Author Topic: Luna Otonai (moving to CC)  (Read 2670 times)

Luna

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Luna Otonai (moving to CC)
« on: November 17, 2017, 04:52:23 AM »
CHARACTER

Name: Luna Otonai, "Lunacy" by the Red Winter, “Lu” for short.


Age: 17 (14th of Arashi, 63 AC)


Species and Gender: Wolf Faunus, Female


Symbol:


Her emblem is the center circle, the rest is part of her family crest.


Occupation: Beacon Academy First Year, Freelance Musician


Appearance: A strangely intimidating air surrounds Luna's thin 5'8" frame, despite her shy nature. Luna often experiments with the concept of contrast, and her looks and wardrobe reflect that interest. Her clothing consists of mostly black colors to oppose her pale complexion and nearly-ridiculous 4' long bluish-silver hair, which she keeps cut to a scene-style taper. Luna inherited wolf ears and fangs, but keeps her hair long to hide her lack of a tail, which she finds embarrassing and somewhat shameful considering both of her parents had tails.

Her usual attire consists of a black crop top with small rips along the lower left, a silk jacket with a high collar and fur trim on the sleeves that she keeps unzipped, a white belt with her pack's emblem etched into the gold buckle, skin-tight black jeans ripped at the outer thighs, and knee-high black combat boots with silver laces up the sides. She keeps her weapon clipped to her belt on her right hip. A small gold hoop pierces her right ear, and another on her lower left lip. Luna has not once been seen without atleast one earbud in one of her faunus ears. Her eye color is amber.


History: Luna Otonai was born just outside the city of Windpath in Mistral to a family of wolf faunus. Her parents raised their only child lovingly, hoping to shelter her from the dangers of Windpath. But the outside world could only be held at bay for so long.

When Luna was 13 years old, she got mixed up with a few members of a locally infamous human mercenary group called the Red Winter after accidentally exposing one of their operations to local authorities. The Red Winter was furious to learn that Luna had compromised one of their most lucrative endeavors, and demanded that Luna pay them back the money they had lost. Unable to pay his daughter's debt, and fearing for his family's safety, Luna's father prepared the Otonai family to flee to Kuchinashi in the south of Mistral. Unfortunately, the Red Winter had heard they were on the run, and so the night before Luna's family had planned to leave Windpath, the Red Winter paid them a visit. The mercinaries raided Luna's home and rounded up the Otonais. Then Luna was forced to watch in horror as the mercenaries' leader slit her parents throats.

The Red Winter looted the house, taking everything including 13-year-old Luna, whom they took as a slave to repay her debt. However, when they attempted to make her submit, Luna resisted, leaving a few of the mercenaries with minor injuries. Their leader, Tamra, took special interest in Luna's potential, and so Tamra began to train a reluctant Luna in combat and tactical strategy, teaching her how to survive in Windpath and hoping to raise Luna to one day take her place as leader of Red Winter. Tamra taught Luna about auras, semblances, dust, and how to use each, and it was with Tamra's help that Luna discovered and learned to control her semblance of acoustic modification, though it was only strong enough to recreate music and other sounds. After a while, Luna and Tamra grew close, forming an almost familial bond. They began to deeply trust each other despite the fact that Tamra had murdered Luna's parents.

Almost three years later in a strange twist of fate, Tamra gave her weapon, the Red Wintersun, to Luna for her 16th birthday as a way to remember Luna's parents as well as herself by. Tamara told her that she had arranged for Luna to attend the Haven Academy in the main city of Mistral to become a huntress, and had planned to leave the Red Winter after one last job to tie up some loose ends financially. Then she and Luna would leave Windpath together, and the two would start a new life for themselves in mistral as mother and daughter. Or so they hoped...

The other members resented Luna for being the only faunus in their group, believing it was because of this that Tamra had prioritized her. Fed up with Tamra's focus on Luna, and feeling that their leader had grown soft, the other members of Red Winter began to conspire against her. In the week following Luna's 16th birthday, the Red Winter turned on their leader. They tipped off Mistral authorities of the assassination job Tamra had recieved, and the authorities apprehended her before she could reach her target. Luna never heard from Tamra again and she fell into despair, her imagination getting the best of her in assuming that the closest person she had to family was dead.

