Author Topic: Alabaster Corceran  (Read 516 times)

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Alabaster Corceran
« on: July 04, 2017, 03:25:47 PM »
CHARACTER

Name: Alabaster Corceran*

Age: 21

Species and Gender: Human Male

Symbol: A vertical, bloodied mace in front of a red shield.   

Occupation: Beacon Academy 3rd year

Appearance: Alabaster is a relatively large individual, and most of it is muscle. He stands higher than most at 6’6” and weighs 240lbs. He and his family share a pale Atlesian complexion, and his eyes are a dark brown color. Alabaster’s hair is black and often shaved into a buzz cut thanks to his military background. He likes to wear jeans of various colors including gray, blue, and black. His choice of shirt varies considerably depending on what mood he’s in. Some days Alabaster will wear a graphic t-shirt with some inflammatory message, and others he will wear a sleeveless work-out shirt. In extreme weather conditions, Alabaster has a blue jacket with a fire dust glamour and a white t-shirt with an ice dust glamour.

History: Alabaster was born and raised in Atlas, where he was treated like a prince from a very young age. His family was extremely wealthy, and his parents knew little of parenting. They seldom reprimanded him for bad behavior, and his father would constantly remind him that “We are winners, Alabaster. I was a winner, and my father before me was a winner, and that is why we’re on the top. We won out against the others.” From a very young age, this created in Alabaster an ingrained sense of superiority over others, and an ego to rival even his father’s.
 
   Alabaster’s free reign didn’t come without responsibilities, however. He was expected to do well in school, and then go on to serve in the Atlas military before taking over his father’s business. In essence, he had to live up to the title of “winner”. Alabaster excelled at this, and passed his classes with flying colors. His social life was deplorable from an outsider’s perspective, but he viewed himself as associating with other “winners”. He was a bully and picked on the other students with his band of “friends”, but any time the school moved to discipline him, his parents would throw their money and influence around until the school gave up on it.

       On the combat side of things, Alabaster succeeded in much the same way as he did in academics. That is to say, he blew even the most skilled of his peers out of the water. His viciousness on the battlefield, combined with quick-thinking and brute force, lent aid to his seeming inability to lose. Even when he lost in the organized sparring matches it was only by small margins, and the student who beat him would often show up the next day covered in bruises. Students feared him, and he liked it that way. He felt that their subservience was only natural considering he was such a superior individual.
     
       As the years passed, Alabaster moved on to his final years at the Atlas combat academy. He was slowly growing bolder in his methods of tormenting other students, and it was becoming harder and harder for his parents to get him out of trouble. During his third year, Alabaster crossed a line he shouldn’t have. One kid in particular was resisting Alabaster’s bullying. This student was determined to fight back against this oppressive force in his school. He even went so far as to insult Alabaster in front of his friends, which sparked in the bully an anger of a magnitude he had never felt before. Alabaster wanted to teach this kid a lesson in respecting one’s superiors, so he wanted to humiliate him in front of the whole school.
     
      When it came time for sparring class one fateful morning, Alabaster challenged the student in question to a duel. This student had never been the most competent fighter, and Alabaster was sure that he could beat him. The fight was short and brutal, ending with the rival student beaten down and kneeling at Alabaster’s feet. The teacfher ended the match, but Alabaster didn’t stop. Before he could be restrained, Alabaster had broken the student’s aura and a multitude of bones. Emergency medical response teams transported the student to the nearest hospital while Alabaster sat in the headmaster’s office with a scowl on his face.
   
      Alabaster’s parents were powerful, but the Atlas combat academy was more so. The Corcerans pleaded and bribed as much as they could, but the verdict was simple and very firm: Alabaster Corceran would be expelled from the school and would not be asked back the next year. Thus Alabaster’s goals of becoming an Atlesian Specialist were crushed, along with his aspirations of inheriting his family’s business. He was facing, for once, a situation in which he could not win, and it nearly drove him crazy with rage. Alabaster was sent to Vale, forced to finish his last two years of schooling in exile while his parents focused on grooming their nephew (Alabaster’s cousin) for the job of heir to their wealth.
 
