Show Posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.


Messages - ecksdeeeXD

Pages: [1] 2 3 ... 8
1
Character Creation / Re: Thistle Laine
« on: November 17, 2018, 12:09:32 AM »
Profile looks good overall. Just needs some tweaking.
- The semblance part might need a bit of clarification. "This semblance has no effect on bullets and could potentially damage transforming weapons, depending on their composition and complexity, if used with one." This sentence kinda sounds ambiguous in my opinion. If I understand it right, it should mention that it has the erratic effect on guns/more complex weapons if Thistle uses them to make it easier to understand.
 
The rest looks fine to me.

2
Approved Characters / Re: Larimar Chalice (Ready)
« on: August 28, 2018, 06:36:11 AM »
Sorry for the delay! :D

1. Alright, noted.
2. Sounds good. So just for fun. Alright.
3. As for the personality thing, it was more of a comment towards the "like most of her classmates/hunters/huntress" they're terrified of growing attached to others. Hard generalization isn't really good. Still, approved.
4.  Semblance looks better now. Was concerned that having a crushing force all around someone was akin to telekinesis at that point. So it takes a few seconds to start rather than a gradual increase of pressure. Makes sense for a disorienting semblance. Looks good.
5. Combat behavior approved.
6. Weapon approved. After some more research, it seems like a flechette round can be used for longer range but the light weight of the ammo makes it difficult due to the effect of wind. That plus the multiple barrels your character's weapon has makes it less likely to be an effective sniper rifle, but since you're ok with it being short to mid range;

Approved 1/2

3
Approved Characters / Re: Larimar Chalice (Ready)
« on: August 23, 2018, 08:22:20 AM »
Name to appearance are good. Just curious if her name means anything in relation to the color rule. Not necessary but it's always interesting to hear.
Images for reference would be appreciated but not necessary.

For history, why did she steal bread? Out of necessity or just for fun? Having two hunter/huntress parents doesn't seem like she'd be needy for food. So she's afraid of losing people to Grimm rather than the Grimm themselves? The rest is well written, good job.

As for personality, I wouldn't say that many of the people her age and profession would be terrified of growing attached to others. Maybe take that out. It seems like a history of semi-abandonment and isolation making her more attached to those relationships she DOES form along with a fear of loss would make a better reasoning for her being introverted.

For aura, you might need to change color. Moonstone isn't exactly an exact hue so that's kinda confusing. Aside from that, her semblance needs some tweaking and explanation. What if the object is moving? Would her crush be able to stop someone mid run? At that point, it's more like telekinesis. How long does it take her to crush a car? And how long before someone feels the initial force of it if it's a gradual and slow process? Does it start off with mild pressure and gets stronger or is it mild all throughout and slowly closes in? Is it limited to an entire object? Or can she crush segments (e.g. just someone's hand?). If it's a mild crush, how long can she keep it up?

Her combat behavior is also pretty strange. A flechette launcher doesn't strike me as a long range weapon but more short to medium range, like a shotgun would be. Using a crushing semblance to disorient foes is pretty creative too. Might I suggest her specifically "crushing" their heads? Pressure on the eyes and ears can be pretty disorienting, but again, refer to the comments about her semblance above. The rest seems fairly balanced and well written

As for her weapon, again, a flechette gun really does seem more like a short to mid range weapon rather than long range. The cluster barrel also makes it more akin to a shotgun, unless I'm understanding it wrong. Does she carry regular flechettes and nonexploding ones? How powerful explosions are we talking?

4
Approved Characters / Re: Chantou Rou
« on: July 27, 2018, 04:36:10 AM »
Sounds good to me. Approved 2/2! Go add her to your signature :D

5
Approved Characters / Re: Chantou Rou
« on: July 26, 2018, 08:33:25 AM »
Name to occupation checks out.

Appearance looks good. Images would be appreciated but not necessary. How tough are her spines? Can they be broken? How hard are they (i.e. what can they pierce/not pierce)? Also, "which thankfully light" looksto be a typo.