Having dealt with Tamra, the remaining members of Red Winter turned their wrath on Luna. In her mourning of her late mother-figure she was easily overpowered as the other members proceded to subject her to unspeakable abuse. Seeing her mental state, they gave her the nickname Lunacy to mock her given name. They broke her physically and mentally for several months until the Red Winter finally abandoned a scarred, shattered Luna on the road between Windpath and Mistral to fend for herself or die. Neglected, hopeless, homeless, and hungry, Luna made her way south to the main city of Mistral.

Using her semblance like Tamra had taught her, Luna wrote songs, pouring all her wordless emotions into the music. Once in Mistral, her talents caught the attention of a few upper-class patrons who paid Luna to write songs for them. Soon, she had enough to afford food and clothes, and found a temporary place to stay. With so many dark memories of Mistral, Luna longed to escape the place that had caused her so much pain. She still wanted to train to be a huntress in honor of Tamra, but the reminders of those she had lost were too much for her to stay and attend Haven, so Luna decided to attend the academy in the nearby kingdom of Vale instead. Within a few months, and with help from her Mistrali patrons, Luna had saved up enough to pay for her enrollment and transportation. Soon after, she boarded a Vale-bound airship and set her sights on Beacon Academy.


Personality: Luna's favorite song is "Gasoline" by Halsey, if that tells you anything. She is shy and introverted in unfamiliar social environments, yet doesn't mind large crowds. She is obsessive about all things music, and she needs a constant intake of music to keep her mentally stable. The abuse she has suffered caused her personality to fracture in order to cope, and she can come across as detached and distant due to it, exhibiting violent or self-destructive mood swings from time to time. She occasionally experiences traumatic flashbacks from certain triggers due to post-traumatic stress.

Luna still craves friendship, as wolves are social creatures, but her trust issues usually win over her need to have relationships with others. However, once someone breaks down her walls, her true colors show and she is revealed to have a witty sense of humor along with a deeply loyal side that can easily turn to jealousy. Luna loves to be creative, and is passionate about individuality and self-expression, so people who don't appreciate the arts can rub her the wrong way.


Aura and Semblance: Luna's aura appears silver, and her semblance allows her to manipulate acoustic waves, i.e. creating and negating sound, creating shockwaves, directing concussive blasts. However, her semblance's modification ability is only effective within a certain range, and "turning up the volume" to increase that range puts massive strain on her aura. Larger shockwaves take her longer to charge, and four of these charged blasts is all she can handle before needing a break from any semblance usage, lest risk hurting herself. The loudest sound she's ever generated was about as loud as a race car, and the loudest acoustic wave she has countered was about as loud as a room full of screaming children.


Combat Behavior:  Having trained with mercenaries and highly-skilled assassins, Luna's fighting style is unorthodox to say the least, and she has a tendency to be unpredictable and spontanious, doing whatever she deems most effective. She's also used to getting her job done efficiently, so she sometimes resorts to "dirty" strategies to get unfair advantages. She might not look all that strong at first glance, but what Luna lacks in muscle she more than compensates with raw speed. This combined with use of recoil momentum from her semblance makes her very agile, capable of accelerating to seemingly inhuman velocities. She has night vision as a faunus, but prefers to track movement by sound during combat thanks to her heightened hearing. Luna is quick to identify patterns, and uses this skill to study, psychoanalyze, then anticipate her enemy's attacks.

Luna is susceptible to occasional anxiety triggers from post-traumatic stress, and if she becomes overwhelmed in combat she is subject to a mental breakdown, making her even more reckless and unpredictable than usual, only this time without a clear strategy. Despite this, she does her best to keep her head on straight during fights, especially when her team could be impacted. Another weakness is her hair. She dares not cut it for fear of exposing her lack of a tail, but it is often used against her in almost comical ways. She also can get over-confident since she can usually best those with traditional training backgrounds. This makes her easily thrown off guard by an opponent who fights dirty like her.


WEAPON

Name: Formerly known as the Red Wintersun, Luna calls her weapon the "Point-Breaker" because wherever she points it, something breaks. She does her best to forget what the weapon's former name was, and what it had done in the hands of another.

General Appearance Concept Art:




The weapon is colored black with red accents.

