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Author Topic: Yin Bao  (Read 130 times)

Grimlock

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Yin Bao
« on: November 12, 2017, 04:46:28 PM »
CHARACTER

Name: Yin Bao. Yin as in silver and Bao as in protection

Age: 16

Species and Gender: Male Faunus (Mamba)

Symbol:  His symbol resembles a tribal tattoo design. It is a semi-clenched metal gauntlet with a mamba squirming its way around the wrist and fingers. The head of the mamba looks like it is ready to strike at any time. It is also the symbol of his parent's shop

Occupation: First year at Beacon. Aspiring Dust specialist

Appearance: Yin is rather mature for his age already reaching the height of 6' and seems like he still has some more growth in him. He has a rather angular jaw but smooth face with long Silver hair and silver eyes. His voice is rather deep with a strong reverberation when he talks as such when he talks almost no one will not hear him. His muscles take after snakes as well they are not very visible but they are extremely strong and flexible he is also roughly 195 Lbs. It's actually very hard to tell he's a Faunus due to his traits being rather subtle or easy to hide. First off his eyes are silver and he can see normally but if he chooses too much like a snake he has a "heat sensing" view of the world which allows him to see things others may not normally be able. Secondly is his back from right below his neck to lower back is completely covered with smooth scales and his symbol is tattooed on his scales. It also seems that the older he gets the more of his body gets covered with scales. When he was a child the patch of scales was rather small only being a few inches but now is almost his entire back and shows no signs of stopping or slowing down. As for clothes, he doesn't wear the school uniform and he normally wears a robe. His collection of robes are in multitudinous colors and wears them depending on his mood. He walks silently and smoothly and he holds himself with strength and composure.

History: Yin grew up in a quaint little town in vale known for its hot springs and its dust mine. His parents owned the local Dust shop and smithy where they processed the dust and made sure the mining gear was serviced. They have also serviced traveling huntsman as well. Yin had a quiet childhood running around with the other children of the town but he was always fascinated with dust. The ability to use it to make fire or lighting appear was so mind-boggling to him he often stayed home learning from his parents about the intricacies of dust and how to make things.

But after a few years, he started to realize not everything was fine and dandy in this quaint little town. Every month a band of vagabonds demanded tribute for "protection" but he was just a kid he had no way of stopping it he was too small. weak. He would not stand for this but what could he do he could only think of one person that would be able to help him an old retired mercenary turned hermit that lived deep in the forest near town. When he finally made the trek and told the old woman his grievances and asked for help he got silence as an answer. He waited for hours but he never got an answer he returned home and went back the next day sat and waited. This continued for a month before he got an answer from her. Still not speaking but motioned for him to follow from then on they trained day in and out he learned to fight from the old woman.

Years passed of him training with her and still learning from his parents. But soon came the day he would be old enough to be able to enter Signal academy on his way to Beacon all to become a Huntsman and rid the town of its afflictions. His parents were reluctant at first but they soon agreed and he went to his master to tell her that he would not be able to practice with her anymore. All he received at first was the same old cold stare. But his master came back with a trunk with a few objects inside. Books detailing on what and how he was to train on his own, a schematic for a suit of armor some strange metal and where to possibly get more. He was touched that the old woman was giving him parting gifts but in all these years he never heard her voice and asked this once if he could hear it but there was no response. He sighed bowed and left continuing on his way he could have sworn he heard something saying good luck but he wrote it off as his imagination.

-Cut to Yins mother and father on the day he leaves for Signal-
M: What do you think he's been doing out there all these years? He goes out there all alone but comes back bruised and battered he's always talking about his master and how amazing she is but you've been out there yourself you said there's no one living out there. You don't think he's...

F: No no no, that's preposterous he's smarter than that. Sigh, I don't know honey... All I know is whatever he's been doing out there alone it seems to be what he wants to be doing. And well you've seen him he's stronger than his old man and most of the miners who work all day. All I know is our boy is growing up and he seems to be on the right track.

M: Yes, I know. It's just. I want to know what dangerous things he has been doing out there because at the end of the day he's still our baby boy. I don't want to see whatever he's been doing out there consume him to the point we don't recognize him anymore.

F: Sigh. When he comes back from school well ask him. Perhaps he doesn't even know... but at the end of the day, all I can tell you is trust him. I believe in him and you should too.

M: Hmmm. Yes, your right I'm probably being an overprotective mother and its nothing. He's probably just learning from those fighting books he always gets. Just, I feel like he's either pushing himself too hard or there's something else we're missing...

