Author Topic: Oni Shoji  (Read 4011 times)

CptSteel

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Oni Shoji
« on: December 14, 2016, 01:56:16 PM »
CHARACTER

Name: Oni Shoji

Age: 20, born Hitahita 5.

Species and Gender: Male Human

Symbol:  A black Oroboros covered in light grey, wispy flames

Occupation: Third year at Beacon

Appearance: Oni has straight black hair that falls just past his shoulders, with eyes that are a deep shade of brown; basically black. He stands at 170cm tall and weighs just about 80kg. His skin is tanned and his body has a bit of muscle to it. His features are feminine as opposed to being a man's man, with full lips and arched eyebrows, as well as long eyelashes.  His symbol is a tattoo on his left pec.

Oni's casual wear is a featureless black tank top, baggy black trousers, black gloves and a pair of Jika-tabi.

His combat attire is a thick grey tunic with dark, padded armour on his torso, black wristbands, dark grey baggy trousers, the same shoes as in his casual wear. He has multiple dust packs that are kept on his belt.

History: Oni was born in the slums of Mistral, to a poor beggar woman and an older sleazy father. Oni spent his childhood smothered in poverty in the ghetto, where he spent most of his time looking after his mother, who was sick due to the low hygiene in his area, and his father was usually never around as he was either at the pub or in bed, asleep. This same routine continued up until Oni was eight, when his mother's condition worsened and worsened. When she came close to passing on, Oni's father arrived back at his humble abode, and seeing how little the man cared for his wife, Oni got angered and rushed the man, with no weapon but the strategy in his head.

And while the man he had called 'father' had surprisingly never struck him before, it happened right there; the man turned with anger in his eyes and hit the boy down to the ground. Hitting his head in the fall, Oni fell unconscious, not being with his mother in her last moments, nor hearing her last words. He built up a hatred toward his father even stronger than before, and wished him to not come back every day he went out.

With nothing to do in his house anymore, Oni actually went outside for once, and ended up meeting some interesting fellows. There was a band of peculiar stage performers that were passing through town, and after talking to the boy and hearing his story they decided to take him to the leader of the group. See, these were no ordinary travelers, but a rather merry band of rather well-organised criminals; for where they were, anyway. When taken to the leader of the gang, the menacing man unlocked the boy's aura, in hopes that Oni's troubled past could fuel a Semblance that could make Oni strong enough to be the leader's apprentice., and take over the 'business' that the leader had going on.

For the next year, the group preformed shows all throughout the slums, all the while dealing in criminal affairs and training the young apprentice. At first, Oni didn't even know why he joined up, anyway. Maybe it was because he had nowhere to go back to, or because he wanted to be stronger than his father, or because he feared to deny the leader. The group mainly did acrobatics acts, with various other circus type events, so when trained to fight Oni was also trained to participate in the shows; earning spare change whenever he was tipped it: however little it may be. His father did not seem to care that he didn't come back to the house some days, though this was most likely because he didn't notice. Oni was also training with the leader, who Oni had surprisingly grown to like; he was the closest he had ever gotten to an actual father, and he definitely preferred him over his excuse for a father. Four years later, with much trial and error, Oni had finally grown strong enough to find and control his Semblance; and with that and his skill with his weapon, he was sent on his first mission in the gang.

On paper, it was certainly simple: go to a member of the opposing gangs house when he sleeps, and off him in the dead of night. The opposing gang had been disrupting Oni's gang's weapons and drugs trafficking with thier own buisness, and the leader wanted to set an example to the rival gang by offing a member, though the man wasn't known to be very high up. The man lived only with his kid, so the operation would be easy. Oni was to wear the gang uniform, which optimized stealth, the weapon he had been training with, and had to do the dirty deed himself. A small group containing Oni and two of his combat teachers.  As they made their way to the man's house in the darkness of midnight, Oni came to the realization that they were travelling scarily quickly to his own house, and when they stopped Oni realised what was happening. Oni was the first in, opening the door with a loud creak, though he knew that would not wake up his father. They made their way through the house, Oni walking in determined strides with his weapon in his hand. Despite his brisk pace walking through the house, he slowed down and with a gentle push, the door to his father's bedroom opened. Making sure that he made no noise, Oni creeped up to his father's bed, and with no hint of remorse in his eyes, he slammed  his weapon through the bed sheets and struck the man, with a satisfying noise. Oni's father let out a scream, though did not turn to see who had attacked him; though in his position, he couldn't.

