Author Topic: Jado Schnitter  (Read 684 times)

Icrus505

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Jado Schnitter
« on: January 10, 2017, 04:10:13 PM »
CHARACTER

Name: Jado Schnitter

Age: 20

Species and Gender: Alligator Faunus Male

Symbol: A chain wrapped around a skull

Occupation: 2nd Year Haven Student, Visiting Beacon

Appearance: Standing at a staggering 6í4, Jado Schnitter is a hulking mass of muscle and power. Born and raised in the swamps of Mistral, Jado had to learn how to defend himself and his village as did most boys from his home. His home was located deep in the swamps and in those swamps were Grimm that would drag you deep into the waters...never to be seen again. His village lived outside Mistrals guarded walls and as such is vulnerable to attacks from Grimm. To fix this the village trained selected children to defend its villagers. Jado was one of the many selected, and one of the few to become a Village Guardian. (Guardian explained more in History).

Jado wears dirty brown pants that go down to his ankles. He wears deep green colored greaves, and a tattered green hood. He wears no shirt unless in school uniform. He will however still wear his hood as it is a mark of his home. Under his hood he has shaggy black hair that covers his eyes and reaches the back of his neck. His eyes are a deep yellow with black slits. His body while muscular and toned has a green hue to it and on his back he has large scales that run down the back of his arms Finally he has a set of sharp teeth powerful jaws. On his waist are a assortment of hooks, chains, and a lantern used by his people to trek the swamps at night and escort villagers. (Lanturn and chains explained more in weapons)

History:

As stated above, Jado Schnitter was born in one of the many swamps of Mistral in a small village named Shi No Mura, or Village of Death. The name comes from a dark time, a time when it was said that death itself walked the land and still does. Nowadays it's more of a scary story, but Jado knows it to be true. (Explained in third paragraph.) Though the reaper never truly showed itís face, other Grimm still surrounded the Village at times. In order to deal with this, the village elders decided upon a plan to protect the villagers. The selected children from birth to become guardians, protectors of the village, they would be trained in aura, dust, and weapons. It was a success, such a success that many guardians were scouted out by Haven Academy. The Village was hesitant at first, but it was soon washed away as many guardians declined the invite. They had a job to do and it was to protect their home. The Academy was disappointed but understood. The Village elder came to an agreement with the Academy. They were allowed to choose one guardian every five years. Jado would soon join this tradition as well.

At the age of five Jado was selected to participate in the tradition of becoming a guardian. He didnít understand, but his parents his friends and everyone treated him differently, like he was on a pedestal. Jado had little choice in the matter, but he did it with pride knowing he would be able to protect his family. During his training become a guardian, Jado was taught how to use weapons, from staffs to long swords. But none of them interested him like the chains did. Yes special chains used to capture prey one end of the chain was connected to a sickle, while the other side was connected to a special lantern all guardians were given. These lanterns marked them as different guardians. Square ones, marked them as Hunter Guardians, Guardians who trekked into the forest to defeat Grimm, Pyramid Lanterns are the defenders, who star and guard the Village. Jado was given a special launturn. A circular launturn that gave off a green light. It glows dimly and has a cylindrical shape. It is called the Collector's Lantern, given to the strongest of the group. Since the collector has to do things that could easily kill him. His job was to find any launturns lost by fallen guardians. He was seen as a Reaper of sorts. One who was sent deep into the swamp to retrieve the last memories of the fallen. Jado did a great job. Until he was attacked...by the one known as death.

Jado was sent out to retrieve a fellow guardianís lantern who had fallen to a unknown Grimm. The sounds of crickets echoed through the swamps as Jado walked through the murky waters. He grabbed a square lantern. He looked over it and saw large claw marks. The sound of hissing was heard and Jado looked back to see a strange sight. A Grimm that seemed to be a spectre, with a enlarged hand. Itís hand was razor sharp and curved into a scythe. It was the one known as Death. It shot at him at amazing speeds, and slashed at his neck. Jado moved back quick enough, but it had cut his neck. Jado quickly forced his aura to heal his neck, yet it didnít fix the damage to his voice box and adam's apple. Jado backed up and ran his hands along his chain, making it burn with dust. He twirled it around him and slammed it down into the grim, snaring it. He Grinned and watched as it burned away, shrieking. Jado collected the lantern and made his way home. He was treated as a hero who managed to rid them of a evil spirit, but Jado felt it was off. It seemed to rash for a Grimm who is supposed to be older. Due to the damage to his neck, Jado could no longer speak well. He could only speak in growls, and hissing. But through his defeat of the beast he was sought out by Haven.

