RWBYFanon v5

RPG Creations => Approved Characters => Topic started by: nathan67003 on September 12, 2016, 06:18:07 AM

Title: Nathan Eau
Post by: nathan67003 on September 12, 2016, 06:18:07 AM
CHARACTER

Name: Nathan Nad Eau (a.k.a. Nathan Eau)

Age: 17, born 6th of Zinnober 63 AC

Species and Gender: Male human

Symbol:
Spoiler: ShowHide
(http://i.imgur.com/XTQ4LSx.png)


Occupation: Beacon Academy student, first year

Appearance: At 176.5 cm/5'9½" (he doesn't mind rounding up or down) and 72.5 kg/160 lbs, Nathan is more lean than fit, and while not actually chiseled, he still has some definition to his muscles. His lower body has more bulk than his upper body, but this is partially offset by his large ribcage and broad shoulders. He thinks of himself as "ridiculously average-looking" or "ever-so-slightly on the attractive side", depending on how far you push that particular investigation (although seriously, why in Remnant would you?). He has more defined neck muscles than the average person. His voice usually hangs about the low to mid-low range. If he's warm and his arms are below his chest, veins are VERY visible all over the hands and forearms. He has a thick (about 3 mm wide, 2 mm high, 3 cm long) scar on his right elbow. He has fine (almost feminine but not quite), agile hands. He is left-handed. He has tanned (perhaps a bit paler than Neptune) skin. He has short (about 4 cm),VERY dark brown (looks basically black) hair. His eyes are dark gold/light and rich brown (depending on how far away you're standing). He usually crosses his arms when standing, but it doesn't mean anything. His face tends to remain relatively emotionless, albeit it's not for lack of trying to be expressive. He walks very fast (pretty much overtakes anyone who isn't jogging) thanks to long strides from good rotation of the pelvis and years of practice.

He has only dark grey running shoes. Normal clothes: His favorite garments are a black, somewhat slim-fit T-shirt going down the arms to just above the elbow with dark lime green lines on the sides and dark blue jeans, although it isn't uncommon for him to simply don "a shirt" and "some jeans". If it's cold/raining, he wears a dark grey coat with a hood. School clothing: standard Beacon uniform apart from a slightly loose tie and the aforementioned running shoes. Formal clothing: a white, ever-so-slightly ivory lounge suit with notched lapel, the overall colour being quite reminescent of a white rose's petals. Usually worn with a vibrant green, vibrant cyan or vibrant purple tie. Pajama: white T-shirt and red and black plaid pajama pants. Combat-ready: dons a dark grey harness worn over his coat/shirt with 1 pouch (horizontal on left-hand side of belt that's about 15.5*10 cm). The harness has fixation points in the middle of the back for his weapon and more fixation points on the sides of the back to snap on extra luggage space. After some recent events, he also keeps three slugs in his jeans' left front pocket.

Goddamn hex codes: ShowHide
Shoes: #969696
Green lines on shirt: #00D219
Tie colours: about #14EA00, about #00F6F0, about #BD00FF


History: Nathan was born and raised in Vale. He spent ages 5-12 going to a school about 1.5 km away from his home. He also spent those years being bullied, rejected or ignored by all other kids. When he was 12, his parents divorced and he stayed with his mother. During the last semester of school that year, he scored very high on an Aura ability test part of the normal orientation process. Having been taught the hard way how not everyone can defend themselves, he decided to put his newfound skills to use by becoming a Huntsman. Not even 3 months later, his mother met an Atlasian scientist who was working in Vale at the time. He subsequently enrolled in a local Combat School, about 4 km from residence. Starting from the first semester, he was taught a lot by his stepfather about Dust, technology and science in general through common interests and regular discussions. Although he didn't get bullied or rejected at school anymore, he didn't really make anything more than acquaintances and circumstantial friendships.

During his time at combat school, he had a few classes of hand-to-hand combat like everyone, but never practiced it outside of said classes, of which there were about 3 or 4 (talking about how many times a lesson was given, not how many classes and, somewhat by extension, teachers). When it came to fighting with weapons, he vastly preferred the versatility of staves to swords, maces and gauntlets. Practicing regularly, he gradually taught himself to mix and match combat styles rather than staying with a single one every battle. Not only did he think it would make him more adaptable, he also thought it would make him harder to contend with. His style, through the years, eventually reached a stable state, where he defends whilst taking advantage of every opening he can, in any way he can. During that entire time, however, he somewhat neglected to practice long-range firearm handling.

When he was about 14, he started experimenting with Dust under strict safety protocols in a small part of his basement (he was shown how by his stepfather). Upon learning the nature of his semblance, he started to create schematics and data for his to-be weapon and the required Dust components. His desire to defend victims and pursue aggressors having only grown stronger during his years at combat school, he was eager to advance his training even further and enter Beacon. He scored pretty good at all parts of the entrance exam. His parents moved to Atlas as he moved to the Academy.

Personality: Relaxed and calm, he likes to make the odd joke and is generally easy-going. He has vast trouble understanding non-aggressive body language and prefers to be as honest as possible without unduly hurting anyone. Although not lacking in self-confidence, he's rather shy and will not go towards others unless they first come to him or he has to go to them.

He rarely gets angry or even worked up, as he is incredibly patient, though some rare things can bypass that patience entirely. He is a fast learner and a great listener. He has an immense imagination and fabulous memory (for the things he cares about). He has very good senses (for a human) and tends to dislike loud noises and bright lights, carrying a pair of high-tech, flexible sunglasses in his jeans' pocket (so they don't continually break when he fights). He has a lot of difficulty in putting his full trust into someone else.

He usually enjoys just playing games on his computer, but sometimes reads a bit.

Nathan is also overall very adaptable, socially speaking. He will tend to reproduce speech patterns and general behaviour of those he's interacting with and can readily change such mannerisms in seconds to fit the current group. Such actions, however, aren't conscious choices but more of a direct result of his propensity to learn and listen.

Aura and Semblance: His Aura is monochrome and has no set colour, shifting shades alongside the nature of his current thoughts. For example, more often than not, it will be pure white; When entertaining more amoral perspectives, it can turn gray, while thinking of torture or disturbing imagery will turn it pure black. It's also possible for it to be so white it feels as if it's blinding regardless of how it's observed, as well as so black it seems too dark to be real, although such instances are so rare as to have never occurred so far. The Aura looks like a multitude of fuzzy pieces of string, appearing and disappearing at random while the strings seem to continue far beyond what little can be observed.

His semblance is Energy: that is, he can control his own kinetic energy. To be more clear, he can turn his Aura into kinetic energy, but not at a distance. The energy being inherently associated with momentum, he only uses it for powerful blows, lest he fling himself out of control to go faster.

When 'angry', pale black tendrils (these are entirely unsubstantial, aka Aura) that start appearing around him and become darker, larger, more numerous and more opaque the worse he gets. The air will seem to grow stale. His irises will take on the slightest tinge of red while his pupils contract to a point.

It is worth noting that he has never told anyone what his semblance is and that he tries to use it as little as possible.

Examples for scale: ShowHide
Here are some examples of the uses for scale.
Hits: - Like a speeding truck for 60% of his Aura.
        - Like a speeding car for 40%.
        - Unusually powerful blows for 5% (enough to severely stun most Grimm).

Numbers: These are based on the examples above, if applied to someone with an arbitrarily average build, Aura, etc. NOTE: As long as this very sentence is present, apply a 2x modifier to the cost.
       - 1% --> 4% Aura damage
       - 5% --> 20% Aura damage
       - 8% --> 33% Aura damage (current cap, he's yet to make more powerful blows)
       - 10% --> 42% Aura damage
       - 15% --> 65% Aura damage
       - 20% --> 90% Aura damage


Anything beyond that will merely do more damage, beyond the now-shattered Aura, with the semi-exponential function still applying. The amount of seconds he must wait before his Aura is usable again is equal to twice the percentage of Aura consumed.

Adapted 'costs' for the new 'strain' mechanic - the cost multiplier is already present.

       - 4% Aura damage: Minor fatigue, basically a slight buzzing in the ears for a couple seconds. Can use this a maximum of 49 times, the 50th knocking him out from exhaustion.
       - 20% Aura damage: Feels as though the blood was drained from his head for a second or two; shaky for a few more seconds afterwards, then fatigued. (He can dish out 9 hits like this, the 10th one causing him to collapse from exhaustion)
       - 33% Aura damage (current cap, he's yet to manage more powerful blows): Feels as though the blood drained from his head for about 5 seconds. Shaky for approximately 20 seconds afterwards, then fatigue sets in. (He can dish out 4 hits like this, the 5th one causing him to collapse from exhaustion)

In addition, his semblance can be used to propel objects towards targets. The accuracy of this 'throw' of sorts is proportional to the amount of energy used and inversely proportional to the object's size. As a landmark, using around 16% on one of the slugs he uses within his weapon gets him an initial accuracy slightly worse than an assault rifle, making it a good choice at the lower mid-range and closer.

Here, 'initial accuracy' refers to the accuracy of the object's motion towards the intended target. Factors that come into play after the propulsion, such as gravity, wind, object aerodynamics and such are not included (unless he explicitly takes them into account, if possible).

Combat Behavior: He tends to favor swift, precise and efficient movements when defending and powerful blows when attacking. He mixes hand-to-hand with weapon combat freely. He will favor confrontation if an enemy is actively chasing him but will otherwise prefer stealth. He will try to dodge and block all he can. When first encountering an enemy, he will never attack first - unless he can get a surprise snipe in.

He will prefer to concentrate on one threat at a time and take care of it as fast and as safely as possible, which opens him up to surprise attacks from unsuspected additional threats. When he suspects more than he can see, he will tend to maintain a more defensive posture.

If outnumbered, he will be capable of resisting without using his semblance a small amount of time but will prefer to get some distance between him and the enemy to come back in at a new angle.

Although his weapon would have you think otherwise, Nathan is relatively unskilled at long range sniping, mostly just winging it. He's good - for someone with little to no practice. His largest weakness, however, is very close melee or hand-to-hand combat. He never practiced those, preferring to hone his staff skills as it allows him a greater reach.

WEAPON

Name: Ergia

Primary Form: Ergia's primary form is relatively tame - a matte, black cylinder about a foot long, slightly too large to grasp comfortably with the average hand. Two thin green lines circle it, separating the cylinder into thirds. Nathan's symbol is visible on the back of the uppermost third. When hooked onto its place on the harness, it can serve as a jumppack, providing relatively limited vertical mobility. Used for going up or breaking a fall - when angled correctly. Maximum autonomy of 3 minutes without 'reloading'.

Not now - for approved future development only.: ShowHide
When unhooked, it can serve as a flamethrower, producing an intense, bunsen burner-like flame about 6 meters long, although the heat is still pretty intense for about 3 meters after that.


Secondary Form: Both staff mechanisms extend to their maximum lengths of 75 cm, making the weapon a 180 cm matte black staff with dark lime green lines and a thicker, 30 cm cylinder in the middle. Transformation can take as little as 2 seconds. In this form, parts of the staff portion can either be electrified or the air around them, heated to a point where it can easily cut through organic materials, but will only slowly heat up dense non-organic stuff like concrete, steel, etc.

Tertiary Form: The top/forward staff mechanism extends by 30 centimeters and a handle and variable strength scope flip out of the top section. Fires 5x20 mm tungsten slugs at a rate of 12 per second and speed of Mach 2 (3% damage  per shot against someone with arbitrarily average Aura). Each magazine of these 'light' rounds has about 300 of them. He keeps one mag on his harness and one in Ergia. Transformation takes about 1 second from storage form and 2 seconds from staff form.

Dust Functions: The way Ergia uses Dust can be considered somewhat different from the norm. Although the jumppack uses a mix of Kinetic and Gravity Dust to provide thrust, about a quarter of a litre per 3 minute charge, the rest only uses Dust indirectly. Six power crystals are located at the centre of the main cylinder, providing the entire weapon with vast amounts of power, needed for everything from the jumppack to the staff modifiers. The power crystals must be recharged with power when empty and, even through intense usage, will drain rather slowly, a single one lasting a good 10 minutes or so.

History: Ergia was made, from plans to fully functional, in the last three years prior to his entry at Beacon. The components took about 6 months to get right and the shell and final assembly, 6 more months. It was made to make the most use of his semblance and to be as versatile as possible. It was named Ergia due to having vast amounts of energy at its heart.

Specifics and Schematics: ShowHide
The primary form is a 30 cm long, 6.8 cm diameter matte black cylinder with 2 dark lime green lines on the wall 10 cm from the bases. The bottom opens up when engaging the jetpack. The central section is dedicated to housing the power cores and control mechanisms, the upper section is devoted to the first staff mechanism while the bottom part is reserved to the jetpack and second staff mechanisms. The staff portions have an external diameter of 3 cm. The jumppack is a tiny thing that occupies a third of the main cylinder, consuming Dust to provide thrust. The second form's extra functions are achieved by using small Dust crystals integrated within Ergia in conjunction with the main power. Most of the circuitry has Dust in it to make it as compact as possible. The power cores mentioned earlier are custom-made Dust crystals created to store enormous amounts of energy each. They glow a soft, pleasant cerulean when full and are a dark, dull blue when empty. They are 9 cm long and 2 cm wide at their widest. There are 6 of them at all times in the center section of the cylinder. Nathan stores an extra 6 in his belt-level pouch. The jumppack mechanism uses a special blend of Dust that greatly increases the thrust produced and comsumption efficiency when used in conjunction with the energy from the power cores.(http://i.imgur.com/N9SRNYp.jpg)

Only for approved future developments: ShowHide
Basically, the LR Crystal as last approved.


=======================================

Pre-Beacon theme: Mad World - Gary Jules & Micheal Andrews (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4N3N1MlvVc4)

Parade - Garbage (https://youtu.be/H33lUB9O-QY)
Title: Re: Nathan Eau
Post by: nathan67003 on September 12, 2016, 06:18:59 AM
I haven't changed anything. I'll wait until it's been re-approved, then post in Character Editing to avoid unnecessarily filling Character Creation.
Title: Re: Nathan Eau
Post by: Kaliot on September 12, 2016, 10:21:00 AM
As long as it wasn't too crazy, you should've just made the edits now :p

TOO LATE THO THE TRAIN HAS LEFT
Title: Re: Nathan Eau
Post by: Kaliot on September 12, 2016, 10:46:31 AM
Editing.Damnit Nathan Spoilers don't nest so I deleted them all.

Spoiler: ShowHide

CHARACTER

Name: Nathan Nad Eau (a.k.a. Nathan Eau)

Age: 17, born 6th of Zinnober 63 AC

Species and Gender: Male human

Symbol: (http://i.imgur.com/XTQ4LSx.png)

Occupation: Beacon Academy student, first year

Appearance: At 176.5 cm/5'9½" (he doesn't mind rounding up or down) and 72.5 kg/160 lbs, Nathan is more lean than fit, and while not actually chiseled, he still has some definition to his muscles. His lower body has more bulk than his upper body, but this is partially offset by his large ribcage and broad shoulders. He thinks of himself as "ridiculously average-looking" or "ever-so-slightly on the attractive side", depending on how far you push that particular investigation (although seriously, why in Remnant would you?). He has more defined neck muscles than the average person. His voice usually hangs about the low to mid-low range. If he's warm and his arms are below his chest, veins are VERY visible all over the hands and forearms. He has a thick (about 3 mm wide, 2 mm high, 3 cm long) scar on his right elbow. He has fine (almost feminine but not quite), agile hands. He is left-handed. He has tanned (perhaps a bit paler than Neptune) skin. He has short (about 4 cm),VERY dark brown (looks basically black) hair. His eyes are dark gold/light and rich brown (depending on how far away you're standing). He usually crosses his arms when standing, but it doesn't mean anything. His face tends to remain relatively emotionless, albeit it's not for lack of trying to be expressive. He walks very fast (pretty much overtakes anyone who isn't jogging) thanks to long strides from good rotation of the pelvis and years of practice.

He has only dark grey (#969696) running shoes. Normal clothes: His favorite garments are a black, somewhat slim-fit T-shirt going down the arms to just above the elbow with dark lime green (#00D219) lines on the sides and dark blue jeans, although it isn't uncommon for him to simply don "a shirt" and "some jeans". If it's cold/raining, he wears a dark grey coat with a hood. School clothing: standard Beacon uniform apart from a slightly loose tie and the aforementioned running shoes. Formal clothing: a white, ever-so-slightly ivory lounge suit with notched lapel, the overall colour being quite reminescent of a white rose's petals. Usually worn with a vibrant green (about #14EA00), vibrant cyan (about #00F6F0) or vibrant purple (about #BD00FF) tie. Pajama: white T-shirt and red and black plaid pajama pants. Combat-ready: dons a dark grey harness worn over his coat/shirt with 4 pouches (2 vertical on the right-hand side at torso height that are about 3*10 cm, 1 vertical on the left-hand side at chest height that's about 7*8 cm, 1 horizontal on left-hand side of belt that's about 15.5*10 cm). The harness has fixation points in the middle of the back for his weapon and more fixation points on the sides of the back to snap on extra luggage space.

History: Nathan was born and raised in Vale. He spent ages 5-12 going to a school about 1.5 km away from his home. He also spent those years being bullied, rejected or ignored by all other kids. When he was 12, his parents divorced and he stayed with his mother. During the last semester of school that year, he scored very high on an Aura ability test part of the normal orientation process. Having been taught the hard way how not everyone can defend themselves, he decided to put his newfound skills to use by becoming a Huntsman. Not even 3 months later, his mother met an Atlasian scientist who was working in Vale at the time. He subsequently enrolled in a local Combat School, about 4 km from residence. Starting from the first semester, he was taught a lot by his stepfather about Dust, technology and science in general through common interests and regular discussions. Although he didn't get bullied or rejected at school anymore, he didn't really make anything more than acquaintances and circumstantial friendships.

During his time at combat school, he learned the basics of pretty much all forms of hand-to-hand combat, like everyone. However, when it came to fighting with weapons, he vastly preferred the versatility of staves to swords, maces and gauntlets. Practicing regularly, he gradually taught himself to mix and match combat styles rather than staying with a single one every battle. Not only did he think it would make him more adaptable, he also thought it would make him harder to contend with. His style, through the years, eventually reached a stable state, where he defends whilst taking advantage of every opening he can, in any way he can.

