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1
Approved Characters / Re: Captain Cordell
« on: October 15, 2017, 02:03:13 PM »
Edits approved

2
Character Creation / Re: Akeldama Blood-Heart
« on: October 15, 2017, 08:51:11 AM »
Heya Edgey. Sorry for the delay in approving the edits, however as they include some pretty large changes we've agreed that the best way to move forward is to put the profile over in CC again and then we'll do a group review soon().

3
Approved Characters / Re: Mae Tulimanu
« on: October 14, 2017, 06:47:51 PM »
Edits approved

4
Approved Characters / Re: Captain Cordell
« on: October 14, 2017, 04:54:01 PM »
Spoiler: Edit • show
[quote author=Riven link=topic=1073.msg13235#msg13235 date=1499369439]
[center] T H E M E ~ M U S I C
Plunder and Lightning
by Director's Cut[/center]



CHARACTER

Alias: Cordell Ribaldrous Furor the 10th

Actual Name: Maria Proditor

Age: 23

Species and Gender: Human, Female

Symbol:
Spoiler: show


Occupation: Pirate, Engineer, Freelancer

Appearance:
Spoiler: show


Cordell seems almost as if a visitor from an earlier age, one of surly seafarers braving the Grimm-infested tides for plunder and adventure. Clad in a long red decorative overcoat brimming with brass buttons, strapped over with belts, and covering layers of lightweight modern body armor, she would make for an eye-catching presence even without wearing a pirate hat and carrying some not-insignificant armaments. Even if all that should somehow fail to turn heads her boisterous, brazen disposition and taste for theatrics assuredly make up the difference. While not being unfeminine her 5' 8" body is strong, sturdy and dexterous from training -- both to fight and to manage obstinate machinery, meaning she's just as often to be found covered in engine oil as blood and sweat (though she never wears her piratical finery for dealing with the former). She nearly always has a pair of thick, well-worn leather gloves on as well as sturdy, heavy black-leather combat boots.


History:

Cordell's -- or rather, Maria's -- story begins in Atlas almost a decade ago. At the tender age of fourteen she had entered a junior engineering program run by the Atlesian military, determined to walk in the footsteps of her father. The man was well respected in military R&D circles and was frequently entrusted with prototype equipment and sensitive projects. He was a driven man, believing that his ideas and creations were building humanity's defense against the ever-pressing dark of Grimm and forging a brighter, more prosperous future for not only Atlas but every kingdom that sought to live in peace. Perhaps no one but the scientists who dreamed up Atlas' tools, ships, and weapons knew the ins and outs of these projects like Cordan Proditor, earning him the nickname "the Anvil of Atlas". He couldn't be more proud of his young daughter, especially as she began to show a natural talent that took after him. It was a joyous time... right up until Maria's mother took ill one night.

When she passed, having coughed up blood for almost two weeks, the family would never be the same.

Maria dropped out of the engineering program, instead pursuing combat training from a string of hired teachers. It was her way of grieving, of pouring her anger and dismay into something that let her, if ever so briefly, put aside the powerlessness she'd felt at her mother's deathbed. Her father, meanwhile, drowned himself in his work and, when that wasn't enough, cheap liquor to fill the gaps between projects. The two drifted apart for almost seven years, barely speaking to one another, scarcely part of each others' lives... desperate to forget. However, they would soon be pulled back together by forces much greater than themselves.

It was code named 'Project Thunderbolt' -- a handful of different high-end technologies being brought together to upgrade and update an older generation Atlesian small support airship, the "Arrowhead" class. The aim was to take the old design into, and beyond, current generation performance: fast, sleek, graceful, able to operate in the field for extended periods of time without resupply and deliver small-payload bombs or squad-size troop units into dangerous areas, all while providing combat and logistical support. The aircraft was designated, essentially, as a fast-response gunship, but as the months of monotonous work went by Cordan's grieving haze gradually lifted and he began to notice things... details that didn't add up, systems that didn't fit with standard military approaches. At first it just seemed like cost cutting measures, but as he dug in deeper his doubts increased. Something was off. Many of the systems he was being asked to design utilized an overwhelming majority of parts that he either knew, or suspected, could be acquired on the open market. That wasn't Atlas way of doing things at all -- the military worked hard to avoid having their ships and weapons use common parts specifically to avoid the chances of military hardware being illegally resold. When he began to inquire and was met, first with answers he knew to be false and then with hollow reassurances that command knew what they were doing, he could tell something was wrong. Then he directed his concerns to the highest levels of authority in the project... only to be told he was sorely mistaken and encouraged to take time off. Even when he found himself in a drunken stupor trying to forget his uneasy misgivings he couldn't fully shake it and eventually made a decision that bordered on treasonous -- he had to find out the truth about what he was building, one way or another.

Hacking into the project lead's server account wasn't easy, as it turned out. It had all the standard military-grade security features he was familiar with plus some additional countermeasures that Cordan didn't know the source of, including some heavy copy protection. Whatever was tucked away there, it was clear someone didn't want it getting out. Eventually he had to resort to infecting the server itself with a virus to break through, something he knew would draw attention if he wasn't incredibly careful. Fortunately, he was. Alongside the standard administrative programs and records Cordan found a listing of project goals that all but confirmed his suspicions. A search through the project lead's emails turned up a list of buyers: smugglers from Mistral, an anti-government group in Vacuo... and something else, something that chilled him to the bone as he read it. The subject line read 'HR: Cordan Proditor', and the contents...

... the contents described concerns over his questioning of the project, and a suggestion on how to ensure his cooperation should he become more "difficult": using his daughter as leverage. The plans it detailed, along with the level of information about his and Maria's lives those plans suggested, stunned and terrified him. It was painfully clear that the people he'd been working for weren't loyal to Atlas, but rather themselves... and they were ready to silence him, one way or another, if he proved a threat to them.

Spoiler: show
Project Thunderbolt didn't serve the aims of the Atlas military proper but rather a mercenary faction, known as Permafrost, with origins dating back to the Greyed War. During the war Mantle's military leadership had commissioned what modern military thinkers would dub a 'black ops program' intended to run a campaign of missions that would be too publicly damaging for Mantle to be associated with openly. Permafrost (known at the time only as the "private force" of one General Ural Gelus) ran covert operations intended to drive a wedge between the Vale-Vacuo alliance, up to and including acts of espionage and subversion that the two kingdoms could blame on one another. However, in the end the private force failed to divide the alliance and Mantle's enemies won the war. As history unfolded all records of the private force were destroyed lest the truth give cause for Mantle's enemies to punish the suffering nation further for its wartime actions. Those who'd served in the private force were also driven into obscurity -- a select few were given military positions, but virtually all of the rest were cut loose entirely. All were given the same explicit, final order: if word of the private force's actions during the war was to ever get out, the kingdom would brand them a rogue element, deny any involvement, and ALL of them would be rounded up and executed as war criminals. The fear of the executioner's blade bought their silence... but it also joined them together more strongly than before. Even muzzled, the members of the force were far from powerless.

The bulk of the group's members went on to found the Permafrost mercenary company -- war-forged Atlas strength, available to the highest bidder. This was the group's public face... privately, however, the former members of the General's private force adopted a new identity, one that spoke to their mutual suffering and betrayal by their own kingdom's leaders. 'The Gelus Association', often simply shortened to 'The Association', paid tribute to the man who had commanded them. General Gelus, for his part, had reportedly committed suicide not long after the end of the war... though the Association has plenty of reason to believe rather he was silenced, just as they themselves.