Personality: Alabaster is, above all other things, extremely prideful. He thinks that he is better than everyone else, and essentially treats all the other “losers” like trash. That’s not to say he can’t make friends, though, as he is capable of recognizing the abilities of others and accepting those he deems worthy into an inner circle of allies. Since his exile to Vale, Alabaster is extremely bitter about his living situation. He resents Beacon, its professors, and his fellow students to an extreme degree, and this has made him more violent than usual. He is itching to get into a fight with anyone and everyone, and has been prone to baiting other students into fights as of late. Alabaster does have an issue with overestimating his own ability, but he knows he isn’t invincible and will retreat in the face of a clearly superior foe. In terms of academics, Alabaster does struggle with the Humanities (English, History, etc.) more than with his other classes, but he is incessantly driven to validate his arrogance with legitimate accomplishments and manages to get good grades in spite of this weakness. He hates when people go easy on him, and will insist that his opponents give him their all. Failure is relatively rare for Alabaster, but it spurs him into a frenzy of self-improvement because he is incredibly insecure and fears becoming a “loser”.

Aura and Semblance: Alabaster’s aura is a dark purple hue and he has named his semblance “Third Eye”. The name seems unassuming at first, as does the first signs that it is being used. If one isn’t familiar with the semblance, it can be quite a shock when he uses it. Visually, it starts with Alabaster breathing in deeply as a glowing purple eye-shaped sigil appears on his forehead. He can pause for however long he likes after this setup, but when he does let loose, the eye sigil shoots out a beam of purple energy to wherever Alabaster is looking. One of the drawbacks of the semblance is that, while holding this charged beam, Alabaster can't move anything except for his eyes. He freezes in place, so to speak, when preparing to fire. He can only use his semblance about 8 times in combat without losing the ability to fight. At 16 uses of the semblance within the same few hours, Alabaster will black out.

Combat Behavior: Alabaster could be considered a lightning bruiser. He's quick on his feet and dishes out damage with similar speed. He’s quite durable, though that’s mostly due to his shield and his general proficiency with it. If Alabaster is ever deprived of his shield, he is far less skilled at deflecting strikes with just his mace. However mindless Alabaster’s attacks might seem, they are actually a calculated fighting style meant to imitate the ferocity of mindless berserkers. Range is Alabaster’s greatest weakness because his only accurate ranged weapon is his semblance (which he cannot use while moving), and his other ranged weapon (his grenade launcher) lacks the accuracy to stay effective at longer ranges like standard firearms. It doesn't help that Alabaster isn't a very good shot due to focusing his training on close-quarters combat, not to mention the fact that he struggles to afford ammunition for it without his parent’s support. Alabaster can work pretty well with teammates, but he expects of them the same perfection that he expects of himself and will get very angry when they fail him in a critical moment. Alabaster is a decent tactician, but he always thinks he can do better than those he commands and will abandon his post to “show them how it’s done”.
WEAPON

Name: The Tenderizer

Primary Form: A mace, plain and simple. The handle measures about two and a half feet.

Secondary Form: The spiked ball of the mace extends on a length of chain coiled in the handle of the mace. The length of the chain is four feet at its longest, but the amount of chain extended is controlled by Alabaster. This turns the mace into a flail.

Tertiary Form: N/A

Dust Functions: Inserting clips of dust bullets into the handle gives the mace/flail abilities based on the type of dust used. Each effect only lasts for a number of hits equal to the number of bullets in the clip. The clips used in the weapon carry 15 bullets each.

Fire dust – causes small, firey explosions on impact big enough to scorch everything in a 1 foot radius sphere around the mace

Ice dust – flash-freezes a small area (about 1ft radius sphere) around the mace/flail on impact

Lightning dust – electrifies the mace/flail

Water dust – drenches the target on impact (rarely used)

Force dust – causes mace/flail strikes to send out blast waves powerful enough to knock most people back (the particularly lightweight may be knocked off their feet)

Gravity dust – mace/flail strikes make the opponent heavier/more sluggish (can impede speed or flight based characters/grimm)

History: Alabaster’s first weapon, the Tenderizer, was acquired and named when Alabaster was still young, and this does explain its somewhat childish name. It was a Christmas gift from his parents when he was going into combat school for the first time.