When he was about 14, he started experimenting with Dust under strict safety protocols in a small part of his basement (he was shown how by his stepfather). Upon learning the nature of his semblance, he started to create schematics and data for his to-be weapon and the required Dust components. His desire to defend victims and pursue aggressors having only grown stronger during his years at combat school, he was eager to advance his training even further and enter Beacon. He scored pretty good at all parts of the entrance exam. His parents moved to Atlas as he moved to the Academy.

Personality: Relaxed and calm, he likes to make the odd joke and is generally easy-going. He has vast trouble understanding non-aggressive body language and prefers to be as honest as possible without unduly hurting anyone. Although not lacking in self-confidence, he's rather shy and will not go towards others unless they first come to him or he has to go to them. He rarely gets angry or even worked up, as he is incredibly patient. He is a fast learner and a great listener. He has an immense imagination and fabulous memory (for the things he cares about). Messing with the ones he loves with the serious intention of hurting them is not recommended, as he may go into (I don't know how to describe this in a word or two: it's basically as if his emotions turned into a cold, soul-wrenching abyss where the only thing that exists is the will to destroy and kill, all the while keeping a very calm face). He has very good senses (for a human) and tends to dislike loud noises and bright lights, carrying a pair of high-tech, flexible sunglasses in his jeans' pocket (so they don't continually break when he fights). He has a lot of difficulty in putting his full trust into someone else.

Aura and Semblance: His Aura is of a bright white colour and turns jet black when "angry" (see emotion described above). His very high score in Aura in orientation is due to being very powerful for a complete novice. His semblance is Energy: that is, he can control his own kinetic energy. To be more clear, he can turn his Aura into kinetic energy, but only within his body. The energy being inherently associated with momentum, he only uses it for powerful blows, lest he fling himself out of control to go faster.

It is worth noting that he has never told anyone what his semblance is and that he tries to use it as little as possible.

Here are some examples of the uses for scale.
Hits: - Like a speeding truck for 60% of his Aura.
        - Like a speeding car for 40%.
        - Unusually powerful blows for 5% (enough to severely stun most Grimm).

Numbers: These are based on the examples above, if applied to someone with an average Aura.
       - 1% --> 4% Aura damage
       - 5% --> 20% Aura damage
       - 10% --> 42% Aura damage
       - 15% --> 65% Aura damage
       - 20% --> 90% Aura damage

Anything beyond that will merely do more damage, beyond the now-shattered Aura, with the semi-exponential function still applying. The amount of seconds he must wait before his Aura is usable again is equal to the percentage of Aura consumed.


Combat Behavior: He tends to favor swift, precise and efficient movements when defending and powerful blows when attacking. He mixes hand-to-hand with melee weapon combat freely. He prefers long-range if undetected but will favor confrontation if an enemy is actively chasing him. He will try to dodge and block all he can, but if he misses a movement and still knows that a blow is coming, he may attempt to block or dodge it (if possible) by using his semblance. When first encountering an enemy without being able to effectively get a surprise shot in, he will never attack first.

He will prefer to concentrate on one threat at a time and take care of it as fast and as safely as possible, which opens him up to surprise attacks from unsuspected additional threats. When he suspects more than he can see, he will tend to maintain a more defensive posture.

If outnumbered, he will be capable of resisting without using his semblance for quite some time but will prefer to get some distance between him and the enemy to come back in at a new angle.

WEAPON

Name: Ergia

Primary Form: 30 cm long, 6.8 cm diameter matte black cylinder with 2 dark lime green lines on the wall 10 cm from the bases. This form is usually used for carrying around in a non-combat situation, affixed to the back of the harness or for performing short to medium-short range attacks. The bottom opens up when engaging the jetpack. The central section is dedicated to housing the power cores and control mechanisms, the upper section (there's a symbol on it) is dedicated to the cannon and first staff mechanisms while the bottom part is dedicated to the jetpack and second staff mechanisms.

Secondary Form: This form is dedicated to performing medium to long range attacks. The top staff is, like the bottom staff, hollow. The staff portions have an external diameter of 3 cm. Depending on the range needed, it will extend anywhere from 30 cm to its full 75 cm and open its endcap to allow for the passage of projectiles and energy packets. When necessary, a high-power scope folds out of the top section of the cylinder and subsequently extends. A small handle with trigger also folds out of the top section.

Tertiary Form: Both staff mechanisms extend to their maximum lengths of 75 cm, making the weapon a 180 cm matte black staff with dark lime green lines (longitudinal, 120 degrees apart on the staff sections) and a 30 cm cylinder in the middle.

Dust Functions: The weapon functions with Dust all over. By using the power cores in conjunction with small Dust crystals integrated within Ergia, using thermal energy and electromagnetic energy is also possible (examples: firing plasmoids; producing bunsen burner-like flames; electrifying portions of the staff; superheating a layer of gas around the desired portion of the staff to make it capable of easily slicing through basically all organic materials, but takes some time to heat up things that melt at a high temperature, say chromium or tungsten).

Most of the circuitry has Dust in it to make it as compact as possible. The power cores mentioned earlier are custom-made dust crystals created to store enormous amounts of energy each. They glow a soft, pleasant cerulean when full and are a dark, dull blue when empty. They are 9 cm long and 2 cm wide at their widest. There are 6 of them at all times in the center section of the cylinder. He stores an extra 6 in his belt-level pouch. The jetpack mechanism uses a special blend of dust that greatly increases the thrust produced and combustion efficiency when used in conjunction with the energy from the power cores. The top section of the staff contains 3 dust cells, of which a very small amount is used each time he fires a sniper shot: this shot infuses a large amount of energy into the dust, which is then vaporized and propelled at significant fractions of the speed of light towards whatever he is aiming at (for the effects, they are similar to those of a highly collimated stream of relativistic particles). Non-sniper shots are merely energy.

Lastly, he also keeps 2 crystals (which he names "LR crystals", for Last Resort) in 2 pouches. These crystals, also custom-made, are made to store positively gigantic amounts of energy each at the cost of being able to release it. When all hope is lost, he can load one of these crystals into the cannon assembly and, using a mechanism present within the firing chamber, render them extremely unstable. Shooting them afterwards, a strong impact will then make the crystal simultaneously combust and release all of the previously accumulated energy, with absolutely catastrophic consequences. Anything Grimm or otherwise not protected by Aura will get heavily pulverized/incinerated within a 10 m radius. Destruction and Grimm injuries are still present up to 15 m and anything beyond that consists in brutal knockback to slight breeze. They are a dark, dull pink when empty, very bright pink when filled (staring for more than a few seconds may induce discomfort and afterimages) and an incredibly brilliant gold when full and rendered unstable.
(http://i.imgur.com/N9SRNYp.jpg?1)(http://i.imgur.com/KQXk1cJ.jpg?1)

History: Ergia was made, from plans to fully functional, in the last three years prior to his entry at Beacon. The components took over two and a half years to get right and the shell and final assembly, 6 months. It was made to make the most use of his semblance and to be as versatile as possible. It was named Ergia due to having vast amounts of energy at its heart.

=================================================

Pre-Beacon theme: Mad World - Gary Jules & Micheal Andrews (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4N3N1MlvVc4)
Title: Re: Nathan Eau
Post by: nathan67003 on September 12, 2016, 11:16:48 AM
Done.I told you And is that what Vox meant about the spoilers being different?

- Added way too much detail about the 'angry' emotion under a spoiler at the end of Personality.
- Detailed the black Aura thing by specifying how the light is affected.
Title: Re: Nathan Eau
Post by: Kaliot on September 12, 2016, 11:35:55 AM
One of them. Also, apparently apostrophes in spoiler titles break them.
Title: Re: Nathan Eau
Post by: nathan67003 on September 12, 2016, 11:37:19 AM
No more apostrophes.
Title: Re: Nathan Eau
Post by: Kaliot on September 12, 2016, 02:27:40 PM
Edits approved.
Title: Re: Nathan Eau
Post by: Kaliot on September 25, 2016, 07:27:54 PM
Nathanpls: ShowHide

CHARACTER

Name: Nathan Nad Eau (a.k.a. Nathan Eau)

Age: 17, born 6th of Zinnober 63 AC

Species and Gender: Male human

Symbol: [spoiler](http://i.imgur.com/XTQ4LSx.png)


Occupation: Beacon Academy student, first year

Appearance: At 176.5 cm/5'9½" (he doesn't mind rounding up or down) and 72.5 kg/160 lbs, Nathan is more lean than fit, and while not actually chiseled, he still has some definition to his muscles. His lower body has more bulk than his upper body, but this is partially offset by his large ribcage and broad shoulders. He thinks of himself as "ridiculously average-looking" or "ever-so-slightly on the attractive side", depending on how far you push that particular investigation (although seriously, why in Remnant would you?). He has more defined neck muscles than the average person. His voice usually hangs about the low to mid-low range. If he's warm and his arms are below his chest, veins are VERY visible all over the hands and forearms. He has a thick (about 3 mm wide, 2 mm high, 3 cm long) scar on his right elbow. He has fine (almost feminine but not quite), agile hands. He is left-handed. He has tanned (perhaps a bit paler than Neptune) skin. He has short (about 4 cm),VERY dark brown (looks basically black) hair. His eyes are dark gold/light and rich brown (depending on how far away you're standing). He usually crosses his arms when standing, but it doesn't mean anything. His face tends to remain relatively emotionless, albeit it's not for lack of trying to be expressive. He walks very fast (pretty much overtakes anyone who isn't jogging) thanks to long strides from good rotation of the pelvis and years of practice.

He has only dark grey (#969696) running shoes. Normal clothes: His favorite garments are a black, somewhat slim-fit T-shirt going down the arms to just above the elbow with dark lime green (#00D219) lines on the sides and dark blue jeans, although it isn't uncommon for him to simply don "a shirt" and "some jeans". If it's cold/raining, he wears a dark grey coat with a hood. School clothing: standard Beacon uniform apart from a slightly loose tie and the aforementioned running shoes. Formal clothing: a white, ever-so-slightly ivory lounge suit with notched lapel, the overall colour being quite reminescent of a white rose's petals. Usually worn with a vibrant green (about #14EA00), vibrant cyan (about #00F6F0) or vibrant purple (about #BD00FF) tie. Pajama: white T-shirt and red and black plaid pajama pants. Combat-ready: dons a dark grey harness worn over his coat/shirt with 4 pouches (2 vertical on the right-hand side at torso height that are about 3*10 cm, 1 vertical on the left-hand side at chest height that's about 7*8 cm, 1 horizontal on left-hand side of belt that's about 15.5*10 cm). The harness has fixation points in the middle of the back for his weapon and more fixation points on the sides of the back to snap on extra luggage space.

History: Nathan was born and raised in Vale. He spent ages 5-12 going to a school about 1.5 km away from his home. He also spent those years being bullied, rejected or ignored by all other kids. When he was 12, his parents divorced and he stayed with his mother. During the last semester of school that year, he scored very high on an Aura ability test part of the normal orientation process. Having been taught the hard way how not everyone can defend themselves, he decided to put his newfound skills to use by becoming a Huntsman. Not even 3 months later, his mother met an Atlasian scientist who was working in Vale at the time. He subsequently enrolled in a local Combat School, about 4 km from residence. Starting from the first semester, he was taught a lot by his stepfather about Dust, technology and science in general through common interests and regular discussions. Although he didn't get bullied or rejected at school anymore, he didn't really make anything more than acquaintances and circumstantial friendships.

During his time at combat school, he learned the basics of pretty much all forms of hand-to-hand combat, like everyone. However, when it came to fighting with weapons, he vastly preferred the versatility of staves to swords, maces and gauntlets. Practicing regularly, he gradually taught himself to mix and match combat styles rather than staying with a single one every battle. Not only did he think it would make him more adaptable, he also thought it would make him harder to contend with. His style, through the years, eventually reached a stable state, where he defends whilst taking advantage of every opening he can, in any way he can.

When he was about 14, he started experimenting with Dust under strict safety protocols in a small part of his basement (he was shown how by his stepfather). Upon learning the nature of his semblance, he started to create schematics and data for his to-be weapon and the required Dust components. His desire to defend victims and pursue aggressors having only grown stronger during his years at combat school, he was eager to advance his training even further and enter Beacon. He scored pretty good at all parts of the entrance exam. His parents moved to Atlas as he moved to the Academy.

Personality: Relaxed and calm, he likes to make the odd joke and is generally easy-going. He has vast trouble understanding non-aggressive body language and prefers to be as honest as possible without unduly hurting anyone. Although not lacking in self-confidence, he's rather shy and will not go towards others unless they first come to him or he has to go to them. He rarely gets angry or even worked up, as he is incredibly patient. He is a fast learner and a great listener. He has an immense imagination and fabulous memory (for the things he cares about). Messing with the ones he loves with the serious intention of hurting them is not recommended, as he may go into (I don't know how to describe this in a word or two: it's basically as if his emotions turned into a cold, soul-wrenching abyss where the only thing that exists is the will to destroy and kill, all the while keeping a very calm face). He has very good senses (for a human) and tends to dislike loud noises and bright lights, carrying a pair of high-tech, flexible sunglasses in his jeans' pocket (so they don't continually break when he fights). He has a lot of difficulty in putting his full trust into someone else.

Overly detailed explanation of the weird emotion and its related, rather trivial effects: ShowHide
Let's lead into this guff by talking about Nathan's mind. A way to see it is to picture an immense star (as in, the thermonuclear thinamajig), burning incredibly bright (Light), at the center of which is an infinitely small point of absolute black (Darkness). Surrounding the star is a very thick layer of armour (to scale, thicker than the Earth's diameter) which isn't actually solid, but an incredibly expansive labyrinth, the walls of which are nigh-impervious to all kinds of damage. Nathan usually tends to try and fuel the Light by having fun, being with friends, satisfying curiosity and other such pleasant things. This is the main way he keeps the Darkness contained to such a small spot. The Darkness, however, can also be fueled - grim thoughts like torure, death, decay and things of a more eldritch nature tend to make the Darkness expand.

If you somehow - with your words or actions - find your way to the Light, it will be damaged, and Darkness will rapidly extend tendrils towards the breach, escaping onto the surface. The Darkness manifests itself in several ways: the more of it, the more obvious it is. Nathan's face will get more and more emontionless as his words change to calm threats. Failure to take these threats seriously - supposing what you did wasn't serious to make him snap instantly - will make him attempt to kill you. And that's not an understatement: his entire being will become solely focused on destroying the ones responsible for the Darkness' release.

Other signs include small, pale black tendrils that start appearing around him and become darker, more numerous and more opaque the worse he gets. The air will seem to grow cool and stale, while sounds will start being muffled. His irises will take on the slightest tinge of red while his pupils contract to a point. If you somehow stare at the pitch-black Aura (after all, he's trying to kill you, so it's not likely to happen), after about 10 continuous seconds, you will start hearing voices. They, however, are your own. The voices will progressively get louder and if you somehow manage to stare at it continuously for over an hour, you will probably have suffered severe psychological trauma.


Aura and Semblance: His Aura is of a bright white colour and turns jet black when "angry" (see emotion described above), seemingly absorbing light within line of sight instead of emitting it. His very high score in Aura in orientation is due to being very powerful for a complete novice. His semblance is Energy: that is, he can control his own kinetic energy. To be more clear, he can turn his Aura into kinetic energy, but only within his body. The energy being inherently associated with momentum, he only uses it for powerful blows, lest he fling himself out of control to go faster.

It is worth noting that he has never told anyone what his semblance is and that he tries to use it as little as possible.

Examples for scale: ShowHide
Here are some examples of the uses for scale.
Hits: - Like a speeding truck for 60% of his Aura.
        - Like a speeding car for 40%.
        - Unusually powerful blows for 5% (enough to severely stun most Grimm).

Numbers: These are based on the examples above, if applied to someone with an average Aura.
       - 1% --> 4% Aura damage
       - 5% --> 20% Aura damage
       - 10% --> 42% Aura damage
       - 15% --> 65% Aura damage
       - 20% --> 90% Aura damage

Anything beyond that will merely do more damage, beyond the now-shattered Aura, with the semi-exponential function still applying. The amount of seconds he must wait before his Aura is usable again is equal to the percentage of Aura consumed.


Combat Behavior: He tends to favor swift, precise and efficient movements when defending and powerful blows when attacking. He mixes hand-to-hand with melee weapon combat freely. He prefers long-range if undetected but will favor confrontation if an enemy is actively chasing him. He will try to dodge and block all he can, but if he misses a movement and still knows that a blow is coming, he may attempt to block or dodge it (if possible) by using his semblance. When first encountering an enemy without being able to effectively get a surprise shot in, he will never attack first.

He will prefer to concentrate on one threat at a time and take care of it as fast and as safely as possible, which opens him up to surprise attacks from unsuspected additional threats. When he suspects more than he can see, he will tend to maintain a more defensive posture.

If outnumbered, he will be capable of resisting without using his semblance for quite some time but will prefer to get some distance between him and the enemy to come back in at a new angle.

WEAPON

Name: Ergia

Primary Form: 30 cm long, 6.8 cm diameter matte black cylinder with 2 dark lime green lines on the wall 10 cm from the bases. This form is usually used for carrying around in a non-combat situation, affixed to the back of the harness or for performing short to medium-short range attacks. The bottom opens up when engaging the jetpack. The central section is dedicated to housing the power cores and control mechanisms, the upper section (there's a symbol on it) is dedicated to the cannon and first staff mechanisms while the bottom part is dedicated to the jetpack and second staff mechanisms.

Secondary Form: This form is dedicated to performing medium to long range attacks. The top staff is, like the bottom staff, hollow. The staff portions have an external diameter of 3 cm. Depending on the range needed, it will extend anywhere from 30 cm to its full 75 cm and open its endcap to allow for the passage of projectiles and energy packets. When necessary, a high-power scope folds out of the top section of the cylinder and subsequently extends. A small handle with trigger also folds out of the top section.