Among those in the Association, a promise to protect one another and to seek retribution for what was done to them was taken by one and all. As Mantle gave way to Atlas some used the transition to slip seamlessly into the transitioning society in various roles: merchants, technicians, architects. Money from Permafrost mercenary work flowed among the Association to ensure those who needed it were successful and well connected. In time, with hard work and resolve, the founding members would do well for themselves... well enough to raise the next generation to do what they could not. The sons and daughters of the private force, after all, would not be so closely watched as members themselves had been. Atlas -- or those few who remembered, anyway -- would wrongly believe that its dirty secrets would die out,
 but it would not be that simple. The bonds forged among these families were much, much stronger than that, and every child would secretly be told the truth when they were old enough to know it. By this time the Association knew their enemies well, knew who in Atlas was to blame and what had to be done. What began with mutual defense and fear morphed into a resolve and a desire to see things "set right". The Association, though few in numbers, were well connected and prepared;
 they would take the reigns of power from those who'd profited from their parents' misery and betrayal. To do so would require popular support, both from the people and the military. A plan was set in motion -- frame specific, targeted leaders for gross incompetence, greed, and betrayal of the public good. Atlas' military weapons, despite being sought after the world over, were seldom ever given or sold outside the kingdom until they were well and clearly outdated and surpassed by replacements. This was especially true for airships. To do otherwise, the logic went, endangered not only the kingdom's military edge but also the safety and security of its army, it's air-navy, and ultimately its people. A more perfect treason to lay at the feet of another could scarcely be conceived. All that was necessary was to adjust some distinctive existing hardware for both resale and stealth, then lay some false leads for the military police to follow. The Association could make easy work of such a task, and Permafrost could make a pretty profit from the black market sales... the perfect crime.

It almost was, at any rate...


The night before the aircraft's first fully equipped flight, Cordan invited Maria to visit the facility and see what he'd been working on. She was initially reluctant but eventually accepted. They met in the employee lounge and he offered her a cup of tea to keep her warm during the tour... neglecting to mention he had laced it with a sedative. It wasn't something he was proud of, but necessary -- if he left her behind, he reasoned, they would interrogate her, maybe even torture or kill her, all to get to him. All to get their damnable war plane back. No... she had to come with him. It was the only way she'd be safe.

When Maria woke up she found herself in a strange, almost futuristic aircraft cockpit. Her father was slumped over the pilot's chair, unresponsive and stained with blood -- he'd been shot in the back by military security after sneaking her aboard and the bullet had damaged a nerve in the lower part of his spine. He hadn't been able to feel his legs but, through a mix of adrenaline and desperation, had managed to limp and clutch his way long enough to plot a course that sent them plowing through the hangar doors and out into the snow-swept night. It was all he could do to set the sensor baffling and autopilot before passing out from the pain. Maria, frantic, patched him up as best she could and brought him back around... at which point father and daughter had a very long, very grave conversation. He'd stolen all the hard copies of the aircraft's plans and rigged an industrial-strength electromagnet with a timer to wipe out the facility's servers... but there was no guarantee there. A copy could still exist. Still, anything more was beyond what could be done. He had done his duty to Atlas as best he could, keeping dangerous military materials out of the wrong hands, knowing it would cost him. It would be all too easy for those behind the renegade development project to plant the blame squarely at his feet, to make him out to be a thief and a traitor. They were both now fugitives and would live out the rest of their lives thus. Everything they'd had, everything they'd known was lost to them now. All Maria and Cordan had was each other... and the ship.

Spoiler: show
What father and daughter didn't know was that Cordan's destruction of the development data was a setback for Permafrost and the Association.... but not, regrettably, a huge one. Initially the theft of their only prototype and all the engineering data from Cordan was a serious blow, both to their attempted coup and to their business dealings. The entire arrangement had to be scrapped and covered up -- if the military proper learned about the modified airship and managed to recover it,
 or even just recover Cordan, it risked exposing the Association and ruining decades of hard work. Instead, a mothballed Arrowhead was hastily removed from storage in the days immediately following Cordan's escape, rigged with explosives, and destroyed in the hangar to plausibly falsify his death. Maria's disappearance was left unexplained, with subtle hints about her having "suicidal tendencies" quietly added to her military file. Meanwhile, Permafrost was put on notice that the father and daughter were to be killed with all possible discretion should they ever be found.

When the prototype later resurfaced as "The Red Corsair", the Association saw an opportunity. Eventually someone would recognize the ship's Atlesian make -- indeed,
 it didn't take long for rumors and speculation to begin circulating -- so it was just a matter of framing the situation properly. What had initially been a devastating loss now presented opportunity, a chance to resume the most vital part of the plan. The difficulty was how to tie it back to Atlas leadership. It would take some time and maneuvering, but it could be done...


They flew south into Sanus, setting down in a mountain-nestled valley far from the great city of Vale to avoid any attention. With an uncertain future ahead the best they could do at first was get by -- both knew that Atlas would never welcome them back, but were surprised to soon hear word that they were both believed to be dead. The best outcome, as far as they could tell, was that whoever it was who had run the development project under the guise of military authority would themselves lay low to avoid the secret getting out... Cordan and Maria could only hope that to be true. They sheltered in place at first, fending off what Grimm found them and living off the land, but before too long they were running short of ammo, clean clothes, and other essentials. What's more, Cordan's injury was growing worse over time; he'd almost completely lost the ability to walk and was in excruciating pain more often than not. Something had to be done.

It was Maria who first suggested piracy. With the ship's speed they could hit a target, take what they needed, and be gone before anyone could retaliate. Still, it was a question of target -- neither father nor daughter was so far gone morally that they'd consider attacking a town like common bandits, even if that would be the easiest mark. Ultimately they decided to take aim at an SCD supply train instead: better defended, certainly, but mostly by robots with few living crew. The company could certainly afford to lose part of one train's cargo, they reasoned. And so the raid was planned, the timing rehearsed, and the battle plan made.

It went off beautifully.

The train cargo ended up being a wealth of much-needed resources: they made off with more than enough Dust to power the ship's systems and sell the excess for a tidy profit to a black market trader near the Vacuo border. That same trader, for a cut of the profits, arranged for a private surgery to take in Cordan and treat him as best they could. Sadly, the man would never walk naturally again despite the operation, but his quality of life was vastly improved and his pain lessened. With their situation stabilized, both father and daughter were inclined to put their illegal foray behind them and move on to see what else life had for them . . . except, they didn't. That first mission had, in a way, given them more than just plunder -- it had given them a means to strike back indirectly at the powerful and connected, the selfish aristocrats and leaders that now, to them, seemed intimately tied to the circumstances which forced their life to take this turn. When they had arrived in Sanus both Maria and Cordan had been jaded and angry on top of feeling lost, but now they had found a sense of purpose again and a feeling that they could retake control of their lives. Both tried to ignore it at first, but neither could for very long. They had a fast, hard-to-detect airship, rather serious financial concerns in their future, and not a whole lot to lose.

And so, the legend of the Red Corsair began -- so named because of the striking red paint job Maria ended up giving their ship. While Cordan did what he could to support the effort Maria ended up truly taking the lead, embracing their newfound scoundrel-hood with a fearless gusto her father hadn't seen since well before the death of his wife. Adopting the alias of "Cordell" -- a tribute to her father and a reminder that, despite his injury, they were still in this together -- the young pirate-in-making took on the ethos of her new life full-tilt, everything from dressing the part to setting up and maintaining a covert site on the CCTS for "freelance work" opportunities. Eventually, much to her father's disbelief, she even found a hideout for them to set up shop in: a large cave behind a waterfall on the mid-western coast of Anima, with only a dozen Ursa as the price of admission.

