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1
Character Creation / Re: Dr. Budonoki Sophos
« Last post by Vision on Today at 06:17:42 PM »
Quote from: The Ramones
Hey, Oh! Lets go!
Nice symbol.

Always nice to have more male Faunus (They are statistically underrepresented).

Interesting and unique occupation. Also nice to have more staff members (here's the list if you missed it) there is some overlap with dust so Nox will probably have seniority on that topic, but any school would have multiple teachers for subjects so nothing preventing you from acting as such. One thing here you should mention there that he is/was/trained as a Huntsman as right now nothing in the occupation tells us that he has combat training. (Not a big deal but may avoiding confusion)

Also if you ever do anything with First Aid & Field Medicine consider Diana very signed up I mean, more serious review stuff.

Great appearance section, paints a picture as well as lets us "see" his personality in how he looks.

History:
  • When the story starts it's rather unclear what age he is, 'young boy' can refer to a lot when the character is 54 so would be nice to get an early inkling (More of a nitpick not a real concern).
  • Quick note on the Faunus revolution the timeline doesn't quite add up, these were in 40-43AC (current year 80) which would have been when he was 14-17, so the Faunus war would have ended as he entered Haven. However, you currently have it ending as he is around 23 if I've counted the timeline right? (17, first year, 21 graduate, 2 years fighting)
  • We'll want to be a bit careful with LifeWeave as we haven't really seen tech like that, as long as you don't go far beyond the first aid salve and there is a reasonable explanation as to why not everyone carries the stuff around (Currently clinical trial, side effects, maybe short expiry date etc.) I think this should be fine

Personality and apartment are all good.

Semblance is always on and powerful but situational and huntsmen (teachers in particular) should have powerful semblances.

Similarly, the weapon is unique but as far as I'm concerned that is how teachers should be.

Great stuff
2
Character Creation / Re: Valentine Bloodfang
« Last post by Vision on Today at 06:13:38 PM »
Heya Zerco.

We’ve been several staff members going over the character for the past days as we do have a few things that we would like to address, this is a group review that I have been spearheading. That being said I do want to to apologize for the delay. The reviews are here to make sure the character fits not just the world, but the tone of RWBY as well, and for characters like this that are a bit atypical that does take a bit longer as we have to fit to RWBY and make sure you still get to play the character that you want to. I'll gladly admit that this is rather long however this is really due to the fact that I tend to be a bit long winded on each point, most of these are tiny adjustments or clarifications with two to three real concerns that need to be addressed. Anyhoo on with the show. (Contains a spoiler for Volume 5 episode 4)

1 ) Huntsmen and huntresses are essentially superheroes, we just saw Yang beat up 7 bandits with ease and she didn't even finish first year. So random criminals attacking during the day and killing her parents is a bit off. The simplest solution here would be for her parents to have other jobs, what happened can still act as sufficient motivation for her to become a Huntress.

(I’ll often come with a change like this in the reviews but these aren't orders mind you, just suggestions of one way to fix whatever problem we have. If f.ex you have another idea about how the bandits could cause the death of such trained individuals then feel free to post them or hit me up in the discord.)

Valentine grabbed one of the police officers and screamed to let her Mom go however the other police officer panicked, got his gun out without thinking and shot Valentine.
2 ) Whilst remnant is a dangerous place the cities (Vale in particular) have seemed almost utopian, so I have a very hard time accepting that the police would just barge inn try to force down the bodies and shoot a child when all she did was giggle and grabbed one. Now this is an interesting scenario as this was an edit we asked for, however since the last review we have learned more about Aura and we now know it needs active control, It's not a passive force field. Thus there is no need for a shot to break the aura and you can go back to a variant of what you wrote first time.

We’ve gone a bit back and forth on the spinal cord break, it's a topic that I have studied and it would have more severe consequences in reality. However with the healing properties of aura and her semblance there is enough doubt that I don't think any significant changes need to be done. 3 ) You do mention later that she takes a medication to “Prevent random twitching”, however as she doesnt have motor control or feelings this is a complete cervical lesion and there would be no signaling (so no twitching).