Now he was an official member of the gang, and even got the gang symbol tattoo on his left pec, not questioning the gang's actions, not even if the killing of his father was planned for him, specifically; which it totally was. From now on, Oni tagged along on gang missions, all the while participating in the acrobat shows the gang used as a front. Eventually the shows had moved their way up from lower class performances in the slums, to middle-class performances, and a few years after, they moved to upper-middle-class and began to incorporate fancier techniques into the act, though this came with the drawback of being more in the spotlight. One fateful evening, one rival gang had got one member to plant some dodgy objects around the set of the show, then reported it, himself. This caused an investigation to be opened on the group.

The authorities had found suspicious things that the gang had already done, and attributed them to shakedowns and attacks, causing them to take in the gang. The leader wouldn't have it, and launched an attack on the police, causing several deaths on either side. Oni was in the background of the fight, not getting involved himself, despite his gang connections. He saw no point when he would lose to pure numbers. He spotted the leader, his father figure get captured, though the man fought back like a raging beast, causing the officers to put him down. Oni ran as fast as he could, with his weapons in hand and in full gear, to the port of the city. Seeing a boat that's cargo was to go to Vale, he snuck on, easily enough. When he made it to Vale, he knew that it would be good to establish an alibi, so he decided to take the Huntsman's exams.

He passed the combat tests easy enough, with the skills he picked up, though with no formal education, he barely passed the academic test; using what he'd picked up over the years. When he made it to Beacon academy, he was assigned to a quite unusual bunch of teammates, who he had actually grown to like. He scarcely brought up Mistral or his past, dismissing questions and queries about his early life. And whilst he had thought the first two years of school were bad enough, his team getting caught up in a friendly bout of gang warfare, he knew that third year was going to be even more...Spontaneous.

Personality: While he is normally cold to violence and death, Oni still thinks of the loss of his mother, never really getting over her passing. Since becoming a member of his team, he has opened up more, and actually began to form actual friendships and bonds, and ones that were more..legal. He never really was much of a team-player, he was one to go off on his one, only going in groups when he had to. Since he went to Beacon, that also changed, mainly with the forced team system.

Being a former member of a gang, Oni is also quite the good liar, having to keep his gang activity a secret, and keep up the act of the acrobat. And while he doesn't lie to much anymore, he knows that it's a skill of his that he can rely on. Oni likes learning about people's past, despite avoiding talking about his own, to try to get to know people better. He tries to steer people to talking about themselves, rather than himself. Being raised in the slums, he adapted quite well to normal social standards, so interacting with people isn't really a problem for him, though he is a tad quiet and wouldn't seek out a conversation with any random person.

Aura and Semblance: Oni's aura is black.

Oni has an above-average amount of aura, being trained in it by the gang leader since he was a boy, though possesses no advanced skills in aura control. His Semblance is an extremely advanced perception. The ability slows down Oni's perception of time to such a degree that it seems as if it were stopped completely, allowing him to pick out weak points in his enemies. Oni can't move in slowed time, and the ability can only be used for a short amount of time; any longer and Oni's vision begins to blur, and if used for double its intended use Oni would become temporarily blind, his vision blurs to the point of not being able to see until a good rest: five hours plus. The cooldown is on a 1:1 ratio with the ability use; the cooldown matched the use time. Since the Semblance only effects his own perception, it has no effect on others; so they do not see that time has stopped.

Combat Behavior:  Due to his particular set of skills, Oni is very much a flanker. He would strike from the sides after using his Semblance to assess the situation, and would inform his team of any weaknesses that he had found in the enemy's defenses. Oni is extremely fast and agile and uses these skills to dash around his enemies and strike when it is opportune, though while he has technique, he is lacking in physical strength compared to some other brutes you may find on the battlefield. Due to his weapon, Oni's range is bigger than melee, and uses this to his advantage, not having to dive in as close as others to do some damage. With his Semblance, Oni finds it easy to coordinate attacks and strategize, so he tries his best to relay his plans to his team, though this can be hard in the middle of the fight, especially for a flanker. He will, however, go out of his way to inform them of possible actions they can take if they are integral to winning.

WEAPON 1

Name: Patricide, name that as a reminder to Oni's past.

Primary Form: Two simple, black steel kunai, attached to Oni at the wrist by a 5 meter long rope through the pommel. The rope wraps around his wrist. He has always kept the blades incredibly sharp, and always will.

Secondary Form: The rope unwraps from his wrists, and the kunai can be used as rope darts. This can used to wrap around objects and swing on them like Tarzan, or can additionally be used to pull enemies and objects closer.

History: These were the weapons Oni was trained to use since he was a boy, though when they actually became his, and not just practice weapons, he had scarcely changed or modified them, the most being him changing rope or sharpening them to a finer point.

WEAPON 2

Primary Form: Small bullet-sized pellets that are kept in packets in Oni's belt. The packs are labelled, and there are about 10 per pack.