In the years since, sightings of the Red Corsair and rumors about its "dashing and dastardly" captain have been spreading across Vale and Vacuo. She's hit trains and supply ships up and down the continent as well as boarded luxury craft and taken the owners for all the valuables they had. Many consider her a straight-up criminal, a raider in a tricked-out airship with an inflated sense of stage presence... but others question this. In Vacuo particularly the young woman is considered a minor celebrity for her raids against the SDC and other 'outsider' powers, and some villages in Vale say that the pirate came to their aid when no one else would, or could. Cordell's actions, for good or for ill, are nothing if not bold... and that isn't likely to change any time soon.

Spoiler: show
NOTE: Due to his injuries, Cordell's father is forced to alternate between using a wheelchair and a lower-body exosuit to get around. He is effectively paralyzed from the waist down but his and Cordell's engineering skills have allowed them to cobble together his current solutions which make his life and ongoing work possible. However, due to the weight of his exo-legs Corden seldom travels aboard the Red Corsair with his daughter, seeing it as a waste of fuel and preferring the quiet of the workshop over the unpredictability of his daughter's adventures.


Personality:

Cordell is an interesting mix of attributes. Like any good pirate she can be incredibly greedy -- treasure of any kind is likely to catch her eye, especially the sort she can turn around for a quick profit -- yet she also has a soft spot for the less fortunate, enough so that (thinly disguised) charity is not beyond the pale for her. That said, she tends to view herself as something of a businesswoman, content to trade her not-inconsiderable services so long as the price (or the cause) is right and aligns with her principles. Cordell refuses to do true harm to innocents; she may rob a rich family blind given half a chance but never kill or maim to do so. She'll fight to defend herself and her operations but has strong reservations against killing anyone, no matter how beneficial it might be. For these and other reasons she tends to be fairly choosy about who she does jobs for; she's not against working for those with deep pockets (so long as it's not blood money in them) but favors the underdog in most situations. Consequentially, she has collected a lot of 'favors' owed to her either in addition to or in place of pay. Since piracy has been good to her thusfar (and the favors have at times been useful) she's content to accept such terms, but only on the understanding that she will cash said favors in eventually.

Erring on the side of the theatrical means that people who encounter Cordell seldom, if ever, forget her. She can be loud, boisterous, and rowdy when she needs to make an impression then switch to smug, serious, and calculating the moment a situation calls for it. Some of it is playacting for the sake of her pirate persona, but a good bit of it is grounded in her own nature and her firm belief in refuge in audacity as a valid strategy and life-coping mechanism. It doesn't hurt that she was a risk-taker and adrenaline junkie before becoming an outlaw either -- no small part of the reason she was drawn to the military after her mother's death. Somehow she manages to balance these reckless, attention-grabbing traits with the steady resilience and problem solving of an experienced engineer... which is important, given she (and the Gears) handle any maintenance the Red Corsair needs when afield. Necessity and practice have also made a half-decent tactician of her, enough to successfully run raids against guarded targets like trains, boats, and the occasional supply depot. Being a self-reliant pirate forces one to become a jack of many trades.

Where Faunus and the White Fang are concerned, Cordell's outlook is... mixed. By this point in her piracy career she's interacted with enough Fauni to have seen through the blindly dismissive and at times scornful rhetoric which drifts about the echo-chambers of opinion in Atlas, but her own encounters have left her with a certain watchful reticence. Many of the Fauni she's met have been of the shady variety, with more than a few positioned as competition in one form or another -- these she doesn't mind, since it ultimately just proves that they're merely people trying to get by in a world that rejects them, little different from herself, and more than one Faunus scoundrel has impressed her so much that she'd consider working with them as business partners. The problem, from Cordell's viewpoint, isn't Faunus or even necessarily the White Fang, but the leadership of the Fang and the steady march towards greater and greater conflict upon which they seem intent. From a practical standpoint, the Fang are her rivals as raiders of the SDC's supplies and storehouses... from an ideological stance, the Fang seem determined to drive the world towards another war -- something both she and her father firmly oppose.

It is worth noting that Cordell is particularly protective of several things. The first is her father; his health is a constant worry for her, and possibly the worst mistake an enemy could make is threaten the man. The second is her name. Only Cordan gets to call her 'Maria' anymore... to share her real name with another person would be the ultimate sign of trust from Cordell, signalling a willingness to openness and vulnerability about the most painful chapter of her life. Next, of course, is her ship; the easiest way to get Cordell angry is to damage the Red Corsair which she so painstakingly maintains. Finally is her captain's hat -- no one touches her hat, lest they incur a mighty wrath upon them. Seriously, don't touch the hat.

One thing about Cordell that surprises those who learn it is that she has something of a musical bent and a talent for the violin. When she gets downtime with nothing else needing her attention it's not uncommon to find her losing herself in playing whatever comes to mind...


Aura and Semblance:

Cordell's Aura is a strong, bright red when visible (it tends to flare up when she gets angry, but the glow is the only anger-related effect and is itself completely harmless). Her Semblance, which her father jokingly refers to as her "treasure sense", is best described as a form of Aura-based echolocation. When used, an invisible pulse of Aura energy echoes outward in all directions from her hand up to a maximum radius of 300ft (although anything more than 100 ft requires significant focus, thus preventing it from being used while moving or fighting). The Aura "echo" allows Cordell to sense "energized" elements of her surroundings: a person's Aura, a machine or android's power cell and circuitry, and any significant concentration of Dust. This extends to residual energy -- even a circuit that is turned off will have a slight presence in her perception so long as it's been active recently (depending on the size of the circuit, anywhere from hours to days, up to weeks for particularly large or power-heavy systems). This doesn't extend to thermal or kinetic energies; Cordell's perception is essentially blind to those. In the case of Dust, Cordell can detect even small amounts (the size of a quarter or larger) when they're being actively used and any inactive amount, in powder or crystal form, that's at least as large or larger than a soda can. Distance, however, is a factor: at 100 ft or less she can clearly discern small detections, but at greater distances it requires more time, effort, and concentration to identify them. Grimm can also be detected by this "sixth sense", however they are indistinct (they appear on Cordell's "mental radar" as a cold dark haze, making their exact positions and numbers hard to discern) and, for reasons she isn't quite sure of, using her Semblance tends to draw any Grimm within the detection radius towards Cordell. This makes it something of a double-edged sword.

With a minute of quiet concentration Cordell can use her Semblance to effectively map an area -- closing her eyes while doing so helps her create a visualization of what she's sensing but, of course, it leaves her exposed in the moment. The Semblance can't sense completely inanimate, energy-neutral objects however, so she can't use it to map a building's floor plan or navigate a pitch-black cave. It does, however, compliment her skills as an engineer, allowing her to quickly discern if the flow of power in a mechanism is blocked somehow and how it can be fixed, even improved. Small detection fields (100ft or less) require hardly any effort and can even be done while fighting to help her keep track of multiple opponents, but creating larger detection fields (between 200 and 300 ft) can require her to catch her breath for a minute or two afterwards, especially if she tries to chain them together to get an accurate perception at maximum distance.