Spoiler: Extra info • show
I also want to give you a bit extra info here, this is not here because I want you to make changes but rather as something you could play on in a thread. A person with an injury like this (and no aura or semblance) would have issues with breathing (If it is high on the neck mechanical respiration is required). They would not be able to control their heart rate which would be higher than a typical person at rest but will not increase during stress or exercise. Finally without nerve signals to the muscles they would start to decay (physical activity is not enough to stop this). Again don't expect you to make changes based on this, but with this info you’ll have some extra stuff to play on if appropriate in a thread.

4 ) Playing a character with a mental health disorder is very tough to pull off as it's incredibly easy to do wrong, in general we advocate against that but if you still want to you’ll need to be specific about what when you first mention it, not just “suffers from mental illness.”

5 ) Who does she live with after her parents died? The hospital probably wouldn't just release her to live with the maids without any form of family or legal guardian.

“She is a sanguivorous bat faunus so she drinks blood instead of eating food or drinking water (However she can digest normal foods, it just doesn't sate her hunger)”
6 ) So this is the only thing we are going to have to straight up say no to. We’ve never seen a Faunus trait that changes internals to such a degree, and drinking blood in any significant amount is quite toxic to real humans. Further more blood is not a resource that will be easy to come by, she can't just go around drinking from other students and drinking her own blood as nutrients doesn't make any sense. She has to eat food and drink water like everyone else. Again we try to make minor changes but unfortunately this is just too much of a departure from the show.

Valentine is also able to determine how healthy a person is based on their blood this is thanks to the fact that her diet consists of mainly blood. [...] general health of a person when she tastes their blood [...] high blood glucose levels, if their kidney is not functioning properly or if they don't drink enough water.
7 ) Ditch the part about it being from her diet and I think this is still fine, she does have faunus fangs and whilst it's too much to drink blood as food I still think it's fair that she can pick up nuances to to get some information. The examples you’ve given are exactly the level this needs to be at, very basic stuff like glucose, dehydration, alcohol etc. she won't be able to use it to identify any diseases or such.

8 ) Semblances are abilities that no one else has, however to have an always on semblance that lets her completely recover from such a severe injury is already a pretty large ability, so we do need to do a bit of balancing. I personally enjoy versatile semblances so rather than remove parts we will need to put some restrictions. Remember she is still a first year and they generally have basic semblances, she is ahead of them due to how much she has had to use it but that doesn't mean she gets to completely recover from such an injury and have an extra full power semblance on top of that.

8a) Blood Clotting: This is fine for herself, however it cannot be used on anyone else at all. There are far too many concerns about clotting blood in other people.
8b) Blood Absorption: Just give her AB+ blood and this is a non issue, she will be able to use any blood and doesn't need to make molecular changes to cells. Healing 5% aura from doing so isn't much so i think that's fine.
8c) Blood Marionette: This was discussed very extensively and in order to let the character still act the same we need to make some limits. First a person who is alive (without aura) can counter act the effects with their nerves and muscles so this only works on corpses (worth noting that Grimm don't have blood and their corpses dissolve so this isn't likely to come up in many threads). Secondly as she is controlling herself with the same power we are including that in the effects it has on her. Basically controlling one Marionette (herself) is fine, controlling one corpse and herself “she will lose a significant portion of her own reaction time and concentration to do so.” and controlling two corpses means that her control of her own body will be verry limited.

9 ) The weapons are fine, just rewrite the canisters as she doesn't feed off blood anymore.

Again sorry for this getting so long, but I hope that this lets you see why we want to make some changes, and more importantly I hope that what we have suggested still lets you get the character to play the way you want to.
3
Beacon Academy / Re: The Mundane Life (Open)
« Last post by nathan67003 on Today at 05:49:52 PM »
Anna perked her head up a bit. This was the... well, it wasn't the first time one of the nearby discussions was mentioning weapons. The tone didn't seem like one of those gamers, either. Curious, she sat on her knees and turned towards the source of the chatter, pulsing her semblance's second stage.

Sure enough, the two boys seemed to be discussing something unrelated to video games, judging by the looks on their faces and the books carried by the one clad in red. She closed the pad's protective case and turned around completely, setting her arms on top of the chair's back and her head on top of those, the electronic device resting between her thighs and the backrest. While she might've seemed to be staring, the fact that her eyes were closed and her hair was hiding her features could've confused some.

She brought her attention to the words being ushered back and forth, seeking to understand the dilemma at play here. After doing this for a brief moment or two, she got up to speed with the others. She wasn't blacksmith's son-level in metallurgy, but was rather confident in her abilities to troubleshoot tech and create simple enough mechanisms.