Primary Form: Melee
Fully extended, the Point-Breaker is basically just a bladed ring on the end of a spear with fancy crystal decorations. It looks complex, but the concept is actually pretty simple. Opposite from the bladed ring is the spear's edge, a gravity dust crystal, designed to increase the effectiveness of Luna's semblance, particularly with shockwaves. In short, one end is for cutting lines, and the other is for punching holes. The weapon's previous owner used an ice dust crystal in the spear, but swapped it with the gravity dust crystal to better compliment Luna's semblance upon giving the weapon to her.


Secondary Form: Ranged
The spear doubles as a semi-automatic sniper rifle that can shoot dust rounds. The back half of the spear and it's decorative-yet-functional crystal spike retract to make the whole assembly more compact. Using the rifle while in melee configuration adds to the blade ring's momentum. As per it's original design, it shoots primarily ice dust rounds.


Tertiary Form: Storage
When fully compact, the spear retracts into the bladed ring shape, which can be used as a close range melee weapon.


Dust Functions: Luna uses the gravity dust crystal to amplify her semblance's effects, particularly into the ground, which causes a shockwave or earthquake within a small radius to throw enemies back from her, or to launch herself into the air. If swapped for ice dust, the crystal can be used to form walls for shielding, or small projectiles which she launches with bursts from her semblance. The rifle configuration shoots ice dust rounds, used for either freezing enemies to trap them on impact, or more unorthodoxly, to create ice block structures for shielding or mobility.


History: The Point-Breaker was originally owned by Tamra of the Red Winter mercenaries, who used it to kill Luna's parents. Ironically, this weapon was given to Luna to wield shortly before Tamra's capture and execution. Luna is still strangely attached to the weapon, as it is the only thing she owns that is reminiscent of her deceased parents. She belives if she uses the weapon for good, the karma of her parents murder will be balanced.
« Last Edit: November 19, 2017, 04:19:20 PM by Lunacy »
Perhaps hopeless isn't a place, nothing but a state of mind.
They told me once "Don't trust the moon. She's always changing. The shores bend and break for her, and she begs to be loved."
But nothing here is as it seems...


Luna Otonai - Beacon Second Year: The Mistrali Musician of Team SLVA - "My heart is gold and my hands are cold..."
Reference: ShowHide
Luna (#7DF9FF)

Format:
       "Talking"
       Thinking
       Doing
       "Emphasized Talking"
       Emphasized Thinking
       Emphasized Doing



Luna's AMA
Tamra will return.

Lazul Fen (WiP) - Atlas Third Year: The Eccentric Pop Star of Team IDOL - "When you die the only kingdom you'll see is two-foot wide and six-foot deep."
Reference: ShowHide
Lazul (#2190E3)

Format:
       "Talking"
       Thinking
       Doing
       "Emphasized Talking"
       Emphasized Thinking
       Emphasized Doing

(Reference Artwork Coming Soon!!!)


Kingnoname1

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Re: Luna Otonai (unfinished)
« Reply #1 on: November 18, 2017, 12:01:50 AM »
Welcome, looks pretty good there are just a few small things

About the weapon
  • I'm pretty sure it's bo staff not bowstaff unless it is also a bow I guess
  • So it says 'bladed chakram ring on a bowstaff,' how exactly is the chakram on the staff? Is it like a spear or is it attached by string
  • About the third funtion, unless the chakram is really big, the shield is going to be pretty small. Just might want to explain the dimensions a bit more.

The semblance is pretty powerful so you should set some upper limits on how loud a noise you Luna can create and maybe something to do with how many sonic blasts she can do before she runs dry.

So the history should include parts detailing how and where she learnt to fight as wall as why she fights or at least why she wants to become a huntsman.

I noticed you've found the discord so if you have any questions feel free to ask here or there.
No criticism is too harsh so hit me with your best shot.

Calen Shrike - ASTC - First Year Beacon.

Saffron de Cortez - SALT - Third Year Atlas.

Amarant Lovis - (formerly of)ACCE - Headmaster of Atlas Academy

Ramalia - RASB - First Year Shade

Luna

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Re: Luna Otonai (unfinished)
« Reply #2 on: November 18, 2017, 12:17:02 AM »

Thanks for the input. I've got changes in progress that expand on pretty much everything.
Feel free to hmu in discord, I'd be happy to bounce some ideas off you ^^

as for the weapon, it's more of a spear

Perhaps hopeless isn't a place, nothing but a state of mind.
They told me once "Don't trust the moon. She's always changing. The shores bend and break for her, and she begs to be loved."
But nothing here is as it seems...