Combat Behavior:

Cordell fights with the mindset of a skirmisher -- she avoids stand-up head-on fights where possible and instead opts to harass and whittle down her opponents from positions of cover or advantage. This can be particularly frustrating to powerful direct opponents; even when they can shrug off her attacks the effort required to try and force a "proper" battle on her often takes its toll. As nothing in her arsenal is particularly hard-hitting this is her best bet against strong foes; a stand-up fight against someone of greater physical strength wouldn't really end well for her. She stays mobile and darts from cover to cover whenever possible to avoid getting pinned down and is always watchful for opportunities to lure her adversaries onto terrain that favors her over them. Her skill with both blade and gun is passable but far from outstanding: she can accurately hit a target at up to 50 feet away but not much further, and despite having some Atlas training in her younger days no one would accuse her of being a master swordswoman, much to her chagrin. In terms of experience she has more verses human opponents than creatures of Grimm, but not by much. She is, however, definitely more apt at reading and anticipating the movements of human foes than the varied (and often freakish) forms of Grimm monsters. Truth be told, she is most effective in fights verses combat androids and other mechanical opponents -- having the mind and skills of an engineer she can usually identify and exploit weak points in mechanical designs that others might overlook. Needless to say, it's gotten her out of more than a few close scrapes.

Cordell is also fond of setting traps when she has the advantage of time before combat -- more than a few would-be pirate slayers have fallen afoul of tripwires tied to jury-rigged Dust explosions, among other nefarious and wholeheartedly unfair tactics.

Physically, Cordell is decently balanced as a fighter. She leans slightly more towards strength over speed, in part due to her training and in part due to all the gear she carries. The layer of kevlar-style body armor she wears over her chest, legs, and upper arms grants her some added life-saving resiliency in a pinch.


WEAPONS

Name: Time and Tide

Primary Form:

These elegant dual-shot pistols were given to Cordell as payment for an especially risky smuggling operation that ended up taking her nearly halfway across the world -- consequentially they are among her most valued possessions (just shy of the hat). These weapons fire medium-caliber Dust rounds from a sixteen-shot internal magazine and can toggle between single and double firing on the fly, making them an effective equalizer in just about any remotely fair fire fight. When Cordell is feeling impatient she'll often whip the twin pistols out, tell people their names, and then firmly remind them that "Time and Tide wait for no man". It usually does the trick.

Dust Functions:

As a Dust-cartridge weapon, there are plenty of specialty rounds on the market that Time and Tide can take advantage of. The simplest ones do exactly what you would expect, delivering an elemental 'bang' on impact with target -- eruptions of frozen ice shards, blooms of fire, that sort of thing. Cordell's personal favorite is the unassumingly named E-16 round: an earth-attuned Dust cartridge that releases a large plume of gritty, oily, black smoke upon detonation, leaving behind a concealing cloud through which one can escape or launch a surprise attack on blinded foes. Some of her other commonly used munitions include the C-04 (a wide dispersal shot that coats everything within a ten foot radius in a thin layer of ice), L-19 (a single-target electro-disruptive round that delivers a mild shock to living targets but causes EMP-type damage to mechanical targets), and the ever-popular, highly expensive, and slightly illegal FE-02 (an "armor-breaker" round that delivers a white-hot two foot wide fiery explosion on impact, known for being able to melt a hole in even military-grade metal plating). Of course, specialty rounds are expensive; Cordell seldom carries more than one mag of E-16s on her person unless she knows she'll have a specific need for more firepower... which often means a trip to the black market before any action takes place.

History:

Cordell has told the story of how she got Time and Tide on many occasions... differently each time, it should be noted. She has claimed they were originally made for a now-retired Faunus freedom fighter, or the sidearms of a Mistral underworld operative, or a prize taken from a defeated SDC enforcer -- the story gets more convoluted and outlandish with each retelling. The part that's true is that she received them as payment from a weapons collector in exchange for some particularly hazardous smuggling, her "first big job", as she puts it. Honestly, Cordell doesn't actually know the weapons' origins... a fact which may, one day, come back to bite her.


Name: Zephyr Cutlass

Primary Form:

The Zephyr Cutlass is Cordan's special swashbuckling addition to Cordell's personal armaments. This weapon is both strikingly simple and highly versatile, so long as you know how to handle it. The two foot long blade seems straightforward enough until you realize it actually doubles as a potent electro-magnet -- with a flip of a switch Cordell can energize the blade, making it cling fiercely to anything magnetically susceptible which gets close to it. This leads directly into the cutlass' other special function: when primed, the lever (which doubles as a hand guard and is locked firmly in place when the launcher isn't primed) can be pulled to cause the blade to be high-pressure launched out of its socket, linked to the launcher-body via a high-tension ultra-strong steel tether cable. This means that anything the blade gets lodged into (or magnetically adheres to) can serve as an anchor point; the mechanisms of the launcher can then be used to mechanically reel in the cable (along with whomever's holding it) at adjustable speeds. This makes the Zephyr Cutlass Cordell's all-in-one boarding and maneuverability tool. The Cutlass' line has a reach of 100 ft when fully extended, perfect for boarding airships in mid-flight or other seemingly suicidal transits. Although not really meant for carrying more than 200lbs the cable and winch mechanism can tolerate up to approximately 400lbs... though, at that weight level, anyone or anything being "towed" won't be moving more than a few dozen feet a minute -- sitting targets, effectively.

It should be noted that Cordell takes special care not to expose herself to magnetic mayhem. All metal parts of her outfit, from earrings and buttons to the buckles on her belt, are made from either brass or aluminum -- non-ferrous metals that won't react to a magnet's pull. She has also systematically stripped out all magnet-susceptible parts from Time and Tide and replaced them with nonferrous equivalents.

The cabling used for the Zephyr Cutlass is stern stuff, but not unbreakable. A powerful enough attack, or continuous damage over time, can caused the braided cabling to snap and come apart. On the off chance that a cable breaks (or gets cut in the heat of particularly intense combat) Cordell keeps backup blades, cables, and replacement parts in storage aboard the Red Corsair along with two or three fully assembled and ready backup Zephyr Cutlasses. Of course, that's not a solution if she can't get back to her ship, nor does it help if someone sucessfully cuts through the line while she's using it. Cordan is looking into the idea of an energy tether for future models but hasn't been able to make it happen just yet.

Dust Functions:

The Cutlass has an input slot on the side opposite the launch lever which is intended to connect to a small Dust canister, however it can only make use of electricity-attuned Dust. No other varieties work with this weapon. When charged with such a Dust battery the blade of the Cutlass becomes wreathed in arcs of electricity -- this not only makes any damage it delivers much stronger (and more shocking), but it doubles the already-considerable strength of the blade's electromagnet function when activated, causing smaller and similarly sized metal objects within a 15ft radius to be drawn towards the blade (and the blade itself towards any larger magnet-friendly objects within 30ft). While charged with Dust the tether line also becomes electrically charged as well, providing a nasty surprise for anyone who thinks to take a blade to it.

History:

Cordell's father, knowing the dangerous work his daughter was undertaking, was determined to come up with something to help keep her safe on the job -- the Zephyr Cutlass was the result of those efforts.


Name: Fallback Dagger

Primary Form:

A small, simple 4 inch blade bronze dagger that Cordell keeps hidden on her person for emergencies, often tucked into her coat, boot, or whatever spot seems convenient at the time. It hasn't seen much use, admittedly, but a good pirate shouldn't end up needing their fallback all that often, should they? Being made from bronze and not a more conventional blade material or alloy the dagger won't stand up quite as well under combat stress. However, it also can't be magnetized at all, making it safe to keep on her person when using a Zephyr Cutlass.