...Now the only thing left was to get past her own shyness. Ugh.
4
Everywhere Else / The Things We Do For Love [VCVS]
« Last post by Riven on Today at 05:47:46 PM »
"This is a message for Juno Vert."

With those words, the recording on Juno's Scroll began. The face -- or rather, mask -- of the person speaking was immediately recognizable as belonging to a member of the White Fang, and behind him were several similarly masked individuals bearing rifles, pistols, and blades. Little could be made out of the location due to heavy black drop cloths that had been hung over the walls, obscuring any hints of where and when the video was taken. The speaker stepped slightly closer to the camera. "You might say we've taken an interest in you, especially after your rather thrilling performance at this past Vytal Festival. Shame about the semi-finals -- really, I mean it -- but you showed us just enough to get several people curious. And suffice it to say, the actions you've taken against our brethren in Vale have made you something of a... target of opportunity and interest."

"You have something special, mister Vert. Something that we want."

Grabbing the camera, the speaking White Fang member panned it to one side, bringing into frame a prisoner bound with metal cables to a steel chair. A quick zoom-in and refocus made the details of the captive perfectly clear: she was a Faunus, lean and pale-skinned with droopy canine ears. A blindfold covered her eyes and a length of duct tape could be seen over her mouth, but even with these features covered Juno would recognize Caja instantly. She was roughed up but clearly alive, made plain by her rapid breathing and continual struggling against her restraints. The camera lingered there for a minute before the speaker stepped back into the foreground. "And we have something that you want. Oh, she was a pain to catch, what with that tricky Semblance of hers... but we got her eventually. And now that we have her, you're going to do" He stepped up so his masked face occupied the whole of the video. "Exactly. What. We. Say. Understand? Otherwise we'll start mailing her back to you one small piece at a time."

Stepping back, the kidnapper pulled a piece of paper from his pocket and held it up to the camera. "These are the details of an airship that departs for Wind Path tomorrow, and you're going to be onboard. Bring your tech. Once you arrive you'll get a message on your Scroll telling you where to go. Don't try anything funny, tough guy -- no rescue attempts, no heroics. If you even breathe a word of this to the kingdoms or academies she will die, you got it?"

With that, the message ended.
5
Character Creation / Luna Otonai
« Last post by Lunacy on Today at 04:20:44 PM »
CHARACTER

Name: Luna Otonai, "Lunacy" by the Red Winter, “Lu” for short.


Age: 17 (14th of Arashi, 63 AC)


Species and Gender: Wolf Faunus, Female


Symbol:


Her emblem is the center circle, the rest is part of her family crest.


Occupation: Beacon Academy First Year, Freelance Musician


Appearance: A strangely intimidating air surrounds Luna's thin 5'8" frame, despite her shy nature. Luna often experiments with the concept of contrast, and her looks and wardrobe reflect that interest. Her clothing consists of mostly black colors to oppose her pale complexion and nearly-ridiculous 4' long bluish-silver hair, which she keeps cut to a scene-style taper. Luna inherited wolf ears and fangs, but keeps her hair long to hide her lack of a tail, which she finds embarrassing and somewhat shameful considering both of her parents had tails.

Her usual attire consists of a black crop top with small rips along the lower left, a silk jacket with a high collar and fur trim on the sleeves that she keeps unzipped, a white belt with her pack's emblem etched into the gold buckle, skin-tight black jeans ripped at the outer thighs, and knee-high black combat boots with silver laces up the sides. She keeps her weapon clipped to her belt on her right hip. A small gold hoop pierces her right ear, and another on her lower left lip. Luna has not once been seen without atleast one earbud in one of her faunus ears. Her eye color is amber.


History: Luna Otonai was born just outside the city of Windpath in Mistral to a family of wolf faunus. Her parents raised their only child lovingly, hoping to shelter her from the dangers of Windpath. But the outside world could only be held at bay for so long.

When Luna was 13 years old, she got mixed up with a few members of a locally infamous human mercenary group called the Red Winter after accidentally exposing one of their operations to local authorities. The Red Winter was furious to learn that Luna had compromised one of their most lucrative endeavors, and demanded that Luna pay them back the money they had lost. Unable to pay his daughter's debt, and fearing for his family's safety, Luna's father prepared the Otonai family to flee to Kuchinashi in the south of Mistral. Unfortunately, the Red Winter had heard they were on the run, and so the night before Luna's family had planned to leave Windpath, the Red Winter paid them a visit. The mercinaries raided Luna's home and rounded up the Otonais. Then Luna was forced to watch in horror as the mercenaries' leader slit her parents throats.

