it down? For example she hears that someone in a nearby city is gonna get shot so she slows down time for herself to contemplate the last moments of that person who is potentially kilometers away? Hypothetical but time stuff is always an iffy topic. (I have a somewhat time related character myself actually.)

"And now, time flows again"

All in all the profile is well written and pretty balanced. I like her (you rarely hear that from me). Just need those few questions about her semblance clarified.

Students
Wisteria Lockheart - 1st Year student at Beacon. "Don't make me throw a book at you"
Shiroe Pendragon - 1st Year Student at beacon - "This is my monochrome reality" - Team MARS
Lavender du Lac - 1st Year Student at Haven -  "The harder I try the further things drift away." Team RWND
Ayaka Miyamoto - 1st Year student at Beacon. "Tsubame Gaeshi!" - Team ALIA
Vermilion Desdemona - 3rd Year Student at Beacon - "Only time you'd be above me is when your head rests on my pike"
Talen de L'eglantine - 3rd Year Student at Beacon
Kei Almas - 4th Year Student at Beacon - "Everything is ripe for the taking!"
Aurum LeBlanc - 3rd Year Student at Atlas - "Lay back, take it easy, and watch the comedy unfold"

Professors
Professor William Nox - "To contain the world in a grain of dust *EXPOROSION*

Timeworker

  • Full Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 162
  • Karma:
    +6/-1
  • Personal Text
    Natus es angelorum morientur gehennam ignis
    • View Profile
Re: Dorothy Burgundy
« Reply #6 on: October 01, 2016, 07:23:07 PM »
haha you thought is was Dorothy when it was me, Dio!

Semblance:Specifications to damage while in her time traveling state has been specified along with projectiles. (I had the same Idea I just hadn't specified)
Quote
If a projectile leaves Dorothy's hand while she has her semblance activated it will leave her aura and become affected by the slow that is in place at the time (moving slowly in 1, very slowly in 2 and nearly suspended in 3). When Dorothy activated her semblance in relativity to the normal world she is going extremely fast. However her punches and blows still do the same amount of damage that they would do in normal time.

As for the actual range of her time manipulation you said it best yourself
Quote
she is simply moving through time fast enough that it's essentially slowing it down

If you dont mind Im actually going to use that quote to help explain what her semblance does because it does a damn good job of explaining it.

I also added a fun little non-combat element to the semblance for giggles and shits.

Quote
Interesting fact: Dorothy can use the semblance in a reverse way as well. Time around her slips past her at amazing speeds while she seems to slow down her existence to a crawl. This doesn't have any combat functionality but it does help to pass the time in the hospital after abusing her semblance too much.

It doesnt really do much except pass the time faster so she doesn't have to wait.
« Last Edit: October 01, 2016, 07:28:39 PM by Timeworker »
Griz Blancard 1st Year Student at Beacon"I need a nap"
Dorothy Burgundy 3rd Year Shade, Elite Scavenger "Treasure is everywhere, you just need to know where to look!"
Xavier Cendres2nd year Beacon "Everything can be solved with a wrench, screwdriver, and a whole lot of time"

Xarias Fury

  • Moderator
  • Full Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 488
  • Karma:
    +29/-5
  • Personal Text
    TWo MilKmen go comedy
    • View Profile
Re: Dorothy Burgundy
« Reply #7 on: October 01, 2016, 07:29:16 PM »
Yare yare daze.

Acceptable.

Haha, Approved!
Students
Wisteria Lockheart - 1st Year student at Beacon. "Don't make me throw a book at you"
Shiroe Pendragon - 1st Year Student at beacon - "This is my monochrome reality" - Team MARS
Lavender du Lac - 1st Year Student at Haven -  "The harder I try the further things drift away." Team RWND
Ayaka Miyamoto - 1st Year student at Beacon. "Tsubame Gaeshi!" - Team ALIA
Vermilion Desdemona - 3rd Year Student at Beacon - "Only time you'd be above me is when your head rests on my pike"
Talen de L'eglantine - 3rd Year Student at Beacon
Kei Almas - 4th Year Student at Beacon - "Everything is ripe for the taking!"
Aurum LeBlanc - 3rd Year Student at Atlas - "Lay back, take it easy, and watch the comedy unfold"

Professors
Professor William Nox - "To contain the world in a grain of dust *EXPOROSION*