Luna Otonai - Beacon Second Year: The Mistrali Musician of Team SLVA - "My heart is gold and my hands are cold..."
Reference: ShowHide
Luna (#7DF9FF)

Format:
       "Talking"
       Thinking
       Doing
       "Emphasized Talking"
       Emphasized Thinking
       Emphasized Doing



Luna's AMA
Tamra will return.

Lazul Fen (WiP) - Atlas Third Year: The Eccentric Pop Star of Team IDOL - "When you die the only kingdom you'll see is two-foot wide and six-foot deep."
Reference: ShowHide
Lazul (#2190E3)

Format:
       "Talking"
       Thinking
       Doing
       "Emphasized Talking"
       Emphasized Thinking
       Emphasized Doing

(Reference Artwork Coming Soon!!!)


Kingnoname1

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Re: Luna Otonai (Mostly done, feedback welcomed and appreciated)
« Reply #3 on: November 19, 2017, 12:47:40 AM »
OK so the big thing hanging over the history is why. If the father is trying to protect his family WHY does he take out a loan from a mercenary company of all things. When they realise the father isn't going to pay WHY do they kill him that ensures they dont get their money, it would make more sense to kill the mother or Luna herself as encouragement. WHY are her parents killed in front of her? What purpose does that serve? WHY is she taken under the wing of the bandit? WHY is she trained not only in basic stuff but actual combat? WHY does she form a motherly relationship with the person who killed her mother and father? Like I can't criticise tragic backstories but is the rape of a 10 year old really necessary? I'm not an expert on creating soundwaves but I'd imagine its a pretty complex activity to mimic a song you have only just heard and Luna does it literally in an afternoon. WHY does the mistrali person think that making music would make a good huntsman?

OK so enough whining from me lets try to move forward. Honestly I think the general idea of the backstory is pretty good, some might disagree but like I mentioned before I like tragic backstories, and I don't think much needs to be changed, remember these are only recommendations and if you want your original feel free to post it in character creation proper.
  • Protective family is a good starting point but have it go on for longer, maybe until 14 or 15. Have her develop her semblance and learn how to mimic songs, and only songs no shockwaves, here so it makes more sense later on.
  • Make it Luna who takes out the loan instead of her father, maybe she wants to get her parents something nice for an anniversary or birthday or maybe so she can run away to join combat school.
  • Luna can't or doesn't pay back the loan and the bandits attack killing her parents and taking Luna as a slave. However the bandit leader notices Luna's semblance and takes quite a shine to it, training her and what not.
  • The uprising can still happen, doubt its the most stable job bandit leader, or she can run away and end up on the streets like she does in your version. Except now she has a reason to be able to mimic songs.
  • As for the whole being taken in by a teacher thing I've made myself clear so I won't repeat it here but try to make there a link. Maybe the teacher has a similar semblance to Luna so she knows what it could be turned into? Maybe she recognises the girl from news or information about local bandits?

The purpose of these changes is to give a reason for a lot of the things happening in her story. If she brings the bandits down on her family it means a lot more than if they just show up. If the same thing that makes her a slave also makes her a huntress it means a lot more. Again just my opinion and I know I may seem negative a lot but I do only want to help you make the best character you can.
No criticism is too harsh so hit me with your best shot.

Calen Shrike - ASTC - First Year Beacon.

Saffron de Cortez - SALT - Third Year Atlas.

Amarant Lovis - (formerly of)ACCE - Headmaster of Atlas Academy

Ramalia - RASB - First Year Shade

Luna

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Re: Luna Otonai (Mostly done, feedback welcomed and appreciated)
« Reply #4 on: November 19, 2017, 01:50:51 AM »
so too many moving parts. simpliy, simplify, simplify. revisions inbound ^^
Perhaps hopeless isn't a place, nothing but a state of mind.
They told me once "Don't trust the moon. She's always changing. The shores bend and break for her, and she begs to be loved."
But nothing here is as it seems...