Jado had first refused, but was soon talked into it by the Elder. The Elder had told him that he needed to show that his village is strong and show his pride. Jado accepted and was soon taken to Haven where he began his first year of combat classes. He excelled greatly in combat, but fell short in math, and history. It wasnít until he met his first and only friend. She was beautiful and elegant. She was from Atlas, a kingdom he knew little of. She helped him learn more and saw his power in combat classes. She offered him a job as her bodyguard and he accepted. She transferred to Beacon and he followed acting as an exchange student. Now at Beacon Jado will follow his employer and ensure she stays safe.

Personality:

Jado is quite a large fellow with a heart of gold, he will do whatever he can to protect his friends and employer. He always honors his commitments and promises. When in combat he fights with the intentions to protect his friends. In social interactions, he tends to just shrug or give thumbs up, since he doesnít like to try and vocally communicate.

Aura and Semblance:

Name: Guardianís Gift

Jado will create a barrier around his team with his launturn. The barriers are either kinetic dust or fire dust since ice dust traps them and electricty will hurt teammates. He uses ice and electricity to fend off foes or separate them. He can focuses the dust in his lanturn through his chain and make it an attack buff to toss his Lantern out to give a armor buff to team mates. If he tosses his Lantern he can use the kinetic trail it creates to get him to his destination. Any other types of dust will have no effect and he must bring the lantern back  to him with his chain. If he focuses kinetic dust in his chain he will toss it at enemies and use his ability to wrap the chain around his target and drag them to him.

Combat Behavior:

Jado for all intents and purposes is a Guardian/Disruptor. He protects his team mates but will use his chains to separate enemies, but pulling one close or making a wall of ice. If he sees a team mate in danger her will make his way to them post haste, eager to help and ensure their safety. If he sees his prey he will hunt them like a stalker and wait until he can separate them from their team and or pack. Being a alligator faunus he was given sharp teeth from birth, if he needs to he isn't afraid to bite his way out a hold. He will use his aura to give his bite a extra bit of umph he he has to but he normally only does this to Grimm.

WEAPON

Name: The Collectorís Chain and Light

Primary Form: A chain that is connected to a sickle. It is extremely durable and can either wrap up enemies or slice them. Jado will use his semblance to feed dust into his chains and use it to harm or keep enemies away from him and his team mates.

Secondary Form: A launturn with a vary ornate design, one that gives off an eerie yet calming effect. This launturn stamps Jado as the collector of the fallen. With this light he ventures into the darkness unfazed and unafraid. Through his lantern he can load and focus dust through it or his chain. If he doesn't have his lantern he cannot use dust attacks. Should he lose it he will be at a disadvantage.

Tertiary Form: His weapons act as a conduit for his dust. A way to focus it through.

Dust Functions:

Lantern: If he tosses the lantern out it will spread the dust over teammates and act as a barrier. It will also affect enemies the same way, so he has to be mindful of when he does it. If it has fire it will act as a fire barrier and protect team mates from melee attacks. If it is ice it will make a dome to cover to trap enemies. If electricity it will make a electric pulse. If kinetic it will just be a barrier to reduce long range damage. He can only do this every other thirty seconds. (10 posts) but it is extremely hard on him to do it every thirty seconds so he doesn't

Chain and Sickle.: He will feed it into his chain and use it different ways depending on the dust. If fire, he will grab the enemy as he would with kinetic, but it will damage them every so often. If Ice, he will drag it on the ground and create a wall for cover. If electric he will wrap up an enemy and discharge it into them causing massive damage. Kinetic dust is always in the chains,but if he pumps more in he can control the chains like a snake. As stated before the kinetic dust is always running through but not enough to effect it alot, it like that so if in the swamps he loses the sickle he can call it back.

History:

The chain belonged to the first collector, with this chain he slayed Grimm and ensured the lanterns of the fallen were returned to their home and not left in the swamp to be forgotten. The chains and lantern are special in that the collectors always use them not by force, but by chance. Those who are skilled enough to use the chains are worthy enough to become the collector. Only one collector is ever active at a time. It is unknown why but they are regarded as the strongest of the village are not to be tested with. The chains are basic steel chains with a sickle on it from lifelong ago. The lantern is about the size of a bowling ball, but is extremely treasured for its interesting look.

(Note! He is offten seen with a NPC outside of school. She is there as a non combatant and will just observe until I A.)Make her a char, or B.) Somthing makes her go poof)
Krasi Komma- The Party king
Sonya Schwartz- The Soaring Eagle

jjb2158

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Re: Jado Schnitter
« Reply #1 on: January 19, 2017, 05:52:28 PM »
Okay Icrus...as I read this character, the white hairs started coming out. Seeing that you're a veteran to the site and should know better, I won't be holding back any punches. That said, I do apologize if I come off as harsh to you...I'm just a very blunt and straight to the point kind of guy. So...let's begin, shall we?