Quite the extensive history.  A tad dark but not unacceptably so. Just curious how she got to be a mantis when her mom's a dragonfly.

Personality is well written, well balanced, and reflects character history. Good job.

Aura and lack of semblance checks out.

Combat behavior seems a little off. She's rough around the edges and wild but a patient and tactical fighter? It'll need some explanation of why, I think. The rest is good.

Weapon are a pair of sword-whip-pistols. Approved.
As for Razor's Edge, how strong can the gravity crystal hold? How much weight can it handle or is it just enough for Chantou herself?

Other than these comments, it's good to go!

6
The Vale Region / Re: The Lonely Road [Shard INC] [Closed]
« on: July 22, 2018, 10:28:26 AM »
Brook folded her weapon into its carry form as she walked back, taking off one of her gloves and holding it in the other hand as she wiped some sweat off her brow. "Well none of us are dead so I guess that's a win for team humans." She cheered with a dull chuckle, frankly too tired to put more than that into a celebration. Seeing Michael hobble into his seat, she walked over to offer some assistance. "Here, lemme help." Brook said, reaching down in one gloved hand and gripping the boot tight, holding it steady to help Michael pull his foot out as she listened to Willow's pep talk.  A few minutes rest would do the entire group good.

"It's all part of the job." She beamed up at Willow, kneeling beside Michael, "It's what we train for. The weapons aren't just for show." She said as she yanked opposite to Michael's pulling at his leg, trying to free it from the metal boot, "I think I'm good. Just some water, I guess. Aura kinda keeps you good for the most part."

7
The Vale Region / Re: The Lonely Road [Shard INC] [Closed]
« on: December 29, 2017, 11:36:35 AM »
"Oh!" Brook grunted slightly as she felt her fist make contact, almost doing a one handed hand stand on the grimm's nape before it dissipated. Instincts kicking in, she tucked forwards, rolling off the ground onto her feet. Standing tall, Brook glanced around. The fight seemed to be turning in their favor. "Hey, where do you think you're going with that?!" She bellowed at the fleeing and injured alpha, her weapon still lodged firmly in its bone, hurriedly catching up to it in a blur of semblance feathers. The girl materialized right in front of the retreating alpha, looking it in the eyes as she sent her fist towards its nose, loosing a guttural roar, before rolling to yank her weapon free, leaving the beast to die or flee as it saw fit. No use chasing, grimm always had a tendency to come back anyway.

Walking back towards the others, staff resting against one shoulder like a rifle, Brook nodded at willow. "Tell me about it." She said before turning to look at the rest of her teammates, "You guys alright?"

8
Beacon Academy / Re: Sleepy Sheepy and Busty Vampira. [closed]
« on: September 09, 2017, 10:56:58 AM »
Ashelynne was the epitome of comfort, resting on the cool grass as she nuzzled her pillow, lips slightly parted with a small droplet of drool rolling down her cheek. Ashe took her time waking up too, lying on Akel for a good ten minutes before waking up (unless of course Akel roused her on purpose). "Mmmmmmmm.... Akee...." She moaned softly, nuzzling her pillows, "So warm... so soft... be my friend...."

9
The Vale Region / Re: The Lonely Road [Shard INC] [Closed]
« on: September 09, 2017, 09:13:24 AM »
Brook felt her muscles reel and her shoulders shudder as her blade lodged into beowolf bone, hand shock blistering pain into her palms. The brunette grunted, attempting to yank it free but sadly, it was lodged in deep, barely a few inches of blade left not embedded in the grimm. The slam from Juno quickly lurched her staff from her grip too.  "Dammit." She cursed under her breath, hissing through clenched teeth. Resigning herself to hand to hand for the moment until that grimm decided to let go of her weapon, Brook reached down to her belt, sliding her hands expertly into their sleeves. Sliding her gloves on all the way to her elbows, Brook was forced to rip her belt loops on her pants, sparing no time to tighten her gloves while the enemy was so close. Brook looked over as the beowolf fell before the other rolled into her. "Hey, get off!, ass hat" She yelled, exploding into a flurry of lavender feathers out from underneath the grimm and rematerializing a few feet over it, roaring as she fell to drive her fist into her attacker's neck with her exceptional faunus strength, complemented by the force of gravity.