SHIP

Name: The Red Corsair

Description:

Spoiler: CLICK FOR ARTWORK • show


At the time it was reengineered roughly five years ago, the V-21 "Arrowhead" airship which would go on to become the Red Corsair was considerably sophisticated by Atlas' standards -- since then, as its current owners have been forced to make due with what parts they could buy, scavenge, or build themselves, the ship has lost some of its technological grandeur in favor of practicality, but not all. It is still arguably one of the fastest airships in the skies, especially when running light on cargo and crew, and the original design characteristics that made it hard for radar and other sensors to track are still largely in place. In size it is roughly equivalent to Winter's airship, though with an overwhelming majority of its space dedicated to equipment instead of crew. Though it was originally intended to be able to serve as a bomber Cordell and her father have stripped the ship of those components and converted the bomb bay partially into a flexible storage / crew space and partially into a firing port for the ship's drop lines, zip lines, and boarding harpoons -- for self-evident reasons this got called the "jump room".

As a keen observer would likely note, the cockpit has no window or viewport -- instead, the pilot and copilot relies on the external sensor suite and other instruments to provide the nav computer with data which then projects a real time tactical render of the outside onto an overhead glass canopy and other screens. For this reason some of the original Arrowhead test pilots took to calling the cockpit "the black room" or, more morbidly, "the coffin", terms Cordell has bluntly eschewed in favor of "the bridge". In the event that there is a cataclysmic failure in the primary, secondary, and emergency sensor arrays the pilot can trigger micro-explosive charges which jettison the cockpit shell armor, though this is only done as a last resort.

Far and above the most dominant feature of the ship is its large rear engine and attached Dust reactor. While quite fuel efficient as high-speed airships go, the Red Corsair nonetheless requites a large quantity of Dust for its reactor to operate, owing to the fact that it is designed to function based on different types reacting in concert with one another. The aft ring segment is a twinned stabilizing and cooling arch system which also directs power into the secondary engines and maneuvering thrusters, granting the ship the ability to hover in place and gracefully maneuver even at high speeds.

Internally, the ship feels similar to being on a submarine -- aside from narrow crawl-shafts which run like veins throughout, the majority of human-accessible space is to be found in the central block of the ship between the reactor access and the cockpit. This makes sense as the vessel was initially intended to only carry three crew: pilot, copilot, and an engineer. All on-board doors can be hard-sealed with airtight magnetic locks to keep people in or out, making it extremely secure when the need arises. The internal floor plan splits the ship into two levels: the top deck contains (from front to back) the cockpit, a modular cargo / crew area, and the access and maintenance area for the reactor and primary engine, while the lower deck comprises the "jump room" which doubles as a cargo space, a tiny improvised kitchen, the ship's lavatory, lower access to the modular crew / cargo block, and finally the main access hatch -- a decently armored door with an extendable walkway for entering or departing when landed. There are several rung ladders connecting the two decks as well as a moderate size lift in the modular section for moving people and cargo around. The ship can comfortably accommodate three people, though in this case comfort is a relative term: the only bed, really, is a bedroll Cordell keeps in a small lofted crawlspace just above the cockpit's inner door, and the onboard bathroom is just as tiny and spartan as one would expect for a military craft. If there are guests aboard they're typically forced to make due with a sleeping bag on the cold metal floors of the cargo hold; a luxury cruise ship this is not, after all. Technically the ship can fit as many people as can cram into the cargo hold and the jump room... but, let's face it, nobody is going to be happy about that, and conditions will get snug fast as the numbers and/or cargo increase. It should also be noted that there are hand-grips and tie-down straps in virtually every room of the ship... something that any passengers would do well to keep in mind should there suddenly be a need for some fancy flying.

The weapons systems the Corsair uses are chiefly meant for dog-fighting other small airships and providing light fire support, so don't go expecting this pirate ship to take on an Atlas military main-line airship any time soon. The damage its guns can do is comparable to the chain guns that Atlas has on its Bullheads (or, alternatively, Coco's minigun). Similarly, the armor is meant more to withstand high-speed maneuvers than it is to take a beating; if, for example, one or more Griffons were to land on the hull it is entirely possible they could claw their way inside given a few minutes. The outer plating can stand up well verses small arms fire but anything more aggressive can end up doing serious damage -- the Red Corsair's best tactic in a major fight is to evade, evade, evade, and attack only when an advantage presents itself. Fortunately, this is where the sensor jamming equipment and radar-elusive profiling comes in handy. The ship is fast enough to strike, escape, and strike again, and the weapons of most military airships will struggle to get (and keep) a lock on it as it does.

Crew:

[The Gears]

Although Cordell is the only human aboard, that does not mean that the good captain is without a crew! Her father is constantly assembling miniature worker robots to aid Cordell in repairing and maintaining the ship. These spry little bots, whom they've taken to calling "Gears", are a long ways off from true AI but still smart enough to self-manage, understand and act on verbal commands, and even get into the occasional argument with each other (a back and forth stream of shrill mechanical bleeps, chirps, and squeals that could raise the dead). Cordan says he didn't program them to have so much "personality", but Cordell still thinks of it as an ongoing joke her dad is playing on her. The bots may be short in stature, barely measuring 1ft tall, but they can get around in the ship in a way no human can, which makes them absolutely integral to the Red Corsair's continued piracy. They're not much of a threat in a fight, honestly, but are surprisingly sturdy little things for being so small and lightweight. The Red Corsair typically has between ten and fifteen on board at any one time.

[Delahaye]

A ship needs a captain and crew, sure, but without a first mate things tend to fall apart, especially when the captain is absent or otherwise occupied. Delahaye, or 'Del' as Cordell calls her for short, is the answer to that problem. The Red Corsair's systems were originally built to have an optional shipboard smart support system included, however when Cordan stole it the ship didn't have the full system installed. This meant that, for much of Cordell's early few years pirating, any time she left the Red Corsair the entire ship had to be placed on lock down... and that presented its fair share of problems, especially when it came to quick getaways. Even with the genius engineer that he was, Cordan simply didn't have the skills or resources to from-scratch code responsive software sophisticated enough to run the ships systems -- the autopilot was good, but all it could do was get from point A to point B. Something better was in order... and since the underworld tends to run a bit short of high-end programmers to hire, that meant they'd need to steal their way to a solution.

One daring airship raid later, they had what they needed: a hard drive containing an SDC virtual assistant program, the type used by regional managers of the company to keep an up-to-the-second grasp on operations. Not a true AI -- that price tag was more than even Schnee was willing to pay -- but a program with enough complexity and responsiveness that it could run payroll, shift management, calculate and cross-reference inventory, and track workflow and productivity for large chucks of the single largest company in existence, plus learn, adapt, and anticipate the management style and preferences of the corporate suit it served. With some adjustments and fine tuning, Cordan was able to take a glorified cyber-secretary and rework it to become the beating digital heart of the Red Corsair.

Delahaye has control over all of the ship's systems and can pilot it effectively, but unlike a true AI she cannot self-direct. She is, however, excellent at carrying out Cordell's orders and possesses enough basic situational awareness to adapt her response to said orders based on a changing scenario. For example, if the Red Corsair were being pursued by another aircraft and Delahaye was ordered to evade and escape, she could do this; if a second aircraft suddenly joined the pursuit Delahaye could extrapolate from her existing orders to evade and escape this new ship as well without having to be explicitly told so. She would not, however, have the sort of adaptive human response to know when 'evade and escape' was no longer working and switch over to 'stand and fight' -- she would continue trying to carry out Cordell's orders until the orders changed.