Luna Otonai - Beacon Second Year: The Mistrali Musician of Team SLVA - "My heart is gold and my hands are cold..."
Reference: ShowHide
Luna (#7DF9FF)

Format:
       "Talking"
       Thinking
       Doing
       "Emphasized Talking"
       Emphasized Thinking
       Emphasized Doing



Luna's AMA
Tamra will return.

Lazul Fen (WiP) - Atlas Third Year: The Eccentric Pop Star of Team IDOL - "When you die the only kingdom you'll see is two-foot wide and six-foot deep."
Reference: ShowHide
Lazul (#2190E3)

Format:
       "Talking"
       Thinking
       Doing
       "Emphasized Talking"
       Emphasized Thinking
       Emphasized Doing

(Reference Artwork Coming Soon!!!)


Luna

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Re: Luna Otonai (Finally Ready!!!)
« Reply #5 on: November 19, 2017, 04:33:48 AM »
Center everything.

...Tempting...


CHARACTER

Name: Lunacy Otonai, "Luna" for short, “Lu” for shorter, and "El" by that special someone who will never exist.


Age: 17 (14th of Arashi, 63 AC)


Species and Gender: Wolf Faunus, Female


Symbol:


"Fen's Mark"
Her emblem is the center circle.


Occupation: Beacon Academy First Year, Freelance Musician


Appearance: A strangely intimidating air surrounds Luna's thin 5'8" frame, despite her shy nature. Luna often experiments with the concept of contrast, and her looks and wardrobe reflect that interest. Her clothing consists of mostly black colors to oppose her pale complexion and nearly-ridiculous 4' long bluish-silver hair, which she keeps cut to a scene-style taper. Luna inherited wolf ears and fangs, but keeps her hair long to hide her lack of a tail, which she considers embarrassing and somewhat shameful.

Her usual attire consists of a black crop top with small rips along the lower left, a silk jacket with a high collar and fur trim on the sleeves that she keeps unzipped, a white belt with her pack's emblem etched into the gold buckle, skin-tight black jeans ripped at the outer thighs, and knee-high black combat boots with silver laces up the sides. She keeps her weapon clipped to her belt on her right hip. A small gold hoop pierces her right ear, and another on her lower left lip. As her faunus ears prevent her from using conventional headphones, Luna also wears a gold choker with black trim that hides a small speaker inside for her music. Her eye color is amber.


History: Lunacy Otonai was born just outside the city of Wind Path in Mistral to a family of wolf faunus. Her parents raised their only child lovingly, hoping to shelter her from the dangers of Wind Path. But the outside world could only be held at bay for so long.

When Luna was 13 years old, she got mixed up with a few members of a locally infamous human mercenary group called the Red Winter after accidentally exposing one of their operations to local authorities. The Red Winter was furious to learn that Luna had compromised one of their most lucrative endeavors, and demanded that Luna pay them back the money they had lost. Unable to pay his daughter's debt, and fearing for his family's safety, Luna's father prepared the Otonai family to flee to Kuchinashi in the south of Mistral. Unfortunately, the Red Winter had heard they were on the run, and so the night before Luna's family had planned to leave Wind Path, the Red Winter paid them a visit. The mercinaries raided Luna's home and rounded up the Otonais. Then Luna was forced to watch in horror as the mercenaries' leader slit her parents throats.

The Red Winter looted the house, taking everything including 13-year-old Luna, whom their leader, Tamra, took special interest in. Tamra began training a reluctant Luna in combat and tactical strategy, teaching her how to survive in Wind Path and hoping to raise Luna to one day take her place as leader of Red Winter. Tamra taught Luna about auras, semblances, dust, and how to use each, and it was with Tamra's help that Luna discovered and learned to control her semblance of acoustic modification, though it was only strong enough to recreate music and other sounds. After a while, Luna and Tamra grew close, forming an almost familial bond. They began to deeply trust each other despite the fact that Tamra had murdered Luna's parents.

Almost three years later in a strange twist of fate, Tamra gave her weapon, the Red Wintersun, to Luna for her 16th birthday as a way to remember Luna's parents as well as herself by. Tamara told her that she had arranged for Luna to attend the Haven Academy in the main city of Mistral to become a huntress, and had planned to leave the Red Winter after one last job to tie up some loose ends financially. Then she and Luna would leave Wind Path together, and the two would start a new life for themselves in mistral as mother and daughter. Or so they hoped...