Dust Functions: Oni uses fire dust for small, flaming explosions, ice dust for a slippery obstacle in the battlefield, electric dust for small shocks that can stun people and kinetic dust, which when hit with, is equivalent to a medium force punch.
« Last Edit: December 26, 2016, 12:27:42 PM by CptSteel »

Skylia

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Re: Oni Shoji
« Reply #1 on: December 24, 2016, 09:57:34 AM »
Season's greetings, and apologies that your profile has been collecting dust for a while. So, to not keep you any longer than necessary, let's get straight into it.

Firstly, you needn't mention "former gang-member" as a listed occupation. The history is supplemental enough to explain that bit.

There's one  thing about the History that you've seemed to have kind of skimmed over. You mentioned that his father was a member of a "rival gang" and then just left that hanging. In my mind, that's a pretty big reveal that you just left open-ended, and I think it would be better to explain that in a bit more detail. The rest looks good enough, albeit a little archetypal.

Looking at the Personality section, you should add some aspects that show how he acts in a social situation, as many people may read this section when wanting to RP with you in an explicitly social thread. Give them some insight into how he thinks when interacting with others!

Now, the semblance is my main concern with this profile as the rules state that "Slowing, Speeding, or briefly stopping time may be accepted under some circumstances". Obviously, this is one of these circumstances, and I feel a few restrictions should be made since he's not a full-fledged Huntsman just yet. For now, I'd like to restrict this to affect only those in a close proximity to him, since the way it's described now is kind of weird. This makes the ability very situational, and he'd have somewhat of an advantage over CQC opponents. This small area-of-effect can be marked by the radius of something such as an aura blast, with everyone in the blast being affected by this effect.  I also don't the specific time cooldowns and active timers. When stating cooldowns and active timers, it's better to describe it in a more vague way. For instance, the 5 second active timer can simply be described as "a VERY short amount of time". I prefer this way of describing these things because having been here a long-ass time, I know that nobody uses and keeps track of cooldowns and specific times. It always just ends up leading to a mess.

One final thing that's extremely unimportant, yet still irks me. In the Dust Functions, you mentioned "explosion dust". I think you're trying to refer to fire dust, so let's just call it that, and obviously edit the effect to match the name (IE a small, fiery explosion).

That should be all from me, and just make sure to leave a comment when you make the edits.

« Last Edit: December 24, 2016, 10:01:09 AM by Skylia »
Lucina Archaletta - The Haughty Hipster - 1st Year Beacon Student on Team ALIA

Vanilla Stella-Maris - The Indomitable Idol - Special Operations Combat Idol  - WiP

Primrose Palatine - The Dexterous Duelist - Atlesian Professor of Combat Flow - WiP

CptSteel

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Re: Oni Shoji
« Reply #2 on: December 24, 2016, 11:46:38 AM »
Alright, I edited, but I do want to point out that the Semblance doesn't like immobilize people or anything, it improves Oni's perception so that he can analyze the situation in what he perceives to be basically stopped time.

Skylia

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Re: Oni Shoji
« Reply #3 on: December 24, 2016, 05:34:33 PM »
Alright, but the weaknesses of the semblance kind of outnumber the strengths here, just to inform you in case you didn't know. I'd also like you to make it very clear that it doesn't affect others, as people who skim might miss that crucial point. Other than that, I have no more problems with it.
Lucina Archaletta - The Haughty Hipster - 1st Year Beacon Student on Team ALIA

Vanilla Stella-Maris - The Indomitable Idol - Special Operations Combat Idol  - WiP

Primrose Palatine - The Dexterous Duelist - Atlesian Professor of Combat Flow - WiP

CptSteel

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Re: Oni Shoji
« Reply #4 on: December 25, 2016, 05:42:53 PM »
I added that as well.

Skylia

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Re: Oni Shoji
« Reply #5 on: December 26, 2016, 04:41:20 PM »
Good, good. Approved (1/2).
Lucina Archaletta - The Haughty Hipster - 1st Year Beacon Student on Team ALIA

Vanilla Stella-Maris - The Indomitable Idol - Special Operations Combat Idol  - WiP

Primrose Palatine - The Dexterous Duelist - Atlesian Professor of Combat Flow - WiP

jjb2158

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Re: Oni Shoji
« Reply #6 on: December 26, 2016, 09:52:09 PM »
Everything seems balanced for a third year. Approved 2 of 2.
First Year Beacon Student: Rackley Winchester - The Hawkeye Sniper currently Teamless

Second Year Beacon Student: Jett Davenport - The Playful Shadow Knight of Team MLDC (Melodic)

Third Year Beacon Student: Suntalia Lyn Ryker - The Voice of Thunder currently Teamless

Fourth Year Beacon Student: Savas Carnelian - The Quiet Berserker Leader of Team SARK (Stark)

Beacon Professor: Oberon Falcov - The Man With A Plan / Team Strategy Teacher of Beacon