Author Topic: Orchid Lovette  (Read 1570 times)

Asterisk

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Orchid Lovette
« on: September 11, 2016, 04:26:39 PM »
CHARACTER

Name: Orchid Lovette

Age: 17

Species and Gender: Human Female

Symbol:
Spoiler: ShowHide
Worn as a brooch.

Occupation: First-year at Beacon, Part-time maid

Appearance:
Underworld Vulcan, Art by Huke: ShowHide

Orchid is a young girl with a pale, almost white skin complexion and a petite build, being 160cm tall, weighing 67kg, most of it coming from muscle, and an 84/59/86 BWH. She has hot pink eyes and hair, which is tied into two pigtails with black ribbons along with a black butterfly-shaped hair clip to keep it out of her face. Her attire mainly consists of an average maid uniform with a black dress, white apron, and black stockings and shoes. There is also a single black fingerless glove worn on her left hand.

History:Orchid was born from a huntsman and a huntress in Vale who eventually gained too much fame. Thus, when she was still in the hospital, an inside job was conducted by jealous people along with more of her family's enemies to kidnap her and ransom her for the family's retirement. However, when transporting her, she was lost and picked up by a impoverished family who, even though they were concerned about their financial issues, took her in to replace their recently stillborn daughter. Growing up was hard for Orchid, but she was always able to make her parents smile. She also possessed a love for reading books at the library, which educated her about the feats of various huntsmen and huntresses across the world. Once when she was reading a book, a few words in particular caught her attention: "...fame and fortune..." Thus, she persuaded her parents to sign her up for Beacon, until she realized they had to attend a preliminary school first, in which she signed up for Signal.

Her time there taught her that being a huntress was not only about accumulating wealth, which caused her to realize that though her family was poor, they were almost always happy, and in times of crisis, worked hard together to push through. This changed her outlook on her career as a huntress, instead focusing mainly on making other people happy. This was until she was notified that her adoptive father had suffered an injury which was repaired, but now her family had a large debt to be paid. Sorrowful and in need of money, Orchid found a part-time job as a maid for a rich family but found that she could barely keep it up. She was about to drop out of the school, when a teacher who had taken a liking to her gave her advice to pull through while also giving and encouraging her classmates to give her support. This determined Orchid who became a good student and one of the top maids at her employer's mansion. Talking to her master who was very understanding and had also taken a liking to her, he gave her an interest-less loan to pay off the debt so she can work less along with personally training her during work breaks. Soon, she would be on her way to Beacon, working to slowly pay off the debt that had once kept her down, but now, little by little, was getting paid off. Unbeknownst to anybody, her employer is her long-lost father who had retired after his wife, still grieving at the loss of their child, perished on the battlefield. Though, some older servants tell her she resembles the master's deceased mistress. Towards the end of her first year at Beacon was this finally revealed to her employer from witnessing her semblance in action. However, she wasn't told this information yet because her employer wants her to focus on her studies.

Personality: Orchid is a very loyal person who will always obey those she trusts. Due to her growing up in a poor family along with crippling debt, Orchid is in constant pursuit of money. However, she would never cheat people and is instead the type of person who would pick up every bit of currency that she may find and store it into a piggy bank or constantly keep up to date with discounts at multiple supermarkets. She would get very emotional over even a slight tear in her uniform. Along with that, her experience working within a household makes her highly skilled in cooking, cleaning, and pretty much every other form of housework. As her mother worked as a librarian, Orchid has learned to love reading, and is therefore knowledgeable of various topics. Finally, she has a tendency to state obvious things.

Aura and Semblance:
Aura: Hot Pink
Hyper Body - Adds a second layer of shielding with properties similar to aura onto those within a 10 meter radius, the durability being half of their currently existing aura. This costs 50% of her stamina.

Combat Behavior:
Possessing excellent physical conditioning for a first year, Orchid is both strong and quick in battle along with having the stamina to last, making her quite effective when dual-wielding her claymores for devastating synchronized attacks. Especially since her techniques were learned from her employer and father, a renowned huntsman during work breaks. She has a purely aggressive fighting style and never takes up a defensive stance. As such though, she heavily relies on her aura's shielding capability. Orchid is also good at being rigid. This means that while one can stop her movements by grabbing her, it would be extremely difficult to manipulate her movements against her will such as bending her arm back. She does not have any specific plan against ranged opponents, except for straight up charging them if she can identify their locations. If not, she'll run for the nearest cover. As such, snipers and quicker ranged opponents have an advantage over her.