Cordell will wear a small button-sized all-weather communicator, functionally similar to a no-touch two-way radio, somewhere on her person (typically clipped inside her collar) when she has to leave the ship, allowing her to give Delahaye orders without being present on the ship. The first mate can also use the device as a transponder to locate Cordell, making extraction or fire support orders much simpler to execute. In the case that the communicator is damaged or taken from her Cordell keeps at least one spare hidden on her person at all times and a box full of them on the ship. Like other metal aspects of her apparel, Cordell has taken no small pains to fashion the comm device to be as magnet-proof as possible (though the Zephyr Cutlass' EM field does still cause some measure of interference).

Functionally, Delahaye often operates as a disembodied voice but can represent herself on the ship's screens and displays as a female pirate dressed in a similar anachronistic style to that which Cordell prefers. Unlike Cordell, however, Delahaye doesn't sound much like a pirate -- her speech is perfectly intelligible, even coming off as a bit dry, mechanical, formal, and polite. This is because, ironically, the SDC had the 'personality' aspects of the program more firmly locked down than the operational ones... due, it turns out, to certain managers in the past making adjustments that were definitely not suitable to the work place.

[hr]

FAQ:

Spoiler: show
Q: How hasn't Cordell been caught yet?

A: Hit-and-run raids on supply trains, boats, and airships are a particularly effective form of piracy. If executed well on small, lightly defended targets an outlaw can get in, take what they want or need, and get out without a long engagement -- only amateurs stick around and rummage when kingdom airships are possibly on their way. Having a fast airship that's built to avoid detection certainly helps, as does the ability to fall back to a concealed hideout on the coast of Anima and lay low if things get too intense. The nature of Cordell's crimes also limit the responses she faces; as SDC shipments are among her favored prey and the company often goes with private robotic security instead of official kingdom escorts this tends to make her work much simpler. It's also important, as any good pirate will tell you, not to stick too closely to any one area, no matter how convenient it may be or how rich the plunder. Pirates whose hunting grounds become too well known tend to face sterner opposition... and baited traps meant to lure them in. Unpredictability is the key. To that end she frequently changes her hunting patterns up -- a train shipment in Vale one week, a sand skimmer in Vacuo the next, perhaps followed by robbing a fat-pursed Mistal businessman on his luxury airship if the opportunity arises. It also doesn't hurt that she frequently does jobs and favors for towns and settlements out on the fringes -- should she need somewhere to lay low, she knows people who can help.

The one kingdom she won't venture anywhere near, however, is Atlas -- she won't even hit boats or airships on the open waters if she thinks there's a chance Atlas air forces are within reach. This wary caution of her former home has served to keep her from becoming too confident or taking any prize that seems too good to be true, just in case it turns out to be a trap set for her.


Q: The SDC is one of Cordell's favorite targets, it seems. That's poking an awfully big Ursa. How does she keep at it without biting off more than she can chew?

A: Pirates have to be resourceful. As Cordell has stepped up her raids the SDC has responded by elevating their security -- more and tougher robots, hired mercenaries, and more. As a result she's had several near-misses and aborted missions, and learned valuable lessons in the process. She no longer hits SDC trains and airships simply on impulse unless she's absolutely desperate and feeling lucky; rather, she's turned to certain connections she's made in Mistral, Vacuo, and elsewhere to give her an edge. Whether it's a hefty bribe for an employee to "forget" to change out some combat android power cells, a greased palm or two to learn which routes are running with heavy security or when a trap is being set up, or a straight-up share of the loot offered to bring along some extra muscle, the pirate captain's dogged determination to keep one step ahead has worked out so far -- not always perfectly, but well enough to turn up the lien when it counts.


Q: Have members of Permafrost come after Cordell?

A: Not yet, at least not openly... but they will. They want that airship back and they want very much to blame Atlas' leaders for its existence, but not without carefully covering up their own involvement. To that end they want it, and Cordell, in one piece if possible -- broken pawns aren't so useful for winning the game, after all, and far more is to be gained politically by a public trial than a private execution.


Q: Does she have a bounty on her?

A: Oh yes. The highest bounty is being offered, unsurprisingly, by the Schnee Dust Company -- dead or alive, in this instance. Vale has a warrant for Cordell's arrest and a modest sum of lien for anyone with information leading to her capture. Mistral has an assortment of smaller bounties, most being offered up by individuals of wealth and connections whom Cordell has either pissed off or stolen from; given the kingdom's underworld these are actually the biggest threat, and Cordell has had to either escape from or pay off the occasional bounty hunter while going about her own less-than-legitimate business. The place she's least at risk, arguably, is in Vacuo -- although there is an official warrant for her arrest there, the kingdom's own lawless disposition means that seldom anything comes of it... certainly nothing that a few greased palms or offers of assistance haven't been able to handle, at any rate. Menagerie, meanwhile, is an open question: Cordell has yet to venture that far south and, not being a Faunus, what welcome (if any) she'd find is uncertain at best. Finally, although there's no formal bounty posted in Atlas Cordell knows she would be the least safe if she ever went back there; the kingdom's rigid approach to law and order means that crimes like piracy often carry the penalty of death...


Q: How old was Cordell when she left Atlas?

A: She was 21. That means she's been pirating for approximately two years now.

[/quote]

5
Approved Characters / Re: Mae Tulimanu
« on: October 14, 2017, 04:52:42 PM »
Spoiler: Edit • show
[quote author=Capta1n_Henry link=topic=993.msg12127#msg12127 date=1495257720]
Ok, second character! I don't have that much time to write this so it's gonna be kind of bare bones. Sorry about that!

CHARACTER

Name: Mae Tulimanu

Age: 18 (25th of Arashi)

Species and Gender: Female Hawk Faunus

Occupation: 1st year student at Beacon Academy

Appearance: (Little bare bones, sorry) Mae stands at 5'2", weighs 120 lbs., and has a toned, athletic build. She has short black hair which she keeps away from her forehead. She does this to make room for a few dark orange feathers that grow straight up from the rim of her forehead. Her pupils and iris' in her eyes are enlarged and her sclera is black and her eye color is orange gold. Her eyes of that of a hawk, so naturally she can see things clearly from over a mile away. She has paleish, freckled skin. She also has a modest bust and somewhat curvy hips. When off duty/school, Mae wears a grey, long sleeve shirt, black jeans, and orange sneakers. When she's on a mission, Mae wears a light brown leather coat with wings engraved on the back over a white and dark orange body suit which covers her from her neck to her feet (the body suit has built in feet support). Mae also wears a black utility belt, on which she keeps 3 magazines of ammo for her weapon, and some light provisions and aid.