-End-

He arrived at Signal Acadamy on time and immediately got to work so much so that he never really made friends there essentially ghosting his way through and with his work and dedication he even skipped a grade. In his time at Signal the reason why he never really talked to anyone else was that he was engrossed in the schematics he received from his master they were so intricate and amazing that it took a year just to dissect the gauntlets and greaves. With what small amount of metal he received from his master he got to work on them and painstakingly worked on creating them yet another year passed with him studying, creating and training and finally finished creating what he now calls the Fangs and Scales. Now being his final year at Signal knowing that the rest of the schematics were beyond him at this time. He knew he should at least try to make a few acquaintances but they were all older than him and already had established circles and never really took off with anyone. His last year passed on by with him continuing his training and getting used to what parts of the armor he did have but it was a rather lonely year. Now setting off for Beacon he has vowed to step back a little bit and make some friends because he knows he won't get anywhere if he doesn't have anyone at his side.

Personality: If you had to sum him up in one word it would be laconic. He's one of those people that want to be part of something but never know when to talk so he ends up just not speaking much or at the wrong times. He's normally very calm but he is very protective of those he cares of and would gladly put himself in danger to help them. One of his major flaws is when you get him started on something he essentially becomes obsessed and continues doing that action until he cant do it anymore or completes the task. He will also almost never back down from a challenge of strength or to those mocking his friends often getting himself in trouble where he could have just walked away with no issue. For Human Faunus relations he normally has his back covered and his eyes are not a big giveaway so normally people think he's just another human. But if they do find out and give him grief he ignores them as long as they are insulting himself but as soon as they go off on his friends its time for a reckoning.

Aura and Semblance: Yin has a very strong visible aura which is colored silver, with deep reserves of aura to use. He normally uses his aura sparingly focusing on endurance and regeneration to keep himself in the fight and protect others.

For his Semblance, he can absorb and store dust inside his body and when he wants to he can use his internal reserves to fuel his attacks. His hair, eyes and aura change color and looks of his aura depending what dust hes using. So, if hes using fire his hair and eyes change to red instead of silver and his aura is also red and kind of looks like fire. Once he has absorbed the dust it converts into energy inside his body as such he can have different pools of energy in his body and mix to his leisure. Since it's converted to energy only he can use it and once it's in it stays there until he uses it. It's not very volatile in internal form but when he agitates it for use it becomes very volatile. He can theoretically let go all of his stores at once but if he does he is on limited time after it fizzes out he will be knocked unconscious for a while as such he normally does not let out much at one time.

Due to the sudden rush of energy in his body, he enters a catatonic state which length depends on how much dust he absorbed. He does not have a limit on how much dust he can have stored and if he does he has not discovered it yet but it does take an hour for one charge. (1 charge = 1 min) The obvious weakness to his semblance is if he doesn't have the energy to fight normally then he cant use it.

His semblance is the storage but also allows him to use it in many ways with his weapons as a medium he can cast 5 "spells"

Infuse: The most used for it allows him to still attack like he normally doe's just with a little more oomph. His gauntlets/ greaves get infused with his chosen dust element so say they are lit on fire, crackle with electricity, have ice formed on them, etc.

Creation: This is more of a utility/ Status type deal he can create fire to light the campfire/ make light, water for drinking, Ice to keep cool, etc. But also creating things such as a wall of flames, ice, water but this requires concentration and a lot of stored energy.

Explosion: within 5-10ft he releases an aura like explosion centered on himself.

Beam: He uses the current dust type to make a torrent of fire, cone of cold, stream of sparks, etc. to appear. which can go anywhere between up to 30ft depending on how wide he makes the beam. So a 10 ft beam would be really wide whereas a 30ft one would be very thin.

Bolt: He can also collect energy to create effects such as a fireball, Ice spike, lightning bolt, gust of wind, etc. to fly out. Range depends on the type. Fire would be relatively short but explodes, lightning goes very far, very quickly, Ice would be in the middle, etc.

There are runic-like symbols all over his gloves especially on his palm which glow when his semblance is activated giving opponents a small window to react.

Combat Behavior:  He is normally in the front line drawing the enemies attention while taking blows to allow others to do their thing or preparing to take them down himself. Yin focuses on all-out defense and all-out attack much like a snake. He's slow, cumbersome and does not have many counterattacks when he's focusing on defense. As such the easiest way to take him down when he's like this is like before he can slowly and methodically make his way over to you is keep your distance and pepper him down with rapid fast attacks which some will break through his defense or attack him on multiple fronts because he cant block all of you. On the other hand, when he strikes he strikes swiftly and hardly dealing massive blows but forgoing all defense as such a well-timed strong blow could knock him down for the count. Against others that use melee or martial arts is his specialty since anyone in his range of influence either have to leave it or be at risk of being taken down swiftly when they least expect it. Due to his way of fighting he is the best in a one on one scenario but once another person gets introduced his weaknesses start to become apparent and often spell his doom. His most major weakness would be against people with a considerable range such as snipers. He is a close to mid range fighter and he excels at this but beyond this opponents can exploit their range taking him out before he even has the chance to get to them. He does have a way to combat his long-range weakness with his own range his cannon but he's not a good shot and he's even slower with it being it so cumbersome causing him to lose his main means of maneuverability and essentially being a sitting duck when he's using it.