Tertiary Form: Both staff mechanisms extend to their maximum lengths of 75 cm, making the weapon a 180 cm matte black staff with dark lime green lines (longitudinal, 120 degrees apart on the staff sections) and a 30 cm cylinder in the middle.

Dust Functions: The weapon functions with Dust all over. By using the power cores in conjunction with small Dust crystals integrated within Ergia, using thermal energy and electromagnetic energy is also possible (examples: firing plasmoids; producing bunsen burner-like flames; electrifying portions of the staff; superheating a layer of gas around the desired portion of the staff to make it capable of easily slicing through basically all organic materials, but takes some time to heat up things that melt at a high temperature, say chromium or tungsten).

Most of the circuitry has Dust in it to make it as compact as possible. The power cores mentioned earlier are custom-made dust crystals created to store enormous amounts of energy each. They glow a soft, pleasant cerulean when full and are a dark, dull blue when empty. They are 9 cm long and 2 cm wide at their widest. There are 6 of them at all times in the center section of the cylinder. He stores an extra 6 in his belt-level pouch. The jetpack mechanism uses a special blend of dust that greatly increases the thrust produced and combustion efficiency when used in conjunction with the energy from the power cores. The top section of the staff contains 3 dust cells, of which a very small amount is used each time he fires a sniper shot: this shot infuses a large amount of energy into the dust, which is then vaporized and propelled at significant fractions of the speed of light towards whatever he is aiming at (for the effects, they are similar to those of a highly collimated stream of relativistic particles). Non-sniper shots are merely energy.

Lastly, he also keeps 2 crystals (which he names "LR crystals", for Last Resort) in 2 pouches. These crystals, also custom-made, are made to store positively gigantic amounts of energy each at the cost of being able to release it. When all hope is lost, he can load one of these crystals into the cannon assembly and, using a mechanism present within the firing chamber, render them extremely unstable. Shooting them afterwards, a strong impact will then make the crystal simultaneously combust and release all of the previously accumulated energy, with absolutely catastrophic consequences. Anything Grimm or otherwise not protected by Aura will get heavily pulverized/incinerated within a 10 m radius. Destruction and Grimm injuries are still present up to 15 m and anything beyond that consists in brutal knockback to slight breeze. They are a dark, dull pink when empty, very bright pink when filled (staring for more than a few seconds may induce discomfort and afterimages) and an incredibly brilliant gold when full and rendered unstable.

Power crystal schematic: ShowHide
(http://i.imgur.com/N9SRNYp.jpg?1)
LR crystal schematic: ShowHide
(http://i.imgur.com/KQXk1cJ.jpg?1)


History: Ergia was made, from plans to fully functional, in the last three years prior to his entry at Beacon. The components took over two and a half years to get right and the shell and final assembly, 6 months. It was made to make the most use of his semblance and to be as versatile as possible. It was named Ergia due to having vast amounts of energy at its heart.

=================================================

Pre-Beacon theme: Mad World - Gary Jules & Micheal Andrews (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4N3N1MlvVc4)
[/spoiler]
Title: Re: Nathan Eau
Post by: nathan67003 on September 26, 2016, 05:51:45 AM
I'msosorryKal

There. Fixed. Which means, I removed 9 equality signs that meant I had to scroll left and right on mobile.

I swear I think I'm done editing this guy forever.
Title: Re: Nathan Eau
Post by: Kaliot on September 27, 2016, 04:27:43 PM
...
Title: Re: Nathan Eau
Post by: Dr. Gustave on September 30, 2016, 01:06:41 AM
FUNNY YOU SHOULD SAY THAT! Due to a previous systemic failure by the review team, all of your characters are being de-approved pending full staff reviews. While you will be locked out of creations during this process, you will still be able to use your characters as normal until the process is completed. At that time, any required changes will need to be made before those characters can be used.

Given this as well as recent events with your characters, I can understand if you're feeling a bit singled out. I assure you, it's terrible coincidence that this is all coming to light at once.
Title: Re: Nathan Eau
Post by: Timeworker on October 04, 2016, 11:03:31 PM
Hey Nathan I think I'm going to get a start on this process so we can get your characters up to date as soon as possible.


Appearance:
Overall the attention to detail here is admirable.
However the hex codes aren't exactly necessary.

History:
I do like continuity that matches the description. A person with dark clothing with an equally hurtful past makes sense (even if it is a bit over used). The history of a character sets
the stage for the rest of their profile and I believe that you have done a good job with most of it. With that said it is important that the history is clear of errors so that the rest of the profile also makes sense.
You mentioned that
Quote
He also spent those years being bullied, rejected or ignored by all other kids.
but you never explain why. We might be able to sympathise with your reasonings and the characters history if the angst has a reason for it.

You also mentioned that
Quote
When he was 12, his parents divorced and he stayed with his mother. During the last semester of school that year, he scored very high on an Aura ability test part of the normal orientation
I do not believe that primary schools have an aura test subject as even one of the shows protagonists can make it to Beacon (admittedly by breaking the rules) without unlocking theirs. Even if Nathan had his aura unlocked at a young age I doubt he would be the pinnacle of academic success in it. It has been researched (Source (http://newsroom.ucla.edu/releases/victims-of-bullying-suffer-academically-168220)) that when a kid is bullied at school they drop their academic scores significantly and even if Nathan had been a special kid and didn't let this get to him you also mention that his parents divorced that same year that he achieved academic success. It is unlikely that a character with such a "tortured past" at a young age would excel as much as you have made it.

The rest of the history develops at a pleasant pace and establishes a good base for his fighting style and weapons which is a nice touch. Fix up the early life mishap and it should be good.

Personality:
The personality is extremely fleshed out which can lead to positive and negative effects. It helps people visualize your character and roleplay with him allowing for a better experience, however it also leaves some questions that must be asked.

-What are his strengths and weaknesses academically?
-Perhaps some hobbies to help us understand what he likes

Now you also gave us a overabundance amount of information when it comes to his emotions. While it is ok to give your character darker emotions it is important to know when to stop.Lines like this would halt this character's acceptance into Beacon. When a student's emotional state can cause him to lash out and try to kill other students that when a line must be drawn. Schools tend to refuse students that put their other students in severe danger especially if they have a record of doing so. It ok for a character to be rough around the edges but when he tends to go into a murderous rampage thats when lawsuits start coming in from "concerned" parents asking why Beacon let a kid into their school who kills others

Also delete the entire paragraph about tendrils and whispers. I don't think it's possible to give somone severe trauma by looking at your aura. (Also mind manipulation is banned by semblance rules which includes inducing fear.) Frankly aura cannot do anything you mentioned.
Speaking of which,

Aura and Semblance:
Side Note:(I would contact the higher-ups on this but I also don't think aura can change colour so dramatically since it is a literal manifestation of your soul)
The semblance is interesting and fairly unique in the fact I don't think ive seen something like it on the site. I think with some balance changes and modifications it could be an excellent addition to Nathan's arsenal.

One of the issues is that the kinetic energy is inside his body. Having enough energy to match a speeding struck coursing through you in the form of kinetic energy could be quite fatal even if you were protected by aura. Even the car which you mentioned is (generously) 120mph. That is pure kinetic energy that is travelling through your delicate body past your equally delicate organs probably blowing apart your hand when it leaves. I suggest you avoid the inbody part completely.
(Aura costs have been removed altogether so you can just add how many time he can use the semblance before he exhausts himself.)
Remove the damage done altogether because
A.Different characters take different damage depending on many factors (Aura strength, semblance, body type ect...)
B.Destroying someone's aura completely in 2 strikes for 25% aura only waiting 5 seconds in between is too strong

Add some real cooldowns to the semblance and adjust the strength of the semblance to that of a first year.

Combat Behaviour
You have not outlined ANY weaknesses that the character might have. I can appreciate giving your character a versatile way of fighting but that doesn't mean he is immune to faults and weaknesses.

Weapon
It is a unique and interesting weapon but a complete rework is needed to make it viable to approval.

Instead of dissecting every part individually I'm just going to tackle this in a couple of blanket statements. I have no idea what the actual weapon looks like. You describe to me a bunch of shapes and functions but never what it actually looks like. You also need to describe how the weapon transforms because I am having trouble visualising a jetpack,staff lightsaber, and plasma cannon. For the next part I will be plain and simple. Get rid of half of the weaponry/functions since I don't believe a first year could get his hands on the technology (which probably costs a fortune) to make half of this weapon functional/viable. Not only does some of the technology not make sense (How that cannon work I have no idea) but is also unnecessarily overpowered (you are fighting Grimm not other hunters). Do not use plasma as a source for a weapon. It is just super heated gas which does not cut. I suggest getting rid of that function would be advisable as tungsten (the material that you said at max power it would be able to "cut" through) melts at 3,422 degrees. For reference lava burns at 1,200 degrees approximately which is already quite powerful. The jetpack is simply another reason that this weapon is too overpowered. Remove it.

This equipment is composed of things I have seldom seen even hunters use and would be extremely expensive to maintain and design even WITH a father in science. This weapon has so much potential as a great addition to the profile but the complexity and over powered qualities ruin it. Even just a staff which can transform into a cannon would be appropriate when tuned down to match the strength of a first year.

In conclusion I think Nathan has a lot of potential to be a very strong and fleshed out first year. However the need to make everything about him strong and overpowered corrupts the profile. This character is a first year and he should act as such. Nathan still has 4 years in Beacon to grow as a character and the profile should reflect that

Do all of this and we should have a good starting point for fixing these characters.

 
Title: Re: Nathan Eau
Post by: Uncouth T-Rex on October 04, 2016, 11:23:12 PM
Some initial notes: Try to avoid hex codes when describing colors, it really breaks up the flow of your writing. Otherwise, most of the non-combat related stuff seems solid.


Quote
Let's lead into this guff by talking about Nathan's mind. A way to see it is to picture an immense star (as in, the thermonuclear thinamajig), burning incredibly bright (Light), at the center of which is an infinitely small point of absolute black (Darkness). Surrounding the star is a very thick layer of armour (to scale, thicker than the Earth's diameter) which isn't actually solid, but an incredibly expansive labyrinth, the walls of which are nigh-impervious to all kinds of damage. Nathan usually tends to try and fuel the Light by having fun, being with friends, satisfying curiosity and other such pleasant things. This is the main way he keeps the Darkness contained to such a small spot. The Darkness, however, can also be fueled - grim thoughts like torure, death, decay and things of a more eldritch nature tend to make the Darkness expand.

If you somehow - with your words or actions - find your way to the Light, it will be damaged, and Darkness will rapidly extend tendrils towards the breach, escaping onto the surface. The Darkness manifests itself in several ways: the more of it, the more obvious it is. Nathan's face will get more and more emontionless as his words change to calm threats. Failure to take these threats seriously - supposing what you did wasn't serious to make him snap instantly - will make him attempt to kill you. And that's not an understatement: his entire being will become solely focused on destroying the ones responsible for the Darkness' release.

Other signs include small, pale black tendrils that start appearing around him and become darker, more numerous and more opaque the worse he gets. The air will seem to grow cool and stale, while sounds will start being muffled. His irises will take on the slightest tinge of red while his pupils contract to a point. If you somehow stare at the pitch-black Aura (after all, he's trying to kill you, so it's not likely to happen), after about 10 continuous seconds, you will start hearing voices. They, however, are your own. The voices will progressively get louder and if you somehow manage to stare at it continuously for over an hour, you will probably have suffered severe psychological trauma.

Quite possibly the largest piece of beef I have with this profile, though not necessarily the character himself. It's Lovecraftian and overburdened with imagery that is barely relevant not only to the rest of the character, but the purpose of a profile itself. People don't come here to get taken on some weird imaginative experience, but to get a basic idea of how your character works. Admittedly, it's in spoilers, but gads man, wouldn't less obtuse and simpler phrasing have sufficed? Something along the lines of "He armors his heart with the joys he derives from those near and dear to him, using them to keep the despair and loneliness of growing up in torment at bay." with a little elaboration? Granted, I know you wanted to bring home the vastness of the mental and emotional conflict here, but still, grandiose descriptions often crumple in on themselves, and you can make that point without all this dross.


Quote
His semblance is Energy: that is, he can control his own kinetic energy. To be more clear, he can turn his Aura into kinetic energy, but only within his body. The energy being inherently associated with momentum, he only uses it for powerful blows, lest he fling himself out of control to go faster.

It is worth noting that he has never told anyone what his semblance is and that he tries to use it as little as possible.

On its own, this actually doesn't sound too bad, aside from the phrasing being awfully redundant. Until you read what it can do later and realize that this is literally an insta-gib trump card you can trot out whenever you feel like it. Sorry, no. Plus, there's zero reason he wouldn't be using this more often, because you've not justified why he wouldn't. Pyrrha Nikos hides her power because it's part of her fighting style. Nathan does because REASONS. This semblance compliments everything he does. Even if he tells no one he'd have every reason to use it when he can get away with it. Either come up with a good reason to hide this or scrap the secretive behavior.


Quote
Here are some examples of the uses for scale.
Hits: - Like a speeding truck for 60% of his Aura.
        - Like a speeding car for 40%.
        - Unusually powerful blows for 5% (enough to severely stun most Grimm).

Numbers: These are based on the examples above, if applied to someone with an average Aura.
       - 1% --> 4% Aura damage
       - 5% --> 20% Aura damage
       - 10% --> 42% Aura damage
       - 15% --> 65% Aura damage
       - 20% --> 90% Aura damage

Anything beyond that will merely do more damage, beyond the now-shattered Aura, with the semi-exponential function still applying. The amount of seconds he must wait before his Aura is usable again is equal to the percentage of Aura consumed.

Even with the time limit, which is peanuts for what this thing can do, an exponential damage output is beyond unfair.  Should he rough someone up beforehand, he need only drop his aura by a small fraction to take them down with little effort, especially because they'll have no idea it's coming. I'm sure you can see the problem, and if you can't, reread the past sentence. Here's a better idea: drop the math, which only leads to trouble. If you want a speed and power boost semblance, make it stamina draining and just have it up his speed and strength in short bursts, or drop the ratio to 1:1 or at most 1:1.5, which does empower things significantly and makes him be as tactical as his combat behavior claims he is.


Quote
30 cm long, 6.8 cm diameter matte black cylinder with 2 dark lime green lines on the wall 10 cm from the bases. This form is usually used for carrying around in a non-combat situation, affixed to the back of the harness or for performing short to medium-short range attacks. The bottom opens up when engaging the jetpack. The central section is dedicated to housing the power cores and control mechanisms, the upper section (there's a symbol on it) is dedicated to the cannon and first staff mechanisms while the bottom part is dedicated to the jetpack and second staff mechanisms.

A stick jetpack would burn the crap out of his ass. I like the concept, but the execution is sorely lacking. How about a nice anti-grav engine powered by gravity dust or something that won't melt his bum right off? It could function more like a jump-pack than something that enables flight. Meaning he's going to have to come down sooner rather than later.


Quote
The weapon functions with Dust all over. By using the power cores in conjunction with small Dust crystals integrated within Ergia, using thermal energy and electromagnetic energy is also possible (examples: firing plasmoids; producing bunsen burner-like flames; electrifying portions of the staff; superheating a layer of gas around the desired portion of the staff to make it capable of easily slicing through basically all organic materials, but takes some time to heat up things that melt at a high temperature, say chromium or tungsten).

I don't care how sciencey you try and make this seem, we are not giving you a lightsaber. Also no freaking plasma are you out of your mind? Look, I understand how cool this all must seem, and I want to help you bring your vision to life, but let's try something a little less hard on everyone else.

(https://1d4chan.org/images/thumb/4/4d/Necrons.jpg/300px-Necrons.jpg)

This is what I see when I envision Ergia. Colors shmolors, that same glowing blend of the arcane and technological is what is called to mind. There's no problem with giving Nathan a staff that can essentially be a bunsen burner, or wreath portions of itself in energy, just not to the degree you've described. Drop the superheated gas nonsense and just power it with a blend of impact and thunder dust, or fire and thunder, whatever makes more sense. Keep the shots to semi-auto or put a decent timer on the full-auto function, which by they way isn't listed in this profile but you somehow used in the Vytal Tourney. The gun should not be functioning at a better rate than Atlas' dust-based weaponry.


Quote
The top section of the staff contains 3 dust cells, of which a very small amount is used each time he fires a sniper shot: this shot infuses a large amount of energy into the dust, which is then vaporized and propelled at significant fractions of the speed of light towards whatever he is aiming at (for the effects, they are similar to those of a highly collimated stream of relativistic particles). Non-sniper shots are merely energy.

Significant fractions of the speed of light? Yeah no. Not even close. We cannot give you an unavoidable rifle. Even RWBY physics cannot dodge the level of ridiculousness this thing exudes. See above for how to fix.


Quote
Lastly, he also keeps 2 crystals (which he names "LR crystals", for Last Resort) in 2 pouches. These crystals, also custom-made, are made to store positively gigantic amounts of energy each at the cost of being able to release it. When all hope is lost, he can load one of these crystals into the cannon assembly and, using a mechanism present within the firing chamber, render them extremely unstable. Shooting them afterwards, a strong impact will then make the crystal simultaneously combust and release all of the previously accumulated energy, with absolutely catastrophic consequences. Anything Grimm or otherwise not protected by Aura will get heavily pulverized/incinerated within a 10 m radius. Destruction and Grimm injuries are still present up to 15 m and anything beyond that consists in brutal knockback to slight breeze. They are a dark, dull pink when empty, very bright pink when filled (staring for more than a few seconds may induce discomfort and afterimages) and an incredibly brilliant gold when full and rendered unstable.

Turn these into hand grenades and we might have a deal, because then he has to avoid blowing up his allies and make sure he can get away himself. As they are, no, even if it's only two shots, you may not have the equivalent of an artillery shell come out of your boomstick. Or should I say freem-stick? Cut it to one grenade and I'll let it slide.

