Author Topic: Dominique Pentaghast  (Read 495 times)


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Dominique Pentaghast
« on: December 08, 2017, 07:33:20 PM »

Name: Dominique Aliciara Pentaghast (color: #36410D)
Nickname: Alice

Age: 21, born 7 Huā 59AC

Species and Gender: Human Female

Main: Nothing More - I'll Be OK
Battle: Shinedown - Her Name is Alice


Occupation: Huntress-in-training, Beacon Academy, Year 3

Appearance: Alice stands at a slightly-above-average 5'6" (1.68m) and weighs an equally-slightly-above-average 133lbs (60kg), with slightly more tan skin than the average Valer due to the amount of time she spends outside tending to her plants. Fiery red hair cascades down her back to her waist, in stark contrast to the rest of her appearance. Her high-pitched voice lilts and flows like music whenever she's cheerful, but becomes quiet and often cracks on those rare moments when she's sad. She's embarrassed of her voice cracking, and hearing it will often cause her to force herself back into a good mood to avoid it happening again. She takes her time walking from place to place, taking in her surroundings, always lost in thought.

Her wardrobe was crafted with a single purpose: to feel the warm sun and cool breeze on her skin as often as possible, while still remaining decent. She often wears skirts that go to her shins (the hems of which are almost universally stained with dirt), short shirts with bare midriffs and no sleeves, and she will often wear a wide-brimmed straw hat when tending to her garden.

Her battle outfit was designed to allow her the greatest freedom of movement, while still restricting her "assets" from overbalancing her during acrobatic moves. She wears a tight top with a loose hood that covers her upper torso and upper arms completely but leaves her waist and elbows/forearms free to bend as necessary, and tight shorts that end just above the knee. Both pieces of clothing are dark green, almost black, a vague attempt to camouflage within her natural environment. She also wears her hair in a loose bun, so that the hood is able to conceal it easily.

History: Alice grew up in a loving household in Vale, daughter to a weapon shop owner/ex-Huntsman father from Vacuo and stay at home mother from Vale. Her parents had met one day during an escort mission her father had undertaken, to escort a traveling trader from Vacuo to Vale through all the villages along the way. On the outskirts of Vale, he had heard Alice's mother shouting as she fled from a Grimm, and had rescued her.

As a child, Alice loved her father's shop, and spent so often tending the small planters in front of it. With how well the plants thrived, the shop often received more visitors who were simply content to meet the amiable shop owner and his cute young daughter. Thus it was no surprise when her Semblance manifested itself, in her pre-teen years.

Or, at least, it was no surprise to most... however, it was certainly a surprise to young Alice. Having grown up on tales of her father's fire Semblance and the great battles he had won, her Semblance was a bit... disappointing. She has never argued that she dislikes her Semblance, but, to her, it is a reminder that as much as she has been given, and as much as she has worked for, there are some things she will never - can never - achieve.

Signal Academy: ShowHide
She attended Signal Academy from age 14, and her teachers universally praised her work ethic, and she quickly carved out a perch at the top of her sparring class. She never told anyone that her obsessive training was in an effort to strengthen her Aura enough, and control her Semblance enough, to be able to use it in battle. She has only attained limited success. She also attracted many admirers during her time at Signal, one of whom also caught her eye: Sentius Tarascon. For three years, Alice and Sentius (or "Dom" and "Sin" as they called each other) were inseparable. She was the perfect girl, he was the perfect guy, it was a perfect match.

Having almost given up on becoming a Huntress due to her self-proclaimed "useless-in-battle" semblance, Sin narrowly convinced Alice to follow him to Beacon, where they became part of Team DUST. DUST were the best of friends, and, though not the strongest, they were probably the most popular all throughout their first year... until their first field mission. Alice and Sin were both convinced that the best way to train as a team was to push themselves as hard as possible, and take the hardest mission. After much cajoling, they finally managed to convince a professor to vouch for them and allow them to go on a mission whose difficulty rating put it in the higher tiers of what was allowed for second years.

The mission involved tracking and defeating a large Nevermore that had been intermittently blocking trade between Vale and Vacuo for weeks - not enough to warrant a full investigation, but enough that it made its way to the Beacon mission board. The mission should have been simple, if difficult, for a Huntsman and 4 in training. However, the Nevermore turned out to be enormous, much more so that reports had indicated. Not only that, a pack of Beowulves had moved into the area as well, and ambushed the trainees during the fight with the Nevermore.

One of the team was felled by their claws while they were distracted by the gigantic Grimm.

While the Huntsman fended off the Nevermore, the remaining trainees took the pack to task, defeating them one by one. When only three remained, two attacking Sin and one attacking the remaining team member, Alice rushed to Sin's aid. As they slew one of the two easily, Alice heard the cry of their last team member and knew she had chosen wrong.