The Red Winter looted the house, taking everything including 13-year-old Luna, whom they took as a slave to repay her debt. However, when they attempted to make her submit, Luna resisted, leaving a few of the mercenaries with minor injuries. Their leader, Tamra, took special interest in Luna's potential, and so Tamra began to train a reluctant Luna in combat and tactical strategy, teaching her how to survive in Windpath and hoping to raise Luna to one day take her place as leader of Red Winter. Tamra taught Luna about auras, semblances, dust, and how to use each, and it was with Tamra's help that Luna discovered and learned to control her semblance of acoustic modification, though it was only strong enough to recreate music and other sounds. After a while, Luna and Tamra grew close, forming an almost familial bond. They began to deeply trust each other despite the fact that Tamra had murdered Luna's parents.

Almost three years later in a strange twist of fate, Tamra gave her weapon, the Red Wintersun, to Luna for her 16th birthday as a way to remember Luna's parents as well as herself by. Tamara told her that she had arranged for Luna to attend the Haven Academy in the main city of Mistral to become a huntress, and had planned to leave the Red Winter after one last job to tie up some loose ends financially. Then she and Luna would leave Windpath together, and the two would start a new life for themselves in mistral as mother and daughter. Or so they hoped...

The other members resented Luna for being the only faunus in their group, believing it was because of this that Tamra had prioritized her. Fed up with Tamra's focus on Luna, and feeling that their leader had grown soft, the other members of Red Winter began to conspire against her. In the week following Luna's 16th birthday, the Red Winter turned on their leader. They tipped off Mistral authorities of the assassination job Tamra had recieved, and the authorities apprehended her before she could reach her target. Luna never heard from Tamra again and she fell into despair, her imagination getting the best of her in assuming that the closest person she had to family was dead.

Having dealt with Tamra, the remaining members of Red Winter turned their wrath on Luna. In her mourning of her late mother-figure she was easily overpowered as the other members proceded to subject her to unspeakable abuse. Seeing her mental state, they gave her the nickname Lunacy to mock her given name. They broke her physically and mentally for several months until the Red Winter finally abandoned a scarred, shattered Luna on the road between Windpath and Mistral to fend for herself or die. Neglected, hopeless, homeless, and hungry, Luna made her way south to the main city of Mistral.

Using her semblance like Tamra had taught her, Luna wrote songs, pouring all her wordless emotions into the music. Once in Mistral, her talents caught the attention of a few upper-class patrons who paid Luna to write songs for them. Soon, she had enough to afford food and clothes, and found a temporary place to stay. With so many dark memories of Mistral, Luna longed to escape the place that had caused her so much pain. She still wanted to train to be a huntress in honor of Tamra, but the reminders of those she had lost were too much for her to stay and attend Haven, so Luna decided to attend the academy in the nearby kingdom of Vale instead. Within a few months, and with help from her Mistrali patrons, Luna had saved up enough to pay for her enrollment and transportation. Soon after, she boarded a Vale-bound airship and set her sights on Beacon Academy.


Personality: Luna's favorite song is "Gasoline" by Halsey, if that tells you anything. She is shy and introverted in unfamiliar social environments, yet doesn't mind large crowds. She is obsessive about all things music, and she needs a constant intake of music to keep her mentally stable. The abuse she has suffered caused her personality to fracture in order to cope, and she can come across as detached and distant due to it, exhibiting violent or self-destructive mood swings from time to time. She occasionally experiences traumatic flashbacks from certain triggers due to post-traumatic stress.

Luna still craves friendship, as wolves are social creatures, but her trust issues usually win over her need to have relationships with others. However, once someone breaks down her walls, her true colors show and she is revealed to have a witty sense of humor along with a deeply loyal side that can easily turn to jealousy. Luna loves to be creative, and is passionate about individuality and self-expression, so people who don't appreciate the arts can rub her the wrong way.