WEAPON

Name: Angurvadal

Primary Form: Angurvadal’s primary form is a shield, somewhere between a full shield and a buckler, that is usually strapped to Alabaster’s left forearm. (It looks like a slightly smaller version of this) The shield is incredibly useful for deflecting and blocking attacks from both long range and up close, plus the spikes at the end allow it to be used as a weapon when Alabaster is not on the defensive.

Secondary Form: The center of the shield splits lengthwise to reveal a large barrel belonging to a built-in grenade launcher. This grenade launcher only fires a single shot at a time, and the different shots have different effects based on what dust is being used. The grenade launcher must be reloaded after every shot.

Tertiary Form: In its third form, Angurvadal’s shield folds inwards so that its length and width decrease. The grenade launcher folds into a half circle, and a small, metal hook protrudes from the back of the weapon. This is almost exclusively for storage as Alabaster can use the hook to carry it either at his hip or on his back.

Dust Functions:
Fire dust – standard large, fiery explosion on impact
Ice dust – huge explosion of ice that covers a decent area in thick ice
Gravity dust – explosion temporarily alters gravity for those in the blast radius so that down is towards Alabaster
Force dust- there is no real explosion, but a shockwave blasts out from the impact point with enough force to knock most people off their feet

History: Alabaster was overjoyed when he received The Tenderizer from his parents, but he couldn’t help himself and ended up making a weapon of his own when the time came for the other students to make theirs. Alabaster used to be able to afford ammunition for his weapon, but due to the recent events, he does not have the money to use the weapon whenever he wants.

*On a humorous side note, the last name Corceran is the subject of much debate in Alabaster’s family. Some believe that it’s pronounced Kor-ker-an, while others think it should be said Kor-ser-an. Alabaster prefers the former, and hates it when people use the other pronunciation in reference to him.
« Last Edit: July 17, 2017, 09:56:30 PM by Viventium Umbra »
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ecksdeeeXD

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Re: Alabaster Corceran
« Reply #1 on: July 06, 2017, 11:17:05 AM »
GAH! MY REVIEW DIDN'T POST >~<

Name down to occupation is fine. Image not required for symbol and appearance but appreciated.
Please note that based on his weight, he is overweight. Also, do you mean dust infused or with a dust glamour?

Just to point out something in the character creation template.
Glamour: Dust can be cosmetically applied to clothing and equipment. These effects can also provide minor, non-combat based benefits. Adding Ice Dust Acrylics to your clothes can help keep you cool in the hot deserts of Vacuo, for example.
Infusion: Infusion is the archaic and highly dangerous system of utilizing Dust in combat. One can infuse Dust with their clothing, or even directly to their skin in order to gain the benefits of it. This is a wildly dangerous practice that, while not outlawed, is very rarely practiced.

History doesn't really have any major problem. Just seems like he'd be boring, and especially given that you have multiple characters already, it's a little expected of you to write better characters. Having someone that had straight A in both academics and combat, never lost to his peers (I'm assuming you mean peers here since it's fairly unlikely he can be that competent against higher years or actual hunters/huntresses or even large grim) while he was in Atlas seems a tad boring and unlikely. That said, I also find it difficult to imagine a second year being able to beat another student into a bloody pulp before the teacher would butt in, let alone allow him to actually break his opponents aura guard. Also, I also find it hard to believe that with such a violent record (and I think it's safe to say worse than Cardin given that he only did school grade pranks on the show) would be allowed into Beacon as a transferee.

Personality matches his history but wouldn't he get into trouble for constantly starting fights?

As for aura and semblance, I see you're going for a sparky sparky boom boom man approach. However, semblances are fueled by aura and/or cause tiredness/loss of stamina. The eye beam itself isn't necessarily a problem, it's the fact that it uses air as fuel. That isn't a thing. Not only are semblances fueled by aura/stamina but I can easily get two lungfuls of air in half a second, even while running at full sprint. Why would he ever use the smaller beam?