Leaving Sin to defeat his remaining Beowulf himself, she dashed to attack the other before it could finish off her teammate - but she didn't dare power her rush with too much Aura, as the Nevermore still had to be dealt with. She arrived and pierced the Grimm's heart from behind... but as it faded away, she knew she had chosen wrong again: the Beowulf had already struck the final blow.

Behind her, Sin had finished off the last of the pack, and had moved to engage the Nevermore with the Huntsman. Shaking her grief away, she tightened her grip on Chain of Command and moved to support Sin, but his Aura, depleted from the fight against the Beowulves, could not save him from the Nevermore's beak.

In her despair, the last of her team, she let out a shriek and fell to her knees... and in her rage, reached out with her Semblance and forced a lash of vines to grip the Nevermore's wings and feet, holding it long enough for the Huntsman to kill it.

In the time since then, Alice has gained a new team, and - mostly - put the incident behind her. She still has trouble relying on others, instead taking all of the responsibility upon herself. Two years later, her saga continues: she is never one to let her circumstances dictate her limits, determined to take in as much of the world as possible, and push herself as far as possible - even if it means emotionally pushing herself away from others.

Personality: Alice is always bubbly, always happy. For her, there is no situation that can't be solved by hard work and a good attitude. That outlook has always gotten her excellent marks in her classes and has put her near the top of her class for combat. She doesn't like to fail, and is pre-eminently aware of the fact that the only person she can control is herself, so any time she loses, for example in a training bout, she simply accepts the defeat and trains twice as hard until she can return to win. She also refuses to trust others with responsibilities she deems important, instead taking all of the work upon herself.

She often cares very little for any specific viewpoint or opinion, sometimes changing her own on a whim and never bothering to force them on others. Her general "plan" for social interaction, if you can call it a plan, is simply acting as water, flowing where she will and maneuvering around anything that she doesn't necessarily agree with. Between her generally cheerful, outgoing nature, her almost complete lack of conflict with others, her physical attractiveness, and her Semblance, she is quite popular, though is often considered flighty and airheaded.

Due to her lack of regard for most things, she has never felt like she's connected with others very well. She understands that it's something she does to herself, but her strong conviction that simply not caring about most things that others feel strongly about is the best way to live means that she likely won't change anytime soon. Further, there are some who greatly resent the presence of someone who is able to glide through life so apparently easily, and she has occasionally been on the receiving end of nasty rumors and smear attempts. Not truly caring about her reputation with others, knowing that her own opinion of herself is all that really matters, she has always ignored the rumors, and the situations tend to solve themselves.

Aura and Semblance:
Aura: Alice's Aura takes its color from her first, often unused, name. It is a deep, foresty green, the color of plants in shade. Due to the harsh training regimen she puts herself through, she has gained an excellent control over the more standard uses of her Aura, such as Strength, Shield, and Regeneration. Her control over her Semblance in combat is still lacking, however, and though impressive, almost any combat use of it will drain her aura completely.
Semblance: Maiden of Spring
Taking its name from a fairy tale about four maidens capable of magic, Alice's Semblance is, in fact, far less impressive. Using her Semblance, Alice is able to transfer energy to flora by way of touch. As Aura is a primarily human/Faunus property, the amount of energy required is generally negligible. In light of this, Alice often uses it without caution or care, causing flowers and other small, pretty plants to grow wherever she walks (though not when walking on stone, concrete, metal, or other similar lifeless materials). The larger the plant, the more Aura and time it requires: if Alice were to grow a large 20' tree, for example, it would require a modest chunk of her Aura (20%) and roughly 1 minute.
In times of dire need, Alice may call upon her Semblance to grow or control nearby plant matter instantaneously, for example to entangle enemies in bushes or vines, or to produce a tree as a barrier. This is essentially the same as using the Semblance in a more leisurely manner, except the reduced time and increased control vastly increases the Aura cost, often draining her Aura in a single use.

Combat Behavior: With Chain of Command and a Semblance that can only be used in the most dire of circumstances, Alice has very little defensive capability. Instead, she often presses the attack, not allowing opponents even a moment's rest, utilizing both the primary and secondary forms of her weapon to hem one or multiple enemies in and give her allies breathing room. Chain of Command's quick form change time allows Alice to switch between forms often, even mid-attack, which can keep even the most prepared opponent on their toes. In group combat situations, the secondary form excels, often allowing Alice to attack multiple foes at once without necessitating precise situational awareness - just swing in a direction you know an opponent is, and the blade will keep them on their back foot.


Name: Chain of Command

Primary Form: A simple broad-bladed glaive, sectioned off every foot along the handle. The staff is 7' long with a 1.5' blade at the end, for a total height of 8.5'.

Secondary Form: The handle sections collapse upon each other to the end opposite the blade, revealing a chain that attaches the handle to the blade, allowing it to be swung as a sort of flail. When stored in the handle, the chain is compacted, but when freed it may extend to a further length, which allows the flail-blade to have a total reach of 12 feet.

