Author Topic: Kin Sakana (ready for approval)  (Read 425 times)

Inexhaustive

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Re: Kin Sakana
« Reply #15 on: July 28, 2018, 04:09:36 PM »
We also have a Discord: https://discord.gg/Es2GCj4
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Kingnoname1

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Re: Kin Sakana (ready for approval)
« Reply #16 on: July 29, 2018, 02:59:14 AM »
Welcome again and although I am more than happy to take a look at the character here when you are ready to go through the proper approval process you should move the parent board, character creation, or simply make a new post with the character.

Before you do that I would suggest a few alterations.
1). Like Inex said we don't have any canon characters here and you still have a reference to Ozpin, Alban Inverno is our sites Beacon Headmaster if you want to use him instead.

2). There are quite a few contradictions when it comes to Kin's semblance. You say it doesn't affect aura users in the semblance section itself but later go on to say 'use his Semblance to disorient enemies and cause muscle spasms' in the Combat behaviour.

You also say that Kin's semblance does affect things within the touched objected using nesting dolls as an example but later go on to say only what he touches is affected. Which is it?

3). Like Moth said we do want two or three significant weaknesses and currently, it only looks like you've got 'weak physically.'

4). Although we are never told that dust can't be used in the construction of weapons it does never appear in the show and there might be a simple reason for this. Dust is explosive. That doesn't your weapons can't use dust but it needs to be something similar to Weiss's rapier or Ruby's cartridges. That's at least what I assumed you meant by 'imbued.'

But like everyone else has said it was a very good first profile but be aware that only means we get to bully you more now.
« Last Edit: July 29, 2018, 03:00:52 AM by Kingnoname1 »
No criticism is too harsh so hit me with your best shot.

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Golden Koi

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Re: Kin Sakana (ready for approval)
« Reply #17 on: July 29, 2018, 08:34:56 AM »
Firstly, Dust imbuing has been seen in the show. Cinder's dress is imbued with Fire Dust and could take a bunch of hits while remaining intact, and also allowed her to produce flames for her to manipulate

Secondly, when I say that it 'disorients enemies and causes muscle spasms', I mean the Grimm. Grimm rely on basic, near-primitive fighting styles that rely on momentum and power, both of which could be nullified with a good old muscle spasm. After all, you couldn't really scratch someone if your arm wasn't cooperating to you. And the matryoshka doll thing was more of a physical thing than a Semblance thing. It would not make sense for only the outermost matryoshka doll to ripple while the inner dolls remained untouched. For better clarification, I guess I'll just say it's the 'object he touches', while anything inside that object is affected to a lesser extent.

Thirdly.....I did not know who Beacon's Headmaster was. Thanks for telling me.

Lastly, I've edited it so Kin is a bit below average in terms of stamina, which counts as another weakness, if that is acceptable
« Last Edit: July 29, 2018, 08:37:54 AM by Golden Koi »
The Golden 'Princess': Kin Sakana, Beacon First Year, Team INKK

Golden Koi

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Re: Kin Sakana (ready for approval)
« Reply #18 on: July 29, 2018, 08:41:37 AM »
Also, I am an idiot who doesn't know how to send the topic there, and I can't make a new post about it on the parent board
The Golden 'Princess': Kin Sakana, Beacon First Year, Team INKK

MonsterManic

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Re: Kin Sakana (ready for approval)
« Reply #19 on: July 29, 2018, 09:04:48 AM »
Create a new topic on the Character Creation board, and copy+paste the WIP profile there.
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Golden Koi

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Re: Kin Sakana (ready for approval)
« Reply #20 on: July 29, 2018, 11:52:59 AM »
Done.
Pretty sure I did something wrong, but done
The Golden 'Princess': Kin Sakana, Beacon First Year, Team INKK

Golden Koi

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Re: Kin Sakana (ready for approval)
« Reply #21 on: July 29, 2018, 04:23:01 PM »
Aaaaaaaay, 100 reads
The Golden 'Princess': Kin Sakana, Beacon First Year, Team INKK