WEAPON

Name: Fangs and Scales

Primary Form: A pair of gauntlets and greaves that provide defense while being his main mode of attack as well. They both are rather intimidating with sharp jagged edges at the fingertips and end of the foot with providing more means of attack. In the palm and heel are runes where the dust effects come out from allowing to launch lightning bolts from his hands to blowing a burst of air from his heels to allow him to jump around faster and with more maneuverability.

Secondary Form: This is there storage form the metal plates condense and rearrange themselves into rectangular cubes for easy stowing and carrying if needed.

Tertiary Form: When in storage mode The Fangs (gauntlets) and The Scales (the Greaves) can rearrange into a large snake-like cannon allowing him to have even more range and impact with his dust fueled attacks.

Dust Functions: There are slots for dust canisters that allow him to fuel his attacks and the minor things such as air blasts from his heels for maneuverability or throwing fireballs depending on what dust he has loaded. As such he normally likes to carry a small backpack with some backup dust if needed.

History: The weapons he painstakingly handcrafted when he was still at Signal Academy. Naming them to align with the animal he resembles as a Faunus. Thus giving, even more, meaning due to these weapons being his lifeline for a long time. He's always on top of repairs and supplying dust and due to the easy transportation and being inconspicuous in storage mode he normally carries them around with him everywhere he can.
« Last Edit: November 16, 2017, 04:15:27 PM by Grimlock »
Yin bao ~ First Year Beacon of Team: ????

Kingnoname1

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Re: Yin Bao
« Reply #1 on: November 14, 2017, 05:13:36 AM »
OK so this character is very different from where it started and that's fine but I want you to know that you didn't have to change the history on such a large scale.

As for the profile itself it's in pretty good shape the only thing that needs some work is the Combat Behaviour. I should mention that unknown huntsmen taking characters under their wing has almost become a meme on this site, there isn't a rule against it but it is done pretty often.

So Yin only really has one weakness, speedsters being faster than you isn't a weakness it's their thing, and even then it's more he is just not as good at it as everything else. I understand you want to create a super studious character who just strives to be the best that no one ever was but there will always be weaknesses or you simply aren't reaching the same heights as everyone else is who specialises. There is also little on what his exact strengths are rather just generic close combat. In an earlier edition of this character you referenced fighting styles like Muiay Thai and Krav Maga and these can be really useful to adding some detail to how Yin fights.
No criticism is too harsh so hit me with your best shot.

Calen Shrike - ASTC - First Year Beacon.

Saffron de Cortez - SALT - Third Year Atlas.

Amarant Lovis - (formerly of)ACCE - Headmaster of Atlas Academy

Grimlock

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Re: Yin Bao
« Reply #2 on: November 14, 2017, 10:03:29 PM »
I elaborated on how he uses Krav Maga and Muay Thai in the combat section and also made it so that its apparent that something fishy is going on with his "master".
Yin bao ~ First Year Beacon of Team: ????

Kingnoname1

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Re: Yin Bao
« Reply #3 on: November 15, 2017, 12:25:45 AM »
OK so you managed to remove weaknesses not exactly what I was going for. Perhaps it would be best the read over some of the other characters which have been approved so you can get a better idea of what is expected. We want 2-3 significant and more importantly exploitable weaknesses. His scales being a bit ticklish one doesn't really makes sense and two would be almost impossible for someone to find out.

So I'll try to give you some examples because it seems to something you are struggling with.
  • Both Krav Maga and Muay Thai are incredibly physically intensive fighting styles. Both place a huge focus on speed of attack and overall ferocity and as such sacrifice the precision and power other styles offer.
  • Another disadvantage of specialising in such intensive fighting styles is that because they require so much of Yin he can't maintain them as long as some of his more conservative sparring partners.
  • Krav Maga's biggest strength is it's focus on live environments with several drills on how to deal with specific situations. This may make Yin better in those specific situations but chances are real danger won't come from such an expected corner. As such Yin's fundamentals, meaning striking power, speed ect aren't as high as they would otherwise be.
  • Krav Maga specifically lacks a focus on ground work and although Muay Thai would provide some with clinches it still isn't anything serious against a proper grounded grapple.
  • Although this does more depend on how traditional Yin's Mauy Thai is but there often is as much emphasis placed on defence as offense which could leave him open to counter attacks or simply being combo'ed down.

