Author Topic: Aqua Phoenix  (Read 1197 times)

Vitalis597

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Aqua Phoenix
« on: December 17, 2017, 10:21:39 AM »
CHARACTER

Name: Aqua Phoenix

Age: 18

Species and Gender: Human Male

Occupation: Hunter-in-Training, Beacon Academy

Appearance: Aqua, a young hunter, something that is obvious to all who glance at him. Everything about him all but screams 'Hunter' from the way he walks, to the muscles on his arms, legs and chest, to his constant awareness, his cyan eyes tracking and flicking to and from any sudden movement. He, like his partner, wears rather obscenely coloured clothing, generally donning blue jeans and a cyan button-up T-shirt, which goes rather well with his florescent blue hair.

History: As a child of two hunters, Aqua grew up around Hunter families, though the thought of becoming a hunter himself was rather outlandish to the young boy. It wasn't until he heard his childhood friend, and crush's declaration that she would be the strongest huntress in the world that he ever began to consider it was possible for him to become a Hunter. After witnessing her gruelling training, and how she endured it without complaint, his mind was made. He asked his parents to train him, alongside his friend, so that they could protect each other. His parents happily obliged, and several years later, he found himself as her partner in more ways than one.

Personality: Aqua is a rather withdrawn character, preferring to keep to himself and his small circle of friends. Of course, he has no issue with interacting with others, just that is isn't something he would go out of his way to do. For this reason, most of his interactions are forced, with his partner all but pushing him at others, something which he bears good-naturedly, smiling and generally getting along with all but the most repulsive of people.

Aura and Semblance: Aqua's Aura manifests as a pale purple glow, and when his Semblance is in use, his body seems to shimmer with it. His Semblance itself is rather simple, though it has three parts to it. Activation, Marking and Trapping. The First stage is initiated simply by deploying his shield and slamming it into the ground, creating a centre to his zone. The second is striking an opponent with his shield, leaving a 'mark' on them. Finally, at his command, Aura chains will shoot out from the centre point, locking onto, and wrapping around the marked target, allowing them to go as far as they have from the centre, but no further.

Combat Behaviour: In combat, Aqua prefers to get up close and personal, engaging the enemy, or multiple, and keep their attention on him, relying on a strong defence while his team picks them off. He uses his weapon, The Bulwark, to bash at his foes, using the edges and front of the the massive shield to catch his foes off guard while they're still reeling from any ineffectual blows. He is especially suited to this role, thanks to his rage disease, congenital analgesia, a strong insensitivity to pain. Though this can be both a blessing and a curse.

WEAPON

Name: The Bulwark

Primary Form: In it's primary form, The Bulwark is a heavy tower shield, one capable of covering his entire body, and another person behind him. Simple, yet effective. The solid plate metal is three inches thick and curved in such a way to better allow him to deflect strikes that would otherwise break him should he block them directly. The base of his shield eventually curves off into a sharp point, enabling him to slam it into the ground, or another Person/Grimm with ease.

Secondary Form: The secondary form of The Bulwark is a much smaller version, one that can shrink down to a more reasonable, compact size. In this form, it still takes up about half the size of his torso, but he can more easily carry it on his back.

Dust Functions: It's a shield. It doesn't use Dust.

History: The Bulwark came into creation as his partner and himself were discussing strategies for battle. Aqua never really excelled at any fighting styles, no matter what weapons he used. A sword never felt right, an axe was too cumbersome, a mace left too much possibility for overextending, so instead, he decided to take up a more protective role, opting to instead build something that could keep himself, and his loved ones safe from harm, while still being effective enough to keep an opponents attention on him, with some assistance from his Semblance, of course.
"Sometimes, when it looks like all hope is lost, people can turn against each other. They end up full of hate. But really, when they stop and think about it, they're making themselves sad for no reason."

Imber Mordred - Freelancer

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Re: Aqua Phoenix
« Reply #1 on: December 18, 2017, 04:10:45 AM »
So I'm going to split this into two groups, one of things that need to be changed before the character is approved and the second things I would recommend you apply here or in future characters.