Appearance:
A few things here:
1.
Quote
Born and raised in the swamps of Mistral, Jado had to learn how to defend himself and his village as did most boys from his home. His home was located deep in the swamps and in those swamps were Grimm that would drag you deep into the waters...never to be seen again. His village lived outside Mistrals guarded walls and as such is vulnerable to attacks from Grimm. To fix this the village trained selected children to defend its villagers. Jado was one of the many selected, and one of the few to become a Village Guardian. (Guardian explained more in History).
This does not belong in the appearance section. This should be in the History section. I want to know what he looks like, not about his village.
2. Please put his weight down so we can better understand his physique.
3.
Quote
His eyes are a deep yellow with black slits. His body while muscular and toned has a green hue to it and on his back he has large scales that run down the back of his arms Finally he has a set of sharp teeth powerful jaws.
Let me first say this: I will allow an alligator faunus, but this is EXTREMELY pushing it. That said, a faunus only has one, if not two AT MOST, features. Your character has four from what I can tell. Please remove some of these features.

History:
A couple things here:
1.
Quote
A Grimm that seemed to be a spectre, with a enlarged hand. Itís hand was razor sharp and curved into a scythe. It was the one known as Death
This doesn't fit what a Geist would be, so this sounds like a completely new Grimm. If that is so, then you'll need to create it and have it approved to the Grimm Catalog
2.
Quote
Jado moved back quick enough, but it had cut his neck. Jado quickly forced his aura to heal his neck, yet it didnít fix the damage to his voice box and adam's apple
To be honest, if he was cut to the point that it damaged his vocal cord, then it would've more than likely cut his external jugular vein or carotid arteries, which would basically mean he would have bled to death before his aura could heal him. Aura is able to heal small cuts in a moment, but larger cuts/wounds take longer to heal. So, unless his semblance is a healing semblance, there is no way that Jado would've been able to heal a neck cut that damaged his vocal cord in a moment. This will need to get reworded or changed.

Personality:
This is extremely short. Please put a little more detail into this. One thing you can add would be his intellect: is he smart or does he struggle with his schooling?

Semblance:
To be honest, this semblance does WAAAAAY too many things to be a simple "Barrier" semblance. It is able to create a barrier, be an attack buff, create a defense buff on his teammates, be used to cause him to travel quickly to his launtern (sounds like teleportation), and also be able to be used to wrap the chain around his opponents and bring them to him (sounds like telekinesis)? Seriously? You've basically taken three different semblances, smashed them into one semblance and then trying to justify it by saying "It uses dust to do those other things". I'm sorry, but that doesn't work here. If you're going to have it create a barrier then have it do just that: no attack/defense buffs, no teleportation, and no telekinesis. Choose one and stick with it.
While you're at it, you need to indicate how big of a barrier he can create (if you go that route), how long he can use it, how many times he can use it before he gets tired, and what strains there are with it.

Combat Behavior:
A couple things here:
1.
Quote
He will use his aura to give his bite a extra bit of umph he he has to
From how you have your character written out, he is not capable of doing this. Having the additional skill with aura needs to be something he was trained with extensively and also needs to be listed under the "Aura and Semblance" section.
2. This section is also pretty short. I only see strengths here, but no weaknesses. Every character has at least 2-3 weaknesses and your character is no different. Please list a few of them.

Weapon:
A lot of the dust function that you listed are stuff that should be listed in the Semblance section since it seems to tie to his semblance. Just wanted to point that out.

Overall:
I noticed that there are a lot of grammatical errors throughout your character. You should do a read through to try and fix it so it's easier for others to read.

That's it for me.
First Year Beacon Student: Rackley Winchester - The Hawkeye Sniper of Team CRSA (Crystal)

Second Year Beacon Student: Jett Davenport - The Playful Shadow Knight of Team MLDC (Melodic)

Third Year Beacon Student: Suntalia Lyn Ryker - The Voice of Thunder of Team PLSM (Plasma)

Fourth Year Beacon Student: Savas Carnelian - The Quiet Berserker Leader of Team SARK (Stark)

Beacon Professor: Oberon Falcov - The Man With A Plan / Team Strategy Teacher of Beacon

jjb2158

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Re: Jado Schnitter
« Reply #2 on: February 06, 2017, 10:11:01 AM »
Moved to MIA
First Year Beacon Student: Rackley Winchester - The Hawkeye Sniper of Team CRSA (Crystal)

Second Year Beacon Student: Jett Davenport - The Playful Shadow Knight of Team MLDC (Melodic)

Third Year Beacon Student: Suntalia Lyn Ryker - The Voice of Thunder of Team PLSM (Plasma)

Fourth Year Beacon Student: Savas Carnelian - The Quiet Berserker Leader of Team SARK (Stark)

Beacon Professor: Oberon Falcov - The Man With A Plan / Team Strategy Teacher of Beacon