WEAPON

Orchid dual-wields two rather ordinary unnamed claymores with 16 cm long handles and 81 cm long blades made of average quality of steel and weighing about 2.2 kg each. They possess no special functions. She was allowed to pick out the swords from the manor armoury and keep them.
Appearance: ShowHide


NPCS
- William van Clary: Orchid's biological father and employer. Once a renowned huntsman, he retired after the loss of his daughter and the death of his wife. William carries 6 spadroons into combat, three on each side of his waist. His semblance allows him, with a single strike, to create the slashes of all his previous attacks up to a certain point in rapid succession, using 1% for each strike. Now, he resides in his manor and earns money by buying and renting out homes.
Appearance: ShowHide

- Amelia van Clary (Deceased): Orchid's deceased biological mother. Once a huntress that people venerated, she lost her will to fight when her daughter was taken. This in turned was the cause of her death at the beak of a giant Nevermore.
- Avery Lovette: Orchid's adoptive father. Works at a factory.
- Julia Lovette: Orchid's adoptive mother. Works as a librarian.
« Last Edit: October 20, 2016, 08:03:18 PM by Asterisk »
Links to my characters.: ShowHide
Marigold Beckett - 1st Year Black Monarch of Team MRSF: "Rise! My loyal knight!"
Orchid Lovette - 1st Year Maid of Team OBSA: "Hey! That costs money you know?"
DEBT: 9,014 Lien
Stella Xnfe Chartreuse - 1st Year Shitty Protagonist of Team JCRA: "Fuck off."
Camellia Yulind - 1st Year Hyperactive Rocketeer of Team CLYS: "It's a carnival!"
Ophelia Chryse Yulind - The Cougar of Many Faces
Strelka Macaulay Harbinger - 3rd Year Shooting Star of Team OBES: "It's time for PURIFICATION!"
Astrid Snowflower - Goliath Hunter, Global Huntress and Tatsujin-Style DJ Asterisk: "Mission in Vale today, mission in Atlas tomorrow."
{Under Review}Amethyst Walker - Team Strategy Professor at Haven Academy: "If you want help with anything, just ask!"

Worldbuild {WIP}: ShowHide

jjb2158

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Re: Orchid Lovette
« Reply #1 on: October 18, 2016, 02:06:43 PM »
First Nathan...now you...oh boy. Let's get this started then, shall we? As I'm sure you're well aware, I am going to be pretty blunt and straight-forward in my thoughts here. If I ask for something to change, then change it. I don't feel like arguing about things and, unless you can give me a legitimate reason, I don't want to deal with complaints. So, here we go:

Appearance:
I want a height and weight here. This will help the readers know what type of body build your character is.

History:
There were a couple yellow flags that caught my attention here, but they are the least of my worries so I'm not going to worry too much about the little data here and just give you the benefit of the doubt instead of wonder how in the world a girl from an impoverished family was able to get the funds as well as the education to get into Signal since that happened before she got her part-time job.

Combat Behavior:
Soooooo...Orchid is able to fire her weapon with one hand...

...a vulcan cannon...

...with ONE hand....

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

No...just...no...and I will get to why I'm saying no when I get to her weapon.

Weapon:
So, Nathan gave me a white hair with each of his character...I think you're going to do the same to me...

I am flat out denying your character a Vulcan Cannon as her weapon. Here's why I am denying it:
1. A typical Vulcan Cannon weighs roughly 202lbs and that's one that weighs on the lighter side
2. A single 5.56x45 round costs right around $1.05, thus it would cost your character $6,163.50 for a single magazine
3. The weight of carrying 5,870 rounds would be right around 176.1 lbs
4. HOW IN THE WORLD DID YOUR CHARACTER EVEN HAVE THE MONEY TO BUY THE AMMO, MUCH LESS MAKE THE WEAPON?!?!?!