Ref. Images (I own nothing):

Spoiler: show


Spoiler: show


Spoiler: show


Spoiler: show


History:

Spoiler: show
Mae was born to a human father and a Faunus mother (who is also a hawk Faunus) in a small cottage deep in the forest near Kuchinashi. Mae's mother worked as a huntress, taking job requests from the local town and protecting any merchants passing through. Mae's father worked as a trapper, and fur trader, selling what pelts he had skinned to the general store in town, while also keeping the meat he had acquired. On top of being rigorously taught the general education courses like math, English, and science by her mother, Mae was also taught how to hunt and defend herself from a very young age by her parents (mostly by her mom), who let her tag along when they were hunting smaller Ursas, Boarbatusks, and Beowolfs who had strayed too far from their pack, but still threatened their home. Mae's mother made frequent trips to town in search of textbooks and workbooks for the sake of Mae's education. Mae loved reading and writing, as it gave her something else to besides go out with her parents or garden, and would study for hours on end every day. Around the time Mae built her weapon--albeit a prototype version of it--her parents let her go out hunting for small animals and Grimm. She would spend hours wandering the forest and admiring the beauty of nature, although she would tend to get lost and into trouble while doing this.

Time went on in the forest. Mae got older and was helping her father hunt on a regular basis for big game, and big Grimm. Mae's mother continued to go on missions for the local town, but because of her age, she couldn't complete as many contracts as she used to. To offset this, Mae decided to look for a job as an assistant to a blacksmith. When she looked at the board, there were no openings for such a position, but she did find an offering for an engineer's assistant. Desperate for work, she walked to the engineer's house to check in as their new assistant. When she knocked on the door, she expected an old, cranky old man. She was surprised to see a middle aged man--somewhere in his forties--open the door. He wore glasses, a button-up shirt, pants, and sandals. He was kind and welcoming, if not a little snobbish. He introduced himself as Bashir Cooper, an Atlas engineer who wanted a quiet life near the great rural areas of Mistral. Bashir wanted to pursue his dream of being a custom weapon designer, and to do that, he needed someone to help him test his new inventions--which of course were prototypes and very unstable, possibly life threatening. Mae agreed to test the weapons, but only on the sole condition that Bashir would help her on her journey towards being a huntress, whether that be studying or helping her make weapons and gear.

Once Mae had turned 18, her parents were a little shocked to find out that she wanted to go Beacon Academy, as Mae's mother had gone to Haven. Mae explained to her parents that she wanted a change of scenery from the wide expanses of the forest, and wanted to experience what Vale had to offer. After a few days of consideration, Mae's mother gave her full support to her daughter's success. With the admission date a couple moths away, Mae trained and studied with her mother more so than ever before. When Mae's mother was on a mission, Mae would go over to Bashir's workshop to study and test weapons. When the day came to apply to Beacon, Mae passed all of the admission tests with little difficulties, not scoring super high, but high enough for her to be content with. She was scheduled to leave Mistral in two weeks, and in that time, she said her goodbyes to her old friends who were going to attend Haven Academy. Before boarding the airship, Mae said her goodbyes to her parents, who promised that Mae would always have a home in Mistral. Bashir gave an almost tearful goodbye and offered to send her some custom equipment if she ever needed it. She thanked him and her parents, and boarded the airship to Beacon.


Personality: Mae is a caring, if not quiet person. Despite her lack of formal education, Mae loves it when someone other than her parents can teach her about something other than hunting. She works very hard when it comes to schoolwork, studying and reading whenever she isn't hanging out with friends or on a mission. Mae tends to talk a lot when she's with friends and professors, who sometimes try to sneak away from her ramblings about things that seem so minuscule, like how many feathers she shed over the past week, or how many different species of  butterfly she saw on a hike. Being a Faunus herself, Mae is a huge advocate of Faunus rights, sometimes going to non-violent protests. She even considered joining The White Fang at one time, which resulted in her getting scolded by her mother. Despite being quiet, Mae acts very motherly to her friends, not just by being kind and compassionate, but by also scolding and encouraging them. Mae's hobbies include taking hikes through the forest, reading, gardening, and cooking.

Semblance: Wind Gale -- Mae can launch herself up into the air by channeling her aura into her legs, letting out a gust of wind by jumping. This ability is only used to dodge or to get a better vantage point on the enemy. Mae can only use this ability 2 times in a row before she becomes exhausted. Once Mae starts to descend, she will fall like a normal person would, and must divert her aura into her legs to negate the fall damage.

Combat Behavior: Due to the nature of her weapon, Mae likes to use her heightened Faunus agility to stay in the shadows and harass her enemies from afar with her variety of crossbow bolts. If the enemy gets too close, however, Mae will use her hunting knife to defend herself--albeit, not very effectively due to her low physical strength--until her allies arrive to give her back up. If Mae sees an ally in danger, she will advance towards them while putting suppressing fire on the enemy they are fighting. Because of her blind, caring behavior, she can leave herself wide open without even noticing it. Mae is especially vulnerable after using her semblance more than 2 times, as she will be incredibly exhausted. Mae will often focus in on one target and forget that there are other enemies around her, which usually leads to her being caught off guard, even when she could've prevented it.

WEAPONS

Name: Leto's Wrath

Primary Form: A black and golden orange semi-automatic crossbow with a hybrid scope, allowing the user to engage targets at medium to long range without a huge loss in accuracy. The magazine is a cylinder with a slit at the top for the bolts to go through. Each canister holds 25 bolts--which can be coated with different kinds of dust for any situation.

Dust Functions: The crossbow bolts can be coated with dust to add a little extra punch to the weapon. Mae carries around 3 dust coated bolt canisters. The main elements she uses are Ice (to slow down attackers that get too close), Fire (to shred lightly targets), and Lightning (to hurt opponents using metal armor).

Ref. Images:


History: When Mae was allowed to hunt, her parents helped her create a somewhat rudimentary crossbow. Mae would continue to find ways to upgrade this crossbow with the help of Bashir before going to Beacon.


Name: Hunter's Crux

Primary Form: A tanto with a silver blade and an orange and white hilt.

Ref. Images:

Spoiler: show

History: With the help of Bashir, Mae created a small hunting blade that could easily skin the pelt off any animal, much less a human.
[/quote]

6
WiP Characters / Re: Kisha Miles
« on: October 14, 2017, 11:02:25 AM »
A bit of a misunderstanding here. King said that it seemed good to him here in WiP, once you fix the formatting which you still haven't (you need to remove the extra spaces in the paragraphs). After that you can copy the text and make a new thread under character creation, and then you will get final reviews. And for the record you don't post in the +1 thread, ill see if I can delete it so no worries.

7
WiP Characters / Re: Maestema Inritus
« on: October 13, 2017, 07:24:33 PM »
In regards to the ears that's perfectly fine, just needed to get it clarified :)

In regards to personality and history I think what you have suggested will be a good step in the right direction, however I do realise that this kind of story is just one that I personally don't enjoy (again to be clear that doesn't make it bad) so at this point I'll let someone else / approval help with that.

Best of luck

8
WiP Characters / Re: Maestema Inritus
« on: October 12, 2017, 08:01:17 PM »
Alright I'll take another look :) Moving forward it would help if you would include a bit detailed recap of everything you edit in the post, however as this was such a major rewrite that's not a big issue so no worries.
  • Name: Jupp
  • Age: Jupp
  • Species and Gender: Jupp
  • Occupation: Jupp
  • Appearance: Would like to see a number for height (not a big deal but just the norm on the site). Only real concern here is the ears, you say somewhat pointy but the art is very point. Would just like to get that clarified.
  • History: Sorry to say but still have a lot of issues, covered bellow
  • Personality: If he takes pleasure in torturing people then this is a full blown psychopath not somewhat, and if he is bad enough at hiding it that he creeps out people then he would never get past the interview process. Also this implies he has experience with torturing people which would have to be covered in history.
  • Aura: Smokey is fine as long as its cosmetic
  • Semblance: Regeneration is a fine semblance, but an arm in half an hour is never getting approved, would expect it to be over a month. The semblance would be the ability to regrow, something other people can't, but its still an incredible feat and would take a long time.
  • Weapon: Fine overall. For the history i'd like to hear where Dr. Soma got it from, but not essential.