Aura and Semblance: Luna's aura appears silver, and her semblance allows her to manipulate acoustic waves, i.e. creating and negating sound, creating shockwaves, directing concussive blasts. However, her semblance's modification ability is only effective within a certain range, and "turning up the volume" to increase that range puts massive strain on her aura. Larger shockwaves take her longer to charge, and four of these charged blasts is all she can handle before needing a break from any semblance usage, lest risk hurting herself. The loudest sound she's ever generated was about as loud as a race car, and the loudest acoustic wave she has countered was about as loud as a room full of screaming children.


Combat Behavior:  Having trained with mercenaries and highly-skilled assassins, Luna's fighting style is unorthodox to say the least, and she has a tendency to be unpredictable and spontanious, doing whatever she deems most effective. She's also used to getting her job done efficiently, so she sometimes resorts to "dirty" strategies to get unfair advantages. She might not look all that strong at first glance, but what Luna lacks in muscle she more than compensates with raw speed. This combined with use of recoil momentum from her semblance makes her very agile, capable of accelerating to seemingly inhuman velocities. She has night vision as a faunus, but prefers to track movement by sound during combat thanks to her heightened hearing. Luna is quick to identify patterns, and uses this skill to study, psychoanalyze, then anticipate her enemy's attacks.

Luna is susceptible to occasional anxiety triggers from post-traumatic stress, and if she becomes overwhelmed in combat she is subject to a mental breakdown, making her even more reckless and unpredictable than usual, only this time without a clear strategy. Despite this, she does her best to keep her head on straight during fights, especially when her team could be impacted. Another weakness is her hair. She dares not cut it for fear of exposing her lack of a tail, but it is often used against her in almost comical ways. She also can get over-confident since she can usually best those with traditional training backgrounds. This makes her easily thrown off guard by an opponent who fights dirty like her.


WEAPON

Name: Formerly known as the Red Wintersun, Luna calls her weapon the "Point-Breaker" because wherever she points it, something breaks. She does her best to forget what the weapon's former name was, and what it had done in the hands of another.

General Appearance Concept Art:




The weapon is colored black with red accents.

Primary Form: Melee
Fully extended, the Point-Breaker is basically just a bladed ring on the end of a spear with fancy crystal decorations. It looks complex, but the concept is actually pretty simple. Opposite from the bladed ring is the spear's edge, a gravity dust crystal, designed to increase the effectiveness of Luna's semblance, particularly with shockwaves. In short, one end is for cutting lines, and the other is for punching holes. The weapon's previous owner used an ice dust crystal in the spear, but swapped it with the gravity dust crystal to better compliment Luna's semblance upon giving the weapon to her.


Secondary Form: Ranged
The spear doubles as a semi-automatic sniper rifle that can shoot dust rounds. The back half of the spear and it's decorative-yet-functional crystal spike retract to make the whole assembly more compact. Using the rifle while in melee configuration adds to the blade ring's momentum. As per it's original design, it shoots primarily ice dust rounds.


Tertiary Form: Storage
When fully compact, the spear retracts into the bladed ring shape, which can be used as a close range melee weapon.


Dust Functions: Luna uses the gravity dust crystal to amplify her semblance's effects, particularly into the ground, which causes a shockwave or earthquake within a small radius to throw enemies back from her, or to launch herself into the air. If swapped for ice dust, the crystal can be used to form walls for shielding, or small projectiles which she launches with bursts from her semblance. The rifle configuration shoots ice dust rounds, used for either freezing enemies to trap them on impact, or more unorthodoxly, to create ice block structures for shielding or mobility.


History: The Point-Breaker was originally owned by Tamra of the Red Winter mercenaries, who used it to kill Luna's parents. Ironically, this weapon was given to Luna to wield shortly before Tamra's capture. Luna is still strangely attached to the weapon, as it is the only thing she owns that is reminiscent of her deceased parents. She belives if she uses the weapon for good, the karma of her parents murder will be balanced.
6
Beacon Academy / Re: The Mundane Life (Open)
« Last post by Riven on Today at 03:15:50 PM »
Rory blinked in disbelief, refusing for a moment to believe he could be this lucky. His dad was a blacksmith -- and one with a background in weapon-crafting? That was fortunate almost to the point of beggaring belief. There was no way he could let a chance like this slip by.