Final Notes: It's never a good idea to make a character an all-rounder and then give him weaponry and a semblance that lets him do virtually everything well. He can hit hard, protect himself, be maneuverable, hit at range...all at once. Honestly, I'd drop the sniper function and just make it a mid-range rifle, or lose the jetpack instead. Highly mobile sniping plus being able to wallop you in the face is beyond broken. I'll allow you the choice of which does not make the cut.
Title: Re: Nathan Eau
Post by: Dr. Gustave on October 05, 2016, 01:54:20 AM
... Well I didn't intend for both of them post on the same character, but that works. Take points from each review, they each make good points (Especially about the tendril shit which I cannot BELIEVE we didn't catch when it was in creation). Once they have both decided you've done well in accordance with their reviews, we'll have a moderator go over it to make sure it's good to go. This process will be repeated with each character, though hopefully with only 2 reviews on the others.
Title: Re: Nathan Eau
Post by: nathan67003 on October 05, 2016, 07:32:13 AM
Right, onto this fucker.


Timeworker:
Hex codes fucked off into spoiler.

Thank you! Honestly, he's an author avatar, so he mostly has a Remnant-ified background. I don't know why he was bullied because I don't know why I was bullied. Maybe he was just different? Smart? Dunno.

Again, modelled off me. Sorry to trump expectations :P As for the 'Aura test' thing, it's less a subject than something I supposed may be part of an orientation test towards the end of school. Also note that he's not that good at academics, he just scores above 80% most of the time without really trying. He's not an 'academic success' in Aura, either: he just has more of it than average, even at that age.

Thank you! Although, again, his history is just perhaps too real.

Academic strenghts and weaknesses: Loves maths and science, is pretty good at language classes, mildly sucks at more social stuffs - although he still has great memory.
Hobbies: Video games. Added that. Also didn't say much about friends because I feel that doesn't belong there just yet, being character development.

The anger stuff is really, really unlikely to happen. You'd have to threaten one of his friend's lives - and even then, he'd give them a chance to back off.

Removed whispers. Added that Aura 'tendrils' are intangible - they're really just a manifestation of his Aura, a bit like Ruby's petals. They just do jack shit and look sick.

Side note: (his entire being changes, figured that might count for something)

Now says 'not at a distance', which was an issue for previous iterations. Yes, different people take different damage, which is why I specify that the examples suppose an arbitrarily average person in reagards to everything. I adjust damage, via semblance or not, with this in mind. Also, if he uses 25% Aura, he needs to wait 25 seconds... (I also plan on transferring the Aura cost to strain - if he used 20%, he'd feel like the blood drained from his head for a few seconds, leaving him defenceless. He'd also be a bit shaky for, maybe, a dozen seconds at that level.

I guess I could nerf the damage to, like, three quarters of what it does now - or if that's not enough, half.

He is utter shit at taking on multiple opponents, and even worse at being taken by surprise.

It looks like a black cylinder about a foot long, a bit too thick to hold comfortably, and deploys two thinner shafts on each end. The jetpack, staff 'lightsaber' (really not) and plasma 'cannon' (it's not large, it's just called that) are actually integrated within the machine. The plasma bit doesn't cut steel or metal, and has been that way for a looooooong time - it's even stated it'll slowly heat up stuff that's non-organic. The 'cannon' works by either firing plasmoids (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plasmoid) made from ambient air (assault mode) or compressing plasmoids made of a mix of boron, hydrogen, Lightning Dust and Kinetic Dust by exacerbating plasma instabilities, achieving fusion and neutralizing the particles on the way out (sniper mode). The device used is a deep dense plasma focus (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dense_plasma_focus) small enough to fit inside. It may be OP against Grimm, but Nathan knows how shit people can be first-hand and is also a raving lunatic when it comes to overkill. He got his hands on Dust to make the weapon because his adoptive father taught him how to do it and brought him the stuff. I'd be totally okay with removing the flamethrower part. The jetpack is a tiny thing taht occupies a third of the main cylinder, consuming Dust to provide thrust.

He literally got told by his father about the latter's research, winged it and was successful.

Rex, I'll update this post later with responses to your no doubt well-founded complaints.
Title: Re: Nathan Eau
Post by: Uncouth T-Rex on October 05, 2016, 07:41:56 AM
Yeah that was my bad, I hadn't even noticed Timeworker had replied already. Brilliant first day on the job, let me tell you...
Title: Re: Nathan Eau
Post by: Timeworker on October 05, 2016, 10:00:18 AM
Ok a good start but some things do still need to change

History:
Ok now that I understand where you're coming from most of this makes sense now. Thank you for clearing up that aura mishap. Can't have any naturally expert aura users at age 14 can we? There are some dependencies that clash with the rest of the profile but I'l deal with that later in the post.

Personality
Il put this plain and simple. Get rid of any mention of killing other students out of rage. No matter how unlikely it is to happen a student who will kill other students is not someone mentally stable enough to be in a advanced academy. He can get bothered and agitated (even violent) but never killing. I don't even see why this is in the profile. What do people get out of knowing that your character will try to kill their character if they fuck up? Nothing except a vague feeling not to role-play with you. Honestly if you remove everything under that spoiler and move the aura tendril stuff to aura and semblance you will have a personality that fits just fine with the rules.

If you don't want to delete the spoiler than I want to tell you that the whole metaphor is unnecessary and just makes the whole thing more confusing. If you want to keep the whole lashing out part (not killing) than just incorporate it into the actual personality instead of going on a whole rant about what it "looks like". It makes the profile much easier to understand and much easier to read/review.

Almost there man, I really do like the personality outside of the spoiler.

Aura and Semblance

Still some work to do before this part is finished but you're on the right track. Thank you for putting it to not at a distance it makes it easier to comprehend. Aura cannot change the temperature of the air nor depend sound in the area unless it is a semblance. Aura effects should be cosmetic only (like the intangible tendrils) instead of effect environment, temperature ect...

I have no problem with Nathan being above average in aura and semblance it simply shouldn't be attributed to being above average in child hood. Nathan focused most of his studies in technology and dust training while with his father and in combat style studies while in Signal. Neither of these things have direct attachment to aura manipulation so by the time that Nathan enters Beacon the advantage he had as a child is probably long gone. There are people who studied aura manipulation and went through specialized training to become better at the field so by the time he is accepted he will be relatively average (or shock even BELOW average) at aura manipulation. Your character doesn't need to be proficient at every aspect of hunting (especially cause hes a FIRST year).

With this being said I am putting a cap on the damage this semblance can cause. Destroying 90% of someones aura (I don't care if they are the weakest person in the academy) is not acceptable in one hit. Whats to stop him from just withering an opponent down to 90% with his weapon and then just ending it in one hit. I would say about 30%-35% is acceptable for max power for a first year. I will wait for further comment on strain till we finish this section.

Combat Behavior

Excellent start! Thank you for adding some exploitable weaknesses but we aren't finished here. You need to add weaknesses in his style and actual combat behavior as the section isn't combat scenarios (as surprise attacks and multiple opponents are scenarios not behaviors). Giving him some weaknesses as a first year will help make the character role-playable. 

Weapon

Let's start with something easy. Just put everything you told me about description and transformation into the actual profile. It will help newcomers and people who are less intelligent than you read it.

First thing GET RID OF THE JET PACK. I'm telling you right now that this is one of the things that agitates me the most. As a PILOT I can tell you right now that the machine on his back is ANYTHING but airworthy/flyable. There is a reason that jet packs  are seldom allowed and that's because in a realistic situation you would most likely end up killing yourself when you'd try to use it.

Fix everything that Uncouth mentioned as well and I'l see whats left to fix after that.

Almost there we just have a few things to deal with and then there is the weapon.


 
Title: Re: Nathan Eau
Post by: nathan67003 on October 05, 2016, 10:49:03 AM
References to any sort of murder have been removed. 'Stopping' and 'hurting' are now the go-to things. The edits have also been done to the thing in the wpoiler, so still no killing. Moved the tendril stuffs to the Aura section.

Spoiler thing will probably get retgoned Fuck it, spoiler annihilated.

Sound no longer affected. Temperature thing also removed, air now just feels stale.

Removed the mention of high Aura levels.

Mentioned he's now capped at 33% for 8% usage. Would amount to about a second or so of dizziness followed by a bit of a shaky hand for 4 seconds, then goes into plain old exhaustion. This would mean he could only pull the move off 12 times before the next time he tries to use it, he succeeds and immediately collapses from exhaustion.

Alright, added he can get caught off-guard by unpredictable behavior as well (such as when Gray hit him directly during the ongoing 1v1 match).

Added TL;DR section at the bottom of the main weapon description, between tertiary form and Dust functions.

Removed jetpack, now jumppack. Cannot be used to fly in any sort of controlled manner apart from 'straight up' and 'brake fall'.
Title: Re: Nathan Eau
Post by: nathan67003 on October 05, 2016, 11:09:31 AM
Rex, your turn. Smarmy bugger :P


Wait, what? What spoiler? Was there a spoiler?

Good reason: It takes its toll on him, i.e. exhaustion. Which he would prefer to avoid. He doesn't tell anyone because he's a cheeky bastard who likes having surprises for his opponents. Plus, the less he tells people, the less likely the information is to spread.

Semblance now capped (related to age and training), don't know wether or not that fixes the issues you had.

Now a jumppack. Antigrav thing is now implied - I changed combustion for consumption in the Dust functions. It'd probably still produce some form of light & sound similar to before, though, but it wouldn't come with heat.

Y'know, plasma isn't that awesome or amazing - the packets he sends in assault mode are basically just Dust ammo with a different mechanism behind them (3% per hit on Gray, for example). It's certainly no lightsaber.

Full auto (assault mode): Fires 12 rounds/second. Conservative, when compared to things like a P90. Reload time on sniper mode is 3 seconds. Added those into the description.

You can still dodge that. It just becomes about dodging out of the way of the line of fire instead of the bullet (which, honestly, should already be what characters try to do, because Mach 5 is Mach 5). Gray dodged it (okay, there's an OOC reason, but it still made sense in-character) at the start of the 1v1.

Added that the LR thingies are launched like grenades - in other words, very low velocity to avoid accidental discharges within the chamber.

Think that's a response to all you mentioned.
Title: Re: Nathan Eau
Post by: Timeworker on October 05, 2016, 02:50:07 PM
(P.S I'll be reviewing this one I think Rex has his hands full with Camellia)

Ok this is looking much better just a few issues and one big one left to solve

Semblance
I'll be waiting for you to convert aura % to actual strain but if you don't want to I can tell you right now that 8% for 33% damage is still not ok. Also double the cooldown and we should be at a fair agreement (cooldown is equal to double the cost ie. wait 10 seconds for a 5% push ect...). However if you feel you can come up with a more creative solution feel free to write it!

Combat Behaviour
I am having an issue with the combat weaknesses you gave him. Nothing is a flat out weakness that is a cause of his character. Let me explain, surprise attacks, multiple foes and unpredictable combat is something that every character struggles against in a fight. I can't name a character that would benefit from being under any of these circumstances. You need to give your character a weakness that is a cause of his decisions/natural faults.

Quote
Your tall, towering behemoth of a brawler has no problem bashing in a few skulls... but getting in range might be slow for the lumbering oaf they might be. Speed might be your forte, but are you sure you aren't sacrificing protection in order to stay a step ahead of an opponent?


I think the problem is that you've given your character such a wide variety of strengths that are really powerful there is no room for weaknesses and that's one of the ultimate reasons that slows down approval. His close combat seems great in both close combat and ranged. His speed seems to be decent and so does his reaction time. His aura seems to be slightly above average as well as him having a tool to close gaps. If he somehow can't close the gap he can always decimate from afar with technology. His tactics also seem to be excellent. Having all of these as strengths is not ok especially as a first year. This is not to say you can't have a versatile character. There are plenty of people who have figured out ways to be well-rounded as well as having a fair share of weaknesses. Before you go any further I want you to think about some really defining weaknesses that this character can have.

Weapon
Before we go anywhere else in this section I need you to do some organizing. You spend way too much time talking about how the weapon works people will get lost and not find out what it actually does. I suggest writing in the suggested format below to try and make it easier to review/roleplay against and as. There are many people on this site who do not understand many of the concepts that you talk about and it shouldn't be up to THEM to figure out what your character does. If you want to add extra detail that is fine but don't make it mandatory to read through if they want a basic understanding of the character.

Suggested format: ShowHide

Weapon

Name:

Primary Form:
Describe to me what it looks like. Describe WHAT it does not HOW it does it. Tell me about the limits.

Secondary Form:
Describe how the primary form transforms into this form.
Describe to me what this form looks like.
Describe to me WHAT this form does not HOW it does it.
Tell me about the LIMITS of this form.

Tertiary Form:
Describe how the secondary form transforms into this form.
Describe to me what this form looks like.
Describe to me WHAT this form does not HOW it does it.
Tell me about the LIMITS of this form.

Dust Functions:
Tell me what exactly the dust effects are.
Tell me what dust powers the machine.
How much dust is needed.

History:

Specifics and Schematics
THIS is where you can describe to your heart's content HOW your weapons works. Keeping this apart from the rest allows people to instantly get a summary of what your weapon does before roleplaying with you. It also allows people who want to be amazed by how detailed your weapon is to find it after they have an idea of what it actually does


You might see me emphasize the difference between WHAT and HOW. You put a lot of effort into describing how your weapon works when a lot of people do not care to know. Please try and find the difference between the two and separate them from what you have now. You will also see me emphasize the word LIMITS. Thank you by the way for turning down the heat on the weapon to much more realistic level. My point is every weapon has limits to what it can and can't do and try to be specific about that. Of course the suggested format is only a suggestion but I think separating WHAT and HOW is going to speed up the approval by a large margin.

Ok this should be ok for now. I think you have a problem explaining too much things that are unnecessary and explaining too little things that are very necessary. I look forward to reading your next update!
Title: Re: Nathan Eau
Post by: Dr. Gustave on October 05, 2016, 03:09:43 PM
Just a note, while you should convert % to strain, you CAN keep the % elsewhere for if a combat thread decides to use semblance drain.
Title: Re: Nathan Eau
Post by: nathan67003 on October 05, 2016, 05:43:46 PM
Right. Strain. So I've added that applying a cost modifier (2x, in this case) to what's already there's necessary - at least as long as he's at Beacon, probably. Added a 'paragraph' for the strain thing. Doubled cooldown.

Thought about weaknesses: added that he's unskilled/bad (really bad) at close melee. Removed guff about being weak to the same things as everyone else.

Rejiggered the disposition of the weapon description as demanded.
Title: Re: Nathan Eau
Post by: Timeworker on October 06, 2016, 10:57:43 PM
Semblance

Ok this is starting to look really good! All I have issues with now is some numbers you have which only require minor tweaking. Get rid of any numbers that he can't currently pull off in the % area. If you feel that Nathan has come far enough to advance his semblance then you can submit them again then for approval but right now I can tell you that for the near-foreseeable future none of those numbers are ok. As for aura cost (in the percentage area still) I would recommend that 20% aura damage be closer to the 10% mark and the 33% damage be closer to the 15-17% mark. I feel this will help reduce spamming in threads that still use this system.

I really do like the strain drawbacks that you've put on him! One of the best changes I've seen to this profile so far. However I'm still going to suggest instead of 4-5 strikes at 33% i suggest 3-4. Simply because hitting a opponent 3 times with this semblance brings him to 99% and when combined with his other abilities that is a lot. (I am also taking into account that the more he uses it the more his brain will be affected making it harder to stay focused and fight.)

Sides those two minor thing (numbers really) seems great!

Combat Behaviour

Ok so I'm really glad that you added a weakness now I just want you to flesh it out. Why is he so weak to close quarter combat? What about it puts him at a disadvantage? This part of combat should be just fleshed out as his strengths.

Starting to look a lot better.

Weapon

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR CHANGING THE FORMAT THIS IS SO MUCH EASIER TO REVIEW AND READ.
Ok about the jump pack just for clarification, this isn't for sustained flight correct? Just for a more powerful temporary jump? Maybe even serving for a double jump (which sounds pretty cool now that I think about it). Also the flamethrower function is unnecessary when you look at the rest of the fire power that this weapon has. Considering it also is powered by gravity dust and kinetic dust doesn't seem necessary. Not to mention it kinda covers his only weakness by being able to keep everyone at a 9 meter distance.

For the gun part:
Ammo, I want to know how many grenades he has so he doesn't go infinitely bursting everyone down. I want to know how many seconds of continuous fire he can put enemies under before having to reload and before he's out of ammo all together. I want to know how many sniper shots he can dish out before he reloads and before he's out.

Small change
Quote
making metre-deep holes in just about anything,
If you could add organic to the end of that sentence it would be better suited for the profile of a first year. Just about anything covers waaaay too much.

Ok then I think we are pretty close to sending this to some higher-ups too look at. Keep going Nathan!
Title: Re: Nathan Eau
Post by: nathan67003 on October 07, 2016, 07:26:06 AM
Numbers unattainable shoved into a spoiler. If you look closely (I've put the line in italic and underlined it since then), there's a sentence saying you need to apply a 2x modifier to the cost. So 20% damage is literally 10% cost and 33% damage is 16% cost. :P

He can already only strike 4 times with the 33% damage, it's explicitely mentioned :P

He's just used to fighting with a staff and on a more distant, defensive stance. Added that.

Yes, that's it. He can't angle himself during a 'jump', although that jump can last several seconds - basically able to reach Beacon's roof, but incapable of actual flight. Removed the flamethrower part - put it into a spoiler marked "not now - for approved future development only".

2 grenades - was under the specifics, forgot to port it over. Due to how the stuffs work, he can handle at least 100 sniper shots per phial - which is already stated at the end of Dust functions. Again, due to how stuffs work, he can shoot well over 900 assault mode shots per crystal, and about 300 sniper shots per crystal. These are applied at the same time. Also, the weapon was designed with efficiency in mind, which kind of explains most of the above. He has 6 extra energy crystals on him and, uhh, 12 extra phials, if I remember correctly. These are stored in the pouches integrated to his harness.

Added that it's half as good at going through dense, non-organic stuff - half a metre.

