Author Topic: Greyson Yin  (Read 1000 times)

Greyson Yin

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Greyson Yin
« on: December 23, 2016, 02:22:10 AM »
Name: Greyson Yin

Age: 17

Species and Gender: Male Black Fox Faunus

Symbol: A gray diamond with two swords cutting through it (left) Black (right) White

Occupation: 1st year student Shade Academy, Assassin-for-Hire

Appearance: Greyson was born very strangely as he grew up throughout the years his hair was always white and spiky with black frosted tips which was recommended by a friend. He has fox ears that are a deep black color but his left ear has a small cut on the side of it. His skin is a tanned white color and his eyes are a deep blueish-green color. He is about 6,1 and weighs 154 lbs. He is mostly seen wearing a white short sleeved sweatshirt that always seems to get some kind of stain from battle damage with his symbol on the front right pocket with thick dark gray pants that have a black and white patterned bandage on the left leg. He also wears a belt that can hold up to 1-4 ammunition clips but he mostly uses 3. He also wears a necklace that has a small katana pendant that has been passed down in his family for generations which was given to him by his father gave to him when he was 8 years old.

History: Greyson was born and raised in a small town that was inhabited by assassins that was made up of 2 clans the Yin clan and the Blaze clan. They built their town in a uncharted area in Vacuo and would often be visited by shady characters looking for business. He lived there for about 15 years where he went through harsh training by his father who happened to be the yin clan leader at the time to become an assassin like his ancestors before him you could say that it's almost like a family business handed down for generations they would often be called The Guilty Shadows. There had always been a law called "11+" which said by the age of 11 you could be hired to do assassinations but Greyson had always refused and didn't begin doing his part until he was 14. After he turned 16 his town was invaded by a horrible grimm attack which caused the death of his father who had grown old and weary and unable to fight seeing him beheaded in front of his eyes by an unusual looking Beowulf causing him to go into a furious rampage making him seem as if he were a ballistic monster the grimm just took the expression of rage on his face as an insult and tried attacking him, before the creature could hit Greyson was already behind the monster and had brutally killed it he then took his anger out on most of the other grimm throughout his hometown which also caused him to do excessive area damage forcing everyone else alive in the town to evacuate along with his mother and some of the grimm who never bothered to attack the runaway citizens due to the fear they saw towards him. After he had done the damage he caused he walked through the town slowly but started to fill up with shame. He began regretting what he did the more he walked through his town, he then came across his house only to see that it had been reduced to rubble and there was his father lying on the ground... headless. After a near hour of looking around he noticed that the citizens were starting to return but they looked at him as if he were a monster including his mother because of his rampage and desire to kill off every grimm in his way. When he tried explaining everything the words wouldn't or couldn't leave his mouth and he then ran off and wandered the deserts of Vacuo and made a name for himself "The Monster of Assassination" he went from town to town doing many assassinations and would even take out specific grimm people would give him. One day he was hired by an anonymous person to assassinate someone who the anonymous person had quarreled with. When Greyson arrived to the location he was given only to find the headmaster of Shade Academy who was wearing a cloak that hid his identity and offered him a place into his school.

Personality: Greyson isn't much of a talker, ever since the incident he keeps to himself and doesn't usually want anything to do with anyone which makes him look like he's always calm (particularly humans considering the fact he's a Faunus)

Aura and Semblance: Greyson's Aura is a deep steel gray color and his semblance was unlocked when he had turned 12 years old and was being pushed to his limits during a spar with his father it's something he likes to call Shadow Mimicry which is almost like cloning he can use his shadow and other shadows near him to create clones of himself but is only limited to using about 3 clones at a time and he trains vigorously to hold up to at least 5 or 6 his semblance also does have an effect to his eyes when trying to push its limits causing his eyes to turn a glossy black which will hurt his eyes to where he sees everything all blurred out.

Combat Behavior: He tends to fight with the style of a ninja making him light and quick on his feet but it also requires a lot of risk in using certain fight patterns but there are times if he fights too much grimm he gets extremely pissed and uses his weapon in its secondary form which starts to make him become reckless which can also make him vulnerable but he would take a few hits and would give them back but harder.