"That's... actually exactly what I need, honestly." Gently placing the books down on a nearby desk, the shield brawler pointed to his vambraces. "I'm having trouble with these -- they're collapsible shields made from small overlapping steel plates supported by micro-hydraulics, but lately the components have been breaking down and wearing out a lot faster than they should. I'm honestly on something of a tight budget for replacement parts, but if you can figure anything out that'll help I'll be glad to make it up to you."
7
WiP Characters / Re: Luna Otonai (last chance before I move it ^^)
« Last post by Lunacy on Today at 01:59:20 PM »
Thanks for pointing that out! gotta have continuity after all. revisions inbound...
8
Alright, big critique, "critiquing the hell out of this" so to speak, even. I might seem harsh but I really don't mean to be, just not great at sounding gentle!

Name: Alright, first off. I understand it's thematic, but why would Lunacy's parents, who are supposedly very caring in this version of the backstory name her "Lunacy", a word for madness. I think it'd make more sense if "Lunacy" was a derogatory nickname the Red winter came up with for her, especially as she broke down from their torture.

The section about "El" is a complete non-sequitur, if you're referring to a character you're gonna make later, add it in later, if that's what you want anyone Luna dates to call her, let people make their own characters decisions.

Age: Yep.

Species: Also yep.

Symbol: You should probably crop the outside section if only the center bit is her symbol. Also, who is Fen?

Occupation: Yep, no problems here

Appearance: Mostly fine, she's tall and thin and I can definitely see how that's kind of intimidating, her outfit's cool. She's ashamed of not having a tail, but most Faunus only inherit one animal trait, and the most allowed is two, so feeling like she's "missing" a part is a pretty weird hangup seeing as it applies to more or less every Faunus, but she's also kind of an odd character, so maybe that's the intent.

Instead of an impractical, likely not commercially available choker, she could just wear earbuds instead, even if her wolf ears do replace her human ones (which has never been seen).

History: Okay, first off, Windpath is one word, not two. This is a pretty consistent error I've noticed, so you'll want to get that fixed.

Okay, this is fine for a bit, but when Tamra takes in Luna, my question is.. why? You mention Luna is the only Faunus, at 13 her Aura presumably isn't unlocked so Tamra has to teach her about it, and how to use her semblance. You also mention Luna is the only Faunus in the Red Winter, and Luna has no really combat advantageous traits like Tukson's claws, so why does Tamra feel a kinship for her? I don't think "She's too soft to kill a kid" really holds up when she's willing to personally murder that kid's parents in front of her, and while I'd definitely buy Lima syndrome over time, she'd need some initially ulterior motive to take the child in instead of killing her or leaving her for dead at first, which she doesn't have right now.

Regardless, Luna's Stockholm Syndrome feels believable enough, so that's all good.

Quote
Fed up with Tamra's focus on Luna, and feeling that their leader had grown soft, the other members of Red Winter began to conspire against her. In the week following Luna's tenth birthday, the Red Winter turned on their leader.

I'm assuming you mean after her 16th, there.

So the Red Winter do away with Tamra by tipping the authorities off to her job, and then she's... publicly executed? This is really unnecessary, Remnant is like modern society, not the middle ages, the law enforcement aren't gonna publicly murder people. Remember that the most militaristic nation, Atlas *arrested* Roman Torchwick instead of killing him back in V2/V3, if you want Tamra dead, this isn't the way to go about it.

But I honestly feel even life imprisonment would be a big enough blow to fracture Luna's mind in conjunction with the Red Winter's abuse, she's still being denied her only chance at a normal life because of them (again), then being horrifically abused by them for months.

Everything after this is good! Using her Semblance for more than fighting is nice, I like it.

Personality: This is way better than the earlier drafts I saw, The fact that she *does* have the capability to trust people, takes it away from edgy and into sympathetic, good job.

Atlas still haven't had any particular restrictions on creativity for the last century or more, the only thing she may take issue with is the fact that huntsmen in training at Atlas Academy are encouraged, but not required to join the Atlas military as Specialists.

Aura and Semblance: Not really good at balancing these, but it doesn't seem bad per se, but it could hurt her teammates if used poorly.

Combat Behaviour: Clear weaknesses, Clear strengths, I like this. The mods might have something to say about her top speeds, but I'm not them and Rule of Cool is important so I'll leave it be. Teachers might be leery of placing her in a team with her mental instability, maybe consider how much it effects her in combat and whether she'd actually succeed as a huntress the way it is now.