In total, your character's weapon would weigh right around 378.1 lbs and cost $6,163.50 for a single mag...

...and she can wield it with one hand?

Yeah...no. I am not going to approve this weapon. Change it.



There's your first review. Please make the changes I've listed and then I will take a second look at it all.
« Last Edit: October 19, 2016, 11:45:11 AM by jjb2158 »
First Year Beacon Student: Rackley Winchester - The Hawkeye Sniper of Team CRSA (Crystal)

Second Year Beacon Student: Jett Davenport - The Playful Shadow Knight of Team MLDC (Melodic)

Third Year Beacon Student: Suntalia Lyn Ryker - The Voice of Thunder of Team PLSM (Plasma)

Fourth Year Beacon Student: Savas Carnelian - The Quiet Berserker Leader of Team SARK (Stark)

Beacon Professor: Oberon Falcov - The Man With A Plan / Team Strategy Teacher of Beacon

Asterisk

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Re: Orchid Lovette
« Reply #2 on: October 18, 2016, 08:26:48 PM »
Appearance:
Added.

History:
Education - Her mother was a librarian.
Funds - Does Signal require funds?

Weapon:
1. The Vulcan Cannon on Wikipedia that weighs 202lbs fires 20mm (20x102mm) rounds. Hers fires 5.56x45mm rounds. I suspect the massive difference in bullet size would decrease the weight significantly.
2. Before, she fired her weapon sparingly without even a full belt, but as of events on the board before the board change, her employer had found she was his daughter.
3. It had been discussed on the old board that her strength is just slightly less than that of Yatsuhashi and White Fang Lieutenant.
4. Through Signal resources and with the instructional aid of a teacher.

Also, I removed the cannon function, but it's still a vacuum cleaner.

Also also, drastically nerfed and changed properties of previous semblance.
« Last Edit: October 18, 2016, 09:07:54 PM by Asterisk »
Links to my characters.: ShowHide
Marigold Beckett - 1st Year Black Monarch of Team MRSF: "Rise! My loyal knight!"
Orchid Lovette - 1st Year Maid of Team OBSA: "Hey! That costs money you know?"
DEBT: 9,014 Lien
Stella Xnfe Chartreuse - 1st Year Shitty Protagonist of Team JCRA: "Fuck off."
Camellia Yulind - 1st Year Hyperactive Rocketeer of Team CLYS: "It's a carnival!"
Ophelia Chryse Yulind - The Cougar of Many Faces
Strelka Macaulay Harbinger - 3rd Year Shooting Star of Team OBES: "It's time for PURIFICATION!"
Astrid Snowflower - Goliath Hunter, Global Huntress and Tatsujin-Style DJ Asterisk: "Mission in Vale today, mission in Atlas tomorrow."
{Under Review}Amethyst Walker - Team Strategy Professor at Haven Academy: "If you want help with anything, just ask!"

Worldbuild {WIP}: ShowHide

jjb2158

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Re: Orchid Lovette
« Reply #3 on: October 19, 2016, 12:40:29 PM »
Round two:

History:
Again, these are small issues and nothing worth fussing about. Whether it costs money or not to go to Signal (I'm under the impression that it does, but I'm not 100% sure), the history is fine in my eyes.