Think that covers everything you mentioned.
Title: Re: Nathan Eau
Post by: Timeworker on October 07, 2016, 11:44:19 AM
Ok I think this is ready for further review! I'll be sending this to the mods for their judgement of the profile but everything you've fixed seems good to me.
Title: Re: Nathan Eau
Post by: jjb2158 on October 07, 2016, 03:46:04 PM
Okay, I'll take over from here. Let's get started, shall we? As always, I'm going to be VERY technical about things...because that's just how I am so deal with it :)

Combat Behavior:
I only see one weakness in that he isn't that great with close combat. However, his history states that he was trained in hand-to-hand combat like any other student, which has me led to believe that he would be average in close combat, thus not really being much of a weakness. Therefore, I would like to see at least 1-2 more weaknesses here and they need to be real weaknesses that would affect his fighting ability.

Semblance:
I do have some reserves in regard to the amount of aura damage the higher tiers can cause. Granted, the strain does help equalize it, but the concern is still there. I will let it go, but know that, should you not follow your own strains and limitations that you've placed and we hear about it, then I will further nerf this character down tremendously. Just count this as a friendly reminder as well as a warning, okay?

Weapon:
There are still a few concerns here and this is where I'm going to get extremely technical:
1. First, in regards to his second forms, you have down that he has good accuracy for his assault form and nearly perfect accuracy for the sniper form. Let me make one thing extremely clear here: the weapon is not the primary thing that makes a person have better accuracy. It is the person's skills as well as their ability to take the physics involved with shooting an accurate shot that makes them an accurate shooter. Nowhere in Nathan's history does it say that he went through extensive training to learn to shoot any weapons with good accuracy, let alone nearly perfect accuracy. I have a first year who spent his entire childhood learning how to shoot with pin-point accuracy and even he doesn't have nearly perfect accuracy. So, if my character who has spend most of his life shooting doesn't have nearly perfect accuracy, why should yours? With all of that said, I will have to say that you will need to reword his accuracy to fit his combat ability. I'm not saying he needs to be horrible at shooting, but I am saying that everything indicates that he would be simply average or slightly above average in his abilities.
2. You have down that his sniper mode is able to shoot a high-speed particle with almost perfect accuracy for up to several kilometers...

...several kilometers...

Now, the definition of several is "more than two, but not many". So, even if I took this at the minimum of 3 kilometers, that's basically saying that he could shoot with almost perfect accuracy to at least 1.6 miles or more. Currently, the worlds longest sniper shot is 1.54 miles and that is by a trained British Super Sniper who had spent years honing his ability to get that kind of a shot. With that all said, I will simply say that your character is getting a flat out no to being able to shoot something with almost perfect accuracy from several kilometers away.
3. You have down also that it is able to penetrate up to a meter deep into organic material due to its sheer speed. I'm going to ask this: how fast are you talking that his shots go? If you say that they go at least Mach 5 then I will flat out reject this weapon altogether. Please note: rifle bullets travel around 800-1,000 m/s (2,600 - 3,400 ft/s). Mach 5 is almost 5,500 ft/s and will not be allowed.
4.
Quote
Transformation can take as little as 0.1 seconds.
Hahahaha...no. Transformations of weapons do not take that short of a time. Lengthen that time.
5. Just to make it perfectly clear: when you say that the grenades have a blast radius of 10m you're referring to meters, right? Because that can be taken wrongly as miles instead of meters. Please word it so that it reads meters if that is what you're meaning because miles will not be allowed.
6. I thought I was done, but then I got to the dust functions...and got another white hair, which I will name after you...I understand that you want to make a character that is unique and different. However, when you do this, it makes things really difficult for us to approve as well as others to understand what you're trying to create. Everything I'm reading about this character points that this is a plasma weapon. You even use that word in the spoiler section in its history. Let me just put this out there: Plasma weapons of any form/kind are not allowed. That said, this weapon is denied until you change it so that it is not a plasma weapon and uses normal bullets like any normal weapon that every other student here uses.



I understand that you want your character to be different...different is good, but only within reason. Your character has been nerfed down a lot, but is still too OP in regards to his weapon, let alone using something that is not allowed. Remember, this character is a first year student. A FIRST YEAR STUDENT. He is not perfect nor is he able to fight on par with what an upper-class student or huntsman can do. Please address and fix everything I've listed above and I will then go through this character again.
Title: Re: Nathan Eau
Post by: nathan67003 on October 07, 2016, 07:43:11 PM
Changed history instead. He really is shit at hand-to-hand. Removed that he 'mixes hand-to-hand with melee weapon combat'.

You have little idea how faithful I am to the character sheets without really trying :P

1. By 'perfect accuracy', I speak of the weapon's intrinsic accuracy. If the crosshair is over a target and, when the shot fires, the crosshair is still over the target, there are very, very good odds that it'll hit. I never meant to talk about anything other than the weapon's intrinsic accuracy. As you said, Nathan is merely a bit above average and just knows how to line up a reticle.
2. The reason it's precise at such a long range is that, unlike regular bullets, those tiny helium nuclei go so fast that wind, air density gradients, temperature and gravity don't really have the time to do anything to them. I situated the maximum range (which, while not explicitly stated, is 3 kilometres) as the point where if the crosshair says you're lined up and that, when the shot goes off, you're still lined up, there's a 50/50 chance you'll hit.
3. There are no bullets. It's, as stated, a burst of collimated, relativistic helium atoms (note that they're atoms, meaning they're electrically neutral) produced by a Dust-catalyzed boron-proton fusion reaction. There is no impact force to speak of - the entirety of the damage is caused but the projectiles' temperature.
4. Lengthened to 0.3 seconds. It's really just the staff portions extending, really. There are no complex mechanisms that deploy themselves.
5. Yes, internationally, "m" denotes meters. I believe "mi" denotes miles. As such, it shouldn't really cause misinterpretation, but I'll spell out "meters" if necessary.
6. That's literally the whole point of the weapon: by not using normal bullets, it's hundreds of times more efficient at ammo consumption. A single shot does 3% Aura damage - the same as what I gather is a normal bullet from a Dust assault rifle. They even look similar and travel at identical speeds.

As a last note, I assumed that the science behind the weapon, namely EM field theory and plasma physics, are sufficiently developed in Remnant at the 'current' time that anyone who bothers to do research can replicate the desired results. The fusion part is basically that his father is trying to explore nuclear physics (which I assume are almost fringe science because Dust) and that there are some untested hypotheses about fusion, like the possibility of proton-boron fusion. Nathan just made a 'fuel' mix, winged it and succeeded - after several years.
Additional note: No matter what the sniper shot is capable of doing when it misses, it does 20% damage to someone with average Aura: Nathan or Gray, for example. It is also unable to be effective in water, merely vaporizing it instead of making a hole in it like with organics.

I think I've addressed everything. If it's still no good, then his weapon will basically be non-functional for most of its ranged aspects until he gets them working later in his life.
Title: Re: Nathan Eau
Post by: jjb2158 on October 08, 2016, 08:36:06 PM
Okay, many of my previous points were actually not dealt with. Please look back at my last post to see the detailed reasons why I said things, but here's the simple version:

Combat Behavior:
He has only one weakness. Add one to two more real, legitimate weaknesses and I'll be fine with this section.

Weapon:
1. Remove the almost perfect accuracy. It doesn't matter whether you line up a shot in the cross-hair. Wind, gravity, and movement of the object will ALWAYS affect the shot. The bullet will have to go at almost the speed of light to not be affected by these things and your weapon will never get that fast of a shot. Ever.
2. Transformation of 0.3 seconds is still not allowed. Watch the show: every person's weapon transformation takes at least 2 seconds. Your weapon is no different.
3. Your weapon shoots plasma type bullets, which I distinctively said no to. I will not approve this weapon until you change it from plasma type shots to regular dust bullets. I also want to know how fast this gun shoots so put the fps that the gun fires at in its description.

Yes, you've addressed all the things I've said, but have either made no changes or made such minimal changes that they don't even change anything. This is now my second time having to tell you all this. Everything that I said earlier are not suggestions, they are demands. Either you change these things or I will have this weapon outright banned and you will need to restart.
Title: Re: Nathan Eau
Post by: nathan67003 on October 08, 2016, 08:39:55 PM
Shoved second form under spoiler as 'currently not functional'. Should solve everything, really.

EDIT: Made weapon transformation 2 seconds.
Title: Re: Nathan Eau
Post by: Vox Machinae on October 08, 2016, 09:35:30 PM
Right. Let me put an end to this scientific dick waving by choking you with mine.

Read this. (http://www.stardestroyer.net/Empire/Essays/PlasmaWeapons.html) This has everything you need to know about why plasma weaponry is stupid without specific bullshit attached, and said specific bullshit enables a lot of other bullshit. End result, effective plasma weaponry is banned and this is not up for debate.

Now, the particle beam...

One, nuclear tech at all opens a can of worms for the setting I don't want to deal with, and as the resident science guy, I WILL have to deal with it, so until Canon DIRECTLY shows or mentions fission or fusion reactions, they're banned.

Now on to the shit you've said.

Quote
There are no bullets. It's, as stated, a burst of collimated, relativistic helium atoms (note that they're atoms, meaning they're electrically neutral) produced by a Dust-catalyzed boron-proton fusion reaction. There is no impact force to speak of - the entirety of the damage is caused but the projectiles' temperature.

Quote
a burst of collimated, relativistic helium atoms

Quote
relativistic

Quote
There is no impact force to speak of

Bull. Shit.

You do not get to throw around fractions of c without doing your goddamn math, and any set of atomic projectiles that can impart enough heat on its target to be as effective as a bullet is going to be packing a more than appreciable amount of kinetic punch.

There's a bit of a pattern here, Nathan. You trying to use a lot of scientific talk to justify something that sounds reasonable on the surface to someone untrained, but more than a cursory examination reveals your bullshit. Relativistic weapons. Handwavium materials that store energy equivalent to a nuclear weapon. At least your mary sue special snowflake nanites were open about their nature, as was the other handwavium which was essentially a magic invulnerability shield, but it's all part of the same overarching theme.

Frankly, I'm sick of staff chat being full of reviewers complaining about your bullshit.

I'm sick of dealing with the scientific and mathematical flaws behind your bullshit.

I'm sick of your bullshit.

No more arguing with my staff about banned technologies. No more "um, but, well" attempts to get it through.

You do NOT get to have cheap skiffy (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skiffy) godmode shit. So from this point forward, you're banned from even trying. Don't even fucking bother.

Purge it. This is your only option.

Because if I get called into this shit again, and see you trying to pull a c-fraction weapon out of your ass, I'm just going to ban you from the RPG side of the site and be done with it.

You have your fucking review.

(http://i.imgur.com/cXw5t9s.gif)
Title: Re: Nathan Eau
Post by: nathan67003 on October 09, 2016, 08:05:23 AM
Sorry, I thought I removed it when I put it in the spoiler. My bad.

EDIT: Removed a bunch of stuff.
EDITWO: Changed the CS to reflect the lack of ranged capabilities.
EDITHREE: Currently working on re-adding ranged, non-skiffy shit capability along with actual weaknesses.
FOUREDIT: Re-added very close range as a big weakness. Specified he's kinda lame at long range. As intermediate range remains unspecified, assume he's as flat average as possibly feasible.
FIVEDIT: Worded new weapon sections, will add mechanics under Specifics if reviewer demands it. Also re-added the LR crystals under a spoiler tag for future use.

I think he's ready again. I removed the skiffy shit and put 2 weaknesses on his sorry butt.
Title: Re: Nathan Eau
Post by: jjb2158 on October 11, 2016, 03:09:50 PM
Oh look...another white hair...I think I'll name this one "Nathan the Second" ;)

Okay, now to more serious matters...

Weapons:
Seriously...a fourth AND fifth form? I am fine with the jump pack, staff, and semi-auto rifle. I will, however, draw the line there.

Quaternary Form: NO. No to your weapon having a fourth form that can damage up to 20% of a person's aura every two seconds. No to you having a weapon that can shoot at Mach 4.5 since that basically makes it nearly impossible to dodge. No to this form ever being a possibility because it's OP so remove this form. End of discussion.

Quinary Form: NO. No to your weapon having a FIFTH form that can more than likely blast a hole through someone. No to you having a weapon that shoots at Mach 4.5 since that would basically not only blow a hole through the person, but the next 3 - 4 people as well. No to this form ever being a possibility because it's SOOOOO OP that it makes other Mary Sue weapons look not OP. This form will also be removed. End of discussion.



Now that I got that out of my system, I do have one other concern for your character.

Secondary Form: You have down that he uses 5x20 mm tungsten slugs and carries a total of 600 slugs on him. If you do the math (and I'm being very generous here), the total weight of all this would be roughly 43lbs. Seeing that the weight would be 1/4 the body weight of Nathan, this will definitely be a hindrance for him in combat. If you decide to keep that amount of bullets on him, then you will have the make a note that he's combat ability would be hindered by this weight. My suggestion would be to lower the amount of slugs he carries. There is absolutely no reason for him to carry that much rounds on him....seriously.
Title: Re: Nathan Eau
Post by: nathan67003 on October 11, 2016, 06:06:47 PM
Removed forms 4 and 5, even though I'd be hard-pressed to dodge anything going at vaguely supersonic speeds :P

Well the good news is that removing the space necessary to store the sniper slugs and insert the cannon slugs freed up a lot of space, so the clip now holds about 300 slugs and he keeps only 1 extra mag.

Other thing: though I fully understand your concern about the weight of those bullets, they're not actual cylinders: imagine a spitzer bullet shape (.50 cal, for example) and mirror that so that it makes a sort of pointy ellipsoid. That reduces the weight by at least half, by conservative calculations. This should allow him to move pretty much like normal (I regularly carry over 15 pounds and it barely slows me down, and I'm basically Nathan's exact build). It probably wouldn't affect staff handling too much as the mass is relatively light and concentrated in the center, allowing for almost no change in rotational inertia.

Reason to carry that many rounds: suppressive fire and, to a lesser extent, spray and pray.

I also have a question (I am not trying to validate those, just curious): would having slower speeds and reload be acceptable to make the fourth and fifth form into their own weapon? If so, any suggestions on the numbers? (Feel free to ignore this part)
Title: Re: Nathan Eau
Post by: jjb2158 on October 11, 2016, 07:42:17 PM
Comparing Mach 4.5 to supersonic speed is like comparing a worm to an eagle: there is an extremely big difference between the two and you would definitely not dodge a bullet going at Mach 4.5...I don't care how good you think your character is...none of your characters (or even mine) are that good enough...to be perfectly honest.

Okay...changing it from 4 clips of 150 each to 2 clips of 300 each does not fix the problem. If anything, you've made it worst in that your weapon itself will be rather heavy to wield. Not only that, but saying that they're like .50 cal bullets in weight actually makes it even worst as .50 cal bullets weigh even more than a 20mm slug. You actually go up from around 43lbs to almost 70lbs.

Look...we've come a long way with this character and it comes down to this final problem. Can we just make it so that he has 6 clips, each with 75 rounds in them, and call it done? That's roughly 450 slugs that he carries and should be more than enough for everything that he does.

As for your last question: yes, it is possible to make the other two forms into a separate weapon. However, not for this character. If you want to have something like that then put it on a different character. This character is already stacked as it is. Also, if you do want to make it, then I suggest you keep the numbers realistic to what a normal sniper rifle shoots at as well as the type of bullets and damage it would do.
Title: Re: Nathan Eau
Post by: nathan67003 on October 11, 2016, 07:53:10 PM
Actually, I said they're somewhat similar to .50 cal in shape. I actually said the slugs basically weigh half as much as you think they do because of their shape - a pointed ellipsoid (I have been thoroughly unable to find the thing's actual name). Therefore, the 600 bullets would weigh about 21 or so pounds altogether.
Title: Re: Nathan Eau
Post by: jjb2158 on October 11, 2016, 08:16:57 PM
Shape of the slugs won't really change the weight ratio.

Okay...now you're making me do more research on this. After I did some researching to see exactly what you're trying to use (20mm rounds, I take it?) these rounds are basically anti-tank rounds with each weighing around 3.4oz. So, take 600 rounds into account and change ounces to pounds, you're looking at the total weight for 600 rounds to be 131.25lbs....

...You really shouldn't have made me do my research. If this is what you're going for, then you will definitely have to drop the amount. I will DEFINITELY NOT let you have that many rounds. So, either drop the amount of rounds you have, DRASTICALLY, or change it to a smaller round. My suggestion? change it to 28ga shotgun shells and you can keep the 600 rounds.

I'm done debating this issue with you. Make the changes or this character will get locked and you will have to start from scratch.
Title: Re: Nathan Eau
Post by: nathan67003 on October 11, 2016, 08:31:36 PM
No, JJB. Not 20 mm rounds. 5 mm by 20 mm slugs. The 20 is the ellispoid's length. Bit smaller than the NATO P90 rounds currently in use.
Title: Re: Nathan Eau
Post by: jjb2158 on October 11, 2016, 08:36:34 PM
Good gravy...I swear Nathan...you're going to make me go into a secluded hole and stay there for a week and not moderate anything, you know?

My bad on the miss-read. If those are the rounds you're going for then that's fine with me.

Approved 2 of 2.
Title: Re: Nathan Eau
Post by: Dr. Gustave on August 27, 2017, 12:53:33 PM
Pre-Edit: ShowHide
CHARACTER

Name: Nathan Nad Eau (a.k.a. Nathan Eau)

Age: 17, born 6th of Zinnober 63 AC

Species and Gender: Male human

Symbol: [spoiler](http://i.imgur.com/XTQ4LSx.png)


Occupation: Beacon Academy student, first year

Appearance: At 176.5 cm/5'9½" (he doesn't mind rounding up or down) and 72.5 kg/160 lbs, Nathan is more lean than fit, and while not actually chiseled, he still has some definition to his muscles. His lower body has more bulk than his upper body, but this is partially offset by his large ribcage and broad shoulders. He thinks of himself as "ridiculously average-looking" or "ever-so-slightly on the attractive side", depending on how far you push that particular investigation (although seriously, why in Remnant would you?). He has more defined neck muscles than the average person. His voice usually hangs about the low to mid-low range. If he's warm and his arms are below his chest, veins are VERY visible all over the hands and forearms. He has a thick (about 3 mm wide, 2 mm high, 3 cm long) scar on his right elbow. He has fine (almost feminine but not quite), agile hands. He is left-handed. He has tanned (perhaps a bit paler than Neptune) skin. He has short (about 4 cm),VERY dark brown (looks basically black) hair. His eyes are dark gold/light and rich brown (depending on how far away you're standing). He usually crosses his arms when standing, but it doesn't mean anything. His face tends to remain relatively emotionless, albeit it's not for lack of trying to be expressive. He walks very fast (pretty much overtakes anyone who isn't jogging) thanks to long strides from good rotation of the pelvis and years of practice.