Dust Functions: The very end of the handle has a cover which can be removed, and a Dust cartridge can be inserted. The chain links carry the Dust up to the blade, which provides different effects based upon the type of Dust in the cartridge. The chain links glow a color depending on the Dust type, but this is a cosmetic effect: the chain does not benefit from any additional effects. Each Dust cartridge lasts for 4 impacts before it is drained, though a button on the handle can force the remaining Dust all into the next strike, multiplying the effect by the amount of Dust remaining and draining the cartridge completely.
Fire: Coats the blade in fire, causing fire damage and possibly setting the target aflame.
Ice: Coats the blade in ice, causing strikes to generate blocks of ice at the targeted point. Ice block size is proportional to the force with which the blade strikes. If the target point is the environment, the maximum size of ice block is 5' in height (though this requires great force). If the target point is an opponent, the point is encased in a block of ice that extends 2 inches from the impact point. Ice blocks have weight, and may freeze two objects together if they are touching when the ice forms.
Lightning: Zaps target with electricity. Small bodies of water can pass the electricity to things within it, but in larger bodies the electricity will dissipate harmlessly.
Steam: Large cloud (5' radius) of steam at impact point. Blocks vision.
Water: Large pool (5' radius) of water at impact point. Can conduct electricity, is moderately slippery.
Gravity: Targets struck are held fast to the ground for up to 3 seconds, depending on the force of the blow. If the environment is struck, the affect instead implies at half duration to all combatants within 3' of the impact point.
Earth: Heavy impact with localized shockwaves within 10'. May knock down opponents who are not balanced.
Air: Creates a high-force wind along the trajectory of the attack. Forces the opponent to brace or be blown away.

History: Chain of Command belonged to Alice's father long before she was born. Until Alice went away to Signal Academy, it hung above the Pentaghast fireplace, on a plaque that read "Chain of Command - the chain I beat you with until you realize I'm in command," which was a favorite joke of her father's.
« Last Edit: December 17, 2017, 02:16:57 PM by GingerAvalanche »
"It is important to me that those who would judge me see me as I truly am, and not as I wish them to see me."

Lilla Bleidd - Beacon Academy first year. ”Someday, I know we will meet again, in the shade of a life to die for.”

Dominique 'Alice' Pentaghast - Haven Academy Third Year. "What are you worth? The people you love, or the people you hurt?"


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Re: Dominique Pentaghast
« Reply #1 on: December 13, 2017, 09:39:26 PM »
I’d recommend a few word changes in the appearance but otherwise it’s OK and the picture doesn’t have to completely line up. Rather than ‘shock’ her back into a good mood which doesn’t really make sense as she goes from sad->embaressed and somehow ends up happy. Maybe she forces herself to be happy but due to her bubbly nature it only takes a few moments to become real. Also in regards to the clothing ‘while still remaining decent’ would personally fit better as tight shorts and bare mid-rift don’t reach my definition of modest atleast.

The fight which DUST gets wiped out is almost is a bit hard to follow. You might be using ‘but she chose wrong’ as some kind of rhythm but it does more to interrupt the flow of the passage than enhance it. Don’t have to change this to get approved just think it’s worth another look.

Personality is really good well done.

I’m not 100% sure on absorbing energy from plants but the rest of the semblance seems fine. So yea running it by the other mods even limited life manipulation is a bit too much, she can still grow plants but draining from them will have to go.

Combat behaviour is good, maybe a little bit on how she deals with different fighters like range combatants and so on.

Weapon is good.
« Last Edit: December 13, 2017, 09:55:21 PM by Kingnoname1 »
No criticism is too harsh so hit me with your best shot.

Calen Shrike - ASTC - First Year Beacon.

Saffron de Cortez - SALT - Third Year Atlas.

Amarant Lovis - (formerly of)ACCE - Headmaster of Atlas Academy

Ramalia - RASB - First Year Shade


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Re: Dominique Pentaghast
« Reply #2 on: December 17, 2017, 02:22:58 PM »
Changed the appearance in accordance with suggestions.

Increased spacing on the description of the fight, in an attempt to make it easier to follow. I didn't want to remove the "but she chose wrong," because that's kind of the point of the entire fight: as perfect as she is, she bungled the entire fight, and her team died for it. The flow being interrupted is meant to cause the reader's state of mind to mirror Alice's.

Removed life drain and references to it from the semblance. It was only really there as an explanation for why the energy couldn't flow both ways, and, as it would've basically required her to drain a square kilometer or more to restore a meaningful chunk of her Aura, so she was never going to use it anyway. Removing that was no issue.
"It is important to me that those who would judge me see me as I truly am, and not as I wish them to see me."

Lilla Bleidd - Beacon Academy first year. ”Someday, I know we will meet again, in the shade of a life to die for.”

Dominique 'Alice' Pentaghast - Haven Academy Third Year. "What are you worth? The people you love, or the people you hurt?"