Weapon:
1. The Vulcan Cannon weighs 202lbs without the feed, aka without the ammo. You add the ammo and it's another 176lbs. If you seriously think the gun would weigh only 202lbs with the ammo then you're sorely wrong. Let me do the math for you: Vulcan Cannons shoot 20mm rounds, which the weight of one of those rounds 0.2lbs per round. For 202lbs, the gun would hold less than 1,000 20mm rounds and that's not even counting the weight of the weapon itself. Now, a 5.56 round weighs less, but still doesn't change the fact that it wouldn't make any sense to have it be part of the 202lbs. Therefore, your reasoning on having the gun AND ammo weigh around 200lbs is both ridiculous and unrealistic. This is why I said that your weapon will weigh close to 400lbs, including the ammo.
2. If you're going to say that her employer finds out that she's his daughter, THEN PUT IT IN HER HISTORY! None of us are going to go back into the hundreds of posts you've made on the previous board to find this kind of info.
3. I don't care if her strength was double the strength of Yatsuhashi, if you seriously think that she would be able to wield a near 400lbs weapon WITH ONE HAND then, forgive my bluntness, you're an idiot. Your Mary Sue of a character WILL NOT be able to wield this weapon as if it's the same weight of a sword or an assault rifle. End of discussion.
4. If you really think Signal is going to freely give her all the resources to create this monstrosity of a weapon at no charge, as well as provide her with $6,000 worth of ammo at no charge, then you're going to seriously need to start sharing whatever it is that you're smoking with me. All this proves is one of two things: either Signal costs money to attend to cover these types of cost, or Signal makes the person pay for their weapon expenses.
5. Let me add one other point now: if you seriously think changing the word "Vulcan Cannon" to "Auto Cannon" will make this acceptable, you're just digging yourself into a bigger hole.

Let me just make this very clear here: this weapon is OP, unrealistic, and does not even work with your character's build, regardless of how strong she is. That all said, I'm just going to say this as clear as I possibly can: YOUR WEAPON IS DENIED.

Change your weapon and then we'll talk again.
« Last Edit: October 19, 2016, 02:07:31 PM by jjb2158 »
First Year Beacon Student: Rackley Winchester - The Hawkeye Sniper of Team CRSA (Crystal)

Second Year Beacon Student: Jett Davenport - The Playful Shadow Knight of Team MLDC (Melodic)

Third Year Beacon Student: Suntalia Lyn Ryker - The Voice of Thunder of Team PLSM (Plasma)

Fourth Year Beacon Student: Savas Carnelian - The Quiet Berserker Leader of Team SARK (Stark)

Beacon Professor: Oberon Falcov - The Man With A Plan / Team Strategy Teacher of Beacon

Asterisk

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Re: Orchid Lovette
« Reply #4 on: October 20, 2016, 08:00:36 PM »
- Added to the end of history
- Completely changed weapon (Will have to retcon a lot of stuff)
- Changed combat behavior
« Last Edit: October 20, 2016, 08:19:21 PM by Asterisk »
Links to my characters.: ShowHide
Marigold Beckett - 1st Year Black Monarch of Team MRSF: "Rise! My loyal knight!"
Orchid Lovette - 1st Year Maid of Team OBSA: "Hey! That costs money you know?"
DEBT: 9,014 Lien
Stella Xnfe Chartreuse - 1st Year Shitty Protagonist of Team JCRA: "Fuck off."
Camellia Yulind - 1st Year Hyperactive Rocketeer of Team CLYS: "It's a carnival!"
Ophelia Chryse Yulind - The Cougar of Many Faces
Strelka Macaulay Harbinger - 3rd Year Shooting Star of Team OBES: "It's time for PURIFICATION!"
Astrid Snowflower - Goliath Hunter, Global Huntress and Tatsujin-Style DJ Asterisk: "Mission in Vale today, mission in Atlas tomorrow."
{Under Review}Amethyst Walker - Team Strategy Professor at Haven Academy: "If you want help with anything, just ask!"

Worldbuild {WIP}: ShowHide

jjb2158

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Re: Orchid Lovette
« Reply #5 on: October 21, 2016, 10:35:52 AM »
Changes all look good. Again, I apologize if I came off as harsh or cruel.

Everything is good so....Approved 1 of 2. I'll pass this on for another review.
First Year Beacon Student: Rackley Winchester - The Hawkeye Sniper of Team CRSA (Crystal)

Second Year Beacon Student: Jett Davenport - The Playful Shadow Knight of Team MLDC (Melodic)

Third Year Beacon Student: Suntalia Lyn Ryker - The Voice of Thunder of Team PLSM (Plasma)

Fourth Year Beacon Student: Savas Carnelian - The Quiet Berserker Leader of Team SARK (Stark)

Beacon Professor: Oberon Falcov - The Man With A Plan / Team Strategy Teacher of Beacon

FunkyMonkey

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Re: Orchid Lovette
« Reply #6 on: October 23, 2016, 01:32:37 AM »
I'm ok with this after the changes