He has only dark grey running shoes. Normal clothes: His favorite garments are a black, somewhat slim-fit T-shirt going down the arms to just above the elbow with dark lime green lines on the sides and dark blue jeans, although it isn't uncommon for him to simply don "a shirt" and "some jeans". If it's cold/raining, he wears a dark grey coat with a hood. School clothing: standard Beacon uniform apart from a slightly loose tie and the aforementioned running shoes. Formal clothing: a white, ever-so-slightly ivory lounge suit with notched lapel, the overall colour being quite reminescent of a white rose's petals. Usually worn with a vibrant green, vibrant cyan or vibrant purple tie. Pajama: white T-shirt and red and black plaid pajama pants. Combat-ready: dons a dark grey harness worn over his coat/shirt with 1 pouch (horizontal on left-hand side of belt that's about 15.5*10 cm). The harness has fixation points in the middle of the back for his weapon and more fixation points on the sides of the back to snap on extra luggage space.

Goddamn hex codes: ShowHide
Shoes: #969696
Green lines on shirt: #00D219
Tie colours: about #14EA00, about #00F6F0, about #BD00FF


History: Nathan was born and raised in Vale. He spent ages 5-12 going to a school about 1.5 km away from his home. He also spent those years being bullied, rejected or ignored by all other kids. When he was 12, his parents divorced and he stayed with his mother. During the last semester of school that year, he scored very high on an Aura ability test part of the normal orientation process. Having been taught the hard way how not everyone can defend themselves, he decided to put his newfound skills to use by becoming a Huntsman. Not even 3 months later, his mother met an Atlasian scientist who was working in Vale at the time. He subsequently enrolled in a local Combat School, about 4 km from residence. Starting from the first semester, he was taught a lot by his stepfather about Dust, technology and science in general through common interests and regular discussions. Although he didn't get bullied or rejected at school anymore, he didn't really make anything more than acquaintances and circumstantial friendships.

During his time at combat school, he had a few classes of hand-to-hand combat like everyone, but never practiced it outside of said classes, of which there were about 3 or 4 (talking about how many times a lesson was given, not how many classes and, somewhat by extension, teachers). When it came to fighting with weapons, he vastly preferred the versatility of staves to swords, maces and gauntlets. Practicing regularly, he gradually taught himself to mix and match combat styles rather than staying with a single one every battle. Not only did he think it would make him more adaptable, he also thought it would make him harder to contend with. His style, through the years, eventually reached a stable state, where he defends whilst taking advantage of every opening he can, in any way he can. During that entire time, however, he somewhat neglected to practice long-range firearm handling.

When he was about 14, he started experimenting with Dust under strict safety protocols in a small part of his basement (he was shown how by his stepfather). Upon learning the nature of his semblance, he started to create schematics and data for his to-be weapon and the required Dust components. His desire to defend victims and pursue aggressors having only grown stronger during his years at combat school, he was eager to advance his training even further and enter Beacon. He scored pretty good at all parts of the entrance exam. His parents moved to Atlas as he moved to the Academy.

Personality: Relaxed and calm, he likes to make the odd joke and is generally easy-going. He has vast trouble understanding non-aggressive body language and prefers to be as honest as possible without unduly hurting anyone. Although not lacking in self-confidence, he's rather shy and will not go towards others unless they first come to him or he has to go to them. He rarely gets angry or even worked up, as he is incredibly patient. He is a fast learner and a great listener. He has an immense imagination and fabulous memory (for the things he cares about). Messing with the ones he loves with the serious intention of hurting them is not recommended, as he may go into (I don't know how to describe this in a word or two: it's basically as if his emotions turned into a cold, soul-wrenching abyss where the only thing that exists is the will to get what's wrong to stop, all the while keeping a very calm face). He has very good senses (for a human) and tends to dislike loud noises and bright lights, carrying a pair of high-tech, flexible sunglasses in his jeans' pocket (so they don't continually break when he fights). He has a lot of difficulty in putting his full trust into someone else.

He usually enjoys just playing games on his computer, but sometimes reads a bit.

Aura and Semblance: His Aura is of a bright white colour and turns jet black when "angry" (see emotion described above), seemingly absorbing light within line of sight instead of emitting it. His semblance is Energy: that is, he can control his own kinetic energy. To be more clear, he can turn his Aura into kinetic energy, but not at a distance. The energy being inherently associated with momentum, he only uses it for powerful blows, lest he fling himself out of control to go faster.

When 'angry', pale black tendrils (these are entirely unsubstantial, aka Aura) that start appearing around him and become darker, larger, more numerous and more opaque the worse he gets. The air will seem to grow stale. His irises will take on the slightest tinge of red while his pupils contract to a point.

It is worth noting that he has never told anyone what his semblance is and that he tries to use it as little as possible.

Examples for scale: ShowHide
Here are some examples of the uses for scale.
Hits: - Like a speeding truck for 60% of his Aura.
        - Like a speeding car for 40%.
        - Unusually powerful blows for 5% (enough to severely stun most Grimm).

Numbers: These are based on the examples above, if applied to someone with an arbitrarily average build, Aura, etc. NOTE: As long as this very sentence is present, apply a 2x modifier to the cost.
       - 1% --> 4% Aura damage
       - 5% --> 20% Aura damage
       - 8% --> 33% Aura damage (current cap, he's yet to make more powerful blows)
[spoiler=Ignore these for now, for future approved developments only]       - 10% --> 42% Aura damage
       - 15% --> 65% Aura damage
       - 20% --> 90% Aura damage


Anything beyond that will merely do more damage, beyond the now-shattered Aura, with the semi-exponential function still applying. The amount of seconds he must wait before his Aura is usable again is equal to twice the percentage of Aura consumed.

Adapted 'costs' for the new 'strain' mechanic - the cost multiplier is already present.

       - 4% Aura damage: Minor fatigue, basically a slight buzzing in the ears for a couple seconds. Can use this a maximum of 49 times, the 50th knocking him out from exhaustion.
       - 20% Aura damage: Feels as though the blood was drained from his head for a second or two; shaky for a few more seconds afterwards, then fatigued. (He can dish out 9 hits like this, the 10th one causing him to collapse from exhaustion)
       - 33% Aura damage (current cap, he's yet to manage more powerful blows): Feels as though the blood drained from his head for about 5 seconds. Shaky for approximately 20 seconds afterwards, then fatigue sets in. (He can dish out 4 hits like this, the 5th one causing him to collapse from exhaustion)[/spoiler]

Combat Behavior: He tends to favor swift, precise and efficient movements when defending and powerful blows when attacking. He mixes hand-to-hand with weapon combat freely. He will favor confrontation if an enemy is actively chasing him but will otherwise prefer stealth. He will try to dodge and block all he can. When first encountering an enemy, he will never attack first - unless he can get a surprise snipe in.

He will prefer to concentrate on one threat at a time and take care of it as fast and as safely as possible, which opens him up to surprise attacks from unsuspected additional threats. When he suspects more than he can see, he will tend to maintain a more defensive posture.

If outnumbered, he will be capable of resisting without using his semblance a small amount of time but will prefer to get some distance between him and the enemy to come back in at a new angle.

Although his weapon would have you think otherwise, Nathan is relatively unskilled at long range sniping, mostly just winging it. He's good - for someone with little to no practice. His largest weakness, however, is very close melee or hand-to-hand combat. He never practiced those, preferring to hone his staff skills as it allows him a greater reach.

WEAPON

Name: Ergia

Primary Form: Ergia's primary form is relatively tame - a matte, black cylinder about a foot long, slightly too large to grasp comfortably with the average hand. Two thin green lines circle it, separating the cylinder into thirds. Nathan's symbol is visible on the back of the uppermost third. When hooked onto its place on the harness, it can serve as a jumppack, providing relatively limited vertical mobility. Used for going up or breaking a fall - when angled correctly. Maximum autonomy of 3 minutes without 'reloading'.

Not now - for approved future development only.: ShowHide
When unhooked, it can serve as a flamethrower, producing an intense, bunsen burner-like flame about 6 meters long, although the heat is still pretty intense for about 3 meters after that.


Secondary Form: Both staff mechanisms extend to their maximum lengths of 75 cm, making the weapon a 180 cm matte black staff with dark lime green lines and a thicker, 30 cm cylinder in the middle. Transformation can take as little as 2 seconds. In this form, parts of the staff portion can either be electrified or the air around them, heated to a point where it can easily cut through organic materials, but will only slowly heat up dense non-organic stuff like concrete, steel, etc.

Tertiary Form: The top/forward staff mechanism extends by 30 centimeters and a handle and variable strength scope flip out of the top section. Fires 5x20 mm tungsten slugs at a rate of 12 per second and speed of Mach 2 (3% damage  per shot against someone with arbitrarily average Aura). Each magazine of these 'light' rounds has about 300 of them. He keeps one mag on his harness and one in Ergia. Transformation takes about 1 second from storage form and 2 seconds from staff form.

Dust Functions: The way Ergia uses Dust can be considered somewhat different from the norm. Although the jumppack uses a mix of Kinetic and Gravity Dust to provide thrust, about a quarter of a litre per 3 minute charge, the rest only uses Dust indirectly. Six power crystals are located at the centre of the main cylinder, providing the entire weapon with vast amounts of power, needed for everything from the jumppack to the staff modifiers. The power crystals must be recharged with power when empty and, even through intense usage, will drain rather slowly, a single one lasting a good 10 minutes or so.

History: Ergia was made, from plans to fully functional, in the last three years prior to his entry at Beacon. The components took about 6 months to get right and the shell and final assembly, 6 more months. It was made to make the most use of his semblance and to be as versatile as possible. It was named Ergia due to having vast amounts of energy at its heart.

Specifics and Schematics: ShowHide
The primary form is a 30 cm long, 6.8 cm diameter matte black cylinder with 2 dark lime green lines on the wall 10 cm from the bases. The bottom opens up when engaging the jetpack. The central section is dedicated to housing the power cores and control mechanisms, the upper section is devoted to the first staff mechanism while the bottom part is reserved to the jetpack and second staff mechanisms. The staff portions have an external diameter of 3 cm. The jumppack is a tiny thing that occupies a third of the main cylinder, consuming Dust to provide thrust. The second form's extra functions are achieved by using small Dust crystals integrated within Ergia in conjunction with the main power. Most of the circuitry has Dust in it to make it as compact as possible. The power cores mentioned earlier are custom-made Dust crystals created to store enormous amounts of energy each. They glow a soft, pleasant cerulean when full and are a dark, dull blue when empty. They are 9 cm long and 2 cm wide at their widest. There are 6 of them at all times in the center section of the cylinder. Nathan stores an extra 6 in his belt-level pouch. The jumppack mechanism uses a special blend of Dust that greatly increases the thrust produced and comsumption efficiency when used in conjunction with the energy from the power cores.

[spoiler=Power crystal schematic](http://i.imgur.com/N9SRNYp.jpg?1)
[/spoiler]
Only for approved future developments: ShowHide
Basically, the LR Crystal as last approved.


=======================================

Pre-Beacon theme: Mad World - Gary Jules & Micheal Andrews (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4N3N1MlvVc4)[/spoiler]
Title: Re: Nathan Eau
Post by: nathan67003 on August 27, 2017, 04:26:47 PM
Added to the end of the Semblance section:
In addition, his semblance can be used to propel objects towards targets. The accuracy of this 'throw' of sorts is proportional to the amount of energy used and inversely proportional to the object's size. As a landmark, using around 16% on one of the slugs he uses within his weapon gets him an initial accuracy slightly worse than an assault rifle, making it a good choice at the lower mid-range and closer.

Here, 'initial accuracy' refers to the accuracy of the object's motion towards the intended target. Factors that come into play after the propulsion, such as gravity, wind, object aerodynamics and such are not included (unless he explicitly takes them into account, if possible).

Added to Appearance:
He has only dark grey running shoes. Normal clothes: His favorite garments are a black, somewhat slim-fit T-shirt going down the arms to just above the elbow with dark lime green lines on the sides and dark blue jeans, although it isn't uncommon for him to simply don "a shirt" and "some jeans". If it's cold/raining, he wears a dark grey coat with a hood. School clothing: standard Beacon uniform apart from a slightly loose tie and the aforementioned running shoes. Formal clothing: a white, ever-so-slightly ivory lounge suit with notched lapel, the overall colour being quite reminescent of a white rose's petals. Usually worn with a vibrant green, vibrant cyan or vibrant purple tie. Pajama: white T-shirt and red and black plaid pajama pants. Combat-ready: dons a dark grey harness worn over his coat/shirt with 1 pouch (horizontal on left-hand side of belt that's about 15.5*10 cm). The harness has fixation points in the middle of the back for his weapon and more fixation points on the sides of the back to snap on extra luggage space. After some recent events, he also keeps three slugs in his jeans' left front pocket.
Title: Re: Nathan Eau
Post by: Dr. Gustave on August 30, 2017, 09:43:23 AM
All good, moving back.
Title: Re: Nathan Eau
Post by: Dr. Gustave on September 12, 2017, 06:15:09 PM
pre-edit: ShowHide

CHARACTER

Name: Nathan Nad Eau (a.k.a. Nathan Eau)

Age: 17, born 6th of Zinnober 63 AC

Species and Gender: Male human

Symbol: [spoiler](http://i.imgur.com/XTQ4LSx.png)


Occupation: Beacon Academy student, first year

Appearance: At 176.5 cm/5'9½" (he doesn't mind rounding up or down) and 72.5 kg/160 lbs, Nathan is more lean than fit, and while not actually chiseled, he still has some definition to his muscles. His lower body has more bulk than his upper body, but this is partially offset by his large ribcage and broad shoulders. He thinks of himself as "ridiculously average-looking" or "ever-so-slightly on the attractive side", depending on how far you push that particular investigation (although seriously, why in Remnant would you?). He has more defined neck muscles than the average person. His voice usually hangs about the low to mid-low range. If he's warm and his arms are below his chest, veins are VERY visible all over the hands and forearms. He has a thick (about 3 mm wide, 2 mm high, 3 cm long) scar on his right elbow. He has fine (almost feminine but not quite), agile hands. He is left-handed. He has tanned (perhaps a bit paler than Neptune) skin. He has short (about 4 cm),VERY dark brown (looks basically black) hair. His eyes are dark gold/light and rich brown (depending on how far away you're standing). He usually crosses his arms when standing, but it doesn't mean anything. His face tends to remain relatively emotionless, albeit it's not for lack of trying to be expressive. He walks very fast (pretty much overtakes anyone who isn't jogging) thanks to long strides from good rotation of the pelvis and years of practice.

He has only dark grey running shoes. Normal clothes: His favorite garments are a black, somewhat slim-fit T-shirt going down the arms to just above the elbow with dark lime green lines on the sides and dark blue jeans, although it isn't uncommon for him to simply don "a shirt" and "some jeans". If it's cold/raining, he wears a dark grey coat with a hood. School clothing: standard Beacon uniform apart from a slightly loose tie and the aforementioned running shoes. Formal clothing: a white, ever-so-slightly ivory lounge suit with notched lapel, the overall colour being quite reminescent of a white rose's petals. Usually worn with a vibrant green, vibrant cyan or vibrant purple tie. Pajama: white T-shirt and red and black plaid pajama pants. Combat-ready: dons a dark grey harness worn over his coat/shirt with 1 pouch (horizontal on left-hand side of belt that's about 15.5*10 cm). The harness has fixation points in the middle of the back for his weapon and more fixation points on the sides of the back to snap on extra luggage space. After some recent events, he also keeps three slugs in his jeans' left front pocket.

Goddamn hex codes: ShowHide
Shoes: #969696
Green lines on shirt: #00D219
Tie colours: about #14EA00, about #00F6F0, about #BD00FF


History: Nathan was born and raised in Vale. He spent ages 5-12 going to a school about 1.5 km away from his home. He also spent those years being bullied, rejected or ignored by all other kids. When he was 12, his parents divorced and he stayed with his mother. During the last semester of school that year, he scored very high on an Aura ability test part of the normal orientation process. Having been taught the hard way how not everyone can defend themselves, he decided to put his newfound skills to use by becoming a Huntsman. Not even 3 months later, his mother met an Atlasian scientist who was working in Vale at the time. He subsequently enrolled in a local Combat School, about 4 km from residence. Starting from the first semester, he was taught a lot by his stepfather about Dust, technology and science in general through common interests and regular discussions. Although he didn't get bullied or rejected at school anymore, he didn't really make anything more than acquaintances and circumstantial friendships.

During his time at combat school, he had a few classes of hand-to-hand combat like everyone, but never practiced it outside of said classes, of which there were about 3 or 4 (talking about how many times a lesson was given, not how many classes and, somewhat by extension, teachers). When it came to fighting with weapons, he vastly preferred the versatility of staves to swords, maces and gauntlets. Practicing regularly, he gradually taught himself to mix and match combat styles rather than staying with a single one every battle. Not only did he think it would make him more adaptable, he also thought it would make him harder to contend with. His style, through the years, eventually reached a stable state, where he defends whilst taking advantage of every opening he can, in any way he can. During that entire time, however, he somewhat neglected to practice long-range firearm handling.

When he was about 14, he started experimenting with Dust under strict safety protocols in a small part of his basement (he was shown how by his stepfather). Upon learning the nature of his semblance, he started to create schematics and data for his to-be weapon and the required Dust components. His desire to defend victims and pursue aggressors having only grown stronger during his years at combat school, he was eager to advance his training even further and enter Beacon. He scored pretty good at all parts of the entrance exam. His parents moved to Atlas as he moved to the Academy.