WEAPON

Name: Yinkai

Primary Form: a light weighted katana that has a white handle with a black circle pattern on it that is about 27.3cm with a black blade that measures up to about 77.3cm that can be powered up with fire dust, when he uses it to fight he usually holds it reverse handed. He keeps it in a sheathe on his back wherever he goes.

Secondary Form: When Yinkai enters this form it turns into a full auto uzi that is white with a black barrel and is about 3.5 kg and has a barrel length of 10.2 in and uses .22 LR bullets its magazines can hold up to 45 bullets and he usually holds it in his left hand and would have a kunai in the right hand.

Tertiary Form: There are times when Greyson doesn't even need to unsheathe his sword so he locks the sheathe onto the blade and will just fight with it as if it were like a bokken.
 
Shuriken: Greyson usually carries these in a small pouch that can hold up to 50 shuriken and is held onto the bandage on his leg and though they're mostly used for distractions Greyson has found ways to combine them with dust and use them as a offensive type weapon one half has steam dust and the other has ice.

Dust Functions: When Yinkai is in its primary form Greyson uses fire dust which causes the blade to engulf in flames where he then begins to attack with swift strikes. When Yinkai enters its secondary form its dust element switches as well to steam and wind elements but it also allows him to still use fire, when he puts steam dust into action it works somewhat like a smoke bomb causing the area to fog up he only needs 30 bullets to do this but the price for this is his opponent(s) can't see him and he can't see them he predicts where his enemy is and focuses his aim towards where they are by detecting the sounds of their movements and relies on those last 15 bullets before reloading, when he puts wind dust to action the dust will cause the bullets to accelerate but in doing this the bullets become dull and operate more like a rubber ball that causes a huge knockback effect to whoever or whatever it hits, and finally when he puts fire dust into play it will set the bullets on fire and can sometimes cause a small explosion on contact.

History: Greyson created his weapon with his father they had been working on it ever since he turned 13 it resembles his great grandfather's weapon but with different functions but he still tends to make minor upgrades and experiment with different dust elements at times.
« Last Edit: December 28, 2016, 04:38:32 PM by Greyson Yin »

FunkyMonkey

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Re: Greyson Yin
« Reply #1 on: December 27, 2016, 02:59:34 AM »
Hello and welcome.

In general, things look ok.  However, incident in the character's history leading to the unlocking of his/her semblance is some thing that stands out.  We're asking people to not make things so overly...for lack of better words...edgy, cliche, and over the top.  Student characters (and probably adult ones as well), especially ones that have had no prior experience w/ semblances, shouldn't be at a point of using it cleanse a village full of Grimm w/ little or no prior training.  There is Ruby from the show, but Ruby is a phenomenally rare case, even among show characters.

Also, it would be helpful if you described the semblance more.  While we can get a general idea of what it does but describing it as something like Blake and Wukong's semblances, but it would help us evaluate more if you elaborated on it more and delineated its capabilties.


Spoiler: Adults • show



NotSurprised

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Re: Greyson Yin
« Reply #2 on: January 05, 2017, 06:40:15 PM »
Just to inform you so you know in the future, whenever you made changes to the profile according to the reviewer, drop a post to let the reviewer know that changes had been made.

As to waste less time, I'll inform the reviewer now so that the reviewing process can move by faster.
Spoiler: White Fang • show

White Fang 2nd Lieutenant: Artist - "Funny. When blood is spilled, it looks the same doesn't it?"

White Fang Captain: Blacksmith - "To create, is to destroy. It's that simple."


Spoiler: Vale • show
First Year, Team ALIA: Iron Silvarious - "You know nothing? Then get out of my way."

First Year, Team ZCFR: Fenix Cerulean - "Stand behind me, I will protect you."

Fourth Year: Noir - "To see nothing, is to truly see the world."

Head of White Fang Investigation Team: Eklipsei Gray - "I bring justice to the darkness in this kingdom."


Spoiler: Atlas • show
Third Year Vigilante: Sovereign LeBlanc - "For my next trick, I'll make your Lien disappear!"


Spoiler: Mistral • show
Fourth Year, Team CNBR: Arian Reaper - "In battle, only skill matters."

FunkyMonkey

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Re: Greyson Yin
« Reply #3 on: January 05, 2017, 06:54:21 PM »
The changes didn't really address what I commented on earlier.  He might have no longer cleansed the entire village of Grimm, but nearly destroying the village isn't an acceptable substitute.

