Author Topic: Taichi Nekesis Nakano  (Read 2193 times)

Synchro1

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Taichi Nekesis Nakano
« on: December 02, 2016, 06:27:44 PM »
CHARACTER

Name:

Taichi Nekesis Nakano

Age:

17

Species and Gender:

Human Male

Symbol:
Spoiler: ShowHide

A burning fire that resides on his back, it's color is black at the bottom fading to red in the middle, then to yellow at the top.

Occupation:

Beacon First Year

Appearance:
Spoiler: ShowHide


His main look he's going for is "I don't care.". He has his normal build of 5'6, and weighs roughly 120 lbs. He has slight muscles, and his eyes are blue and red, both in one eye, and purple and green in the other. He wears a flannel shirt and camouflage pants, as well as a leather coat. His hair runs smooth and swoops to the left with one strand longer than the others.

History:

Tai used to have a family, but they all died. He was four at the time, and was heading to sleep when something felt off. Looking around the house, he found something, nothing he recognized and let his dad there. He'd found a bomb, and led the quarry to their deaths. The bomb exploded, and killed his dad. The house collapsed in on him, but with his semblance he burned through the collapsed wood. That's what started the insomnia. Later, when a bus picked him up to go to the adoption house, he was stuck there, awake and unable to sleep. So he passed time by meditating, or going outside to make a weapon. One night, he meditated so long, he fell asleep and his mind cleared for that night. When he woke up, he felt groggy, and had a headache. Shaking his head, the room shook, and made him hit his back. The door opened, and he rolled out, by the truck increasing speed. Tai stood up, feeling numb and in pain. He sucked in the crisp, cold air, and wandered in Vale. He went back to the orphanage, and there was someone there already. An adult looking for a kid wasn't uncommon, but this one looked at Taichi, and accepted him, healing him when they reached the place. It was big, and near the outer city, so Tai had to walk a long time to get there. When he arrived, he felt off, a bit, and his aura faltered, trying to spark up but failing to reach it, and the man laughed. he made Tai try to flare up his aura while meditating, but that led to his meditation being broken by the amount of power unleashed. He was enrolled in Signal, with his unstable powers, not even knowing what his semblance is. It wasn't until he lit on fire when he attended a day at Signal, and he scared everyone. He went on, getting a mediocre passage and barely surviving the beacon exam.

Personality: Tai is pretty much a wild card. Expect a ton of jokes and puns, because he'll deliver it all. He's known to be good at being silent at times, meditating and flaring his aura out in a way that tells people to back off, and can make a good breakfast when he takes good food. He's a cheery person, and he is oblivious to people's help

Aura and Semblance: Celestial Blue

Taichi has the semblance named Fire Fight, as when he uses it, he can surround himself in a flame version of his aura, and Direct it whether it be fire spirits or shooting fireballs, or create fire enchantments on certain areas, like the Infernal Tower. He can also launch himself in the air for a few seconds, and land down creating lava areas.

Combat Behavior: Taichi's battle strategy requires more of avoiding moves until he can formulate a plan strong enough to keep his opponent from hurting him and making him need to use the semblance. But on the flipside, (literally) he can't sustain the semblance for more than ten minutes before it turns on him and starts making him rampage on everyone. Emotions that resemble anger and hatred set him off entirely, and will envelop him completely in his own aura, intoxicating himself and burning his skin off.

WEAPON

Name: Dragon and Wyvern

Primary Form:
Spoiler: ShowHide


The primary forms of Dragon and Wyvern, two twin swords, are Japanese swords that are meant to be used in combo attacks, but more mainly in a twister-like move, that lets it hit multiple targets.

Secondary Form:

The secondary form for the Japanese Twin swords is the combination of both swords into a dual sided sword, mainly used for fighting and wind competitions.

History:

« Last Edit: December 12, 2016, 12:20:29 PM by Synchro1 »
WIP David Stride --- The Ironic Swordsman

Xarias Fury

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Re: Taichi Nekesis Nakano
« Reply #1 on: December 12, 2016, 07:56:56 AM »
I'll be the one reviewing this for the meantime, though depending on how long I take to come back to it I might need someone else to check it out later.

Now, first things first.

History.

Aside from the multiple incomplete sentences that have abrupt endings, more like phrases, and the overall lack of coherence there are several other issues that arise when reading the history. It may be grammatical issues(I'm assuming you're not a native english speaker, correct me if I'm wrong) but the first 'part' of your character's history seems nonsensical. So he wakes up one night, sees his dad and a bomb then they die. It doesn't make any sense, who would want his family dead? Why a bomb? Nothing else in his history clarifies this and it just seems like a convenient excuse to develop a mental illness.