I know I told you to reference fighting styles but I meant in a more general way as in take inspiration from them and describe upwards. Particularly Krav Maga as the very existence of aura puts a lot of questions around the focus on weak points and submission holds work against a force field.
[/list]
No criticism is too harsh so hit me with your best shot.

Calen Shrike - ASTC - First Year Beacon.

Saffron de Cortez - SALT - Third Year Atlas.

Amarant Lovis - (formerly of)ACCE - Headmaster of Atlas Academy

Grimlock

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Re: Yin Bao
« Reply #4 on: November 15, 2017, 06:00:25 PM »
I didn't want to make him a one-hit wonder glass cannon but I didn't want him to solely be a tank that's why I was having issues with him. And having trouble explaining exactly how he fights since he's an MMA fighter and I was looking at fighting styles that were the closest but I just really can't explain it well if I do it that way. But now I think I found a good way to explain how he has some endurance while also being able to deal some damage while relatively easy to take down if you know what you're doing. If you want more context to my character in bassing it off the Infighter/ Battlemaster from the upcoming MMO Lost Ark
« Last Edit: November 15, 2017, 06:37:11 PM by Grimlock »
Yin bao ~ First Year Beacon of Team: ????

Kingnoname1

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Re: Yin Bao
« Reply #5 on: November 15, 2017, 07:00:39 PM »
Looks good enough to me +1
No criticism is too harsh so hit me with your best shot.

Calen Shrike - ASTC - First Year Beacon.

Saffron de Cortez - SALT - Third Year Atlas.

Amarant Lovis - (formerly of)ACCE - Headmaster of Atlas Academy

Xarias Fury

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Re: Yin Bao
« Reply #6 on: November 16, 2017, 05:51:00 AM »
Regarding the semblance, you mention that he can do dust type attacks after absorbing them to some degree yes? What I want to see in this section however are the types of attacks he does. Normally you'd think he just uses them in conjunction with his weapons, strikes etc etc, but can it do more? Can he cast spell type attacks? If so, in what fashion? How many crystals worth of dust can he absorb? Is it as volatile as powdered dust? Can he hypothetically release all his reserves at once? And how much can he store? How much can he release  at his maximum potential? Please clarify.
Students
Wisteria Lockheart - 1st Year student at Beacon. "Don't make me throw a book at you"
Shiroe Pendragon - 1st Year Student at beacon - "This is my monochrome reality" - Team MARS
Lavender du Lac - 1st Year Student at Haven -  "The harder I try the further things drift away." Team RWND
Ayaka Miyamoto - 1st Year student at Beacon. "Tsubame Gaeshi!" - Team ALIA
Vermilion Desdemona - 3rd Year Student at Beacon - "Only time you'd be above me is when your head rests on my pike"
Talen de L'eglantine - 3rd Year Student at Beacon
Kei Almas - 4th Year Student at Beacon - "Everything is ripe for the taking!"
Aurum LeBlanc - 3rd Year Student at Atlas - "Lay back, take it easy, and watch the comedy unfold"

Professors
Professor William Nox - "To contain the world in a grain of dust *EXPOROSION*

Grimlock

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Re: Yin Bao
« Reply #7 on: November 16, 2017, 04:12:02 PM »
I put some more detail into his semblance but you asked me a lot of questions that are essentially how much he can store, absorb, and the maximum he can release at once. I tried asking how much was a lot of dust and how much was a little? Do they sell by the pound or oz normally? Do the crystals technically hold more than its dust counterparts? So I can't really give a definite this is how much he can absorb at once, max storage and max release at once if I don't know how much is a lot, a little and how valuable it is.
Yin bao ~ First Year Beacon of Team: ????

Xarias Fury

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Re: Yin Bao
« Reply #8 on: November 17, 2017, 02:41:06 AM »
Changes are good, explains stuff well. The whole amount stuff isnt necessary now that I think about it since we have no clear cut amounts on the show itself.

Approved
Students
Wisteria Lockheart - 1st Year student at Beacon. "Don't make me throw a book at you"
Shiroe Pendragon - 1st Year Student at beacon - "This is my monochrome reality" - Team MARS
Lavender du Lac - 1st Year Student at Haven -  "The harder I try the further things drift away." Team RWND
Ayaka Miyamoto - 1st Year student at Beacon. "Tsubame Gaeshi!" - Team ALIA
Vermilion Desdemona - 3rd Year Student at Beacon - "Only time you'd be above me is when your head rests on my pike"
Talen de L'eglantine - 3rd Year Student at Beacon
Kei Almas - 4th Year Student at Beacon - "Everything is ripe for the taking!"
Aurum LeBlanc - 3rd Year Student at Atlas - "Lay back, take it easy, and watch the comedy unfold"

Professors
Professor William Nox - "To contain the world in a grain of dust *EXPOROSION*