Weapon: Okay, so. I know in the original drafts of Luna, she was the one who designed the Point-Breaker, and the description refers to aspects of the weapon working to increase the effectiveness of her semblance, but this doesn't really make sense if it's formerly Tamra's weapon that's been handed down to her, unless Luna modified it during her time in Mistral?

Other than that, I don't have much to say on balance, so I'll leave that to the mods.

Overall, there's a lot of promise here, but I definitely think this needs some refinement before its really ready to go to approval, just keep it up and Luna'll be a really good character, I'm sure. :)
 





 
9
Everywhere Else / Re: Hunt for the Howling Storm {CLOSED}
« Last post by Ordelis on Today at 01:50:33 PM »
As Solar impacted with Alizarian, his chainsaw was closer to her then she would have liked. A ten second charge wasn't too taxing on Solar but it was enough to prevent her from backing off from the Geist. She was pracitcally standing right in front of it when its eye started to glow purple again, she was scared for a moment as she wasn't sure she could dodge the blast that knocked away Cordell at such close range.
Instead she was relieved as the lightening never came but instead a shockwave blast knocked her backwards a fair distance. Tumbling backwards Solar scrambled to get back up just barely in time to see the orange orbs that were no doubt not anything good. None of them were direct hits but she was still too close to the explosions to earn her a few burns and shards of shrapnel for her trouble. As she regained a rythem for dodging the orbs she yelled at Alizarian "Hey Tails! Watch where your swinging that! I can take this thing myself!" she couldn't. She just wanted to see for her self if she could.

Aura:80%
10
Everywhere Else / Re: Hunt for the Howling Storm {CLOSED}
« Last post by Riven on Today at 12:44:38 PM »
Solar and Rust's aggression seized the initiative, forcing the Geist onto defense. As they were coming at it the creature manifested two large black arms with sharp, talon-like fingers and crossed them over itself protectively -- these took the brunt of the impact from the attacks but still caused it to shriek in pain from the force of Solar's impact and the bite of Alizarin's blades. Reeling backwards, it retaliated; once more it's eye flashed a deep purple hue, but instead of an energy bolt this time it released a spherical shockwave to repel its attackers. As soon as they were at a distance the Geist aimed its hands at them, summoning clusters small orbs of orange energy in its claws and lobbing them vengefully at Solar and Alizarin. These would explode the moment they touched anything; though not doing a terrible amount of damage each they were still best avoided.



Quisling, looking absolutely terrified at this point, nodded fervently at Akel's instructions to stay close by. The scythe was making quick work of any skeleton foolish enough to close in on her, sending loose bones flying this way and that. The bony bastards seemed like absolute pushovers... until they started firing at her. The Beacon student was right that the old pistols and blunderbusses were long since rusted beyond use, but that mattered less to the Geist that was animating these minions than the fact that these tools of violence could conduct its power. From the skeletons charging out of the cavern's darkness a sound vaguely imitating pistol-fire could be heard, followed by several bullet-sized bolts of amber energy shooting Akel's way.



"Argh..." Cordell, clearly a bit shaken by the impact she'd taken -- as well as having a house dropped on her immediately thereafter -- was still struggling to get out from under debris and pick herself up when Infrared got to her. The captain coughed and sputtered in the dust, her right arm moving far less than the other as she struggled to free herself. Seeing the rabbit Faunus, she managed to lift away a wooden beam and drag herself from the debris. "Do yerself a favor, lass -- do not let th' Geist hit ye with that. ACK! I think me arm's messed up -- damnit!" Indeed, Infrared's inspection would find, along with several scrapes and cuts, that Cordell's right arm had been dislocated somewhere between getting blasted and getting house'd.

There was little time to treat the injury, however, as a gaggle of skeletons started coming towards the two women, two of which were firing pistols at them. The first volley of shots struck wood as Cordell leapt to cover, sending up a spray of splinters and grit as they impacted. "You deal with them, I'll set me arm. Go!"





TARGETS:
▪ BOSS: ANCIENT GEIST ▉▉▉▉▉▉▉▉▉▉▉▉▉▉▉▉▉▉▉▉▉▉▉▉▉▉▉▉▉▉▉▉▉▉▉▉▉▉▉▉▉▉▉▉▉▉▉▉▉▉
▪ Reanimated Skeletons (various weapons) [27 / 36]
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