The other members resented Luna for being the only faunus in their group, believing it was because of this that Tamra had prioritized her. Fed up with Tamra's focus on Luna, and feeling that their leader had grown soft, the other members of Red Winter began to conspire against her. In the week following Luna's tenth birthday, the Red Winter turned on their leader. They tipped off Mistral authorities of the assassination job Tamra had recieved, and the authorities apprehended her before she could reach her target. The next day, Tamra was publicly executed in the streets of Wind Path. Luna was in shock when she saw the closest person she had to family dead, and she fell into despair.

Having dealt with Tamra, the remaining members of Red Winter turned their wrath on Luna. In her mourning of her late mother-figure she was easily overpowered as the other members proceded to subject her to unspeakable abuse. This continued for several months until the Red Winter abandoned a scarred, broken Luna on the road between Wind Path and Mistral to fend for herself or die. Neglected, hopeless, homeless, and hungry, Luna made her way south to the main city of Mistral.

Using her semblance like Tamra had taught her, Luna wrote songs, pouring all her wordless emotions into the music. Once in Mistral, her talents caught the attention of a few upper-class patrons who paid Luna to write songs for them. Soon, she had enough to afford food and clothes, and found a temporary place to stay. With so many dark memories of Mistral, Luna longed to escape the place that had caused her so much pain. She still wanted to train to be a huntress in honor of Tamra, but the reminders of those she had lost were too much for her to stay and attend Haven, so Luna decided to attend the academy in the nearby kingdom of Vale instead. Within a few months, and with help from her Mistrali patrons, Luna had saved up enough to pay for her enrollment and transportation. Soon after, she boarded a Vale-bound airship and set her sights on Beacon Academy.


Personality: Luna's favorite song is "Gasoline" by Halsey, if that tells you anything. She is shy and introverted in unfamiliar social environments, yet doesn't mind large crowds. She is obsessive about all things music, and she needs a constant intake of music to keep her mentally stable. The abuse she has suffered caused her personality to fracture in order to cope, and she can come across as detached and distant due to it, exhibiting violent or self-destructive mood swings from time to time. She occasionally experiences traumatic flashbacks from certain triggers due to post-traumatic stress.

Luna still craves friendship, as wolves are social creatures, but her trust issues usually win over her need to have relationships with others. However, once someone breaks down her walls, her true colors show and she is revealed to have a witty sense of humor along with a deeply loyal side that can easily turn to jealousy. Luna loves to be creative, and is passionate about individuality and self-expression, so places like Atlas and their policies can rub her the wrong way.


Aura and Semblance: Luna's aura appears silver, and her semblance allows her to manipulate acoustic waves, i.e. creating and negating sound, creating shockwaves, directing concussive blasts. However, her semblance's modification ability is only effective within a certain range, and "turning up the volume" to increase that range puts massive strain on her aura. Larger shockwaves take her longer to charge, and four of these charged blasts is all she can handle before needing a break from any semblance usage, lest risk hurting herself. The loudest sound she's ever generated was about as loud as a race car, and the loudest acoustic wave she has countered was about as loud as a room full of screaming children.


Combat Behavior:  Having trained with mercenaries and highly-skilled assassins, Luna's fighting style is unorthodox to say the least, and she has a tendency to be unpredictable and spontanious, doing whatever she deems most effective. She's also used to getting her job done efficiently, so she sometimes resorts to "dirty" strategies to get unfair advantages. She might not look all that strong at first glance, but what Luna lacks in muscle she more than compensates with raw speed. This combined with use of her semblance makes her very agile, capable of accelerating to inhuman velocities. She has night vision as a faunus, but prefers to track movement by sound during combat, thanks to her heightened hearing. Luna is quick to identify patterns, and uses this skill to study, psychoanalyze, then anticipate her enemy's attacks.

Luna is easily susceptible to stress triggers, and if she becomes overwhelmed in combat she is subject to a mental breakdown, making her even more reckless and unpredictable than usual, only this time without a clear strategy. Another weakness is her hair. She dares not cut it for fear of exposing her lack of a tail, but it is often used against her in almost comical ways. She also can get over-confident since she can usually best those with traditional training backgrounds. This makes her easily thrown off guard by an opponent who fights dirty like her.