Generally, I treat the history as a more unsubstantive part of the profile, and most of the substantive parts of this profile are okay on their faces, but the point with the history is going to set a tone as to what is acceptable with regards to first years in the more substantive parts.


Spoiler: Adults • show



Seig

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Re: Greyson Yin
« Reply #4 on: January 07, 2017, 07:00:23 PM »
Alright. I've been let loose on this profile. I'm usually somewhat nice. But the mixture of having to deal with edgelord after edglord has left me with a very short patience. And you just happened to be the final straw.

Age: 17
Occupation: 1st year student Shade Academy, Assassin-for-Hire



Another killing prodigy. This one isn't even old enough to vote! Starting off strong this time!


Greyson was born very strangely as he grew up throughout the years his hair was always white and spiky with black frosted tips which was recommended by a friend. He has fox ears that are a deep black color but his left ear has a small cut on the side of it. His skin is a tanned white color and his eyes are a deep blueish-green color.He is about 6,1 and weighs 154 lbs.

Alright. First off. How the hell are his ears black while his hair is white. If it was dyed I could understand. but naturally? That isn't the way hair works. Secondly. 155 is near underweight for a 6'1 active male. Especially one that is apparently surrounded by fighting such as yours. I know its RWBY but look at the characters that show skin. They all have defined musculature that easily adds weight. You dude would be a twig at that weight and size. The clothing itself is fine...if not stereotypical. But whatever. Now lets move onto the history

Greyson was born and raised in a small town that was inhabited by assassins that was made up of 2 clans the Yin clan and the Blaze clan. They built their town in a uncharted area in Vacuo and would often be visited by shady characters looking for business



The first god damn paragraph and I already have to start dissecting. Let me make this as clear as possible.Not just to you. But to every person on the god damn planet. You ready? This is going to be really important so listen closely.

ASSASSINS.

ARE.

SECRETIVE.


This is not goddamn Orlais where killing and backstabbing is a common occurrence! RWBY is a series in which people struggle to survive against a neverending onslaught of evil monsters hellbent on killing everyone. Yes the dark underbelly exists. Yes assassins would be in demand. But a village of hired killers would last half a year at most. This is not Dragon Age. This is not Tokyo Ghoul. This is not fucking Naruto. A massive hive of evil characters would be hunted down the moment even a hint of their existence leaks. As much as everyone loves to jack off to Agane Ga Kill and Hitman. Assassins are terrible people. Anyone who kills non combatants for money is automatically labeled as a traitor to humanity by everyone else who exists. The entire existence of this village would go be a threat to every single hired killer who lived there. It just paints a giant fucking target on them.

Also. Clan Blaze. CLAN! BLAZE!

Do you understand how clan's work? It's not just some random title!

 IT'S THE FUCKING NAME OF THE FAMILY!

"Hello my friend! What is your name?"

"Why it's Kenneth Blaze! Of the Blaze clan!"

See how absolutely fucking ridiculous this sounds? God fucking damnit this is just the start as well.


He lived there for about 15 years where he went through harsh training by his father who happened to be the yin clan leader at the time to become an assassin like his ancestors before him you could say that it's almost like a family business handed down for generations they would often be called The Guilty Shadows. There had always been a law called "11+" which said by the age of 11 you could be hired to do assassinations but Greyson had always refused and didn't begin doing his part until he was 14.



Okay. I don't know if English is your first language or not, but reading this actually gave me a headache. For the love of god, and my own personal sanity. Use a grammar check. There are free ones all over.

So once again let's split this apart. I'm not even going to try to explain why "The Guilty Shadows" is a terrible choice of name. You figure that out. The more important question is why the hell didn't he start killing until he was 14?! He has shown no inclination that he has a moral compass that goes against killing people. So why is he now suddenly against it?! Also most people don't even start combat school until they are at least high school age, yet this clan has their kids killing at age 11?



Yeah how about no.

After he turned 16 his town was invaded by a horrible grimm attack which caused the death of his father who had grown old and weary and unable to fight seeing him beheaded in front of his eyes by an unusual looking Beowulf causing him to go into a furious rampage making him seem as if he were a ballistic monster the grimm just took the expression of rage on his face as an insult and tried attacking him, before the creature could hit Greyson was already behind the monster and had brutally killed it he then took his anger out on most of the other grimm throughout his hometown which also caused him to do excessive area damage forcing everyone else alive in the town to evacuate along with his mother and some of the grimm who never bothered to attack the runaway citizens due to the fear they saw towards him.