So, a man adopts Taichi and 'heals' him? Heals him from what? His insomnia? Wounds? Again, grammar issues and I have no idea what you're trying to say here. Another issue that arose is that he's seemingly an extremely powerful aura user and people in Signal feared him. Here's the thing, if you claim something like that you have to take note of other students(and players) who were from Signal and why something as prominent as that never showed up in their histories. In short scrap it, it seems like you're trying hard to make him a special snowflake who's super strong because of his aura but has emotional problems when it comes to sleep and maybe bombs later on. Come up with something more coherent and readable without trying to make your character sound like a gary stu with his special snowflake history and powers.

Personality
A wildcard - This phrase in itself sounds like an excuse to get away with all sorts of behavior that may or may not be even suitable for a situation or the character himself. Get rid of that unless his personality revolves around being silly and spontaneous or intentionally trying to mess with people's heads. That's when phrases like that can be used.

Seems to be a happy fellow except when he's meditating for no reason and lashes out at people when he does. Inconsistent and once again doesn't really connect without due explanation. Sure multidimensional characters are a thing but only if it really fits and makes sense. This sounds like

"My dog is happy and loves playing. But when it's resting it starts aggressively barking at people just because he can."

Either connect the inconsistencies to the main personality somehow or scrap one aspect. Multidimensional characters are good but without proper writing it sounds sloppy and nonsensical. Also, fireking? I'll move on to that later.

Semblance

Fireking? Is it really just the name of his semblance because it sounds like something like an apparition that he 'connects' to for power, as stated in his personality. As for the 'spirit' aspect that you consecutively mention without prior explanation I believe you're trying to add an unknown element to RWBYverse. Sure spirits MIGHT be a thing but there's no canon relation to them and using spirits when aura is a literal MANIFESTATION OF THE SOUL would mean he's somehow creating new souls with his semblance. So no, get rid of that. If it's plain fire generation sure but the current power level seems a bit OP. There should be limitations to what he can do, example being that Infernal tower or whatever should drain a good chunk of his stamina or aura while landing on the ground creating Lava is definitely out of the question. I suggest you read approved characters and see how well detailed and balanced they are.

Combat Behavior.
So now I really know that the fire king isn't just a name. No, denied. Your semblance can't have a mind of its own to lash out at people and you can't have it as a separate entity. Case Closed. Get rid of it.

Aaaand he's another Berserker...great.

Weapons. Katanas, cliche but nothing wrong there.
Wind competitions? What?
Random piece of history that makes no sense. So he just stumbled across a mine and found a good rock he wanted. And somehow managed to get enough steel from it to make two FUTURISTIC katanas....yeah. Change or expound on that.



Students
Wisteria Lockheart - 1st Year student at Beacon. "Don't make me throw a book at you"
Shiroe Pendragon - 1st Year Student at beacon - "This is my monochrome reality" - Team MARS
Lavender du Lac - 1st Year Student at Haven -  "The harder I try the further things drift away."
Ayaka Miyamoto - 1st Year student at Beacon. "Tsubame Gaeshi!" - Team ALIA
Vermilion Desdemona - 3rd Year Student at Beacon - "Only time you'd be above me is when your head rests on my pike"
Talen de L'eglantine - 3rd Year Student at Beacon
Kei Almas - 4th Year Student at Beacon - "Everything is ripe for the taking!"
Aurum LeBlanc - 3rd Year Student at Atlas - "Lay back, take it easy, and watch the comedy unfold"

Professors
Professor William Nox - "To contain the world in a grain of dust

Dr. Gustave

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Re: Taichi Nekesis Nakano
« Reply #2 on: December 21, 2016, 03:31:22 AM »
Moving to MIA
Atlas: ShowHide
Mercenary: Kol Augur ~ The Judicator of Atlas
Speaking: #5C5054 Thinking: #EAC117

Mistral: ShowHide
Huntress-in-Training: Aca Roth ~ Member of Team RWND
Speaking: #E05260 Thinking: #EA857F
Huntress-in-Training: Brook Pallas ~ Member of Team CNBR
Speaking: #4863A0 Thinking: #98AFC7
Council Member: Phaedo Katsaros ~ Figurehead for Faunus/Human relations
Speaking: #667C26 Thinking: #B6CC76

Vacuo: ShowHide
40th Vytal Tournament Champion: Zabar Aga ~ Member of Team DAWN
Speaking: #CD7F32 Thinking: #EE9A4D

Vale: ShowHide
Huntress: Malina Nahualli-Roth ~ Leader of Team MCCA
Speaking: #993A64 Thinking: #8B0C44
Beacon Professor: Titania Printemps ~ Assistant Headmistress of Beacon Academy
Speaking: #4AA02C Thinking: #E55B3C
Drop-out: Durian Ghede ~ Former leader of team DFDL
Speaking: #E1BD27 Thinking: #AF8B00