WEAPON

Name: Formerly known as the Red Wintersun, Luna calls her weapon the "Point-Breaker" because wherever she points it, something breaks. She does her best to forget what the weapon has done in the hands of another.

General Appearance Concept Art:




The weapon is colored black with red accents.

Primary Form: Melee
Fully extended, the Point-Breaker is basically just a bladed ring on the end of a spear with fancy crystal decorations. It looks complex, but the concept is actually pretty simple. Opposite from the bladed ring is the spear's edge, a gravity dust crystal, designed to increase the effectiveness of Luna's semblance, particularly with shockwaves. In short, one end is for cutting lines, and the other is for punching holes.


Secondary Form: Ranged
The spear doubles as a semi-automatic sniper rifle that can shoot dust rounds. The back half of the spear and it's decorative-yet-functional crystal spike retract to make the whole assembly more compact. Using the rifle while in melee configuration adds to the blade ring's momentum.


Tertiary Form: Storage
When fully compact, the spear retracts into the bladed ring shape, which can be used as a close range melee weapon.


Dust Functions: Luna uses the gravity dust crystal to amplify her semblance's effects, particularly into the ground, which causes a shockwave or earthquake within a small radius to throw enemies back from her, or to launch herself into the air. If swapped for ice dust, the crystal can be used to form walls for shielding, or small projectiles which she launches with bursts from her semblance. The rifle configuration shoots ice dust rounds, used for either freezing enemies to trap them on impact, or more unorthodoxly, to create ice block structures for shielding or mobility.


History: The Point-Breaker was originally owned by Tamra of the Red Winter mercenaries, who used it to kill Luna's parents. Ironically, this weapon was given to Luna to wield shortly before Tamra's capture and execution. Luna is still strangely attached to the weapon, as it is the only thing she owns that is reminiscent of her deceased parents. She belives if she uses the weapon for good, the karma of her parents murder will be balanced.



...it actually looks better
« Last Edit: November 19, 2017, 04:36:30 AM by Lunacy »
Perhaps hopeless isn't a place, nothing but a state of mind.
They told me once "Don't trust the moon. She's always changing. The shores bend and break for her, and she begs to be loved."
But nothing here is as it seems...


Luna Otonai - Beacon Second Year: The Mistrali Musician of Team SLVA - "My heart is gold and my hands are cold..."
Reference: ShowHide
Luna (#7DF9FF)

Format:
       "Talking"
       Thinking
       Doing
       "Emphasized Talking"
       Emphasized Thinking
       Emphasized Doing



Luna's AMA
Tamra will return.

Lazul Fen (WiP) - Atlas Third Year: The Eccentric Pop Star of Team IDOL - "When you die the only kingdom you'll see is two-foot wide and six-foot deep."
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Mechajin

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Re: Luna Otonai (Moving to Character Creation sometime this morning...)
« Reply #6 on: November 19, 2017, 01:51:25 PM »
Alright, big critique, "critiquing the hell out of this" so to speak, even. I might seem harsh but I really don't mean to be, just not great at sounding gentle!

Name: Alright, first off. I understand it's thematic, but why would Lunacy's parents, who are supposedly very caring in this version of the backstory name her "Lunacy", a word for madness. I think it'd make more sense if "Lunacy" was a derogatory nickname the Red winter came up with for her, especially as she broke down from their torture.

The section about "El" is a complete non-sequitur, if you're referring to a character you're gonna make later, add it in later, if that's what you want anyone Luna dates to call her, let people make their own characters decisions.

Age: Yep.

Species: Also yep.

Symbol: You should probably crop the outside section if only the center bit is her symbol. Also, who is Fen?

Occupation: Yep, no problems here

Appearance: Mostly fine, she's tall and thin and I can definitely see how that's kind of intimidating, her outfit's cool. She's ashamed of not having a tail, but most Faunus only inherit one animal trait, and the most allowed is two, so feeling like she's "missing" a part is a pretty weird hangup seeing as it applies to more or less every Faunus, but she's also kind of an odd character, so maybe that's the intent.

Instead of an impractical, likely not commercially available choker, she could just wear earbuds instead, even if her wolf ears do replace her human ones (which has never been seen).