No Seriously. What? Between the never ending sentences and poor grammar I am actually having a hard time deciphering what the fuck is going on here. From what I understand here is that Mr. Master Assassin suddenly cannot fight anymore, even though he was good enough to train all the children apparently. And then of course we can't forget the one thing that an edgelord can't live without.

DEAD PARENTS!

Congratulations! You now get to join the millions just like you who use the death of an important character as nothing more than a cheap emotional stage prop to be thrown away for a shitty emotional plot point!



Oh my! It seems you've gotten another mark on your overused cliches reward card! Well let me tick off the inexplicable berserk rage. Your only one away from- wait. Is that? Could it be?!



You've done it! You even managed to cram in the destruction of your home town in on top of everything else! My god this isn't even halfway over is it?


After he had done the damage he caused he walked through the town slowly but started to fill up with shame. He began regretting what he did the more he walked through his town, he then came across his house only to see that it had been reduced to rubble and there was his father lying on the ground... headless. After a near hour of looking around he noticed that the citizens were starting to return but they looked at him as if he were a monster including his mother because of his rampage and desire to kill off every grimm in his way. When he tried explaining everything the words wouldn't or couldn't leave his mouth and he then ran off and wandered the deserts of Vacuo and made a name for himself "The Monster of Assassination" he went from town to town doing many assassinations and would even take out specific grimm people would give him



Wait. After everything. They turn their back on him? After he went out of his way to save their lives from the giant human eating Grimm?!



WHY! WHY WOULD THEY THINK HE IS A MONSTER FOR TRYING TO KILL THE ACTUAL MONSTERS THAT JUST KILLED A TON OF PEOPLE IN THE VILLAGE?! IT'S SO GOD DAMN STUPID! IF ANYTHING THEY SHOULD BE PRAISING HIM FOR BEING SO GOD DAMN STRONG EVEN BEFORE HIS BALLS HAVE FULLY DROPPED! THIS LITERALLY ONLY EXISTS SO HE HAS EVEN MORE REASON TO ANGST AND GO ON HIS JOURNEY TO BE AN OH SO EDGY BADASS!



One day he was hired by an anonymous person to assassinate someone who the anonymous person had quarreled with. When Greyson arrived to the location he was given only to find the headmaster of Shade Academy who was wearing a cloak that hid his identity and offered him a place into his school.



NO! JUST BECAUSE THE NAME OF THE ACADEMY IS SHADE DOES NOT MEAN THEY ARE SOME EVIL SLYTHERIN ORGANIZATION! THE HEADMASTER WOULD NOT SEEK OUT SOME FREAK WHO IS ACTUALLY CALLED THE MONSTER OF ASSASSINATION AND ASK HIM TO JOIN THE SCHOOL! THIS IS IT! I AM DONE! I WON'T EVEN TOUCH YOUR LACK OF PERSONALITY OR YOUR STUPID STANDARD ASS KATANA!

SEIG OUT




Quote from: Cut from the review
BY THE POWER INVESTED IN ME BY THE GREAT DICK KNOWN AS VOX, I BAN THIS CHARACTER FROM EVER BEING APPROVED

You lack the authority. Know your fucking place.

Nothing is beyond redemption. Not even this mess. -Vox
« Last Edit: January 07, 2017, 07:34:32 PM by Vox Machinae »
Mithra Ragvos The 4th Year Giantess of Beacon

Mira Ragvos 4th Year Weaponsmith

jjb2158

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Re: Greyson Yin
« Reply #5 on: January 19, 2017, 03:31:57 PM »
Moved to MIA
First Year Beacon Student: Rackley Winchester - The Hawkeye Sniper of Team CRSA (Crystal)

Second Year Beacon Student: Jett Davenport - The Playful Shadow Knight of Team MLDC (Melodic)

Third Year Beacon Student: Suntalia Lyn Ryker - The Voice of Thunder (Teamless)

Fourth Year Beacon Student: Savas Carnelian - The Quiet Berserker (Teamless)

Beacon Professor: Oberon Falcov - The Man With A Plan / Team Strategy Teacher of Beacon

 

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