Author Topic: Hex  (Read 2424 times)

Xarias Fury

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Re: Hex
« Reply #15 on: January 29, 2017, 07:30:03 PM »
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" Using all of the knowledge, she crafted herself an arsenal of weapons and proceeded to hunt down every member of the gang. She left no survivors. Destroying everything she built, she fled the city and traveled half way around the world to Vale.

No.

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She learned the basics about hunting, but was more interested in building than fighting.

So probably means she wouldn't be able to kill them. Even with her 'creations.' What's to say the gang doesn't have a high class fighter with them? How did they get away with a kid and just murder her for no reason at all? How the heck did this 16 year old manage to kill every single gang member with no preparation without making a ruckus about it? Sure you can argue that Ruby and Yang can take on a bunch of amateurs but having an edgy vigilante teenage psychopath that somehow a whole gang can't take out, while getting wiped out and slaughtered seems a little too much, don't cha think?

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but only scraped by on the combat section

And her lack of combat experience doesn't support this fact either. Unless these super bad gang members were stupidly dumb and Hex's sister was a wet paper towel.

And don't you think Beacon would study a student's background before letting them in? "Where is this girl from" ~ "Pfft how do I know? She's got similar weapons to this one chick who seemed to have killed off a gang in (insert town name) but she's weaker than most normal students. Can't be her. No need for an ID check."

Semblance has too many functions. Check the multi-faceted semblance rule.

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She is an excellent sword fighter, receiving training from many different sword masters who bought her weapons in the past

Inconsistent with the
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but only scraped by on the combat section.
weak little fighter bit. Also, strike for having so many sword masters take on this random little girl that likes building machines.

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This eclectic training means that she can seamlessly switch from sword style to sword style,

I thought she was an engineer? And she somehow mastered several sword styles while being a not so competent fighter? You don't even enumerate what kind of styles these are or what they do. It's just a convenient loophole to be able to overpower others by saying 'she changed to a style to counter(insert fighting technique)' No. Stick with only a few at most. Defensive, offensive etc etc etc. Also, her sword is long. That drastically limits her choices as well as usable techniques as well as having it's own weaknesses.

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5 tons.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA no.

We see Nora lift 1000 somethings. Be it pounds or kgs she barely held on to it for more than a few seconds. Not to mention your character seems to be short and only a semi-muscular build. Not exactly the weight lifting champ build.

Weapon

No aura infusing. that's dumb. Also a sword that grows because it has aura in it? Doubly dumb. This is aura-weapon tech which we're not even sure exists in canon and barely use in our uni. Change this. Dust functions are OP as well. A tornado? Are you kidding me?


I don't know how this got through preliminary reviews but these problems make the profile quite unacceptable. Edit as required.




« Last Edit: February 14, 2017, 09:27:40 PM by Xarias Fury »
Students
Wisteria Lockheart - 1st Year student at Beacon. "Don't make me throw a book at you"
Shiroe Pendragon - 1st Year Student at beacon - "This is my monochrome reality" - Team MARS
Lavender du Lac - 1st Year Student at Haven -  "The harder I try the further things drift away." Team RWND
Ayaka Miyamoto - 1st Year student at Beacon. "Tsubame Gaeshi!" - Team ALIA
Vermilion Desdemona - 3rd Year Student at Beacon - "Only time you'd be above me is when your head rests on my pike"
Talen de L'eglantine - 3rd Year Student at Beacon
Kei Almas - 4th Year Student at Beacon - "Everything is ripe for the taking!"
Aurum LeBlanc - 3rd Year Student at Atlas - "Lay back, take it easy, and watch the comedy unfold"

Professors
Professor William Nox - "To contain the world in a grain of dust *EXPOROSION*

jjb2158

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Re: Hex
« Reply #16 on: February 14, 2017, 05:31:35 PM »
Moved to MIA.
First Year Beacon Student: Rackley Winchester - The Hawkeye Sniper of Team CRSA (Crystal)

Second Year Beacon Student: Jett Davenport - The Playful Shadow Knight of Team MLDC (Melodic)

Third Year Beacon Student: Suntalia Lyn Ryker - The Voice of Thunder of Team PLSM (Plasma)

Fourth Year Beacon Student: Savas Carnelian - The Quiet Berserker Leader of Team SARK (Stark)

Beacon Professor: Oberon Falcov - The Man With A Plan / Team Strategy Teacher of Beacon