History: Okay, first off, Windpath is one word, not two. This is a pretty consistent error I've noticed, so you'll want to get that fixed.

Okay, this is fine for a bit, but when Tamra takes in Luna, my question is.. why? You mention Luna is the only Faunus, at 13 her Aura presumably isn't unlocked so Tamra has to teach her about it, and how to use her semblance. You also mention Luna is the only Faunus in the Red Winter, and Luna has no really combat advantageous traits like Tukson's claws, so why does Tamra feel a kinship for her? I don't think "She's too soft to kill a kid" really holds up when she's willing to personally murder that kid's parents in front of her, and while I'd definitely buy Lima syndrome over time, she'd need some initially ulterior motive to take the child in instead of killing her or leaving her for dead at first, which she doesn't have right now.

Regardless, Luna's Stockholm Syndrome feels believable enough, so that's all good.

Quote
Fed up with Tamra's focus on Luna, and feeling that their leader had grown soft, the other members of Red Winter began to conspire against her. In the week following Luna's tenth birthday, the Red Winter turned on their leader.

I'm assuming you mean after her 16th, there.

So the Red Winter do away with Tamra by tipping the authorities off to her job, and then she's... publicly executed? This is really unnecessary, Remnant is like modern society, not the middle ages, the law enforcement aren't gonna publicly murder people. Remember that the most militaristic nation, Atlas *arrested* Roman Torchwick instead of killing him back in V2/V3, if you want Tamra dead, this isn't the way to go about it.

But I honestly feel even life imprisonment would be a big enough blow to fracture Luna's mind in conjunction with the Red Winter's abuse, she's still being denied her only chance at a normal life because of them (again), then being horrifically abused by them for months.

Everything after this is good! Using her Semblance for more than fighting is nice, I like it.

Personality: This is way better than the earlier drafts I saw, The fact that she *does* have the capability to trust people, takes it away from edgy and into sympathetic, good job.

Atlas still haven't had any particular restrictions on creativity for the last century or more, the only thing she may take issue with is the fact that huntsmen in training at Atlas Academy are encouraged, but not required to join the Atlas military as Specialists.

Aura and Semblance: Not really good at balancing these, but it doesn't seem bad per se, but it could hurt her teammates if used poorly.

Combat Behaviour: Clear weaknesses, Clear strengths, I like this. The mods might have something to say about her top speeds, but I'm not them and Rule of Cool is important so I'll leave it be. Teachers might be leery of placing her in a team with her mental instability, maybe consider how much it effects her in combat and whether she'd actually succeed as a huntress the way it is now.

Weapon: Okay, so. I know in the original drafts of Luna, she was the one who designed the Point-Breaker, and the description refers to aspects of the weapon working to increase the effectiveness of her semblance, but this doesn't really make sense if it's formerly Tamra's weapon that's been handed down to her, unless Luna modified it during her time in Mistral?

Other than that, I don't have much to say on balance, so I'll leave that to the mods.

Overall, there's a lot of promise here, but I definitely think this needs some refinement before its really ready to go to approval, just keep it up and Luna'll be a really good character, I'm sure. :)
 





 

Luna

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Re: Luna Otonai (last chance before I move it ^^)
« Reply #7 on: November 19, 2017, 01:59:20 PM »
Thanks for pointing that out! gotta have continuity after all. revisions inbound...
Perhaps hopeless isn't a place, nothing but a state of mind.
They told me once "Don't trust the moon. She's always changing. The shores bend and break for her, and she begs to be loved."
But nothing here is as it seems...


Luna Otonai - Beacon Second Year: The Mistrali Musician of Team SLVA - "My heart is gold and my hands are cold..."
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Luna (#7DF9FF)

Format:
       "Talking"
       Thinking
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       "Emphasized Talking"
       Emphasized Thinking
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Luna's AMA
Tamra will return.

Lazul Fen (WiP) - Atlas Third Year: The Eccentric Pop Star of Team IDOL - "When you die the only kingdom you'll see is two-foot wide and six-foot deep."
Reference: ShowHide
Lazul (#2190E3)

Format:
       "Talking"
       Thinking
       Doing
       "Emphasized Talking"
       Emphasized Thinking
       Emphasized Doing

(Reference Artwork Coming Soon!!!)