Personality: Relaxed and calm, he likes to make the odd joke and is generally easy-going. He has vast trouble understanding non-aggressive body language and prefers to be as honest as possible without unduly hurting anyone. Although not lacking in self-confidence, he's rather shy and will not go towards others unless they first come to him or he has to go to them. He rarely gets angry or even worked up, as he is incredibly patient. He is a fast learner and a great listener. He has an immense imagination and fabulous memory (for the things he cares about). Messing with the ones he loves with the serious intention of hurting them is not recommended, as he may go into (I don't know how to describe this in a word or two: it's basically as if his emotions turned into a cold, soul-wrenching abyss where the only thing that exists is the will to get what's wrong to stop, all the while keeping a very calm face). He has very good senses (for a human) and tends to dislike loud noises and bright lights, carrying a pair of high-tech, flexible sunglasses in his jeans' pocket (so they don't continually break when he fights). He has a lot of difficulty in putting his full trust into someone else.

He usually enjoys just playing games on his computer, but sometimes reads a bit.

Aura and Semblance: His Aura is of a bright white colour and turns jet black when "angry" (see emotion described above), seemingly absorbing light within line of sight instead of emitting it. His semblance is Energy: that is, he can control his own kinetic energy. To be more clear, he can turn his Aura into kinetic energy, but not at a distance. The energy being inherently associated with momentum, he only uses it for powerful blows, lest he fling himself out of control to go faster.

When 'angry', pale black tendrils (these are entirely unsubstantial, aka Aura) that start appearing around him and become darker, larger, more numerous and more opaque the worse he gets. The air will seem to grow stale. His irises will take on the slightest tinge of red while his pupils contract to a point.

It is worth noting that he has never told anyone what his semblance is and that he tries to use it as little as possible.

Examples for scale: ShowHide
Here are some examples of the uses for scale.
Hits: - Like a speeding truck for 60% of his Aura.
        - Like a speeding car for 40%.
        - Unusually powerful blows for 5% (enough to severely stun most Grimm).

Numbers: These are based on the examples above, if applied to someone with an arbitrarily average build, Aura, etc. NOTE: As long as this very sentence is present, apply a 2x modifier to the cost.
       - 1% --> 4% Aura damage
       - 5% --> 20% Aura damage
       - 8% --> 33% Aura damage (current cap, he's yet to make more powerful blows)
[spoiler=Ignore these for now, for future approved developments only]       - 10% --> 42% Aura damage
       - 15% --> 65% Aura damage
       - 20% --> 90% Aura damage


Anything beyond that will merely do more damage, beyond the now-shattered Aura, with the semi-exponential function still applying. The amount of seconds he must wait before his Aura is usable again is equal to twice the percentage of Aura consumed.

Adapted 'costs' for the new 'strain' mechanic - the cost multiplier is already present.

       - 4% Aura damage: Minor fatigue, basically a slight buzzing in the ears for a couple seconds. Can use this a maximum of 49 times, the 50th knocking him out from exhaustion.
       - 20% Aura damage: Feels as though the blood was drained from his head for a second or two; shaky for a few more seconds afterwards, then fatigued. (He can dish out 9 hits like this, the 10th one causing him to collapse from exhaustion)
       - 33% Aura damage (current cap, he's yet to manage more powerful blows): Feels as though the blood drained from his head for about 5 seconds. Shaky for approximately 20 seconds afterwards, then fatigue sets in. (He can dish out 4 hits like this, the 5th one causing him to collapse from exhaustion)[/spoiler]

In addition, his semblance can be used to propel objects towards targets. The accuracy of this 'throw' of sorts is proportional to the amount of energy used and inversely proportional to the object's size. As a landmark, using around 16% on one of the slugs he uses within his weapon gets him an initial accuracy slightly worse than an assault rifle, making it a good choice at the lower mid-range and closer.

Here, 'initial accuracy' refers to the accuracy of the object's motion towards the intended target. Factors that come into play after the propulsion, such as gravity, wind, object aerodynamics and such are not included (unless he explicitly takes them into account, if possible).

Combat Behavior: He tends to favor swift, precise and efficient movements when defending and powerful blows when attacking. He mixes hand-to-hand with weapon combat freely. He will favor confrontation if an enemy is actively chasing him but will otherwise prefer stealth. He will try to dodge and block all he can. When first encountering an enemy, he will never attack first - unless he can get a surprise snipe in.

He will prefer to concentrate on one threat at a time and take care of it as fast and as safely as possible, which opens him up to surprise attacks from unsuspected additional threats. When he suspects more than he can see, he will tend to maintain a more defensive posture.

If outnumbered, he will be capable of resisting without using his semblance a small amount of time but will prefer to get some distance between him and the enemy to come back in at a new angle.

Although his weapon would have you think otherwise, Nathan is relatively unskilled at long range sniping, mostly just winging it. He's good - for someone with little to no practice. His largest weakness, however, is very close melee or hand-to-hand combat. He never practiced those, preferring to hone his staff skills as it allows him a greater reach.

WEAPON

Name: Ergia

Primary Form: Ergia's primary form is relatively tame - a matte, black cylinder about a foot long, slightly too large to grasp comfortably with the average hand. Two thin green lines circle it, separating the cylinder into thirds. Nathan's symbol is visible on the back of the uppermost third. When hooked onto its place on the harness, it can serve as a jumppack, providing relatively limited vertical mobility. Used for going up or breaking a fall - when angled correctly. Maximum autonomy of 3 minutes without 'reloading'.

Not now - for approved future development only.: ShowHide
When unhooked, it can serve as a flamethrower, producing an intense, bunsen burner-like flame about 6 meters long, although the heat is still pretty intense for about 3 meters after that.


Secondary Form: Both staff mechanisms extend to their maximum lengths of 75 cm, making the weapon a 180 cm matte black staff with dark lime green lines and a thicker, 30 cm cylinder in the middle. Transformation can take as little as 2 seconds. In this form, parts of the staff portion can either be electrified or the air around them, heated to a point where it can easily cut through organic materials, but will only slowly heat up dense non-organic stuff like concrete, steel, etc.

Tertiary Form: The top/forward staff mechanism extends by 30 centimeters and a handle and variable strength scope flip out of the top section. Fires 5x20 mm tungsten slugs at a rate of 12 per second and speed of Mach 2 (3% damage  per shot against someone with arbitrarily average Aura). Each magazine of these 'light' rounds has about 300 of them. He keeps one mag on his harness and one in Ergia. Transformation takes about 1 second from storage form and 2 seconds from staff form.

Dust Functions: The way Ergia uses Dust can be considered somewhat different from the norm. Although the jumppack uses a mix of Kinetic and Gravity Dust to provide thrust, about a quarter of a litre per 3 minute charge, the rest only uses Dust indirectly. Six power crystals are located at the centre of the main cylinder, providing the entire weapon with vast amounts of power, needed for everything from the jumppack to the staff modifiers. The power crystals must be recharged with power when empty and, even through intense usage, will drain rather slowly, a single one lasting a good 10 minutes or so.

History: Ergia was made, from plans to fully functional, in the last three years prior to his entry at Beacon. The components took about 6 months to get right and the shell and final assembly, 6 more months. It was made to make the most use of his semblance and to be as versatile as possible. It was named Ergia due to having vast amounts of energy at its heart.

Specifics and Schematics: ShowHide
The primary form is a 30 cm long, 6.8 cm diameter matte black cylinder with 2 dark lime green lines on the wall 10 cm from the bases. The bottom opens up when engaging the jetpack. The central section is dedicated to housing the power cores and control mechanisms, the upper section is devoted to the first staff mechanism while the bottom part is reserved to the jetpack and second staff mechanisms. The staff portions have an external diameter of 3 cm. The jumppack is a tiny thing that occupies a third of the main cylinder, consuming Dust to provide thrust. The second form's extra functions are achieved by using small Dust crystals integrated within Ergia in conjunction with the main power. Most of the circuitry has Dust in it to make it as compact as possible. The power cores mentioned earlier are custom-made Dust crystals created to store enormous amounts of energy each. They glow a soft, pleasant cerulean when full and are a dark, dull blue when empty. They are 9 cm long and 2 cm wide at their widest. There are 6 of them at all times in the center section of the cylinder. Nathan stores an extra 6 in his belt-level pouch. The jumppack mechanism uses a special blend of Dust that greatly increases the thrust produced and comsumption efficiency when used in conjunction with the energy from the power cores.

[spoiler=Power crystal schematic](http://i.imgur.com/N9SRNYp.jpg?1)
[/spoiler]
Only for approved future developments: ShowHide
Basically, the LR Crystal as last approved.


=======================================

Pre-Beacon theme: Mad World - Gary Jules & Micheal Andrews (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4N3N1MlvVc4)
[/spoiler]
Title: Re: Nathan Eau
Post by: nathan67003 on September 13, 2017, 06:59:42 AM
Did the thing.
Title: Re: Nathan Eau
Post by: Kaliot on October 01, 2017, 07:59:24 PM
E
Title: Re: Nathan Eau
Post by: Kingnoname1 on May 16, 2018, 06:02:35 PM
pre edits: ShowHide
CHARACTER

Name: Nathan Nad Eau (a.k.a. Nathan Eau)

Age: 17, born 6th of Zinnober 63 AC

Species and Gender: Male human

Symbol: [spoiler](http://i.imgur.com/XTQ4LSx.png)


Occupation: Beacon Academy student, first year

Appearance: At 176.5 cm/5'9½" (he doesn't mind rounding up or down) and 72.5 kg/160 lbs, Nathan is more lean than fit, and while not actually chiseled, he still has some definition to his muscles. His lower body has more bulk than his upper body, but this is partially offset by his large ribcage and broad shoulders. He thinks of himself as "ridiculously average-looking" or "ever-so-slightly on the attractive side", depending on how far you push that particular investigation (although seriously, why in Remnant would you?). He has more defined neck muscles than the average person. His voice usually hangs about the low to mid-low range. If he's warm and his arms are below his chest, veins are VERY visible all over the hands and forearms. He has a thick (about 3 mm wide, 2 mm high, 3 cm long) scar on his right elbow. He has fine (almost feminine but not quite), agile hands. He is left-handed. He has tanned (perhaps a bit paler than Neptune) skin. He has short (about 4 cm),VERY dark brown (looks basically black) hair. His eyes are dark gold/light and rich brown (depending on how far away you're standing). He usually crosses his arms when standing, but it doesn't mean anything. His face tends to remain relatively emotionless, albeit it's not for lack of trying to be expressive. He walks very fast (pretty much overtakes anyone who isn't jogging) thanks to long strides from good rotation of the pelvis and years of practice.

He has only dark grey running shoes. Normal clothes: His favorite garments are a black, somewhat slim-fit T-shirt going down the arms to just above the elbow with dark lime green lines on the sides and dark blue jeans, although it isn't uncommon for him to simply don "a shirt" and "some jeans". If it's cold/raining, he wears a dark grey coat with a hood. School clothing: standard Beacon uniform apart from a slightly loose tie and the aforementioned running shoes. Formal clothing: a white, ever-so-slightly ivory lounge suit with notched lapel, the overall colour being quite reminescent of a white rose's petals. Usually worn with a vibrant green, vibrant cyan or vibrant purple tie. Pajama: white T-shirt and red and black plaid pajama pants. Combat-ready: dons a dark grey harness worn over his coat/shirt with 1 pouch (horizontal on left-hand side of belt that's about 15.5*10 cm). The harness has fixation points in the middle of the back for his weapon and more fixation points on the sides of the back to snap on extra luggage space. After some recent events, he also keeps three slugs in his jeans' left front pocket.

Goddamn hex codes: ShowHide
Shoes: #969696
Green lines on shirt: #00D219
Tie colours: about #14EA00, about #00F6F0, about #BD00FF


History: Nathan was born and raised in Vale. He spent ages 5-12 going to a school about 1.5 km away from his home. He also spent those years being bullied, rejected or ignored by all other kids. When he was 12, his parents divorced and he stayed with his mother. During the last semester of school that year, he scored very high on an Aura ability test part of the normal orientation process. Having been taught the hard way how not everyone can defend themselves, he decided to put his newfound skills to use by becoming a Huntsman. Not even 3 months later, his mother met an Atlasian scientist who was working in Vale at the time. He subsequently enrolled in a local Combat School, about 4 km from residence. Starting from the first semester, he was taught a lot by his stepfather about Dust, technology and science in general through common interests and regular discussions. Although he didn't get bullied or rejected at school anymore, he didn't really make anything more than acquaintances and circumstantial friendships.

During his time at combat school, he had a few classes of hand-to-hand combat like everyone, but never practiced it outside of said classes, of which there were about 3 or 4 (talking about how many times a lesson was given, not how many classes and, somewhat by extension, teachers). When it came to fighting with weapons, he vastly preferred the versatility of staves to swords, maces and gauntlets. Practicing regularly, he gradually taught himself to mix and match combat styles rather than staying with a single one every battle. Not only did he think it would make him more adaptable, he also thought it would make him harder to contend with. His style, through the years, eventually reached a stable state, where he defends whilst taking advantage of every opening he can, in any way he can. During that entire time, however, he somewhat neglected to practice long-range firearm handling.

When he was about 14, he started experimenting with Dust under strict safety protocols in a small part of his basement (he was shown how by his stepfather). Upon learning the nature of his semblance, he started to create schematics and data for his to-be weapon and the required Dust components. His desire to defend victims and pursue aggressors having only grown stronger during his years at combat school, he was eager to advance his training even further and enter Beacon. He scored pretty good at all parts of the entrance exam. His parents moved to Atlas as he moved to the Academy.

Personality: Relaxed and calm, he likes to make the odd joke and is generally easy-going. He has vast trouble understanding non-aggressive body language and prefers to be as honest as possible without unduly hurting anyone. Although not lacking in self-confidence, he's rather shy and will not go towards others unless they first come to him or he has to go to them. He rarely gets angry or even worked up, as he is incredibly patient. He is a fast learner and a great listener. He has an immense imagination and fabulous memory (for the things he cares about). Messing with the ones he loves with the serious intention of hurting them is not recommended, as he may go into (I don't know how to describe this in a word or two: it's basically as if his emotions turned into a cold, soul-wrenching abyss where the only thing that exists is the will to get what's wrong to stop, all the while keeping a very calm face). He has very good senses (for a human) and tends to dislike loud noises and bright lights, carrying a pair of high-tech, flexible sunglasses in his jeans' pocket (so they don't continually break when he fights). He has a lot of difficulty in putting his full trust into someone else.

He usually enjoys just playing games on his computer, but sometimes reads a bit.

Aura and Semblance: His Aura is of a bright white colour and turns jet black when "angry" (see emotion described above), seemingly absorbing light within line of sight instead of emitting it. His semblance is Energy: that is, he can control his own kinetic energy. To be more clear, he can turn his Aura into kinetic energy, but not at a distance. The energy being inherently associated with momentum, he only uses it for powerful blows, lest he fling himself out of control to go faster.

When 'angry', pale black tendrils (these are entirely unsubstantial, aka Aura) that start appearing around him and become darker, larger, more numerous and more opaque the worse he gets. The air will seem to grow stale. His irises will take on the slightest tinge of red while his pupils contract to a point.

It is worth noting that he has never told anyone what his semblance is and that he tries to use it as little as possible.

Examples for scale: ShowHide
Here are some examples of the uses for scale.
Hits: - Like a speeding truck for 60% of his Aura.
        - Like a speeding car for 40%.
        - Unusually powerful blows for 5% (enough to severely stun most Grimm).

Numbers: These are based on the examples above, if applied to someone with an arbitrarily average build, Aura, etc. NOTE: As long as this very sentence is present, apply a 2x modifier to the cost.
       - 1% --> 4% Aura damage
       - 5% --> 20% Aura damage
       - 8% --> 33% Aura damage (current cap, he's yet to make more powerful blows)
[spoiler=Ignore these for now, for future approved developments only]       - 10% --> 42% Aura damage
       - 15% --> 65% Aura damage
       - 20% --> 90% Aura damage


Anything beyond that will merely do more damage, beyond the now-shattered Aura, with the semi-exponential function still applying. The amount of seconds he must wait before his Aura is usable again is equal to twice the percentage of Aura consumed.

Adapted 'costs' for the new 'strain' mechanic - the cost multiplier is already present.

       - 4% Aura damage: Minor fatigue, basically a slight buzzing in the ears for a couple seconds. Can use this a maximum of 49 times, the 50th knocking him out from exhaustion.
       - 20% Aura damage: Feels as though the blood was drained from his head for a second or two; shaky for a few more seconds afterwards, then fatigued. (He can dish out 9 hits like this, the 10th one causing him to collapse from exhaustion)
       - 33% Aura damage (current cap, he's yet to manage more powerful blows): Feels as though the blood drained from his head for about 5 seconds. Shaky for approximately 20 seconds afterwards, then fatigue sets in. (He can dish out 4 hits like this, the 5th one causing him to collapse from exhaustion)[/spoiler]

In addition, his semblance can be used to propel objects towards targets. The accuracy of this 'throw' of sorts is proportional to the amount of energy used and inversely proportional to the object's size. As a landmark, using around 16% on one of the slugs he uses within his weapon gets him an initial accuracy slightly worse than an assault rifle, making it a good choice at the lower mid-range and closer.

Here, 'initial accuracy' refers to the accuracy of the object's motion towards the intended target. Factors that come into play after the propulsion, such as gravity, wind, object aerodynamics and such are not included (unless he explicitly takes them into account, if possible).

Combat Behavior: He tends to favor swift, precise and efficient movements when defending and powerful blows when attacking. He mixes hand-to-hand with weapon combat freely. He will favor confrontation if an enemy is actively chasing him but will otherwise prefer stealth. He will try to dodge and block all he can. When first encountering an enemy, he will never attack first - unless he can get a surprise snipe in.

He will prefer to concentrate on one threat at a time and take care of it as fast and as safely as possible, which opens him up to surprise attacks from unsuspected additional threats. When he suspects more than he can see, he will tend to maintain a more defensive posture.