10
Approved Characters / Re: Captain Cordell
« on: July 26, 2017, 09:24:14 PM »
Well, if I missed anything, the next mod/minion'll get it. Approved 1/2

11
Beacon Academy / Re: Sleepy Sheepy and Busty Vampira. [closed]
« on: July 24, 2017, 11:44:38 PM »
By the time Akel would wake up, the sky was cast in orange and purple, sunset shining onto the wide pasture of clouds sprawled above them. Birds were chirping and flitting here and there but for the most part, the two were alone, save for Mr. Puffy Paws rolling around in some dandelions nearby. By now, most classes would be over, leaving students free for their afternoons and evenings to themselves. "Hhhhmmmmm.... Puff... fluff..." Ashe mumbled incohrently in her sleep, laying on the grass with no care as to how messy her uniform got. Thankfully the grass was dry. With her belly on the ground, she lay her head on Akel with her cheek using the girl's breasts as a pillow. "Friend.... So nice... soft...."

12
Beacon Academy / Re: Sleepy Sheepy and Busty Vampira. [closed]
« on: July 24, 2017, 08:48:10 AM »
"Yeeeeeeees.... Feel it... let the fluff... fluff you...." She urged as the woman put her sweater on, failing to even fix her own clothing with her excitement at someone else experiencing the might of the blue sweater. "so fluffy soft you'll sink into it like a hammer in marshmallow fluff... slow... steady...
 comfy."
She cooed as if it were her great evil plan. At the notion of taking it off, Ashe visibly pouted and her ears flopped. "But you haven't napped in it yet...."

13
Beacon Academy / Re: Sleepy Sheepy and Busty Vampira. [closed]
« on: July 23, 2017, 09:32:15 PM »
"Fwooooof!" She grunted as her sweater pulled off her smoothly. It pulled up her blouse out from its spot tucked into her skirt and revealed some tummy but still, it came off without any further incident. Putting her arms back down, she beamed at Akel. "Gooooood. Feel the soft fluffy." She urged, wiggling and swaying in time to some unheard drum beat as if she were a snake charmer coercing the silver haired girl to wear the blue sweater.

14
Beacon Academy / Re: Sleepy Sheepy and Busty Vampira. [closed]
« on: July 23, 2017, 08:43:08 AM »
"Mhm. Mhm. Mhm. I see. I see." Ashelynne replied and nodded a few times, her arms crossed over her chest, pinching her chin in deep meditative thought. The refined and dignified manner was somewhat toned down by the fact that she had her sweater over her head. "Mhm. Yes. Yes I would thank you very much please." She nodded again, pulling her hands away from Akel's face. Fumbling around, she blindly searched with her hands, eventually putting them in Akel's. "Pull, please."

15
Beacon Academy / Re: Sleepy Sheepy and Busty Vampira. [closed]
« on: July 22, 2017, 10:48:34 AM »
"Meow!" Mr. Puffy Paws protested, batting at Akel's hands with his puffy paws and obviously doing no damage at all other than the feeling similar to a marshmallow dropping repeteadly onto Akel's wrists. Ashe's ears popped back up, prompted back into wakefulness by Akel. "Oh, hehe. You like?" She beamed proudly, lifting her hands to Akel's cheeks. The sleeves were fairly long so they covered up her dainty fingers as Ashe rubbed them on Akel's face, letting her feel the soft material "So soft, like a cloud that's been hung up all its life so it never has to use its muscles and is so soft it melts in your mouth.... Wanna try?" She fawned over her sweater and reached down, pulling it over her head and struggling to get it off, exposing the belly of her uniform and the fact that her blouse had gotten fairly wrinkled from her nap.

Pages: [1] 2 3 ... 8