So... SORRY about this not being looked at until now. I don't know how it happened with only two other profiles in the creation section.
Going down the list...
Name: Colborn "Colby" Rauðrsólbjǫrg
While having that last name is completely fine, I'm gonna ask you to add a pronunciation, probably in parenthesis, so other people will know how to say it.
History: [...]On the day she went missing Colborn and his friends were heading off to go play their game. On the way he saw the girl reading on her front porch and was about to invite her. However, for some reason that he still can not fully explain he decided against it. He knows her death was not his fault, but he still feels partly responsible for creating a chain of events that led to her demise.
We need a little clarification or better wording on this. She died because she didn't go play with him and his friends?
History: [...]If the grimm was any larger, or if there were more of them, he may have been in trouble; but the lone grimm proved manageable.
Defeating a lone grimm on your own at the age of 14 is fine, but with no prior combat experience he's going to come out of that fight with some injuries. Especially since he apparently hadn't had his aura unlocked yet. It doesn't have to be anything serious or life threatening, just some injuries so show that he didn't perfectly kill a killing machine in his first ever combat situation.
For the personality section, it's not what you have but instead what you don't have. Multiple times in the history section you mention him doing what he does because he feels guilty for getting the girl indirectly killed. Shouldn't you mention he has a guilt complex in the personality section? If not, was it just a one time thing? It doesn't seem like he knew her too well, so it wouldn't make
much sense for it to be a one time thing.
I'm fine with the semblance as long as you add that he cannot change the temperatures of things or people that are shielded by aura. This includes things like clothing, weapons, armor, etc. for people who have their aura unlocked and currently unbroken.
Combat Behavior: [...]By keeping his spear at incredibly hot temperatures it provides another layer of intimidation to keep the enemies at a favorable.
Keeping your spear at hot temperatures all the time is a bad idea. While you won't reach the melting point (I hope), the constant heating up and expansion of the metal will slowly wear down the weapon. If I were you, I would say he does it more as a situational thing and not in every encounter. Same goes for switching temperatures. Going from a very cold temp to a very hot temp will seriously cause issues with the metal. I know you didn't say anything about that but I just thought it would be good to mention.
Combat Behavior: By keeping his spear at incredibly hot temperatures it provides another layer of intimidation to keep the enemies at a favorable.
I think you're missing a word at the end there.
The only things for the weapon are a pronunciation of the name just like the character name and we need you to add a trigger to the spear. You make mention of it having capabilities of a rifle but make no mention of a trigger or where it would be located. All you gotta do is add that in.
All that's left are some menial spelling mistakes and grammatical errors. I'll just make a list. Please understand I'm not trying to be a grammar nazi or trying to be like "Oh look at this stupid idiot, he made mistakes!" This is a writing site, people are going to make mistakes in their writing. However, no one learns from their mistakes if they don't know they made them.
"He has a heart shaped face with dark brown eyes." should be "He has a heart
-shaped face with dark brown eyes."
"If not that it is usually a t-shirt that has the name of his shop, village, favorite sports team etc." should be "If not that it is usually a t-shirt that has the name of his shop, village, favorite sports team
, etc."
"When it is colder he can usually be found wearing a variety of flannels." should be "When it is colder
, he can usually be found wearing a variety of flannels."
"On his right arm he wears a small pauldron that extends slightly under halfway from his shoulder to he elbow." should be "On his right arm he wears a small pauldron that extends slightly under halfway from his shoulder to
the elbow."
"His village was well protected by the grim thanks to large cliffs on one side, and a bustling trade route on the other ensuring a huntsmen was almost always not too far to be found." should either be "His village was well protected by the grim thanks to large cliffs on one side, and a bustling trade route on the other ensuring a hunts
man was almost always not too far to be found." OR "His village was well protected by the grim thanks to large cliffs on one side, and a bustling trade route on the other ensuring
a huntsmen was almost always not too far to be found." (No need for "a" here)
"His father ran the shop and handled the finances, while his mother was responsible with creating the merchandise and completing orders." should be "His father ran the shop and handled the finances
, while his mother was responsible
for creating the merchandise and completing orders." (No need for "," here)
"There working under his mother's supervision he began to advance his skills as a weapon's engineer." should be "There
, working under his mother's supervision
, he began to advance his skills as a weapon's engineer."
"As he grew older he was eventually able to hear the exaggeration in their voices." should be "As he grew older
, he was eventually able to hear the exaggeration in their voices."
"In a way he felt as though he was making a direct contribution to the safety of not just his village, but the world of remnant as a whole." should be "In a way
, he felt as though he was making a direct contribution to the safety of not just his village, but the world of remnant as a whole."
"While he was showing one of his newest creations to a traveling merchant he heard a scream." should be "While he was showing one of his newest creations to a traveling merchant
, he heard a scream."
"As the black corpse of the grimm slowly dissolved away he had completely changed his mind about where his life was headed." should be "As the black corpse of the grimm slowly dissolved away
, he had completely changed his mind about where his life was headed."
"As he elevated his design and fabrication skills he also strived to learn anything about fighting from the traveling huntsman and local guardsmen that he could." should be "As he elevated his design and fabrication skills
, he also strived to learn anything about fighting from the traveling huntsman and local guardsmen that he could."
"When it came time to finally take the Beacon entrance exam he felt nervous that his unconventional training would be insufficient to pass the exam." should be "When it came time to finally take the Beacon entrance exam
, he felt nervous that his unconventional training would be insufficient to pass the exam."
"If he was holding his spear had raising its temperature to incredibly high levels he would not be hurt." should be "If he was holding his spear had raising its temperature to incredibly high levels
, he would not be hurt."
"While working in a team he excels at keeping punishing enemies for losing focus on him and exploiting opportunities left by his teammates." should be "While working in a team he excels at
keeping punishing enemies for losing focus on him and exploiting opportunities left by his teammates."
"The length of his spear in this form is 6' long, and is designed to be held 2' from the bottom." should be "The length of his spear in this form is 6' long
, and is designed to be held 2' from the bottom." (No need for "," here)
"The shaft of the spear is able to telescope in, cutting it's length to 2.5'." should be "The shaft of the spear is able to telescope in, cutting
its length to 2.5'."
"Since he had complete control over the design of his weapon it continuously evolved and changed as his fighting style emerged." should be "Since he had complete control over the design of his weapon
, it continuously evolved and changed as his fighting style emerged."
"Thus, the form we see it in today is quite different than its first iteration." should be 'Thus, the form we see it in today is quite different
from its first iteration."