Lets start with what you need to add. 1). Details on the semblance. Cost? Range? How fast does the chain move? Can the chain miss or does it home? If it can miss or gets intercepted what happens? Can it be destroyed, if so how tough is it?
2). Details on Combat Behavior. 2-3 weaknesses as mentioned before are the minimum. Add something on how he fights alone. I'm also not 100% sure what 'rage disease' means as it doesn't directly correlate with 'congenital analgesia' can you elaborate?

And for things I think you should think about. Now as this is your third character you should have had some experience with the character creation process and writing on the site in general so we are going to expect a little more content from you as your newbie pass become less applicable. The approved character section should give you plenty of ideas from which to build from.
No criticism is too harsh so hit me with your best shot.

Calen Shrike - ASTC - First Year Beacon.

Saffron de Cortez - SALT - Third Year Atlas.

Amarant Lovis - (formerly of)ACCE - Headmaster of Atlas Academy

Ramalia - RASB - First Year Shade

Vitalis597

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Re: Aqua Phoenix
« Reply #2 on: December 18, 2017, 07:37:09 AM »
Either a mod think's they're the fucking shit, or this site is bugged to high hell and back. First, Ember vanishes from CC, then over three hours of work on Aqua vanishes.

I'll give you the long and short of it, since I can't be fucked changing everything (again) right now.

Details: Aura chains, Cost, dependant on usage. Range, 200 feet total, can be split between 4 chains (so can trap 4 people/objects with 50 feet of chain each, or 1 with 200 feet of chain) Chain moves at approximately the same speed as a car (50-60 MPH) it can miss, but it's homing, following the "Marks" Imber leaves on a target. It it's intercepted, it'll go right through whatever blocked it. It's basically a ghost chain. It cannot be destroyed, it's essentially invincible.

HOWEVER.

The further away from the centre of the Zone, the easier it is to escape. 200 Feet away, and freeing oneself is as simple as giving it a good tug, provided Huntsman level strength. It has the same resistance as any other concrete bound metal chain. Closer you get, more force is required to pull free from it. Can't touch the chains themselves, though. Because Aura.

As per Combat Behaviour... There were plenty of weaknesses.

First and foremost, Analgesia. Constantly having to hold back his physical strikes for fear of breaking his own body (The phrase not knowing ones own strength is certainly apt with him.) Literally not registering any pain. At all. He have his arm torn off and not notice until he tries to slug someone with it, and even then, he wouldn't feel it. So, there's that. To top it all off, he sucks with pretty much every weapon, and is only passable in hand to hand because of his brute strength because his shield is oversized and heavy as fuck.

And, rage disease was a typo. I did fix it before it got nuked. It's supposed to be rare disease. As per what it is-- It's a complete insensitivity to pain. People who have the disease can live long and happy lives, but they can never feel pain (though there are apparently some drugs that allow them to feel pain) though they can still feel other stimuli, such as someone patting their shoulder. Though, to them, that would feel much the same as someone stabbing their shoulder. Both a blessing and a curse, since it's highly likely for them to accidentally chew through their own lips, tongue, accidentally cause damage to the ears and eyes, along with lean on things that are sharp/hot without realising, or even take a bad fall and crack their head in two but not realise until the neighbours start screaming something about zombies.

I have plenty of experience with character creation, thank you very much. This one was sabotaged by someone fucking me about, or someone not doing the coding properly. And, I'll take this moment to remind you that just because I do things differently from this one site out of literal millions of sites, doesn't mean I am inexperienced. It means I have had DIFFERENT experiences.

Also, note-- I have two characters up. Yes. But I've only gotten... What? 3, 4 posts into the singular roleplay I have on this site. Creating characters alone does not make me any more experienced in the workings of the site.
« Last Edit: December 18, 2017, 07:41:55 AM by Vitalis597 »
"Sometimes, when it looks like all hope is lost, people can turn against each other. They end up full of hate. But really, when they stop and think about it, they're making themselves sad for no reason."

Imber Mordred - Freelancer

Kingnoname1

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Re: Aqua Phoenix
« Reply #3 on: December 18, 2017, 07:24:40 PM »
Well I moved Aqua from C