History:
- What does RKB stand for?
- Sorry to be the barer of bad news again, but the show is rather explicit in saying that pretty much all study of Grimm is based on observations in the wild (Link) their bodies decompose and they die when in captivity. So keeping and experimenting on Grimm would go beyond the tech on the show and thus wont be approved.
- Using volunteers is a good angle that as you said that would stop as people started dying, but if people aren't willing to do it because of the dangers I have a hard time believing that employees of this organisation would not go to the police to stop such child abuse.
Quote
Maestema was able to get a respond from the creature.
- Developing a drug or other experiment that allows for communication or control of Grimm is a straight up no, never happening, not in any form.
- Going unconscious next to a Beowolf would only end with him dead.

9
WiP Characters / Re: Maestema Inritus
« on: October 11, 2017, 11:05:34 AM »
Said it in the discord but first and foremost welcome to the site Ryo :D though I understand it may be more appropriate to say welcome back.

As for the character, I'll repeat what I said in the discord. I'd highly suggest writing a new character, what you have here just really does not fit the tone of a student. I understand that you wanted to stick with it and some iteration of this character may be approved but it will be a long and tedious process and at the end of the day you may not recognize the character by the end. That's not to say what you've written is bad but it really just does not fit with the story. Rather than someone with the darkest and edgiest backstory try to create a more believable origin, someone who would dedicate their life to protect others as a hunter.

If you are still insistent on sticking with it I've included some pointers of things that would have to be changed to even have a chance of approval, however I've left it in a spoiler as I really don't like doing reviews in this form as the tone just becomes so negative. I certainly think you can create a great character, but you just missed the mark on the tone with this one.
Spoiler: show
Age: Unknown (looks like 15)
Would never be accepted into a combat school without knowing his age. Guessing the reason is the drug that prevented aging but just going to be straightforward and tell you that never going to get approved, we have never seen that level of medical tech on the show.

Species and Gender: Male (Human)
No need for parenthesis, he is straight up human or never getting approved.

(Again sorry for taking this tone but that just the way this is going to have to be :/ My sincere recommendation was to make a new character and at this point I'm just going to power through. Sorry)

Occupation: [...] Information broker
Would need to know where he is getting the information that he is selling.

Appearance:
Fine but needs to be written as a text, not bullet points. And unless you got the art commissioned I'd like to see a link to the artist.

History: RKB Corps, an organization who is researching about human auras. They are conducting various human experimentations, finding out ways to unlock human limitations. The organization went through many controversies, and was forced to shut down by the government. However, RKB Corps continued their operations secretly.
Unethical human testing that was bad enough to get government interruption would not end without consequences, parents would probably be locked up and all material would be confiscated. No way they could continue to operate.

They started to kidnap street children and conduct experiments on them. Many of those children were killed in the process, and no experiment was successful.
No.

He lost his mind and became nuts.
If his parents are smart enough to be at the front of this research and since they obviously couldn't care less about their child why didn't they just kill him when things started to go wrong. These are supposed to be some incredibly smart people so surely there would be fail-safes.

However, the people of the village is not very welcoming.
Why not? A lost eleven year old is not going to be someone that adults hate because they don't know him.

The next thing he knew was he was lying on the ground, surrounded by debris, burnt houses, a bunch of dead bodies.
Nope. Either this means that bandits are incredibly weak, but the village would have guards to protect from Grimm and since they didn't fend them off then they are seemingly strong, or it means that he is super strong at 11 and would never get approved.

Maestema's body has stopped growing since some time ago. It seems like all those experimenting with his body has affected his growth and prevents his body from growing.
Again we've never seen this level of tech so far so won't get approved.

He tends to manipulate others to have a conflict as he enjoys the scenery as two individuals fights or argues.Aside from that, he is also a psychopath and downright crazy.
Not seen many manipulative characters so that nice but a straight up psychopath probably won't be getting into a school.

Just going to call it there, for now, I really don't like being this negative in reviews and as I said this is not a bad character just not in the right tone for the site. Really wish you best of luck forward and hope to see you around more.

10
AMA Section / Re: Let's try this again...(AMCA)
« on: October 10, 2017, 06:53:34 PM »
I certainly hope to get to use Diana more, I'm liking the way Bas is headed but think all other characters will take the second place at most. Unfortunately the team thread went completely dead and didn't luck out with any of the active plots.

Wanted to have someone at Haven with the new volume coming up but doubt I'll be using her more, but once she is approved and the stats are in a good place I may very well just start my very own banter thread (or two).

11
WiP Characters / Re: Bastet Nin
« on: October 10, 2017, 06:43:06 PM »
Decreased the symbol size and fixed the spelling error (as well as a few others I caught) If there are more then just hit me up over on the discord and I'll get them fixed (as that stuff does get annoying).

Story is certainly short though that is by design, Diana's was so long that I felt a TLDR was needed so wanted one here that was more self contained but still provided a compelling (and entirely untragic) origin. Could expand it with things like semblance or art but doesn't feel like that is as important to her development.

12
WiP Characters / Re: Kisha Miles
« on: October 10, 2017, 06:24:31 PM »
First off welcome to the site Dexes! :D Always nice to see new faces around here, and cheers for checking the rules and finding the template ^^ A lot of people don't and it slows down their start. Good start to the character, the main thing now would be to expand upon the history in particular, as right now its rather bare bones. 

Some quick tips or comments going down what you have so far
  • Always nice to see a symbol
  • You have a lot of extra spaces which break up the text. As in a new line (Enter key)not just space between words (Spacebar)
    • Actually guessing this just a formatting thing for WiP but will need to be fixed before heading over to approval.
  • Also nice to have some art to go with the character, however unless its something you got commissioned I'd include a link to the artist in the spoiler.
  • Nice to see that she starts off with wooden weapons at a reasonable age
  • Main concern with the story so far is the use of absolute terms. Her parents 'were one of the best Huntsmen ever' and 'She passed the exam with one of the highest scores'. Though nothing prevents you from having it like that its just something we try to avoid, you can still get the same effect by saying she passed with flying colours or something like that. 
  • Personality seems fun. Two minor things, would use gender neutral pronouns (help him/her if he/she really needs it --> help them if they really) and would like to hear something about how well she does as a student.
  • Semblance seems cool, mods may have some questions before approval but wouldn't worry about that now
  • A classic weapon but seems fine, only concern here is that the lightning arrows are incredibly strong (but again wouldn't worry much about balance now)

Again welcome to the site. Dont worry about the list as its mostly minor things, just want to give you info to create a great character. If you have any questions don't hesitate to ask here or on the discord! :D

13
AMA Section / Re: Let's try this again...(AMCA)
« on: October 09, 2017, 07:06:39 PM »
In the right thread this time even.

Same question though, you have a lot of characters are there some you prefer to use over others, or are there some you wish you got to use more?

14
WiP Characters / Re: Bastet Nin
« on: October 09, 2017, 07:02:31 PM »
Made the symbol smaller, and other general fixes all around. Updated and fixed personality and combat behaviour.

Any thoughts on the history, by far the part I struggle most with (even though this one isnt dramatic or anything).

15
Shhhh, nothing to see here

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