Combat behavior is alright but I have a few points. So he's doing a drunken boxer sort of deal where he pretends to be unwieldy and unpredictable but in reality, he's doing calculated moves? How physically strong is he? Also, i don't think range is his greatest weakness. He has a grenade launcher and lazer vision basically so he's decent in that department. That being said, he needs more weaknesses to keep him balance. So far, the only one I see is his poor defense without his shield (operative term being without. How often is he without his shield?). Also, a few more notes on how he actually fights. Strong and slow? Quick and weak? How good is he at fighting one on one? How about against a group? Against a large grimm? How does he work in a team? How good of a shot is he? A little more elaboration helps give a proper description.

In regards to the tenderizer, I'd like to point out that a traditional medieval mace measures 2-3 feet for foot soldiers (according to professor google). Can you describe it more? Patterns/color, general appearance? Triggers for the dust function/chain length? Size of the spikes and ball? Good description on how the clips work but a little more description with the dust functions.
-Fire - how large is the explosion? Is it a proper explosion or just a blast of fire?
-Ice - how large of an area does it freeze?
-Lightning- to what effect? Like a tazer? Stronger? Does it paralyze a person's entire body or just a limb?
-Force- how strong of a blast? Enough to knock back a car? Just a person?
Also, how many bullets/charges are there per clip? And I'm not sure if christmas exists in the RWBYverse.

In regards to Angurvadal, How large is it? If not in an exact measurement, is it enough to cover his entire body? Just the torso? And when you say strapped, meaning he can't let go of it? Or does it have a handle and a leather loop for his forearm? In the tertiary form, folds inwards meaning towards Alabaster or towards the opponent? Can you mention how he holds his weapons in the apperance section too? Also, you can take the link to the image itself and use the (url) tag to make it simple so someone doesn't have to load the whole page :3 In regards to the dust function, same thing. Size of explosion. Also, how strong is the pull of gravity on Alabaster? Does he attract objects larger/more massive than him? How long does the effect last? How far can it reach? How large is the blast radius? About the fore dust, what do you mean by the impact? Do you mean someone striking his shield and that causes an impact wave?

Lastly, you'll have to point out the pronunciation in threads if you want that to be a thing.
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Viventium Umbra

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Re: Alabaster Corceran
« Reply #2 on: July 21, 2017, 02:04:42 AM »
Rest assured I am working on changing Alabaster, but I'm disappearing off the face of the earth tomorrow, and I won't be able to post again for two weeks. You could move the profile to MIA until then, but I will be returning to the character once I'm back. Hopefully with more enthusiasm than I've had recently.
Spoiler: My Characters • show

Azrail Duivel Kind (Deceased) 3rd year lightning reaper -  teamless
Spoiler: show
Reaper's Spear I summon thee
To smite my foes and enemies.
Lightning's wrath in darkness grasped
Delivers swift eternity.

-Azrail Duivel Kind

Drevin Srebra 1st year speed demon - #347C2C - teamless

Brond Osilgrin - #B22222 - fully fledged hunter/walking bonfire

Rix "Deadshot" Maradis (currently unapproved) 1st year coder/sniper - #157DEC & Tess #79BAEC - teamless

Project t17: restrained - glow #D41A1F color #121212 - the chupacabra of Vale

Zitham Degas - #E31230 - "At the end of the day, as long as there are two people left on the planet, someone is gonna want someone dead."


AMCA (ask my characters anything)

AMA (ask me anything)

My Weird Pseudo-Plot

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ecksdeeeXD

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Re: Alabaster Corceran
« Reply #3 on: July 21, 2017, 08:10:17 AM »
Acknowledged :D
Zora Akash - The Sunset Scholar - First Year - Team PENDING

Elidyr Vulcan - The Copper Creator - Fourth Year - Team PENDING

Running Brook Sienna - The Purple Pugilist - Fourth Year - Team PENDING

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