If outnumbered, he will be capable of resisting without using his semblance a small amount of time but will prefer to get some distance between him and the enemy to come back in at a new angle.

Although his weapon would have you think otherwise, Nathan is relatively unskilled at long range sniping, mostly just winging it. He's good - for someone with little to no practice. His largest weakness, however, is very close melee or hand-to-hand combat. He never practiced those, preferring to hone his staff skills as it allows him a greater reach.

WEAPON

Name: Ergia

Primary Form: Ergia's primary form is relatively tame - a matte, black cylinder about a foot long, slightly too large to grasp comfortably with the average hand. Two thin green lines circle it, separating the cylinder into thirds. Nathan's symbol is visible on the back of the uppermost third. When hooked onto its place on the harness, it can serve as a jumppack, providing relatively limited vertical mobility. Used for going up or breaking a fall - when angled correctly. Maximum autonomy of 3 minutes without 'reloading'.

Not now - for approved future development only.: ShowHide
When unhooked, it can serve as a flamethrower, producing an intense, bunsen burner-like flame about 6 meters long, although the heat is still pretty intense for about 3 meters after that.


Secondary Form: Both staff mechanisms extend to their maximum lengths of 75 cm, making the weapon a 180 cm matte black staff with dark lime green lines and a thicker, 30 cm cylinder in the middle. Transformation can take as little as 2 seconds. In this form, parts of the staff portion can either be electrified or the air around them, heated to a point where it can easily cut through organic materials, but will only slowly heat up dense non-organic stuff like concrete, steel, etc.

Tertiary Form: The top/forward staff mechanism extends by 30 centimeters and a handle and variable strength scope flip out of the top section. Fires 5x20 mm tungsten slugs at a rate of 12 per second and speed of Mach 2 (3% damage  per shot against someone with arbitrarily average Aura). Each magazine of these 'light' rounds has about 300 of them. He keeps one mag on his harness and one in Ergia. Transformation takes about 1 second from storage form and 2 seconds from staff form.

Dust Functions: The way Ergia uses Dust can be considered somewhat different from the norm. Although the jumppack uses a mix of Kinetic and Gravity Dust to provide thrust, about a quarter of a litre per 3 minute charge, the rest only uses Dust indirectly. Six power crystals are located at the centre of the main cylinder, providing the entire weapon with vast amounts of power, needed for everything from the jumppack to the staff modifiers. The power crystals must be recharged with power when empty and, even through intense usage, will drain rather slowly, a single one lasting a good 10 minutes or so.

History: Ergia was made, from plans to fully functional, in the last three years prior to his entry at Beacon. The components took about 6 months to get right and the shell and final assembly, 6 more months. It was made to make the most use of his semblance and to be as versatile as possible. It was named Ergia due to having vast amounts of energy at its heart.

Specifics and Schematics: ShowHide
The primary form is a 30 cm long, 6.8 cm diameter matte black cylinder with 2 dark lime green lines on the wall 10 cm from the bases. The bottom opens up when engaging the jetpack. The central section is dedicated to housing the power cores and control mechanisms, the upper section is devoted to the first staff mechanism while the bottom part is reserved to the jetpack and second staff mechanisms. The staff portions have an external diameter of 3 cm. The jumppack is a tiny thing that occupies a third of the main cylinder, consuming Dust to provide thrust. The second form's extra functions are achieved by using small Dust crystals integrated within Ergia in conjunction with the main power. Most of the circuitry has Dust in it to make it as compact as possible. The power cores mentioned earlier are custom-made Dust crystals created to store enormous amounts of energy each. They glow a soft, pleasant cerulean when full and are a dark, dull blue when empty. They are 9 cm long and 2 cm wide at their widest. There are 6 of them at all times in the center section of the cylinder. Nathan stores an extra 6 in his belt-level pouch. The jumppack mechanism uses a special blend of Dust that greatly increases the thrust produced and comsumption efficiency when used in conjunction with the energy from the power cores.

[spoiler=Power crystal schematic](http://i.imgur.com/N9SRNYp.jpg?1)
[/spoiler]
Only for approved future developments: ShowHide
Basically, the LR Crystal as last approved.


=======================================

Pre-Beacon theme: Mad World - Gary Jules & Micheal Andrews (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4N3N1MlvVc4)[/spoiler]
Title: Re: Nathan Eau
Post by: nathan67003 on May 16, 2018, 08:35:39 PM
Added a(nother) theme.
Title: Re: Nathan Eau
Post by: Kingnoname1 on May 16, 2018, 08:45:08 PM
edits approved.
Title: Re: Nathan Eau
Post by: Kingnoname1 on May 04, 2019, 02:07:18 AM
Pre edits: ShowHide
CHARACTER

Name: Nathan Nad Eau (a.k.a. Nathan Eau)

Age: 17, born 6th of Zinnober 63 AC

Species and Gender: Male human

Symbol: [spoiler](http://i.imgur.com/XTQ4LSx.png)


Occupation: Beacon Academy student, first year

Appearance: At 176.5 cm/5'9½" (he doesn't mind rounding up or down) and 72.5 kg/160 lbs, Nathan is more lean than fit, and while not actually chiseled, he still has some definition to his muscles. His lower body has more bulk than his upper body, but this is partially offset by his large ribcage and broad shoulders. He thinks of himself as "ridiculously average-looking" or "ever-so-slightly on the attractive side", depending on how far you push that particular investigation (although seriously, why in Remnant would you?). He has more defined neck muscles than the average person. His voice usually hangs about the low to mid-low range. If he's warm and his arms are below his chest, veins are VERY visible all over the hands and forearms. He has a thick (about 3 mm wide, 2 mm high, 3 cm long) scar on his right elbow. He has fine (almost feminine but not quite), agile hands. He is left-handed. He has tanned (perhaps a bit paler than Neptune) skin. He has short (about 4 cm),VERY dark brown (looks basically black) hair. His eyes are dark gold/light and rich brown (depending on how far away you're standing). He usually crosses his arms when standing, but it doesn't mean anything. His face tends to remain relatively emotionless, albeit it's not for lack of trying to be expressive. He walks very fast (pretty much overtakes anyone who isn't jogging) thanks to long strides from good rotation of the pelvis and years of practice.

He has only dark grey running shoes. Normal clothes: His favorite garments are a black, somewhat slim-fit T-shirt going down the arms to just above the elbow with dark lime green lines on the sides and dark blue jeans, although it isn't uncommon for him to simply don "a shirt" and "some jeans". If it's cold/raining, he wears a dark grey coat with a hood. School clothing: standard Beacon uniform apart from a slightly loose tie and the aforementioned running shoes. Formal clothing: a white, ever-so-slightly ivory lounge suit with notched lapel, the overall colour being quite reminescent of a white rose's petals. Usually worn with a vibrant green, vibrant cyan or vibrant purple tie. Pajama: white T-shirt and red and black plaid pajama pants. Combat-ready: dons a dark grey harness worn over his coat/shirt with 1 pouch (horizontal on left-hand side of belt that's about 15.5*10 cm). The harness has fixation points in the middle of the back for his weapon and more fixation points on the sides of the back to snap on extra luggage space. After some recent events, he also keeps three slugs in his jeans' left front pocket.

Goddamn hex codes: ShowHide
Shoes: #969696
Green lines on shirt: #00D219
Tie colours: about #14EA00, about #00F6F0, about #BD00FF


History: Nathan was born and raised in Vale. He spent ages 5-12 going to a school about 1.5 km away from his home. He also spent those years being bullied, rejected or ignored by all other kids. When he was 12, his parents divorced and he stayed with his mother. During the last semester of school that year, he scored very high on an Aura ability test part of the normal orientation process. Having been taught the hard way how not everyone can defend themselves, he decided to put his newfound skills to use by becoming a Huntsman. Not even 3 months later, his mother met an Atlasian scientist who was working in Vale at the time. He subsequently enrolled in a local Combat School, about 4 km from residence. Starting from the first semester, he was taught a lot by his stepfather about Dust, technology and science in general through common interests and regular discussions. Although he didn't get bullied or rejected at school anymore, he didn't really make anything more than acquaintances and circumstantial friendships.

During his time at combat school, he had a few classes of hand-to-hand combat like everyone, but never practiced it outside of said classes, of which there were about 3 or 4 (talking about how many times a lesson was given, not how many classes and, somewhat by extension, teachers). When it came to fighting with weapons, he vastly preferred the versatility of staves to swords, maces and gauntlets. Practicing regularly, he gradually taught himself to mix and match combat styles rather than staying with a single one every battle. Not only did he think it would make him more adaptable, he also thought it would make him harder to contend with. His style, through the years, eventually reached a stable state, where he defends whilst taking advantage of every opening he can, in any way he can. During that entire time, however, he somewhat neglected to practice long-range firearm handling.

When he was about 14, he started experimenting with Dust under strict safety protocols in a small part of his basement (he was shown how by his stepfather). Upon learning the nature of his semblance, he started to create schematics and data for his to-be weapon and the required Dust components. His desire to defend victims and pursue aggressors having only grown stronger during his years at combat school, he was eager to advance his training even further and enter Beacon. He scored pretty good at all parts of the entrance exam. His parents moved to Atlas as he moved to the Academy.

Personality: Relaxed and calm, he likes to make the odd joke and is generally easy-going. He has vast trouble understanding non-aggressive body language and prefers to be as honest as possible without unduly hurting anyone. Although not lacking in self-confidence, he's rather shy and will not go towards others unless they first come to him or he has to go to them. He rarely gets angry or even worked up, as he is incredibly patient. He is a fast learner and a great listener. He has an immense imagination and fabulous memory (for the things he cares about). Messing with the ones he loves with the serious intention of hurting them is not recommended, as he may go into (I don't know how to describe this in a word or two: it's basically as if his emotions turned into a cold, soul-wrenching abyss where the only thing that exists is the will to get what's wrong to stop, all the while keeping a very calm face). He has very good senses (for a human) and tends to dislike loud noises and bright lights, carrying a pair of high-tech, flexible sunglasses in his jeans' pocket (so they don't continually break when he fights). He has a lot of difficulty in putting his full trust into someone else.

He usually enjoys just playing games on his computer, but sometimes reads a bit.

Aura and Semblance: His Aura is of a bright white colour and turns jet black when "angry" (see emotion described above), seemingly absorbing light within line of sight instead of emitting it. His semblance is Energy: that is, he can control his own kinetic energy. To be more clear, he can turn his Aura into kinetic energy, but not at a distance. The energy being inherently associated with momentum, he only uses it for powerful blows, lest he fling himself out of control to go faster.

When 'angry', pale black tendrils (these are entirely unsubstantial, aka Aura) that start appearing around him and become darker, larger, more numerous and more opaque the worse he gets. The air will seem to grow stale. His irises will take on the slightest tinge of red while his pupils contract to a point.

It is worth noting that he has never told anyone what his semblance is and that he tries to use it as little as possible.

Examples for scale: ShowHide
Here are some examples of the uses for scale.
Hits: - Like a speeding truck for 60% of his Aura.
        - Like a speeding car for 40%.
        - Unusually powerful blows for 5% (enough to severely stun most Grimm).

Numbers: These are based on the examples above, if applied to someone with an arbitrarily average build, Aura, etc. NOTE: As long as this very sentence is present, apply a 2x modifier to the cost.
       - 1% --> 4% Aura damage
       - 5% --> 20% Aura damage
       - 8% --> 33% Aura damage (current cap, he's yet to make more powerful blows)
[spoiler=Ignore these for now, for future approved developments only]       - 10% --> 42% Aura damage
       - 15% --> 65% Aura damage
       - 20% --> 90% Aura damage


Anything beyond that will merely do more damage, beyond the now-shattered Aura, with the semi-exponential function still applying. The amount of seconds he must wait before his Aura is usable again is equal to twice the percentage of Aura consumed.

Adapted 'costs' for the new 'strain' mechanic - the cost multiplier is already present.

       - 4% Aura damage: Minor fatigue, basically a slight buzzing in the ears for a couple seconds. Can use this a maximum of 49 times, the 50th knocking him out from exhaustion.
       - 20% Aura damage: Feels as though the blood was drained from his head for a second or two; shaky for a few more seconds afterwards, then fatigued. (He can dish out 9 hits like this, the 10th one causing him to collapse from exhaustion)
       - 33% Aura damage (current cap, he's yet to manage more powerful blows): Feels as though the blood drained from his head for about 5 seconds. Shaky for approximately 20 seconds afterwards, then fatigue sets in. (He can dish out 4 hits like this, the 5th one causing him to collapse from exhaustion)[/spoiler]

In addition, his semblance can be used to propel objects towards targets. The accuracy of this 'throw' of sorts is proportional to the amount of energy used and inversely proportional to the object's size. As a landmark, using around 16% on one of the slugs he uses within his weapon gets him an initial accuracy slightly worse than an assault rifle, making it a good choice at the lower mid-range and closer.

Here, 'initial accuracy' refers to the accuracy of the object's motion towards the intended target. Factors that come into play after the propulsion, such as gravity, wind, object aerodynamics and such are not included (unless he explicitly takes them into account, if possible).

Combat Behavior: He tends to favor swift, precise and efficient movements when defending and powerful blows when attacking. He mixes hand-to-hand with weapon combat freely. He will favor confrontation if an enemy is actively chasing him but will otherwise prefer stealth. He will try to dodge and block all he can. When first encountering an enemy, he will never attack first - unless he can get a surprise snipe in.

He will prefer to concentrate on one threat at a time and take care of it as fast and as safely as possible, which opens him up to surprise attacks from unsuspected additional threats. When he suspects more than he can see, he will tend to maintain a more defensive posture.

If outnumbered, he will be capable of resisting without using his semblance a small amount of time but will prefer to get some distance between him and the enemy to come back in at a new angle.

Although his weapon would have you think otherwise, Nathan is relatively unskilled at long range sniping, mostly just winging it. He's good - for someone with little to no practice. His largest weakness, however, is very close melee or hand-to-hand combat. He never practiced those, preferring to hone his staff skills as it allows him a greater reach.

WEAPON

Name: Ergia

Primary Form: Ergia's primary form is relatively tame - a matte, black cylinder about a foot long, slightly too large to grasp comfortably with the average hand. Two thin green lines circle it, separating the cylinder into thirds. Nathan's symbol is visible on the back of the uppermost third. When hooked onto its place on the harness, it can serve as a jumppack, providing relatively limited vertical mobility. Used for going up or breaking a fall - when angled correctly. Maximum autonomy of 3 minutes without 'reloading'.

Not now - for approved future development only.: ShowHide
When unhooked, it can serve as a flamethrower, producing an intense, bunsen burner-like flame about 6 meters long, although the heat is still pretty intense for about 3 meters after that.


Secondary Form: Both staff mechanisms extend to their maximum lengths of 75 cm, making the weapon a 180 cm matte black staff with dark lime green lines and a thicker, 30 cm cylinder in the middle. Transformation can take as little as 2 seconds. In this form, parts of the staff portion can either be electrified or the air around them, heated to a point where it can easily cut through organic materials, but will only slowly heat up dense non-organic stuff like concrete, steel, etc.

Tertiary Form: The top/forward staff mechanism extends by 30 centimeters and a handle and variable strength scope flip out of the top section. Fires 5x20 mm tungsten slugs at a rate of 12 per second and speed of Mach 2 (3% damage  per shot against someone with arbitrarily average Aura). Each magazine of these 'light' rounds has about 300 of them. He keeps one mag on his harness and one in Ergia. Transformation takes about 1 second from storage form and 2 seconds from staff form.

Dust Functions: The way Ergia uses Dust can be considered somewhat different from the norm. Although the jumppack uses a mix of Kinetic and Gravity Dust to provide thrust, about a quarter of a litre per 3 minute charge, the rest only uses Dust indirectly. Six power crystals are located at the centre of the main cylinder, providing the entire weapon with vast amounts of power, needed for everything from the jumppack to the staff modifiers. The power crystals must be recharged with power when empty and, even through intense usage, will drain rather slowly, a single one lasting a good 10 minutes or so.

History: Ergia was made, from plans to fully functional, in the last three years prior to his entry at Beacon. The components took about 6 months to get right and the shell and final assembly, 6 more months. It was made to make the most use of his semblance and to be as versatile as possible. It was named Ergia due to having vast amounts of energy at its heart.

Specifics and Schematics: ShowHide
The primary form is a 30 cm long, 6.8 cm diameter matte black cylinder with 2 dark lime green lines on the wall 10 cm from the bases. The bottom opens up when engaging the jetpack. The central section is dedicated to housing the power cores and control mechanisms, the upper section is devoted to the first staff mechanism while the bottom part is reserved to the jetpack and second staff mechanisms. The staff portions have an external diameter of 3 cm. The jumppack is a tiny thing that occupies a third of the main cylinder, consuming Dust to provide thrust. The second form's extra functions are achieved by using small Dust crystals integrated within Ergia in conjunction with the main power. Most of the circuitry has Dust in it to make it as compact as possible. The power cores mentioned earlier are custom-made Dust crystals created to store enormous amounts of energy each. They glow a soft, pleasant cerulean when full and are a dark, dull blue when empty. They are 9 cm long and 2 cm wide at their widest. There are 6 of them at all times in the center section of the cylinder. Nathan stores an extra 6 in his belt-level pouch. The jumppack mechanism uses a special blend of Dust that greatly increases the thrust produced and comsumption efficiency when used in conjunction with the energy from the power cores.

[spoiler=Power crystal schematic](http://i.imgur.com/N9SRNYp.jpg?1)
[/spoiler]
Only for approved future developments: ShowHide
Basically, the LR Crystal as last approved.


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Pre-Beacon theme: Mad World - Gary Jules & Micheal Andrews (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4N3N1MlvVc4)

Parade - Garbage (https://youtu.be/H33lUB9O-QY)[/spoiler]
Title: Re: Nathan Eau
Post by: nathan67003 on May 04, 2019, 05:05:56 PM
Minor expansion and rewording to personality and rewrote the aesthetics side of Aura, alongside fixing some spoilers (they can't nest at all now, who knew).
Title: Re: Nathan Eau
Post by: Kingnoname1 on May 05, 2019, 03:37:41 AM
Edits approved